Chapter 5: A Memory from the Past
I'm back! And (hopefully) I will be updating a lot more often now! Now that school finished and my adventure summer gym is almost done and soon my soul will be bound to my writing… ONCE MORE! (Love Never Dies reference "Till I Hear You Sing" sorry!)
Oh and thank you all for reviewing and staying with me! You all are amazing!
Those next few days we just unfolded our memories, shadiest secrets, and deep conversations that drew us out of the darkness and see a little light knowing that we were never be alone again. Our trust in each other kept on building but we proceeded with extreme caution for we didn't know what was in store for each other.
"Who is she?" I asked one day.
It was a photo of a beautiful girl. With long blond hair, cheerful smile, clear blue eyes.
"That's Kim." He gazed at the picture lovingly as I showed it to him.
"She's very beautiful" I say. I hold up the picture again to examine it. She really was beautiful. What was she to Edward? Did he know her? Did she like him? But she was pretty and why was I jealous of a photograph? I tried not to have the bubbles of jealously fill my mind. What was I doing? I am his friend and nothing more. He knew her before me so she was his. I never would do something like that. I was a friend and NOTHING more. I continued on, hating myself as I kept asking Edward questions.
"Yes she was." He answered.
Before I could stop myself is say rather loudly "Was?"
Appalled of my rudeness, I face him and apologize.
"It's…it's okay Antoinette. Her family took me in a long while ago. She didn't care I was..." He sadly showed me his hands he had kept in back of him. "Like this."
"Oh…" I replied. Wow, what I bitch I was.
"You really liked her didn't you?" I ask quietly.
"Yes. With the little light she gave me I was able to go through this dark tunnel of my life and was able to carry on, yet I never saw her after she told me she loved me." He sniffled.
Oh, God. Poor Edward!What a life to live without anyone to love you and care about you. Knowing that you must strive and keep on living when you know your reason for life died. To keep pressing on and being all alone without no one to talk to. It was too terrible to imagine. Poor Edward! Poor, Unhappy Edward!To be alone for years and have nobody to talk to!
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask curiously.
"Yes, Antoinette but not now. Not tonight."
"Why not Edward?" I felt like I was cheated, I've told him everything. Well, almost everything about me.
"You should get going… your dad" he said seriously. I have been away from the house for a while. I couldn't have my dad being suspicious of me. He already caught me that night when I had a total breakdown with Edward. I've been more careful since then. But I always prevail…somehow.
*flashback*
Window or door?
It was actually a hard decision.
To open the door was to risk the alarm going off. And face the consequences straight away. Probably get punished. My dad probably would have his gun with him.
Or… the window. Climb the tree next to my room. Risk breaking my neck and my life possibly with my terrible climbing skills.
He probably noticed I was gone. And I didn't text him. He would be just super pissed. And trust me, it will suck. I suddenly thought about Edward. I couldn't mess up. Not for him. I couldn't betray him. He had only comforted me as few moments ago. He cared about me, protected me. then my dad came back into my mind. He didn't know anything about me. So how would he know about him? there was no way.
I took a breath and stood against one of the trees in the front yard.
Well there was one good thing though…he wouldn't KILL me. He always hated when he caught teenagers doing drugs or something and then asked if he wouldn't tell their parents because they would kill them. He hated that expression.
If I climbed through the window, I would have to explain myself in the morning. My dad would think I was fooling around with a guy and snuck in. Hell, I don't have friends, how could I have a boyfriend? Seriously, I maybe sometimes unstable but I wouldn't do that in my right mind. He knew that…I though. Then again…he had no idea who I was and anything about me. He though I was like all the teenagers he had to be around.
He was always so strict with me. What did I ever do? NOTHING! I've always have been the perfect kid. I swear, I was I did everything he asked without question. But ever since we've moved here, I've finally just given up on him that he would try to get to know me before I left. He always tells me about how kids hate their parents and all the parents want to be a part of their lives and be there for them. When he tells me these stories I want to say something like "I just want you to TRY to be a part of my life!" he treats me as if I was those kids. All I wanted was you in my life!
Sometimes I really wish I knew more about mom. What had happened between them? What if she was still with us? Would this situation be different? I wouldn't ever know.
