I remain seated on the floor my eyes transfixed on a spot on the wall in front of me. The voices keep muttering in my head.
You're a monster Zane they tell me.
You deserve to die like an animal sent to slaughter they repeat.
You don't deserve to be understood or loved they whisper.
They're going to have you all dressed up like some kind of show dog where all of Panem can see the insanity that resides in one young male. You'll kill again we know it. You'll torture innocent children why because you can't control it, because even your own mind is betraying you.
A horrendous cackle tears through my head and I scream in fury and punch a hole in the wall in front of me. I sit back holding my hand and repeat to myself, "Stay in control, you can fight it, you don't have to be this way."
My eyes close and I start to drift. The depths of my mind are terrifying the fires that burn, the screams that echo through my skull. I feel numb everything empty I then feel something on my shoulder and my eyes snap open and I see Scarlett kneeling down beside me with something in her eyes I have never seen before concern. "Zane are you alright?" She stammers slightly.
I nod softly and look into her eyes beautiful crystal clear blue with golden flecks that resemble the color of the sunrise reflected off the ocean. She blushes slightly under my gaze and turns her head away slightly and looks at the wall. "Why did you punch the wall?" She asks me.
"I got mad," I tell her. She takes my hand lightly in hers and observes it. "It's not broken just a little bruised," She looks at me then quickly drops my hand realizing I probably don't want to be touched.
"Are we almost to the capitol?" I ask breaking the silence.
She nods, "Yes I was told to come and find you we will be arriving shortly." With that she stands up and walks towards the main compartment. I watch as she walks away. She is the first person not to filch away from my gaze, the first person to not be afraid to touch me, the first person to try and understand.
I slowly stand up and make my way towards the main compartment where I see our escort looking like she is about to have a mental break down. "Where the hell did that boy go we have a schedule to keep!" She rambles on and I roll my eyes.
"We are going to be sent to our deaths and here you are worry about keeping a schedule. How disgusting," I spit out my last words.
Amber turns around and glares at me, "I would watch that tongue of yours boy I can help make sure your time in the arena is very unpleasant."
"Throw whatever challenges in my direction I'm sure I've faced worse," I say in an emotionless voice.
She turns away from me muttering under her breath, "Why did I have to end up with an insane tribute this year?" I ignore her comment and let all the noise fade into the background. I don't even realize I have zoned out until I feel someone tug lightly on my hand.
"Zane? It's time to go," I hear Scarlett tell me in that sweet voice of hers. She may be weak, but I feel drawn to her and I can't risk feeling this way. I open my eyes and walk towards the exit of the train without another word.
The brilliance of the towering capitol would phase most people and leave them impressed, but not me. They use this so called beauty to mask what they really are. A mask that's all it is. I am ushered into a room full of all sorts of tools I have never seen before.
These next three hours are going to be pure hell I know it. Three brightly coloured grotesque people greet me when I enter the room, my prep team. They all look alien to me their dyed skin, unnaturally coloured hair, and tattooed bodies. I remain completely silent while they work on me. I ignore anything they have to say while they pluck the hairs from my body, scrub down my skin, and study me like some piece of meat.
After I am finally ready my stylist bursts into the room with a huge smile plastered to her fake face. I can already tell I am not going to like her. She ushers the rest of my prep team from the room and looks me up and down. "Not bad not bad, nice build, handsome," She says as she circles me. "The names Crystal Murrow and I'll be your stylist for your time here." I nod, but don't say anything. She continues to study me then frowns," That scar is going to have to go," She reaches her hand towards my face and I take a step back from her.
"No leave my scar alone!" I growl at her.
Her eyes go wide, "Well someone is a little touchy I see. It's just a scar no need to get so defensive."
"Just a scar? I don't have to explain anything to you, but the scar stays it's a part of who I am," I glare at her.
"Okay okay just calm down I'll leave it. Let's just finish getting you ready," She says as she unzips a garment bag.
After another painful hour I am finally ready to be presented. I tug at my costume that fits much too tightly. I have been dressed in a tight grey suit that resembles a shark. It's uncomfortable and I already can't wait to take this thing off. I am led down to a main hall and am told to wait. I take in my surroundings and watch as Scarlett is brought into the room. She looks beautiful. She is dressed in an intricate dress that resembles the ocean. A thought passes through my head and I think maybe for once it would be okay to try and open up to someone.
The voices in my head hiss at this idea no you don't deserve anyone including her.
I shake my head as a way to silence them. "That was the worst three hours of my life," Scarlett says as she walks over to me.
"I agree. This thing is uncomfortable as soon as the ceremony is over I'm ripping it off," I'm amazed at how easy it is to talk to her.
She smiles at my response, "Well I don't blame you I mean that thing is awful tight." I nod and Amber walks in before I can respond.
"Well don't you two look lovely, but come on off to the carriages." She takes us down to where the carriages await and this is where I take in our competition for the first time.