A/N: Finally! This is the sequel to A Series of Bizarre and Mildly Humourous Events! I apologize for taking so long to come out with it. In my defense, the story developed sentience and tried to kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, and do remember to leave a review at the end! I'm trying to update the story one chapter a week, hopefully during the weekends when people have time to read it.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. I do not own the copyright to any of these materials. This is a fanfiction written solely for the purposes of entertainment, and the views stated by the characters do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. If you wish to host this story on a site outside of fanfiction (dot) net, please contact the author for permission first.

Of the Ryodan, Fetishes and Midoya's Feet

His left arm was secured to the seat with a set of seat belts. His right leg was secured to the seat with another set of seat belts. Sometime during the struggle, his shirt and jacket had disappeared, and his pants had become undone. His skin was hot and uncomfortably sticky against the cool leather of the car seats, and his neatly gelled hair was mussed up. Kuroro looked at the woman he more or less had his foot against, breathing hard.

Well, at least he wasn't in the collar yet.

The reason for that was because things as they stood now were still at a draw. Midoya had her arms strapped together by his belt, but they were not tethered to anything so she had a little more leverage than him. He had managed to pull her dress mostly off but had failed miserably at undoing her brassiere with one hand. He had managed to keep her away from his more… sensitive parts with his free leg but Midoya was good with her feet. She had managed to unbuckle and unzip his pants with her toes.

"We've come to something of a standstill," Kuroro noted, smiling faintly up at her.

"We have," Midoya agreed. Her wig had fallen off and her naturally frizzy hair covered most of her face. It turned her smile into something sensuous and feral. Or it would have if the streaks of black eyeliner running over her face and the smudged red lipstick hadn't given her the look of something murderously insane. "But you can't keep me away forever," she added, chest rising and falling with laboured breath.

Reaching forward, she ran her foot down his torso, skin barely touching skin. Kuroro shivered. Her feet were cold as they tended to be, and her touch against his heated skin was absolutely tantalizing. "I blame your greater experience with cuffs and other forms of restraints," he breathed, revelling in the tingling sensation left by her touch. "I usually leave tying people up to my Ryo… oh…" Dear heavens… had he mentioned her feet were incredibly talented?

His mind screamed at him to regroup, but he already knew she had broken past his defences. Alluringly, she slid along his body, hot breath and wet kisses brushing against his skin. Kuroro closed his eyes, breathing hard. All was not lost yet. He still had another line of defence. If he could just get his hand into the most strategic position, he would be able to…

"Ahem."

Both of them froze at the unexpected sound. For a moment, they stared at each other in confusion. Then Midoya said, "Pepeka?" tentatively.

"Yes sensei." Pepeka sounded annoyed and incredibly frustrated over the car's interior speaker system. "It's me. I'm IN the car. With the two of you. If you remember."

"But of course," Midioya said, looking slightly guilty. "So uh… what's the matter?"

"I just wanted to tell you that we've reached the docks."

Right.

"Ah." Midoya looked down at Kuroro and he looked back at her. "Five more minutes?" she asked hopefully.

"Sensei…!"

"Coitus interruptus," Midoya muttered loudly. "We shall continue this later tonight."

"Really?" Kuroro asked disappointedly. "Will it make a difference if I say you are really close to winning?"

Midoya stared at him, her eyes wide and her pupils dilated. "How close?" she asked interestedly.

"Really, really…"

"SENSEI!"

"Alright, alright!" Midoya grumbled, getting off Kuroro. Kuroro closed his eyes and breathed through his frustration. "Apprentices are just like babies. Can't leave them alone for even a minute, and they always interrupt you during kinky sex."

"Sensei, I can hear you! I wish you would appreciate the fact that I drove you and your boyfriend…"

"I resent the term 'boyfriend'," Kuroro interrupted. "I am not just a friend, nor am I a boy."

"Oh that's true. You are more like a man-friend."

"Thank you, Midoya, I like that a lot better."

"Kuroro! Sensei!"

"Oh, I will never understand virgins," Midoya grumbled, making Kuroro snigger despite himself. Pepeka made a strangled, indignant sound over the speakers, which Midoya replied with a surprisingly childish raspberry before pushing the car door open and climbing out.

The last time Kuroro had been at the docks, he had cheated an old teacher of his row-boat. This time, there was little need for such subterfuge. Hence, they had headed straight for Midoya's private boat. At least that's what she called it. Looking at it now, Kuroro had to admit that the boat was not technically a boat. According to Pepeka, the 'boat' was a luxury yacht. That meant it was well over a hundred-feet long, had multiple rooms, was furnished with the most luxurious furnishing, had several big, powerful engines and was largely run by a computer.

