Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.
Summary: Not all shields look as we expected... Not all shields are physical...
Additional Disclaimer: Not one of the songs included in this chapter belong to me. Because of You belongs to Kelly Clarkson, When You Are a Soldier belongs to Steven Curtis Chapman, and I Will belongs to Lady Firewing. The Professor's quote (you'll know it when you see it) is from an anonymous source but it still doesn't belong to me.
A/N: Many thanks to Lady Firewing for giving me permission to include I Will, the original song she wrote in this epilogue because it was the perfect fit to Kat and Oreius. I hope this monster of a chapter lives up to your expectations. To cut down on confusion, the first section is from Katerina's POV, the middle section is from Tuulea's POV and the last section is from Oreius' POV. Enjoy!
Additional Chapter Warning: Sensitive readers beware...a good bit of angst ahead in the form of panic attacks, manifestation of PTSD, dark flashbacks, and general hurt. Grab a box of tissues before continuing...you may need it for this first section in particular.
SPOILER ALERT! This chapter includes huge spoilers for Shadowed and Revealed, if you haven't read those two stories yet, do not read this epilogue...unless you love spoilers.
Epilogue
20 Mayblossom 1002
Who can predict how rapidly life will change? Two months ago, my life changed...and I suppose overall, the change was for the best. My place in Narnia had been challenged and I almost didn't walk away from that challenge (it figured that Jannes was not the worst that could happen to me...Jambres was a lot worse and not nearly as insane). I learned something very important though...I learned that I actually did belong somewhere...I belonged in Narnia. I learned I was part Narnian...that I hadn't been expecting, especially when I found out the exact background for my Narnian side of the family (complicated was one way to put it). However, as of two months ago, my darkest secret (the one that I had refused to confide to even Oreius) was not only exposed but it was also common knowledge among every Narnian who was of age in at least Cair Paravel, the army, and...actually probably every adult in Narnia knew by now. Of the Royals, only Peter and Susan knew the details of my secret but I found out yesterday after a very, very long day of training (Oreius had been on the receiving end of one of my pranks the week before and he retaliated through training sessions as usual) that both Edmund and Lucy were aware of my scars. Lucy sadly informed me that she didn't think her cordial would make my scars go away otherwise she would offer it (the poor girl looked so sad that she couldn't do something to help me that I gave her a hug...I was being such a softie but Lucy needed it). I still wasn't sure how I felt about everyone knowing what had happened to me, but I did know that I didn't want anyone's pity.
Unfortunately, when I had been forced to open up about my past, I had dredged up enough bad memories that the past two months had been awful just from the number of nightmares (which were even more intense than usual and had far more of the details I tried to avoid thinking about) I had been enduring. Of course, because I was unwilling to admit a weakness (Oreius, Tuulea, and Alithia hold the opinion that this is a sign of my extreme stubbornness and is what gets me into trouble more often than not...looking back, they just might have a point), I had not told anyone that I was having difficulty sleeping or why I was having nightmares. I had survived for nearly seven years by dealing with my ghosts and their painful memories on my own, and I was determined to prove to myself that I could still do it on my own...
Dark hateful eyes leered at me across the courtroom. I could feel his hate for me building every moment I sat in the witness chair and related to everyone in the room what he had done to me and to Maddie and to Nekane and to all the other girls he had taken. His eyes never looked away and my hands started to hurt again as if he were driving those daggers through them all over again. I took a breath. I despise him...I pity him too. I want this to be over with already. I-
"Dame Sepphora?"
The memory of the courtroom faded as I blinked. The garishly bright courtroom and those dark leering eyes of the Monster were replaced with the nearly dark library and the concerned eyes of a Fox sitting just in front of me. (Did I mention my nightmares had started to become flashbacks? I hate Murphy... Was it really too much to ask for an hour or two of peace from those memories?) I flash him a tightlipped smile as I shoved those memories back into the dark corner they had crawled out of (why do the things we try to avoid thinking about always come back like bad horror movie monsters?) then asked, "Do you need something, Sir Rupert?"
Sir Rupert tilted his head, peering at my face, before he answered, "Queen Susan expressed a concern that you're missing the banquet...again. I came to find you before you miss it completely."
I gave him another smile (wider this time), hoping he didn't figure out I wasn't in the...best of moods for lack of a better description that actually collaborated with my denial route (I can admit denial...sometimes). "Of course, thank you, Sir Rupert. I'll be there as soon as I finish tidying up my notes."
Rupert nodded and turned to leap down from the table, but then he paused. "Are you certain you are well, Lady Katerina? You seemed troubled before I caught your attention, which took far longer than usual."
