Chapter 19: The Perks of Seddie

Friday, August 5th

9: 18 A.M.

From: Fredtech57

To: SamluvzHam

Subject: The Perks of Seddie

You know, I was thinking about my life pre-Seddie and realized that…it sucked. I don't know why we didn't get married sooner. My life has never been better! I bet you're rolling your eyes right now and doing this :P. Well, :P all you want (I think I laughed a lung out that day with Mr. Howard in class!)

I just wanna show you what I mean. There are so many things that I used to do by myself. Now that I have you, it's all so much easier! Here's a few examples:

1) Texting! My inbox used to be filled with messages from my mom. It usually said something like this: Don't forget ur doctor's appointment cuz U need 2 refill ur ointment! (I have no idea how she learned text lingo, and I don't wanna. It's too scary to think about).

I really wish her text didn't have to rhyme. Why do so many things have to rhyme with "ointment"? We live in a cruel world! But now that I have you…the text won't be embarrassing! Unless ur threatening to break my limbs or apologizing for selling all my Penny T's to a hobo on iBay.

2) Canoeing! Paddling is really hard by myself (Even with my strong arm muscles…I work out now! I got sick of you saying they felt like Jell-O!)

3) When I go to buy my favorite cucumber-melon moisturizer at Bathroom Body Perks, the cashier always looks at me weird. (I'd love to say mom makes me buy the moisturizer…but I can't. I'm addicted to cucumber-melon things! I have a problem). But if you were with me, I could pretend I was buying it for you!

4) Going to Groovy Smoothie. T-Bo always makes fun of me for not having a girlfriend. He calls me Not-Going-Steady-Freddie. But the joke is on him. Now I've got a permanent girlfriend who can never leave me! HA! Take that T-Bo! BTW, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for dumping a Strawberry Splat smoothie on your head. I know you're mad your dreads smell like Strawberry now ):

5) Ballroom dancing lessons! My mom makes me take them so I won't be clumsy and get hit by a bus. My partner is my icky cousin Amanda and her head gear keeps poking me in the eye!

6) Tandem bike rides! My mom bought one for me and dad before he left. Now she says he'll be upset if she buys me a new, normal one. I think she's kinda hoping he'll come back someday. Personally, I don't blame him for leaving. Who could put up with my mom? Even I'm not worth it. Anyway, I can't ride a 2 seat bike alone! People always laugh and say "I think someone fell off your bike."

7) Popping back zits! It's way more fun when a girl pops the zits on my back for me! =D

That's all I've got to type for now. Yeah…I wasted your time.

-Fredward

P.S. why is Edward a cool name but Fredward is lame? It's just 1 letter!

Friday, August 05

12:00 P.M.

From: SamluvzHam

To: Fredtech57

Subject: Statue of Gibberty 4 Eva!

Frederly, I want you to know that I spent three hours reading your stupid "Seddie Perks" email. Don't even laugh. I'm serious. Don't do it. We all know I'm not the best reader.

I know you're laughing.

I warned you.

Are you scared yet?

Anyway, my email is way better. I've got cooler things to talk about then back zits (And I'm the one who needs psychological help?) I guess Gibby is still dating Tasha. I will never understand why. Seriously, what does she see in him? You couldn't pay me to get inside Gibby's brain.

I told him this one time, and he asked me if I wanted to give him five bucks to take a field trip into his brain. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

So then I slapped him with my ham (extra ham, of course) sandwich and asked him if he and Tasha would ever get married. I was just wondering…and he said "maybe". Then he told me which national monument he wants to marry…if it were legal and stuff. Wanna guess?

No, not Big Ben. (Isn't that a boy clock?) No, not the Eiffel Tower. He told me he read online that some lady already married the Eiffel Tower. I guess she gets to ride to the top for free now!

He's in love with the Statue of Liberty. He thinks she's super hot! He even sent me a pic he PhotoDock of him and the actual Statue of Liberty together. God, it's creepy. No human should ever have to see it. It even gave me nightmares! That's why I sent it to you ;) I hope this ruins your good mood!

The weirdest part was when Gibby said he'd hook up me and Carls with the Mt. Rushmore guys! Um…I'm married to a nub! But wait…a stone guy wouldn't talk at all! Maybe I should consider this…

JK! I'd never leave ya for a big piece of rock! I'd leave you for anyone else, but not a rock. So ur stuck with me for now.

Later, keypal!

-Sam

A/N: Sorry it's been a while! I've been busy with iShut Down and Love Ain't Reality. If ya haven't read those yet…you're a monkey!

I added a picture of the Statue of Liberty and Gibby together on my profile. Go look at it! Who doesn't love random stuff?

If I had a genie to give me one wish, I'd wish for a review! (: