Chapter 16: The Secret Life of the American Puckett
Monday, May 30th
11: 48 A.M.
From: SamluvzHam
To: Fredtech57
Subject: The Secret Life of the American Puckett
I'm baaaaaack! As much fun as a cell in Alaska was, I missed the Groovy Smoothie too much. The closest I got to a smoothie in jail was a cup of snow with a blueberry in it! Their food just isn't good quality. Oh, but that's not the only reason I came back. I missed other things too…Carly! And Spencer, and Melanie, and Frothy and…that's about it. I'm not forgetting anyone. ;D
I hate being pregnant! When I was taking a walk yesterday, a random woman came up to me and asked if I was pregnant! Seriously, I have a HUGE belly! Was she stupid? The worst part was when I told her yes. Then she hugged me! Yes, actual huggage! A total stranger! UGH! I was so mad I accidentally murdered my fried chicken last night ):
I've been watching a lot of The Secret Life of the American Teenager lately. Did you know they have all the episodes on Splashface? I learned that having sex in your teens is "bad". Not that I care what some dumb Hollywood writers think. They are just jealous that they aren't my baby's dad. Aren't you? LOL (:
So, have you heard from Carly lately? I HAVE! She emailed me this morning and said she was really happy for us…and she told Mrs. Benson! I always knew having a priss as a BFF would blow up in my face someday. Anyway, your mom hacked into your blog again. Here's what she wrote:
Fredman's Blog
Monday, May 30th
11: 48 A.M.
Updated: 17 min. ago
Hello, everyone! I suppose if you are reading this you are one of Freddie's little friends. Well, if you do know my little Freddiekins, I'd like to make sure you all know that Freddie and I are moving to Nebraska and never coming back!
We've got to get as far away from Sam Puckett as possible. She lied to my son and told him she was pregnant with his baby! It's not true. My Freddie would never do anything like that. I don't know what Sam wants but she's not getting anywhere near us ever again! She'll never find our new home.
P.S. If any of you want to visit us at our new home, the address is Safe Haven Dr. 3610
Aren't I groovy? I just learned how to make the winking symbol ;)
Um…I know your mom isn't one of the normal people, but I didn't know she was stupid too! Dude, she posted the new address online where anyone could see it! That includes me!
Well, I'm bored now. I'm going to go…wait. Why should I tell you what I'm doing? It's not your business! Well…ok it is. But I'm still not talking.
OMH! (Oh my ham!) I almost forgot…I picked the perfect name for our baby! BTW, it's totally a girl! You are one stupid dork. But I'm not going to tell you what we're naming it yet. You'll have to wait until it's born! Don't worry, the baby is due in a week :D
I just realized I'm pregnant. I'm freaking out right now. I need something deep fried and unhealthy.
Bye, my dork!
-Sam
P.S. I came up with another insulting nickname for you! Fredumbo! Do you like it?
Monday, May 31st
7: 27 P.M.
From: SamluvzHam
To: Fredtech57
Subject: 5 questions
Hey, Sam. I'm really sorry about accidentally telling Carly you were expecting a baby. You can feel free to punch me if you want. I'll even let the baby punch me! Since I'm scared of you hurting me, we'll go with your plan. I just hope you don't name the baby anything horrible.
I had a nightmare last night. You named the baby Fried Chicken Puckett! Please don't do this in real life.
I want to play a game with you. Answer the questions in your next email:
Are you going to be a good mother?
What are you naming the baby?
Do you love me?
Do you love me more than bacon?
Will you marry me?
Sam, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not doing this because you're pregnant. Even if we never had kids I'd still want to wake up and see your face right before you punched my lights out.
At least think about it. I don't have to. I know what I want…and it's you. It's always been you. I've just been too stupid to realize it. Fredumbo is a great nickname for me…it's very true. I was stupid not to love you. I like the name Samantha Benson.
I didn't buy engagement rings. I know you hate wearing jewelry. Instead, I bought a bacon-scented perfume! You can wear it every day and think of me when you try to bite your own neck. I thought it was a sweet idea.
So…will you marry me?
A/N: Did anyone see that coming? Don't worry, there will be a wedding chapter next! I will also have POV's from other characters. It will be longer than my very first chapter!
Thanks for all my reviewers! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm so glad you all like it. Without your reviews, I would've ended this story long ago.
I think I've figured out my girl name…but if you have suggestions, please tell me! I'm still deciding (: