Disclaimer: I do not own anything except this awesome plotline.
Author's Note: Ok, so I'm really, really, really, really, REALLY sorry for the wait in between chapters. I had some writer's block. This is only a revision of the last chapter I uploaded, but I'll be putting another chapter up, too. Oh, and just so you guys know, I KNOW that the books are supposed to take place in the 90's, but I thought it would be much funnier if I adapted it to present time. There's just so much to make fun of, and I was really little in the 90's, so I don't really remember the 90's pop culture.
9. UNKNOWN TERRITORY
Molly Weasley's bullhorn-like voice shouted at Harry's door, pounding her fist, to get the boys to wake up for school. Harry rolled over and groaned, looking at Ron. Ron was still completely zonked out. Fred and George were stirring in their beds as Mrs. Weasley shouted at the door. The boys groaned and trudged out of bed with the exception of Ron, whom Harry had to roll off the bed to get him to wake up, like he did everyday at Hogwarts.
They nearly tumbled down the stairs to eat breakfast, pancakes from a box mix, which Hermione had instructed her how to make. Finally it was something other than frozen dinners.
"Good morning!" Hermione said cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen. The boys gazed at her with tired eyes, wondering how a normal person could possibly be so happy on a school morning.
"Don't be so excited for school," she smirked, taking plates of pancakes from Mrs. Weasley and setting them on the table.
"Mum, what is this?" Fred muttered almost unintelligibly.
"Pancakes. Eat it. You're going to all be late if you don't get a move on," she said.
They ate in awkward silence.
"Where is everyone?" Harry asked.
"Asleep," said Mrs. Weasley as she left the kitchen.
The boys all looked at each other and grudgingly ate their pancakes.
While getting ready for school was simple, getting to school was terribly complicated.
"Kingsley, are you sure this is it?" Ron asked doubtfully as a small school came into view when they turned the corner.
"Absolutely," Kingsley boomed, but Harry could sense uncertainty in his voice.
"Why is there a playground?" George asked.
"Kingsley," Hermione reproached, "This is a primary school."
"And?" Kingsley asked.
"This school is for little kids! This is the type of school I went to before Hogwarts! I'm hailing a cab," Hermione said.
The group of unfortunate wizards stood at the curb, waiting for a cab large enough to fit eight people. Finally a cab came. Hermione took the place of leader, instructing the driver to take them to Lakeville High School.
Lakeville High School was a big, sprawling brick building, nothing like Hogwarts at all. There were no turrets or green pastures, no forests or lakes to get lost in and turn up dead days later. There were no trees grown specifically for killing and maiming along the landscaping, and as a matter of fact, there seemed to be no trees whatsoever.
Hermione paid the driver and shooed everyone out of the cab, instructing the driver to take Kingsley back to the house. The gaggle of out-of-place wizards stood staring on the sidewalk, chins seeming to drag on the ground.
"Well, come on!" Hermione said, ushering them all through the front doors. The main entrance, a big foyer leading off to both the main gym and auditorium, was filled with small random groups of people. The wizards looked around in wonder, although both Harry and Hermione had been inside of Muggle schools before. It was a new place with new people.
"Hermione!" called a voice from one of the crowds. It was Tom Phelps, the boy Hermione had met while shopping the other day, waving from the group of people he was talking to.
"Tom! Hi!" Hermione almost squeaked, hurrying off to talk to Tom.
"Hey-"
"Hermione!"
"What about us!" Harry, Ron, and Ginny seemed to shout all at once. Hermione turned back around and held up one finger, signaling she would be back in a minute.
"Minute, my arse," muttered Ron. Harry left Ron, Ginny and the twins by the doors so he could go reel in Hermione. He only thought twice about leaving the Weasleys alone in a Muggle school after he'd gone, but they were really only across the room.
"Hermione, come on," Harry said, trying to grab her by the arm.
"Hey, Harry, wait!" Hermione said, closing a tight grip on the hand grabbing her arm. "This is Tom Phelps. Tom, this is my cousin Harry," she introduced them, emphasizing the word "cousin" to Harry.
"Nice to meet you," Tom said, extending his hand.
