The lateness of this... OTL

HAVE I TOLD YOU ALL HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU LATELY? Seriously, guys. 400+ reviews. Thank you! Here, have some cookies; they're like delicious little chocolate celebrations.

As always, thanks to HereWeGoOnceMore for the beta.

Avertissement: Je ne possède pas de Yu-Gi-Oh!

To: Villainous Attire, Inc. Support Staff

From: Yami Marik Ishtar

Subject: Unsatisfactory Products

To Whom it May Concern,

Recently, I purchased a Villainously Billowing(tm) Cape from your Intimidate Your Friends(tm) clothing line. The online description assured me that the product would, and I quote, "Ensure your evil victory and highlight your intimidating new title of Supreme Ruler of the World/Country/State/Small Town Grocery Store, all while showing off your great sense of style and wretchedness!" However, upon receiving the product, I was disappointed to find that it did not, in fact, ensure me victory, and it did not intimidate anyone. Actually, it made me look like a vampire who accidentally poured lavender bubble bath into his laundry machine.

Seriously. It's purple. What kind of evil villain wears purple? Villainess, sure, but I don't have the chest for that.

Also, it (the cape, not my chest) had a tendency to get stuck in doors and elevators and over the mouths of small children, not all of whom needed to be conveniently silenced. I am most certain that that is a safety hazard.

I am returning the product and expect a full refund and/or credit for an exchange.

Thank you for your time.

Yours truly,

Yami Marik Ishtar

To: Yami Marik Ishtar

From: Villainous Attire, Inc. Support Staff

Subject: Re: Unsatisfactory Products

Dear Customer,

Thank you very much for your letter of feedback. We value and appreciate your evil expectations, and we are sorry that your product was not to your diabolical satisfaction. We ask that you please direct all complaints to our online file at www(dot)villainous_attire(dot)com/complaint_bot. Your complaint may or may not be filed as "Inconsequential" or "Stupendously Inconsequential" depending on your success rate as an Evil Villain.

Thank you for choosing Villainous Attire, Inc. for all your horrendous clothing needs.

Sincerely,

The Villainous Attire, Inc. Support Staff

To: Villainous Attire, Inc. Support Staff

From: Yami Marik Ishtar

Subject: Re: Re: Unsatisfactory Products

Appreciate my Millennium Rod, you bastards. All your capes are belong to me.

-Marik

To: Yami Marik Ishtar

From: Villainous Attire, Inc.

Subject: Congratulations!

Dear Customer,

Congratulations! You have been randomly selected as Evil Villain of the month! Please visit our website at www(dot)villainous_attire(dot)com to claim your prize: 100,000 dollars-worth of any merchandise of your choice.

Thank you for your continued business with our unbelievably evil company.

Sincerely,

Villainous Attire, Inc.

To: Bakura

From: Marik

Subject: Free Shit!

(link attached)

I love these guys. Their service is excellent.