Pathetic.
Another swift movement and my axe connects with the flesh of a dummy with enough force to knock it clean off its post.
Worthless.
A puddle of fake crimson blood has begun to pool around my feet as bodies of dummies lay discarded on their sides after being brutally torn apart.
Worth less than the dirt beneath your boots.
I can feel several pairs of eyes trained on me as a low inhuman growl escapes my lips. Something dangerous flickers across the surface of my eyes giving those closest me a glimpse of what lurks beneath my surface. I raise my axe once more and it gleams menacingly in the light, but before I can strike once more I feel a dainty hand on my shoulder and immediately my body tenses up.
I have barely slept in the last few days and the voices just continue to grow in intensity. It is getting more difficult for me to silence them as they enjoy the games we are playing. These games of a never ending war that will only end once I take my final breath.
I whip around my axe still held tightly in my hand to the point my knuckles have begun to turn a ghostly white when my eyes fall upon Scarlet who stands her ground even if she knows she should back down for her own safety. Our eyes remain locked for a moment and I slowly lower my axe coming out of my animal like trance.
She reaches up and lightly runs her fingertips along the dark circles that have formed beneath my eyes. "When is the last time you have slept Zane?" She asks me softly.
All I do is shrug as I turn my back to her once more. My mentor has been observing us and he warned me that the closer we continue to grow the harder it will be on us once we are thrown into the arena. If only he knew I never had the intentions to win; what would I have to go back home to? Nothing, but the voices that will dance in rejoice after having the opportunity to rip the flesh off my helpless victims; to get the chance to taste their blood dance across my tongue. I unintentionally lick my lips at this thought as a shudder runs throughout my entire body. I don't want to become more savage then man, but I fear I already may be.
"Zane answer my question," Scarlet says as she turns me back around to face her. I hate the concern that I see in her eyes; I don't understand why she wasting her precious time and energy fretting about a lost cause.
"I slept for two hours last night," I tell her as I flip my axe casually in my hand feeling the urge to sink it back into the skull of a dummy.
No, what you really want to do is sink it into the skull of a breathing human. You want to hear their screams as they struggle for their breath. You want to watch the blood circle around their convulsing body as you stand in triumph above their cold dead body.
"You need to sleep; the Games are only a few days away," She tells me as she reaches for my axe trying to snatch it from my clutches.
I take a step back from her and another wave of danger ripples across the surface of my eyes as something takes over. Everything seems to slow down almost coming to a stop as I take one step forward raising my axe. I can see the fear in Scarlet's eyes as she thinks I am about to strike her. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see a trainer making his way towards me the shouts that spill out of his mouth lost to me.
That's it Zane hurt the one person who has ever made an attempt to understand you.
She raises her hands to shield her face as the axe leaves my hands sailing right over her head. I can hear the startled gasp that leaves her lips and watch fascinated by the clean path my axe makes as it slices its way through the air. It embeds itself into a dummy that the other careers were standing around just grazing Hunter's shoulder. The anger I see in his eyes as he turns to me is something the voices feed off of.
"That's it Swansea I'm not waiting for the Games!" He grabs his spear as he begins walking towards me. Several trainers are already in motion trying to prevent the bloodshed that we want to happen. I push past Scarlet as I grab another axe intent on meeting him half way. The bloodlust that courses through my veins threatens to send me into a crimson stained state of venerability; a state where I have no control.
"You think I'm afraid of you?" I hiss through my teeth as a trainer grabs me around the shoulders trying to stop me from taking another step forward. I watch as two trainers grab Hunter and he struggles against their hold. The lust to spill blood is also reflected in his eyes and I begin to wonder if we are really that different from each other. I elbow the trainer that tries to hold me back with enough force to send him to the ground and continue my path forward with the eyes of every tribute watching this scene unfold before them.
"You should be by the time I'm done with you there will be nothing left!" Hunter screams out at me.
Crimson starts to work its way into my vision revealing what I really am; nothing but a monster. I don't even see the small girl walk forward until I feel her hands pressed firmly on my chest forcing me to stop. I look down at her with eyes that look slightly mad, but she looks back up at me with the same madness reflected in her eyes. I can hear Hunter being dragged from the room his threats still hanging in the air, but I remain transfixed on the small girl of District 10 standing before me her hands still placed on my chest.
"Don't move," She snaps to someone from behind me who I can only guess is Scarlet.
Don't let her see who you really are Zane. We can see she is capable of playing games just as dangerous as our own.