Oh bother, why, why did Animals have to be so much better at reading the subtle than everyone else? Silently wishing that Sir Rupert didn't pay quite so close attention to me as he did, I shrugged as casually as possible. "Oh, I was just lost in thought about several things. Nothing too troubling. However, I just had the troubling realization that Elwood will kill me if I don't leave some semblance of order in my wake." I did not lie. My thoughts hadn't been troubling, they had been terrifying.
Sir Rupert chuckled as he leapt down, "My dear Lady Katerina, I should think even the challenge of leaving order in your wake shouldn't prove too difficult, particularly with this table." I smile slightly as we both took in the sight of the table that was honestly rather cluttered even when my notes weren't taking up the one cleared spot. The Fox had a point... Having only just started my investigation of the genealogical records in the last month and a half, I hadn't made much of a dent in the sheer amount of information stacked in tall piles on the tabletop.
The thing about leaving order in my wake, though, that wasn't my fault really. For whatever reason when their royal majesties decided I needed a proper set of rooms (because a parlor and bedroom with attached bathroom apparently weren't enough) upon being knighted, I was moved to a larger set of rooms as in parlor, bedroom with a large attached bathroom, and a study. It wasn't that far from my previous quarters (I don't think they believed I would be able to find my way if they moved me too far), but my study almost immediately became a source of entertainment for the Four and my fellow knights (still felt odd thinking of them like that) when they saw how I keep my papers... Well, I avoided paperwork as much as possible (Oreius didn't seem to appreciate that for some strange reason) and my desk was what I liked to call "organized chaos" and the Kentauri claimed was simply a chaotic mess. Not sure why they were all so fascinated with my desk, but it served to distract Sir Rupert as he peered into my study and chuckled at the sight of my desk being covered in papers. "Are you ever going to fill out those reports?"
I dropped my notes onto the small table tucked in the far corner of my parlor and managed to summon a genuine smile as I met Rupert's gaze. "Sure I will...when Oreius is to the point that he has given up on me actually doing them."
Knowing full well how Oreius and I had already clashed to an extent over my organizational skills (he thinks I don't have any...I disagree on principle) and the whole filling out reports thingamajig, Rupert chuckled again as we made our way to join the banquet... I forget what it was actually aimed at, something to do with Spring that gave the Narnians an excuse to throw a party (to say they're quite fond of parties/celebrations/feasts would be an understatement). I would have enjoyed myself more if my memories hadn't kept cropping up...and they weren't the good ones. By Narnian standards, the banquet was on the small side (I could almost see the wall opposite me), but it was just crowded enough that I wasn't comfortable, not to mention the crowd was also large enough that although I had spotted (and been spotted by) several of the select few who knew me best, I was nowhere near any of them. I reacted to the entire situation by forcing myself to smile and occasionally laugh as I chatted (I can't believe I've taken to chatting of all things...Lucy's infected me) casually with one of the Nymph archers, a Naiad by the name of Ama. We didn't know each other well since I didn't interact very often with the archers seeing how archery was not my strong point. It only took one round of practice to convince Oreius of that fact (not to mention he decided I was a true menace to everyone around me with a bow in my hands...I actually agreed with him on that one). During our conversation or chat or whatever it was as I forced myself to act as though nothing bothered me and convinced everyone around me that I was just fine, I suddenly remembered part of a song that had been playing on the radio the first time I was being escorted to a courthouse. I think the only reason the Marshal driving hadn't flipped the channel was because he looked at the thirteen-year-old girl with heavily bandaged hands sitting in the backseat. How did it go again? Ah yes...Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me... I'm forced to fake A smile, a laugh, every day of my life... How appropriate.
I shoved that memory down only to feel my smile waver as the memory of dark leering eyes slammed into me again. The worst memories have the worst timing...I was starting to believe it was in the fine text of Murphy's law to torment one Katerina Alambiel as much as ridiculously possible. On a more serious note, that day had been the worst as far as memories and flashbacks were concerned...maybe it was a side effect of one very long week of training combined with very little sleep, I didn't know. Nearly seven years of practice allowed me to keep the mask in place and I continued through the banquet pretending that nothing bothered me...I was just fine. I was just fine and if they couldn't see the cracks in my mask, they couldn't prove otherwise...although I admit to avoiding tempting fate (or Murphy) by keeping my distance from the ones I suspected would argue with that statement.
The banquet ended around tenth hour and I took the opportunity to immediately retreat to my rooms. I was done interacting with people for the day...I was done interacting with friends too. Shoving my dark memories back for the umpteenth time, I tried to distract myself by going over my notes. I didn't get far before I realized I had left my most recent notes in the library. I wasn't that far from the library when I heard Tuulea talking to someone, probably Stonebrook, but I wasn't paying close attention until I heard my name (definitely Stonebrook) and then Tuulea said, "She's just a child!"