"Pleasure," Harry said with a half-fake smile, shaking his hand. "Hermione, we've gotta go."
"Hold on, Harry, Tom was introducing me to his friends," Hermione said. Harry realized the four or five people standing around Tom.
"Oh, okay, well," Harry turned around. Hermione grabbed his arm.
"Don't be freaked out, they're only Mug- his friends. We're going to sit with them at lunch today," she said, catching herself before she could say "Muggle". Harry stopped and turned back around, giving a rather serious look to Hermione. He let himself be introduced to Tom's friends, who all seemed rather bland and boring.
"This is Shane, Arianna, Dillon, Alex, and Lena," Tom said, as each of his friends said hello. Tom, Shane, Dillon, and Alex all seemed to be wearing the same shirt, a jersey of some sort. Arianna, eyeing Harry, wore a pair of the shortest denim shorts Harry had ever seen, with a pink shirt that was just as promiscuous, showing off her cleavage. Her hair was bleach-blonde, looking to be a texture that Harry was quite disturbed by.
Harry looked at Lena, coming to the conclusion that Arianna was probably a huge whore. He would leave her for Ron.
Lena had long, dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. She was tall and model-like, with gorgeous features to match. Harry was a bit mesmerized by her for a second, until he noticed he was staring.
"Nice to meet you all," he said hurriedly. "What's with the…" he gestured towards the jerseys.
"First football game tonight, baby!" Tom said, bumping chests with Shane.
Harry, not wanting to get involved in the football talk that ensued, told Tom they would see him at lunch and pulled Hermione away. He had never and would not ever like football due to a bad experience at one of Dudley's games when he was six years old. He preferred Quidditch, but he knew they wouldn't have that at Lakeville.
"I hope you know they were talking about American football," Hermione said in her know-it-all tone.
"American football?"
"You know, like rugby?" Hermione said. "You'd better pretend you know what they're talking about, because we're all going to the game tonight," she said. And with that, she dragged Harry and the Weasley clan to the main office to take care of the "load of new-student bullshit", as Ron put it.
Harry looked at his schedule. Geometry, Biology, American History, Spanish, English… All rather boring and normal-sounding subjects, the kind that Harry had always heard Dudley talking about on summer holidays and before he had gone to Hogwarts.
"Bloody hell, what are these classes?" Ron said crudely as he looked as his schedule, dissatisfied. "What about Arithmancy, andHerbology, and-"
"This is a Muggle school, Ron. They don't have those types of classes," Hermione said, leading the way to their first period Geometry. Ginny was with them at the sophomore level, even though she was technically supposed to be a freshman. Fred and George were seniors. None of the wizards knew what those words meant, except for Hermione. She had told them they were the equivalent levels of fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh years.
Both Harry and Ron just decided to follow Hermione around and do whatever she did. With it being the first day of the new school year, it was quite easy to blend in with the rest of the kids. There were a fair amount of new students, including freshmen.
Harry was incredibly happy that the WPP had organized everything for them, so their new life in Chicago would be as fuss-free as possible.
The first two periods, Geometry and Biology, went by without a hitch. Of course since it was the first day of school, the wizards didn't have to worry about learning anything real just yet.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny walked into American History and took four seats around the edge of the classroom. After going through the usual useless blabbering about the summer holidays, she flipped on a slideshow.
"Bloody hell," whispered Ron, fascinated by the Muggle technology.
"Pardon?" asked their teacher, a short woman with eyes set very close together, making her look a bit fishlike. She looked at Ron, eyebrows raised.
"Nothing," said Ron quickly. "Fishface…" he muttered, only audible to himself, Harry, and Hermione.
"Ron!" whispered Hermione in a scolding tone. Their teacher had started the slideshow, preoccupied with talking about coursework and such. Harry and Ron stifled laughter.
"We'll be starting chapter four in November, on the American Revolution. We will have in-depth reports due about whichever Revolutionary you choose," she said, flipping to the next slide.
A large picture of a dollar bill popped up on the screen, accompanied by a hundred.
Harry and Ron looked at each other wide-eyed before bursting into fits of laughter, and before they knew it, they sat outside the dean's office.
Harry was ready to go back to Hogwarts.
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