It was also named I Asked for a Nuclear Submarine and They Gave Me This Stupid Boat, but that was just Midoya being Midoya. In other words, it was an entirely true and accurate statement.

"How do you expect me to be able to defend my boat against a powerful foreign nation with silverware and lacy curtains?" she argued, quite reasonably Kuroro had to admit. "A nuclear bomb is much more practical in the long-term."

"I couldn't agree more," Kuroro agreed, because in his experience, nuclear bombs are always more useful than silverware and lacy curtains in a war.

Once they climbed onto the yacht (quite literally), Midoya disappeared into the bridge to do whatever it was that was required to be done for a yacht to sail. Pepeka went with her, looking incredibly anxious. Given that Kuroro knew next to nothing about sailing a yacht this big, he decided that the best thing he could do was to get out of their way and explore the yacht. Besides, he was curious about why this boat needed to be so big.

In the course of an hour, he discovered a huge ballroom big enough for at least two hundred people, a well-equipped gym, a bathroom the size of a five-room apartment, a bedroom with a bed as big as the Jacuzzi in the bathroom (interesting possibilities there) and a dining room equipped to feed the two hundred people that presumably occupy the massive ballroom. He also discovered floor panels that disappeared to reveal pits lined with spikes, bricks that depressed to release poisonous arrows and a pool containing tiger sharks that looked disturbingly well-fed.

"I love your ship," Kuroro declared to Midoya once he was back on the bridge. "The snake pit is fantastic. I've always wanted a snake pit since I saw it in that movie about a man killing the local people of an underdeveloped country for embracing their own culture."

"It's not too bad for a nuclear submarine substitute," Midoya agreed reluctantly, pressing a button.

Pepeka made a strangled sound. "Don't touch that, sensei," he pleaded. "You'll overheat the engines."

"Is that so?" Midoya questioned, looking surprised. "What's wrong with overheating the engines?"

"A lot of things, sensei. Just… let me do this, wouldn't you?"

"Well, if that's what you want…" With a shrug, Midoya sidled out of the way.

"Thank you, sensei," Pepeka breathed, looking relieved.

For a moment, the bridge was silent as they watched Pepeka fiddle about. Then Midoya tugged gently on his sleeve to get his attention. Standing on tip-toes, she whispered, "Have you seen the bedroom?"

"Yes I have," Kuroro replied. "Why do you ask?"

"What do you think about the bed?" she murmured.

Kuroro's pulse twitched ever so slightly. "It's a very big bed," he replied with skilled casualness.

"And comfy."

"I have yet to prove that one myself."

Her lips brushed against his earlobe, and he could feel her smile. "Shall we continue where we left off?" she murmured.

"Oh yes," Kuroro agreed as they left the bridge. "We should definitely continue where we left off. It's never good to leave things incomplete after all…"

Just about the time Midoya, Kuroro and Pepeka were planning their grand escape from her penthouse, Shalnark was busy being cornered by two very sweaty, very flushed and very agitated men.

This was by no means a rare occasion for Shalnark. What with his pretty boy looks and generally innocent appearance, Shalnark often found himself being cornered by men in dark alleys. Usually in those situations, a well-placed chop to the neck solved the issue for him. However, in this case, Shalnark had to admit, things were not looking good. The two men facing him were far better fighters than he was after all. By Shalnark's calculations, any encounter with these men had a ninety-nine per cent chance of him ending with his face pressed to the floor, unconscious, perhaps even dead. However, that didn't mean that he couldn't fight back in his own way.

"Back!" Shalnark shouted, making shooing motions with his hands. "Back off! I can't breathe if you guys keep cornering me like this!" He waved his hands harder, but to no avail. The two men closed in on him like sharks cornering a wounded dolphin.

"Why isn't Dancho back yet?" Phinx demanded, hairless brows drawn together in an angry scowl. "He's been gone for almost two weeks! Why isn't there any news of him?"

"Yeah! Why isn't there any news of Dancho?" Nobunaga joined in, looking just as angry but a lot more hirsute in the brow department. "I thought we were supposed to be planning to move against the chain-user! How are we to do that if Dancho isn't here?"

"Guys, it is really not unusual for Dancho to disappear for weeks on end!" Shalnark shouted, trying to push them back. Did they have any idea how bad they smelled? "Besides, what makes you think I know where Dancho went?"

"Dancho always contacts you!" Nobunaga shouted. "You must know something!"

"But Dancho hasn't been contacting me!" Shalnark wailed.

"Then find a way to contact him, damn it!" Nobunaga roared. "What are your brains good for if not things like this?"

"I tried!" Shalnark protested, trying to remain calm and cool in the situation. "I even went looking around York Shin city for him! He hasn't been picking up his phone, I have no idea why, alright!"

