Chapter 17: Lukewarm Feet

Tuesday, July 5th

9: 48 A.M.

From: SamluvzHam

To: Fredtech57

Subject: Lukewarm Feet

Yo, Frederly! It's been a while since I've emailed, so I'll get you up to speed on my life. I'd ask you to do the same, but we both know you don't have a life.

Carly took me shopping for wedding dress yesterday (and by "took" I mean threatened to not be my bridesmaid. When I said I didn't care, she threatened to steal all the ham in your fridge and donate it to charity). She's a sick person.

Bella's Bride Boutique was too horrible to describe. Everywhere I turned I saw poufy white dresses. I think I tried on a hundred different ones. I still don't know why they make so many. Why do people spend so much money on a dumb dress they'll wear one time? And you can never return them! Am I the only one bothered by this?

After we bought the dress, Carly told me not to show it to you. She said it was bad luck. I think she's been reading those fortune cookies again. We'll need to have an intervention.

Anyway, I don't care. I'm not going to let an Asian cookie boss me around! I'm sending you a picture of the dress. (A/N: The real picture is on my profile)

I just hope I don't look like a cream puff. My stomach is already huge. The baby is due any day now! We might have to postpone our honeymoon. BTW, why won't you tell me where we're going? Quit trying to be all mysterious and romantic! It's just not in a geek's nature.

Ugh, I hate feeling so…nervous. I guess I've got cold feet about the wedding and the baby. Wait…why do people say cold feet? My feet are actually lukewarm.

Well, the wedding is just five hours away. Wow, that was fast. One email later and it's already time to get hitched! It seems like Carly invited the whole universe. Just look for me…I'll be the one in white ;D

Here's the answers to your questions:

Am I going to be a good mother? Me and my mom were a lot alike…what does that tell you?

What am I naming the baby? Nice try! I'm not telling yet.

Do I love you? Yes!

Do I love you more than bacon? Hell, no!

Will I marry you? Uh…I think you know the answer already. I just spent the entire email talking about the wedding!

Well, I've gotta go get ready ):

P.S. Why did you buy a PINK tux?

P.P.S Seriously, WHY?

Tuesday, July 5th

11:44 A.M.

From: Fredtech57

To: SamluvzHam

Subject: Re: Lukewarm Feet

First of all, I did NOT buy a pink tux! It wasn't my fault! I had intentions of getting a normal tux, I swear. But my mom wanted to help me pick it out (the worst sentence known to man) and wouldn't take no for an answer. Finally, I gave up and let her come with me to Tex's Tux.

I found a black tux and was gonna buy that. Mom even agreed to it. But she freaked when she saw the price tag (five dollars) and went to complain to the owner, Tex. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: How dare you charge five dollars for a tuxedo! That's insane! It shouldn't cost more than three!

Tex: Are you on medication ma'm? You're getting a great price for that horrible-quality tux! Now, quit screaming my ear off!

Me: Mom! Leave Tex alone!

Mom: Sir, I demand you lower the price! We'll pay three dollars for it.

Tex: Get out of my store, nut job!

Me: Mom! It's not a big deal! I can pay the five bucks.

Mom: No! This man should be arrested for such high prices! It's insane!

Tex: You and the price have a lot in common. I'm done being nice. Ya'll get the *beep* out of my store!

Me: Is tackling Tex really necessary?

I'll spare you the rest. It got pretty ugly after I pried mom off of Tex. There was yelling, scratching, begging…finally Tux called the police and kicked us out of the store. While the cops were dragging us out, mom grabbed a tux off the racks before anyone could stop her. Unfortunately, she didn't notice that it was pink. So that's why I look like a flamingo.

Anyway, I don't care if you look like a cream puff. You're still my cream puff. I'm just glad I'm not the one who looks like dessert. You'd eat my face off.

I think you're right about Carls. She's on another fortune cookie craze? It didn't end well last time…and fortune cookies aren't Asian! They're Chinese! Do you remember my icky Cousin Amanda? Well, she finally married a guy just as icky as her. He's a Chinese dude who owns his own fortune cookie factory. People thought his fortunes were lame so they beat him with socks filled with butter. Have you been using those international chat rooms to promote your butter socks again? (Yes, I'm aware that was a totally random story)

*Sigh* I'd better go put on my flamingo suit. I'll see you in a couple hours :D

Tuesday, July 5th

1:00 P.M.

From: iMissPriss

To:Fredtech57

Subject: URGENT!

Freddie, Sam is missing! She was here a few minutes ago, getting dressed (I still think a church would've been more romantic that a butcher shop). She was taking a long time so I went to check on her and she was gone! Do you think she stole some meat and ditched us? Don't worry about it. I'll keep searching for her.

BTW how could you buy a PINK suit? The color scheme for the wedding is purple! Your pink will totally clash! Ugh!

LMK if you find Sam. She's supposed to walk down the aisle in an hour!

Tuesday, July 5th

2:00 P.M.

From: SamluvzHam

To: iMissPriss

Carls, please don't be mad. I honestly do want to marry Freddie…but the timing isn't great. I think I've gone into labor. My water just broke and I'm driving myself to the hospital right now (No one ever said you couldn't email while driving!)

A/N: Sort of a cliffy...sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had writers block but I finally updated iShut Down and Random Emailing! My profile now has pictures of the dresses and tux.

Reviews will be given a loving home in my inbox ;)