Click.
"Dammit," Marik said. "I'm all out of bullets." He threw down his gun and picked up another from the pile next to him. "How are you doing, Bakura?"
"Well, I finally got the grenade launcher set up. What does our opposition look like?"
"They're still advancing. I swear, I shot one of 'em twenty times in the gut, and he's still dragging himself over here. Don't these things have any sense of self-preservation?"
"Yeah, but you forgot what we have here."
"What?"
Bakura smiled and pointed to a teenage girl tied to a tree behind him. "We have their object of adoration."
"Ah. I see. Oh, hey, look. There's something in the trees."
"My, my, it must think it's sneaky. Do you think we should shoot it down?"
"Naw, let's see what it does first."
At that moment, something swooped down from the trees, muscles rippling, eyes flashing, body…sparkling?
"It is I, Edward Cullen! And I'm here to take back what's mine!"
"Edward!" the girl screamed.
"Bella, don't worry. I'll take care of these two."
"Wait a minute, time out," Marik said, stepping between the two. "Did you just say that you owned her?"
"I merely meant that she is my love, and no one else can have her."
"There, you just did it again."
"Did what?"
"Called her 'yours.'"
"Look, I haven't got time for this. I have to rescue my—"
"See, there you go again. Bakura, please tell me you heard that."
"Loud and clear, Marik. So, remind me, what do most girls want us to do with their self-centered, egotistical, too-pretty-for-words boyfriends?"
Marik smiled innocently. "Why, get rid of them, of course."
"Well, then, what are we waiting for?"
Later, when Edward Cullen had been reduced to a smoking pile of sparkly flesh, and Bella had long since passed out, still tied to the tree, Marik and Bakura relaxed, basking in the warmth of a job well done.
"Hand me that stake, will you? The Harry Potter 'verse has a Vampire-Sue infestation."
"Cool. We taking the car, or the bike?"
"Tch, the bike. Much more badass."
"Sounds good. Hey, by the way; what do we plan on doing with Disco Ball over there?"
"Meh, let the vultures get him. They deserve something."
So Marik and Bakura rode off into the sunset, leaving Edward Cullen where he would terrorize this world no more.