"Damn it, you useless nerd!" Phinx shouted.

"Say that to me again when I'm planning our heists!" Shalnark shouted back, annoyance gripping him. "Show a little appreciation, wouldn't you?"

"Has anyone tried asking Kito?" a cool, bored voice interrupted.

All three men turned to level furious glares at the woman sitting a distance away, watching them. "Why would you ask Kito of all people?" Phinx sneered. "What would she know that we wouldn't?"

"Why not?" Machi asked. "Dancho's fucking her, isn't he? Maybe she knows where he is. Men tell things to women they're fucking that they don't tell anyone else."

Phinx's jaw dropped. Nobunaga cringed a little. Shalnark turned red. "That thought… well, it did occur to me. I called Kito once," Shalnark managed to say through his embarrassment. "She said she might have seen him around but she wasn't sure where he was and she would get him to call me when she's sure."

"Really?" Machi asked, and there was that look in her eyes; that look that said her intuition was twanging. "Did she say outright that she didn't know where Dancho is?"

Shalnark blinked and thought about it. "No…" he said slowly. "Actually… her exact words were that she might have seen Dancho around but he wasn't free at the moment."

"And how would she know he wasn't free if she didn't know what he was up to?" Machi asked, smirking triumphantly.

"Kito lied?" Phinx asked, looking confused. "Why did she lie? Oh fuck! Don't tell me… maybe she set Dancho up! Maybe the reason he hasn't been in contact is because she's done something to him! Bitch! We need to go get her!"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Shalnark protested. "Hold your horses. We need to be really clear that Kito has done something to Dancho before we attack her. I mean, she's Dancho's… Dancho's erm… Dancho's…"

"Fuck buddy?" Machi suggested wryly. "Friend with benefits? Potential Ryodan-recruit with significant talent in the sack?"

"Lover?" Nobunaga counter-suggested with a glare. "Girlfriend? Significant other?"

"Something," Shalnark stuttered, took a deep breath and continued, "She's something to Dancho. Besides, she didn't exactly lie. She didn't say she didn't know what Dancho was up to. Maybe she did know what Dancho is up to; she just hadn't seen him around. There are a million and one possibilities, alright? Let's just… let's just find Kito and ask her first, face-to-face this time, so we can tell if she's lying."

"Good idea," Machi drawled and everyone looked expectantly at Shalnark. Shalnark glared back, sighed exasperatedly and pulled out his laptop.

"Let me see," he mumbled. "Where could she be now...? Well, she is a hunter so maybe the Hunter's website will have a clue. Location of Blacklist Hunter Midoya Kito… oh. Hey. Hey guys, look at this." The three Spiders gathered around as Shalnark turned the laptop to face them.

"Two Star Blacklist Hunter Midoya is currently being hunted by certain factions of the Hunter Association," the virtual bartender declared. "The attack on her penthouse has gone on for several days now. Please pay two million zennis if you want to know more."

"Damn. She's under attack?" Phinx breathed. "Is that all the information we have?"

"Yeah," Shalnark said, frowning. "We need to pay if we want to find out more. That's quite a bit of money they're asking, so let's avoid paying for now. Let's see if we can find her penthouse first. We might have to hunt a little… it's unlikely those black market sites will cost less than the Hunter website, but it may be worth a try. Or maybe…"

"Or maybe you can try the directory," Machi suggested. "Under Blacklist Hunters. She is a mercenary, right?"

"The directory?" Nobunaga laughed. "Why on earth would she be in the… huh, is that her address?"

All four of them stared at the free directory website Shalnark had found. Machi smirked and Nobunaga flushed with anger. "Erm… yeah," Shalnark said soothingly. "Maybe she's like the Zoldycks. You know… we don't care if you know where we live because you wouldn't survive an attack on our residence anyway." He tilted his head. "Hey, that address is familiar. Odd. The only residence of Kito's I know of is her mansion."

"Is it?" Phinx asked curiously. "I don't recognise it."

"It is," Machi confirmed. "Shalnark… remember that time two years ago... that mission when we were hunting the Book about evil religions?"

"What Book?"

"The mission where Dancho didn't wear his coat."

"Oh, that mission. That was the Kito mission wasn't it? What about it?"

"We trailed Dancho, remember?"

"You trailed Dancho?" Phinx gasped, looking horrified.

"He wasn't wearing his coat. We were worried. It made sense then," Machi said, just a tad defensively. "Anyway, Shalnark, remember where we followed Dancho to?"

Shalnark frowned in thought. Then a look of disbelief flooded his face. "Oh good lord… we followed Dancho to that address." He blinked again. "Holy shit, Dancho knew Kito before we attacked her?"