My heart hammers against my chest and I know she can feel it through her palms that are still pressed firmly against my skin.
"Don't listen to whatever they are saying," She whispers quietly for only me to hear.
My eyes grow wide at these words; how is that she seems to know about the voices that rage on in my head? Before I can even react she takes my hand and leads me out of the training hall leaving a path of confusion in our wake. Her hand feels ice cold against the flesh of my own hand as she drags me towards the elevator and for some unknown reason I allow her to do so. I don't fight against her, but just silently follow.
This girl intrigues me as she seems to have the ability that I posses to see past ones surface. A terrify quality it can be to hold forcing you to see what you don't want to witness. To see the desire, greed, lust that lurks beneath the surface of so many can be unsettling at times, but there is also the passion that casts a faint light overshadowing the dark needs. A passion people like Scarlet seem to posses. I glance behind me wanting to return to her; wanting to tell her I would never hurt her, but before I can turn on my heels the elevator doors close around us.
"You can return to her after I make sure you have calmed down," The girl with no name says her voice filling the small space around us.
I breathe in sharply as this space reminds me of the four white walls that used to hold me in as their prisoner for many years. A small feeling of panic washes over me as I fear I am returning to that place of hell. I back up against the wall my entire being shaking violently.
"Zane?" I recoil at the sound of my name as I sink down to the floor pulling my knees up to my chest. The room flashes the walls turning white inscribed with blood red words. The words seem to melt along the wall leaving stains of crimson in their path. The room flashes again and I find myself back in the elevator looking straight into the eyes of the girl from District 10.
The scene before me continues to flash back and forth between my own personal slice of hell and my reality. My breathing picks up as I press my fingertips into my palms with enough force to break the skin. Pain is my final salvation.
"Whatever it is you are seeing is not your reality," The girl says filling the daunting silence.
Her form quickly warps into something that is born from the depths of a nightmare. Her eyes fall out leaving nothing but dark empty sockets as her hair turns to ash matching her pale ghostly features. A wicked smile spreads along the curve of her lips revealing razor like teeth stained in crimson. A horrified scream escapes my lips as I fight to sort out what is real and what is nothing but a fathom of my imagination. But the creature that looms in front of me appears very real as I slam my head back against the wall in a final attempt to break free from its grasps. Pain rivets through my skull sending darkness crashing down upon me.
Darkness swirls around me as a cool sensation works its way down my spine causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Numbness tinges my body as I slowly reopen my eyes; how long was I out for?
"You weren't out for that long," I take in the form of the small girl sitting cross legged in front of me. I sit up slightly and rub the back of my head where a small bump has already formed.
"You'll feel better once we get outside," She helps me to my feet as I remain quiet. The moment the elevator doors open revealing the roof a feeling of relief washes over me. I walk outside the wind snaking its way through my hair forcing a small smile to play across my lips. I feel less trapped within the confinements of my own mind with each step I take venturing farther out onto the roof. The sun hangs low in the sky as nightfall approaches us. I sit on the edge of the roof letting my eyes travel over the towering city of the Capitol.
The girl from 10 sits next to me and I still am not fond of the fact that she seems to be able to see past my surface. I watch her closely as her gaze remains on the sky.
"Lilith," She says her name simply allowing her words to be picked up along the wind.
"How is it that you can see me so clearly?" I say as a slight frown tugs at my lips.
"The look in your eyes when you seem to struggle to stay in control is one I am familiar with," She tells me.
"I don't like it."
"I stopped you from killing that boy from District 1 today and once you spilt his blood there would be no telling when you would stop. In a way I saved your life," She glances over at me as if expecting me to thank her.
"I don't need saving," Is all I say to her.
"In a place like this we all need saving. Life is precious Zane don't throw it away because of what they say," She locks eyes with me for a moment before she stands up and leaves without another word.
I pull my knees up to my chest as I close my eyes allowing the wind whistling through the buildings to act as a lullaby to me.
I have done it again.
I have been here many times before.
Hurt myself again today.
And the worst part is there is no else to blame.
I am small and needy.
I have lost myself again.
Lost myself again and now I feel unsafe.
The wind sends chills down my spine as I stand up and make my way towards the elevator. The moment the door opens I stop in my tracks as I see someone else is already there. My eyes fall upon the female tribute of District 1 Harper and she has an air of business surrounding her. I step into the elevator as she eyes me cautiously.
"I have something to discuss with you," She says to me as the elevator doors close trapping me within the confidents of these four simple walls.