Chapter 6: Shakespeare Issues

Sun. February 27th

7: 19 A.M.

From: SamluvzHam

To: Fredtech57

Yo-Dee-Yo! Oh, Fredface. You know I had to get revenge somehow after you ruined Mama's ham! I was really upset about that BTW. The nightmares are horrifying. But maybe that's just cuz YOU were in them. Ugh.

But let's focus on the revenge part of this email. It'll be much more fun. For me. Which is all I care about. :D

Guess what nub got the male lead in the school play this year? Hmmm… I don't remember…oh, wait. YOU! Yeah, that's right, Frednub. I personally signed you up. So now you're Romeo. But the revenge wouldn't be complete if I didn't tell you will be playing Juliet. So here's a hint:

She's blonde, hates everything about you, and loves ham. Figured it out yet? Well, your brain is slower than average, so no rush on that.

All I had to do was threaten to kill the drama teacher if she didn't make you and me the leads. That's legal, right? Eh. I've done worse things.

Why is everyone so obsessed with that Shakespeare guy, anyway? He's just a dude who wrote plays and said thee and thou a bunch, right? Ugh. History stresses me out. Dr. Hindu (yes, that fake Google therapist) was asking me the other day why I always take my anger out by beating people up. My answer was: Everyone is a nub. He didn't really have an answer for that.

But I'm starting to think that maybe I should find a different therapist. After our daily session yesterday I forgot my sandwich in his office. So I went back to get it, and saw him rocking back and forth in the corner, mumbling about chickens. He's got a chicken issue…

So now my revenge is complete. I'll see you onstage, Frederly.

P.S. Break a leg! That's a theatrical term I learned. Like it?

P.P.S Please try your hardest to actually break your leg. That would be so hilarious! We could even show it on iCarly so millions of people could watch you look chizzy. :D I'd sign your cast…

Where art thou Romeo?

-Sam P.

Sun. February 27th

8: 34 A.M.

From: Fredtech57

To: SamluvzHam

Sup, my blonde demon? Ya know, I really don't understand why we keep emailing each other. We live in the same house! I mean, I can literally see you eating a sandwich right now. It's not a pretty sight.

I would just like to say, you've ruined Galaxy Wars for me forever. Nug Nug didn't protect me! Everything I love in this world is a lie.

Oh, I know this will break your heart, but your little revenge didn't work. The truth is, I like Shakespeare. That guy is a genius. So I'm thrilled to be playing Romeo in the school play. Romeo and Juliet is a classic.

You should really stop blackmailing teachers. That should be your new years' revolution. Mine is to finally kiss you. There. I said it. And my brain is not slower than average! It's just…smaller. The X-rays are lying!

The other little flaw in your revenge plan is actually not so little. I'm guessing you've never actually read Romeo and Juliet. The only books you've ever read is the Boogie Bear series. So I'm sure you'll be surprised to know that in the play, Romeo and Juliet KISS. Yes, actual lip-locking. Better pucker up, Puckett. I'm gonna enjoy this.

You still go to Dr, Hindu? That guy's not certified to be a child psychologist! He just Googles it! What part of that seems normal to you? And chicken issues…what did you do, eat his chicken noodle soup? You should definitely be on the market for a new therapist. But just so you know, I've got a little experience from dealing with my psycho mother… *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*

Well, I've gotta go take another tick bath again. Do NOT watch this time. I cannot stress that enough. Not after last time…

P.S. You seem to forget that I actually DID break my leg. Or should I say, you did. I never knew a person could get so worked up over pork. But I'd be thrilled if you would sign my cast. Then I'd have two and a half signatures! Whoa, I'm popular.

P.S. Um, don't ask about the half signature. My hobo issues are not your concern.

P.P.S what is chiz anyway? I've heard rumors of a German sausage…

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

-Fredward

Reviews= faster updates! I've got a lot of ideas for twists and drama for this fanfic…