"Wrong, Shalnark. Dancho was fucking Kito way before we attacked her." Machi shook her head, ignoring Shalnark's strangled sound. "I mean, he left his coat at her place. Guys only do that when they're fucking you, have been fucking you enough to feel comfortable with you. With the level of paranoia we Spiders have, I would say he was fucking her at least six months before we attacked her."

Silence descended on the group as they tried to wrap their minds around that. "Erm… we messed up that mission," Shalnark said tentatively. "Do you think Dancho…"

"Of course not!" Nobunaga snapped, a worried look on his face. "Dancho would never betray us for a woman!"

There was another tensed silence then Phinx tentatively said, "You know, I don't know if any of you noticed, but erm… we've been a little hard on Dancho's nerves lately, what with the flies, maggots and dead bodies… and you know… fighting each other…"

"I noticed," Shalnark admitted. "He was really stressed the day before he left. Like… he tore a book to pieces."

The group gulped collectively. Dancho only destroyed books when he was really upset. "You don't suppose…" Phinx said, looking really worried, "you don't suppose Dancho has… left us, do you?"

"No! Of course he wouldn't!" Nobunaga shouted, as separation-anxiety swept through the group. "Dancho wouldn't do that to us! I mean… he wouldn't… right?"

"Let's ask Kito," Machi suggested urgently. "We find her and get Feitan to make her talk. Is there any way to find out if she's still at her penthouse? Or if she's even still alive? Feitan can't torture a corpse."

"Shalnark!" Phinx said, panicked.

"Sure," Shalnark said quickly, returning to his laptop. "A fancy place like that is bound to have a million and one CCTVs all over the place. Let's see if we can find some footage."

An impatient silence descended over the group as Shalnark pecked away at his laptop. Then he exclaimed, "Ah ha!" as a multitude of black and white screens flickered onto his laptop. "Okay, there's not likely to be CCTVs in her penthouse, but perhaps the elevator that goes up…"

"Wait," Machi said. "Hold on. The screen of the front entrance to the building… Those two there… Look familiar?" All four looked.

"No. Don't recognise them," Phinx said dismissively. A leer spread across his face and he added, "Chick's hot though."

"Chick's Kito," Machi said wryly.

The three men looked harder. "Holy shit! That's Kito!" Phinx exploded. "Damn. I mean, damn. She can look good if she actually tries really hard. I mean, with that shit-load of makeup on her face, she looks pretty decent. Is she wearing a corset? It makes her boobs look real nice. And just look at that ass… whoa!" All four of them stared as the man suddenly shoved Kito against a doorframe, pushed that short, short dress up and…

"Holy… shit…" Nobunaga muttered, looking like he couldn't decide if he wanted to keep staring or look away.

"Erm…" Shalnark mumbled, his mouth wide open as he stared fixedly at the screen. "Erm…"

"That's kind of hot," Machi commented casually.

"Erm…" Shalnark whimpered back, looking utterly miserable.

"Holy fucking shit…"

The man turned, his head tilted up just briefly, and they got a good look at the man touching Kito.

"Oh god… that's Dancho," Phinx whispered. "I mean… his face looks really shitty, but that's Dancho. That's Dancho… I mean I would recognise him anywhere… And… and are we… we are… are we… are we watching Dancho erm… molest Kito on camera?"

"Yup, we are," Machi said with great relish. "This thing have sound?"

"I'm not playing this out loud!" Shalnark protested, his face flushed.

"Of course not. You geeks only watch porn in the privacy of your own room, with no other company but Mr Hand and his five best friends."

"Machi!"

"Hey, a car," Nobunaga said, sounding faint. "They're getting in… and by getting in I mean Dancho is shoving her in… like he's gonna… oh god, I never knew. Did anyone here know Dancho is into stuff like this?"

"I never even knew Dancho was into women."

"I never even knew Dancho was into sex with anyone or uh… anything."

"Damn."

"Am I the only one taking note of the car's license plate?" Machi demanded, crossing her arms. "Because if we're fast, we can catch up with them, you know?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Nobunaga asked, looking horrified. "I don't want to watch Dancho fuck Kito. I want the Dancho in my mind to remain as he has always been; cool, intelligent, pristine. Like a baby. A genius baby. A genius baby with tattoos."

"Oh for the love of…" Machi shot Nobunaga an irritated look. "Kito is being hunted by the HA right? Well Dancho is with her. Maybe he needs help?"

"Oh… oh right," Nobunaga looked embarrassed. "Any ideas, Shal?"

"Yeah. Yeah… uh, they're obviously breaking the speed limit. Let me tap into speed cameras on the road they're on," Shalnark muttered darkly, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he gave Machi a dirty look, "they seem to be heading for the docks. Docks huh. Well, maybe… ah, I thought so. Says here Kito has a yacht. I think they're trying to get to the yacht. If we leave now, we can reach the docks around the same time as them."

