I don't know exactly what happened here, but I've been told that FF dot N is not allowing some people to download this chapter. I honestly don't know what's up with this #%$&ing site, but it's seriously starting to bug me. D: Thanks anyway for your patience.

A/N: I must dedicate this lovely little monstrosity to EuphrasieTheOwl, because it was her review that inspired the thing. ^^ Thank you so very much, my dear!

Also, no, my dialogue tags did not get up and run away screaming when I wrote this. I left them out on purpose, because they were being mean to me. *Pouts*

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: (Boy, haven't done one of these in a while. Methinks that's a problem.) Anyway, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters nor do I own the Phantom of the Opera.

"Duuuun! Dum da dum da duuum!"

"Marik, what the hell are you humming?"

Marik grinned. "It's the Phantom of the Opera theme!"

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "The what?"

Marik gaped at him. "You mean you've never seen The Phantom of the Opera?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I haven't."

"... We're going to have to remedy this."

Several minutes later, Marik and Bakura were sitting in front of Ryou's TV, eating popcorn and keeping a running commentary on the movie.

"Really, you'd think the girl would be a bit brighter. I mean, some guy shows up in your mirror and you actually follow him?"

"Be quiet, Bakura, or you'll miss all the creepy innuendos in the lyrics."

"Oh, don't worry. I can hear every single one of them. Exactly how much older than her is this guy, anyway? I'll bet he could be her fucking father."

"As a matter of fact..."

"Never mind. I don't actually want to know."

"Oh, come on! There is no way anyone could possibly call that disfigured! He just looks like spent too much time with half his head in a tanning bed!"

"Tch, you look like you spent too much time with your whole body in a tanning bed."

"As opposed to doing what, taking a bath in bleach?"

"Hey, that girl on screen is just as white as I am, and no one seems to be complaining."

"What, so you're comparing yourself to a nineteenth-century French chick?"

"Hell, no! I'm comparing Ryou to a nineteenth-century French chick. It's his body, after all."

"Well, if Ryou's Christine, who are you?"

"I'm the Phantom, duh."

"So, you're trying to seduce Ryou?"

"You're disgusting."

"And you're nothing like the Phantom. You're more like that Raoul guy."

"Naw, that's the Pharaoh; they both have that annoying ability of getting in the way of the cool characters."

"What cool characters? Everybody in this movie is either a bitch, a whiner, or irrelevant to the plot. The closest thing we get to a "cool character" is Madam Giry. Her and the Persian."

"Who?"

"The Persian. He was in the book, and he was probably the sweetest guy there, but the fucktards who made the movie cut him out."

"Wait, you read a book?"

"Hey, you read books, too!"

"But they aren't just books. They're Scott Lynch. They have more credibility than any Bible."

"Forgive me if I tell you that that means absolutely nothing, coming from you. Anyway, Ishizu made me. She thinks that making me literate will turn me into a better person."

"... Does that even make sense?"

"Beats me."

"Well... hey, who's that? She looks vaguely familiar..."

"Dammit, it's that annoying Meg girl again. Why the heck is she even in this movie? It's not like she ever does anything."

"She reminds me of the Pharaoh's cheerleader."

"Ew."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey, I think the movie's almost over. See, they've got Raoul chained up on the wall."

"Yeah, like that doesn't scream 'kinky' at all."

"Heh. I'll bet you like that, huh, Bakura?"

"... Oh, gods, the images."

"Aw, did I scare you?"

"Wait, what the hell is he— is he seriously letting them go? Okay, I just lost all respect I ever had for this guy. Why the hell did you make me watch this? It had no plot, the characters were lame, and the music is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of my fucking life."

Marik was silent as the last scene of the movie faded to black and the ending credits began to roll across the screen.

"Truth be told," he said finally, turning to face Bakura, "I just wanted to see your face when I told you they were making a sequel."

Now that this is done, just let me apologize for all the bashing of the characters and movie here. ^^ I am a POTO fan, really I am. (That Sequel That We Don't Talk About, on the other hand….) This is an affectionate parody.

Also, for those of you who don't know anything at all about the book, the Persian is a real character. He was probably the best one, too, but the movie totally kicked him out of the story. (Stupid bastards… *Wanders away muttering.*)

Anyway, review, or the Phantom's gonna come and get you! (Okay, not really; he's too busy looking for a dermatologist.)

Loves ya'!

-Eggy