Again I come back from my deep inner battle that seemed to just call a truce. I look at myself. I had my backpack, my bag, and keys. Think Toni. Think of an explanation…
I turn the lock and open the door; I close my eyes getting ready for it. There was a light on in the kitchen. Damn, I was in for it. I kept my dad up till… (I check my phone) 11:30? Yeah, he would be boiling angry. He's the kind of guy who goes to bed at like 9:00 and gets up at like 4:30. If work doesn't detain him from going home and sleeping, he's home by 8:00. Sometimes he doesn't even come home. And when that happens, it's not a good sight. He sleeps during the day then. I give him breakfast, lunch and dinner next to his bed. He will eat it. I'll clean up. That's my life.
"Antoinette?" I hear his low, livid voice. He never calls me Antoinette, only when he's angry.
"Yeah?" I mutter quietly as I lock the door again and come silently into the kitchen.
"Where were you?" he was saying this calm, as if to control his anger. He was trying, but I saw his face. Was this like a trick or something?
"I-" I started
"Yes?" He interrupted me. As if trying to make me feel guilty of something I didn't do.
I take a steady breath. To keep me calm.
"I was at my friend Sheldon's house. I was-" Shit! I said a boy's name!
"You were at a BOY'S house?" He interrupted me again. You could hear the anger building in his voice.
"It's not like that dad-" I get nervous. Stay calm.
"IS IT ANTIONETTE?" He stands up, as if to scare me. And it did.
"No Dad. We were working on this project for APUSH-"I began
"APUSH?" He spoke as if it was some made up class. I wish it didn't exist.
"AP U.S. History, Dad." I sounded a little irritated. I had to relax, keep cool.
He didn't say anything. I took it as if he allowed me to continue on.
"We have a video project and we were editing it…we lost track of time…honest dad."
He stared at me and I started right back at him.
After a few minutes. He began laughing. I didn't know how to respond. Did I say something wrong?
"Sorry, Toni. I'm tired. I have forgotten how old you've gotten."
I stare at blankly, not knowing how to respond.
"Just text me when you are going to be late next time. I'm sorry Toni. I didn't mean it. Really, I'm so tired-" he said with a yawn.
"You should probably go to bed, Dad." I have forgotten how weird he gets without sleep.
"Good Night ,Toni."
"Good Night, Dad."
He went upstairs leaving me alone still standing on the other side of the table.
I breathe a sigh of relief and turn on the alarm. I grab my iPod from my bag and put the ear buds in my ear. I look to the kitchen and straighten up everything. Shut off the lights…this song starts to play
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I get into the bathroom, brush my teeth and wash my face.
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I walk the lonely way to my room
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I change and give myself a moment to think about what had happened today.
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
"I'm barely holding on to you" I whisper as I fall asleep upon my soft mattress.
*End Flashback*
I sigh. He was right…again.
"Fine. Same time tomorrow?" It was more of a statement, but I felt as if I still needed his permission to come to him.
"Of course, I'm not going anywhere." He smiles.
I smile; he said that more in a joking way. But it was true. He really had nowhere to go.
"Well, goodbye Edward." I stick my hand out to shake hands.
And the moment, I felt like killing myself. I was so stupid. His expression was hurt, sadness and almost a little hint of anger.
"Oh, God! Edward I'm so sorry!" I'm surprised he didn't say he never wanted to see me again.
"It's okay Antoinette. Sometimes I forget myself. Then I-" He stopped, but I knew what he meant. He struggled to say something but I dint give him a chance.
I couldn't help it; I ran to him and hugged him.
"Thank you Edward, for everything. I'm so sorry." I whisper. Small tears fall of my face as I put my head against his chest.
It was a few long moments before he responded to me.
"It's okay Antoinette. I'll see you tomorrow." He said.
I look up at him with my tear stained face. I smile.
"Edward, you are the most perfect best friend I could have ever imagined." I say sincerely
I felt something behind me; Edwards's hands were carefully encircling my waist.
"And you are the same for me-" He said it seriously. It felt as if he wanted me to go now.
I smile and hug him again and go.
I go down the stairs and wave as go down.
"See you tomorrow!" I say happily.
I swear I heard him say this, as I closed the door. I know it was my imagination. Again, I was his friend and nothing more.
"And you are the same for me, but so much more. One day I'll make you see."
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