"Alright then, let's go," Machi said, climbing to her feet. "Come on! Let's go ask who else wants to come along then hit the road as fast as possible. If not, the yacht's sailing without us."

"Okay," Shalnark agreed, still feeling faint as he closed his laptop. It suddenly occurred to him that Dancho might not be terribly pleased to see them. After all, he hadn't tried to contact them, had he? On the other hand, Shalnark was incredibly curious. Was Dancho trying to help Kito escape? Why were they heading for the yacht in that case? Exactly what were Dancho's plans?

At the moment, Kuroro's only plan was getting out from under the deadweight that was an unconscious Midoya.

How he had ended up in this compromising situation was a story in itself. After they had abandoned Pepeka in the bridge, Kuroro and Midoya had retired to her bedroom to continue the competition. With more available space and a closet full of interesting devices, the competition had gained an edge to it. Sometime after Kuroro had managed to cuff Midoya's wrists behind her and before she somehow tangled their legs together with the bed sheets, Pepeka had pounded on the door, yelled something along the lines of going to take a bath and them being very noisy and then retreated.

"We are at an impasse again," Kuroro had commented, ignoring Pepeka's yells.

"I disagree," Midoya had replied from beneath him. "I feel somewhat at a disadvantage without the use of my arms."

Kuroro smiled faintly. "Are you ready to surrender?" he murmured, running his hands along her side. "I, if I may remind you, still have the use of my arms." He had then demonstrated the advantages of that to her and she made a soft, breathy sound of approval.

"Hardly," Midoya purred in response. Twisting in a manner that reminded him of a snake, Midoya performed a series of complex motions that ended up with him beneath her. Smiling widely, she had then proceeded to do something very delightful to his neck with her tongue that brought Kuroro quite abruptly to the edge of wonderful, wonderful pleasure.

Through the haze, Kuroro abruptly realised three things. One, Midoya was about to win. Two, Midoya was about to win even with a handicap. Three, Kuroro really hated losing, even to someone he respected as much as Midoya.

With those realisations in mind, Kuroro had rocked his head up and smashed it into Midoya's. It was purely an accident of course, a tragic accident brought about by his violent writhing on the bed. His head was definitely not infused with just enough Nen to knock Midoya out without hurting her.

The result though, was instantaneous. With a soft gasp, Midoya had slumped against him, unconscious. Kuroro's had smile turned into a grimace. The moment she had fallen unconscious, she had slipped into Zetus, as was her habit. The odd sensation of feeling her body on him but being unable to sense her presence was disorientating. Kuroro had tried to sit up to push her off – only to discover he couldn't. While he had been distracted by the honeyed warmth of her tongue sliding over his neck (a shiver ran down his spine at the memory), she had managed to tangle his arms in the bed sheets as well, resulting in him being tied to her with said sheets.

Staring at the ceiling and pondering over how much he hated it when his plans back-fire was not exactly very productive, hence Kuroro had decided to try to wriggle out from under her. This was how Kuroro had ended up rocking from side to side, trying to flip over so he could free his arms from Midoya's death-grip. Finally, through the strenuous exertions of his abdominal muscles, Kuroro managed to flip Midoya over. It was not done as smoothly as she had done it, and Kuroro ended up sprawling over her.

And of course, at that very moment, the Ryodan walked in through the window.

Unlike Shalnark and Dancho, Nobunaga always had less faith in the power of rational, logical thought than in the power of emotions and instincts. Despite his constant ribbing of people like Machi and Ubo, and their reliance on startlingly accurate hunches, Nobunaga had always had great admiration for them because of that. While rational thought was all good and well, what really mattered in a fight, Nobunaga always felt, was instinct. Humans always reacted faster to the conclusions of the subconscious mind after all. And what better driving force and motivation was there other than emotions? Doing what one felt was right was always more meaningful and powerful than doing what one knew was right.

Hence, unlike some members of the Ryodan, Nobunaga had never found emotions and feelings a sign of weakness. That was why he was absolutely certain Dancho was in love with that Kito woman. Why else would Dancho actually help Kito resist the Hunter Association if he didn't feel something for Kito? To risk his life like that, Dancho obviously loved the woman. This was not the view shared by many of the members. Opinions on Dancho's relationship with Kito ranged from 'using her for sex' to 'using her for her connections with the mafia' to 'using her for her powers'. Everyone assumed the relationship was based on nothing more than the usefulness of Kito. Well, Nobunaga disagreed with that. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that once they met Dancho, the other Ryodan members would have to admit that Nobunaga was right and that Dancho had feelings goddamn it.

