Chapter 8: Fried Therapists

Saturday, March 5th

12: 43 A.M.

To: Fredtech57

From: SamluvzHam

Subject: Fried therapists

Sup, Frederly? Miss emailing with me? Yeah, well, I haven't. A week is just not long enough for me to forget what your face looks like. I *shudder* probably never will. You've scarred me for life.

Well, after we kissed several times in the play, I needed a break from you. The only good part about Romeo and Juliet was that you ended up dying! Except…so did I. :(

So I'd like to take my mind off that horrible evening. Guess who went to the rodeo yesterday? Me! It was sooo awesome. I know, I know, cowboys and pig races aren't my "thing". But have you tried the food lately? I actually passed out for a couple seconds when I saw it all…

They have fried EVERYTHING! Fried snickers bars, fried moon pies, fried shrimp on a stick (maybe I should mention that one to T-Bo), fried brownies, and even pulled pork sundaes! If only they had fried Freddies…

So the food was definitely the best part. The worst part was when a hobo came up to me (I didn't know hobos could survive in the harsh rodeo atmosphere) and asked if I had a dollar. You know what I told him? "Fried Chiz off!" He didn't know how to respond to that.

You'll be happy to know that I've ditched my therapist Dr. Hindu. Yeah…he wasn't being much help anymore. His forgot to pay his internet bills and had no access to Google…and let's be honest, that was the only thing that saved that man from being a hobo himself.

So I went on to a website called TherapyThreak! I found several child psychologists who seemed very promising. But I'm not the best at making "good" decisions, so I'll let you decide:

John G. Kennedy- Hi, Sam! I'd love to be your therapist. Together we could make lovely fried chicken while talking about my problems.

Sir Rodrick- I'm VERY interested in helping you with your food-related issues. I think I could help you cut back on all the fried junk. All that stuff is unhealthy for you. I promise to keep our relationship business-like and professional. Contact me ASAP. Thank you.

Scotty- Howdy! I'd enjoy being your therapist. But we'd have to meet on Wednesdays and Thursday cuz I have rodeo training every other day. This professional clown may be running from bulls…but I won't run from your problems!

So that's the three offers I got. Frankly, John G. Kennedy scares the chiz out of me. Notice how he said HIS problems! He's got issues of his own. Also, does that name sound familiar to you? Hmm…

Sir Rodrick is more normal but…he sounds like a nub! 'fried food will give you a heart attack'. Meh. I want someone who'll help me think of ways to prank you, not help me! Duh!

Like I said, I'm not really impressed by the cowboy type. Oh, and clowns? Mama doesn't do clowns. He'd better be running FROM me if he contacts me again.

Well, those are the choices I'm considering. Whad'ya think, Freddork? LMK.

Saturday, March 5th

1:12 P.M.

To: SamluvzHam

From: Fredtech57

Subject: Re: Fried Therapists

I DID miss emailing you actually. My inbox was so empty and lonely without your insulting messages…but I can understand if you needed time to get used to Seddie. ;)

Um…how did you end up at the rodeo? We live in Seattle! I don't even wanna know actually. It's probably not legal, and I'd prefer to stay out of Juvy. Unless loving you is a crime. If it is, lead me away in handcuffs! Just in case I didn't make it clear in my other emails, I've developed feelings for you. Please don't let this be like Carly-unrequited love! Hate/love relationships are so much more interesting.*hint* hint*

I'm not at all surprised that out of everything at the rodeo, you immediately headed to the food. Fried snickers bars and pulled pork sundaes? Ugh. Who are these people?

You should be nicer to hobos. That's one of the things you should discuss with your therapist (if you ever get one). As to your possible Dr. Hindu replacements:

I've never heard of TherapyThreak. I know intelligence isn't your strongpoint, but when a site has the word Freak (even miss-spelled) in it, why would you even consider it? But you did. So…

John. G. Kennedy? Have you NEVER heard of John F. Kennedy? Um…G is the letter right after F! That's extremely creepy. And if he wants to talk about HIS problems, how does that help you? I would just decline his offer. Don't be drawn in by the fried chicken! The chicken is a lie!

Go with Sir Rodrick! He was actually born with a normal brain! He'd actually help you. So that's my advice: Sir Rodrick! The others are just…I'm gonna move on now.

Well, let me know when you make your final decision.

P.S. I would not enjoy being deep-fried in a vat of fat and oil. :D

Forever your boy toy, Fredward