It was thus with great confidence that Nobunaga had strode towards the docks with Phinx, Shalnark, Machi and Feitan in tow. "Alright," Nobunaga declared loudly, "which boat is the one Dancho's in?" He glanced behind at Shalnark who was studying a sheet of paper.

"Well, according to this information, Kito's yacht is a luxury yacht named I Asked for a Nuclear Submarine and They Gave Me This Stupid Boat." Shalnark looked up and around. "It's going to be hard locating that yacht; all the yachts here are luxury yachts."

"Could it be that one?" Feitan asked, pointing at a departing yacht.

They all turned to stare. The yacht had started to turn as it headed for open seas so they couldn't see the full name of the yacht. The words Stupid Boat stood out clearly though. "Yup, that's it," Shalnark said.

"It's leaving," Machi pointed out. "I don't think we want to swim after it."

"Oh, no worries," Shalnark said cheerfully. "If I remember correctly, our old teacher from Meteor City has a fishing boat somewhere around here…"

He did. He was also very unhappy to see them and swore to kill Dancho the next time they met. ("He already took my best boat! Why are you now taking my second best boat! And put Suzie down! She's the only one I can talk to nowadays! Blast you! Damn you! Go to hell you motherfucking bastards!")

Following that, with just a bit of rowing, bailing and at a point, swimming, the Ryodan members managed to catch up with the yacht. That was then followed by a great deal of climbing, cursing and a brief battle between Feitan and a curious shark. Finally, the Ryodan members found themselves on the deck of the yacht, which sported both a miniature golf course, a swimming pool and a guillotine.

"Ooh," they said collectively in stereo as they admired the guillotine.

"We need one of these in our base," Feitan said, running an admiring finger along the sharp blade, stained ever so subtly with blood.

"We'll convince Dancho to steal one," Phinx said supportively.

"In the meantime…?" Shalnark nodded meaningfully to the bridge. "Let's go find Dancho."

As they neared the bridge, Nobunaga felt something brush past his senses. He recognised it immediately; it was Dancho's familiar and comforting presence. "He's in that room," he said, pointing to a massive window.

"Yes," Feitan agreed. "I can sense Dancho's presence. It seems he is alone."

Swiftly, they started to scale the walls, fingers and toes locating crevices in the smooth surface of the wall expertly as they climbed. Halfway up, gigantic, ferocious, drooling cats with massive bat wings descended upon them. Despite their previous consensus about not killing any of Kito's staff, they were forced to respond with lethal force. Then the massive cockroaches scuttled up from the bottom of the yacht. Nobunaga, who had a secret phobia of cockroaches, dealt with them with perhaps a little more force than was necessarily (they say if you cut a cockroach's head off, it can still move for an entire week so of course he needed to smash them up).

Finally, just before they reached the window which led to the room they sensed Dancho was in, thick, thorny vines erupted from the walls and grabbed at them. Shalnark, being the least experienced fighter between them, got trapped by the vines. They saved him before he could be crushed and Phinx made a biting joke about the pornographic potentialities of leaving Shalnark trapped by the vines. Shalnark, red in the face, had replied sharply that there was no way vines that thick were fitting anywhere in his body without killing him and just because his face didn't look like it got hit repeatedly with a baseball bat didn't mean he liked having phallic objects stuffed up his you-know-what so Phinx should just shut it. Machi then told them all to shut it because she was frankly quite sick of hearing porn jokes unless she was the one making them and why do men love talking about penises so much anyway because it's not like those things were good for anything but making women pregnant and repopulating the earth with more ridiculous humans. They obliging shut it (partly because they knew Machi could sew their mouths up in a snap if she wanted to, though no one would ever admit that).

Then they were at the bottom of the window. There, they paused for a second, just in case more strange mutant animals wanted to come out and eat them and/or do strange and disturbing things to Shalnark ("Will you stop that, Phinx?" "Maybe when you finally hit puberty." "Both of you shut up or I'm going to sew your mouths up for real this time."). Nothing happened, so the Ryodan members vaulted over the ledge of the window – only to be greeted by the sight of Dancho holding a half-naked corpse in a very sexual way.

Nobunaga stood frozen on the ledge of the window, his mouth hanging open with shock at the sight of Dancho lying on Kito's undressed corpse. Yes, Nobunaga was aware that members of the Ryodan had the weirdest fetishes and yes, he was also aware that Dancho tended to be attracted to and obsessed about the weirdest things (like beautifully-coloured body parts), but to walk in on Dancho kneeling between a corpse's bare legs was just so wrong.

Abruptly, it occurred to him that they had not just walked in on Dancho fucking Kito. They had walked in on Dancho fucking Kito after he murdered her. Nobunaga's eyes widened in horror. What on earth had happened to his chaste genius baby?

"Dancho…" he stammered weakly.

"Nobunaga," Dancho said, frowning as he sat up and zipped up his pants. "Phinx, Feitan, Machi… Shalnark. This is unexpected. What are you doing here?"

"Um…" Shalnark stammered, looking as stunned as Nobunaga felt. "Um…"

"We heard that Kito was being attacked by factions of the HA," Machi said, sounding remarkably calm. "And we saw footage of you with her. So we thought we would come along and help out."

"I see. I did not expect to be recognised so easily. This might be cause for concern," Dancho said, though his frown did not vanish. "Well, as much as I appreciate the effort, we didn't really need much help. We have hit upon a solution that has, potentially, solved the problem for us."

The perfect solution? Nobunaga frowned for a moment before he got it. Of course. Kito was dead. There was no need to protect her anymore. What a perfect solution.

"So… uh…" Phinx said lightly. "What happened to Kito?" Nobunaga's eyes flittered towards the corpse involuntary. Her arms were cuffed behind her back. Her dress, the same one she had been wearing in the video, had been torn half off. Her face showed a bruise right next to her left temple. And of course, he couldn't sense her presence, the tell-tale sign of a corpse. Nobunaga looked at the numerous scratches along her arms and the bite marks around her neck, and a jolt of pity ran through him. He didn't think she went down easy. Obviously, this solution had been Dancho's idea, not hers.

Dancho's eyes flickered towards the corpse as well and hesitation actually fluttered over his face. "Things," he said vaguely and pulled a blanket over her body. "Never mind her. She'll be fine where she is for now."

"It's not like we're judging you or anything," Nobunaga blurted out, because as much as he had wanted to prove Dancho really loved Kito, even more still, he did not want Dancho to feel alienated from them because of his… his… preferences.

Dancho stared at him with a look of surprise and bewilderment. "Well of course," he said in a reasonable voice, "fetishes such as these are very common. Undoubtedly, many of you have met people who like these things as well."

Good lord, his genius baby…! "Should we… erm…" Shalnark suggested hesitantly, "should we toss her overboard? She might start to smell."

Dancho's forehead actually started to crease with confusion. "Why would we toss her overboard? I have mentioned this before; Midoya is an extremely useful ally to have. Even with the situation as it is now, I can think of many ways to use her. Besides, I don't find her smell offensive, but if you do, a good wash should do the trick."

Nobunaga had to struggle not to look as horrified as Shalnark. "Right, right," he said quickly, because he really didn't want Dancho to elaborate on how he wanted to use Kito. "We totally understand, Dancho. Totally."

"But of course," Dancho agreed. "It is not a difficult concept to grasp." He adjusted his top which was missing several buttons absent-mindedly. "I did not expect the Ryodan to take part in this particular mission, but since you are all here, I might as well brief you on the…"

The corpse sat up.

"Fuck!" Machi, who was nearest to the bed, swore, leaping back immediately. Shalnark actually cried out in shock. In the blink of an eye, Nobunaga had his sword out. Then before he could control himself, his sword was slashing towards the corpse even as Machi flung a handful of needles in the same direction. The corpse blinked sleepily, slapped Nobunaga's sword away with one hand and caught all of Machi's needles in the other. Nen flooded her dull eyes and they started to turn silver.

"Everybody stop," Dancho said sharply, and all of them, except for the corpse, froze immediately, staring at him.

"Whuh…?" the corpse mumbled, swaying dizzily. Her eyes went to her hand that now resembled a pin-cushion more than a hand. "Hey look, needles." Eyelids flowed smoothly over the silver eyes then the dull silver eyes cleared and hardened. "Kuroro Lucifer!" the corpse cried in an outraged voice. "You hit me! You actually hit me hard enough to knock me out! During sex too!"

Nobunaga's eyebrows shot skyward as all of them stared at Dancho.

"I did," Dancho said, actually looking a little embarrassed. "My apologies. I had not meant to hit you that hard. It was meant to be a little bit of… uh… foreplay."

"Oh, you," the corpse groaned, rolling her eyes, "I know perfectly well you meant to hit me that hard and that it had nothing to do with foreplay. You wouldn't be Kuroro if you weren't cheating, and the Nen you infused your attack with was definitely cheating."

Inexplicably (to Nobunaga at least), a smile spread across Dancho's face. "Yes, that is true," he admitted. "Come let me un-cuff you and re-introduce you to our newcomers."

"Newcomers? Oh. Goodness me. There are so many people in this room. When did this happen? Are we having an orgy? If we are, I kind of want to remain cuffed."

Nobunaga was sure Shalnark's face was going to explode from all the blood flooding into it. It wasn't something he especially wanted to see, but watching Shalnark's head explode was better than looking anywhere near Kito or Dancho at the moment.

"No, we're not having an orgy," Dancho said, his voice cool and calm and entirely not the least bit affected. "No orgies till we are all introduced, at least." Shalnark made a scandalized sound. Phinx coughed embarrassedly. Even Feitan looked somewhat awkward (or he could simply just be zoning out; it was hard to tell since he was still wearing his mask).

As Dancho climbed onto the bed and started to undo the cuffs, the Ryodan members exchanged confused looks. "Dancho, isn't she supposed to be dead?" Nobunaga demanded, wondering if Dancho had found a way to animate the corpse of his dearly departed and whether Dancho intended to use the same power on the Ryodan members.

Both Dancho and Kito stared at him. "Hi Ryodan member whom I recognise but whose name I do not know. Why are you here and why am I dead?" Kito demanded.

Why is she dead? Nobunaga blinked. That was a very good question. "Just now we couldn't sense your… presence?" Nobunaga tried tentatively. "You know… like you were a corpse…?"

"Oh." Dancho smiled, looking genuinely amused, a sight rarer than most of them liked to think. "It's a habit of hers. She goes into Zetsu when she falls asleep. Quite a useful habit actually."

Oh. Ohhhhh! Nobunaga grinned weakly with relief. So that's what happened. So Dancho hadn't been… hadn't been… right. So Dancho wasn't doing weird things with a corpse. Nobunaga felt so much better now. "Damn, you scared the hell out of us, Kito," he said brusquely.

"I apologize," Kito said though she couldn't possibly know what he was talking about. Tugging her dress about so it was decent (or as decent as a dress that length could get) again, she added, "What have I missed while I was unconscious because your Dancho likes to play dirty during bondage sex?"

Nobunaga's jaw dropped. Shalnark gasped. Machi sniggered. Feitan looked mildly interested. "Uh…"

"No wait, don't tell me first. I want to clean up. I'm covered with all sorts of things most of you probably don't want to hear about." With a surprisingly graceful motion that somehow managed to retain her modesty, Kito vaulted off the bed. "Kuroro, show them around, wouldn't you? I'll find you in the office later."

Before Dancho could reply, Machi said calmly, "You know, I can see your panties, Kito." Nobunaga choked on nothing. The conversation among the rest of the group died an awkward and embarrassed death.

"Is that so?" Midoya replied absently. "My dress is a little short, I suppose, but it's all for a good reason."

"Yeah, your dress is pretty short. That's not why I can see your panties though. Your panties are stuffed in your stockings."

Nobunaga choked even harder, inspiring Phinx to pound on his back. Midoya blinked and looked down. Dancho carefully didn't blink and pulled his most innocent face on (not that it was fooling any of them). "Ah. Right." With a casual gesture, Midoya extracted the panties from her stocking. "I should probably put this on, I suppose."

"Huh."

"What with my dress being rather short and all that."

"Uh huh."

"If you will excuse me…" Midoya turned and left the room.

The silence continued for a while then Shalnark coughed embarrassedly. "So," he said in the tone of one desperately trying to change the topic, "what happened to your shirt, Dancho? Did you get into a fight?"

"Well," Dancho began. "It's a rather long story. First, I probably have to explain the reason why I…"

"Probably the same thing that happened to Kito's panties," Machi interrupted bluntly.

And that signalled the end of the conversation.

A/N: Uh… not many notes to make of this chapter. As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and do leave a review!

Trivial: Midoya, as Kuroro noted, was indeed very talented with her feet. She could do many things with her feet, including wielding a knife, riding a bucking wild-boar, and sewing a heat-proof, water-proof tent together from scratch. Once, she fought on a thirty-day long campaign against the infamously fierce Ingrakot warriors using only her feet. Because of their impeccable service to the Hunter Association and courage demonstrated in the Thirty-Day-War-on-Ingrakot, her feet have been awarded the Hunter Association Finest Military Service Badge, the highest honour that can be bestowed on a soldier. They are the only feet to date to have received this Badge.

Trivial within a trivial: Officially, Midoya had fought the war using only her feet because she had, as the report stated, broken both her arms jumping out of a blimp. The official report was an outright lie told by Netero to cover up one of the most embarrassing events of the Hunter Association. The truth was, Mizaistom had made a bet that Midoya could not fight a thirty-day campaign without using her hands. Midoya had countered that by betting Mizaistom could not fight a thirty-day campaign without using his hands.

The behavior of his subordinates had not been the embarrassing thing for Netero. The embarrassing thing had been that Mizaistom, one of his Zodiacs, had been a strategist sitting in a tent planning the course of the war, and Midoya a soldier out on the battlefields fighting for her life, and Midoya had still won both bets.