A simple protest. I had heard the phrase before, but between the use of my name and the memories... I froze mid-step as Tuulea's voice transformed into a voice from my past.
Maddie pleaded with the Monster, "No, no, don't hurt her. Don't touch her. She's just a child! Leave her alone! Why did you take her? Stop! She's just a child. You Monster!"
I barely managed to maintain my control as I forced myself not to give in to the terror accompanying that memory. My hands and back ached just like they had when I was first wounded. I would not run. I would not scream. I would not show weakness. I was breathing a little harder than I would have liked, but other than that, I managed to force myself to act normal as I abandoned my plan to collect those last notes from the library in favor of retreating to the privacy of my rooms.
My hands were shaking when I finally shut the main doors to my quarters. I took a deep breath in an effort to regain control of myself and nearly gagged as my mind chose to recreate the sensory memory of how the Monster's lair had smelled...coppery blood, stale sweat, sickly sweet chloroform, and the rotting decaying stench of death. Jambres' lair had been too similar to the Monster's visually, but the smell hadn't been there, thank God. I staggered to the window and pressed my temple against the cool glass as I lost my fight against those memories I had struggled to avoid for so long.
It was like the opening of a floodgate. I remembered it all...I still couldn't escape it. I remembered everything about the Monster like how his eyes were dead, dark, leering, and promised death or how his horrid breath smelled like rotten fish when he whispered his mockery or when he tried to choke me to death in the courtroom when I was sixteen. My throat closed as I recalled that terrifying moment.
The courthouse was packed. Everyone in town seemed to be in the building staring and whispering whenever I had to appear in court. The prosecution had just wrapped up and I looked over at the jury to see how they all sat stiff and pale-faced in the aftermath of my account. It used to be worse when they heard how old I had been...when I had still been relatively close to thirteen. Now, at sixteen, I was fair game, especially for the defense. Tomorrow the defense would try to paint me a liar or worse...the DA had already warned me. The judge dismissed the court for the day, and he gave me a sympathetic look before he ordered me to remember I was still under oath and was not to talk about anything. I gave a quick nod, not telling him what I was thinking...it wasn't my first rodeo.
I glanced at the prosecutor and his assistant, but they were in deep conversation with one of the deputies acting as my escort. She was new... I preferred the Marshals, at least they could hide the pitying, horrified looks. The Monster was staring at me, but I forced myself to meet his gaze as I slipped out of the witness box and headed for the deputy. There was a sudden roar of rage as I drew even with the prosecutor's table. "I'll kill you! You can't escape your fate! I'll kill you!"
The next moment I slammed against the hard floor with the Monster on top of me, his hands around my throat, and him shrieking, "You think you can escape death? You little freak. You can't! I'll kill you!"
His hands tightened and I coughed then gagged under a combination of the pressure he was applying to my neck and the putrid stench of his fishy breath. Did the man have no concept of how to use a toothbrush? I tried to raise my left hand and hit him, but he must have guessed my intent as he shifted his weight so his knee pinned my wrist. I dug the fingers of my right hand into the small space between his hands and my neck in a desperate attempt to breathe. Dark spots danced in front of my eyes, progressively growing to block out parts of the Monster's crazed, leering face. I heard shouts and caught a glimpse of hands pulling at the Monster's jumpsuit and at his hands, prying them free of my throat. He screamed again as the deputies and bailiff pulled him off me completely and the prosecutor scurried over to check on me. "I'll kill you! You can't escape your fate, princess. I'll kill you, you little freak! If I have to hire someone to shoot you, I will make sure you die!"
I could still hear the prosecutor asking if I was all right, could I hear him when the memory of his clipped tenor was replaced with a deeper rumble asking the same questions. I tried to answer, but I couldn't force the words out. A small corner of my mind noted that I was well into my panic attack now, and I should consider myself lucky that the last time this had happened had been when I was fifteen. The terror of my memories had me in a stranglehold. My heart was racing and I was well on my way to hyperventilating. I tried to answer, but once again failed as I gasped from the phantom pains plaguing my hands and back. My vision swam and I felt like I might black out. I needed to get away.
I took a step back and bumped into something, probably the table, but all my mind registered was the fact I was trapped and couldn't run. My terror escalated and I didn't even try to answer the next half-heard question. Hands caught my flailing arms and I jerked against them. Not again...not again, I couldn't stand being touched at that moment...not again. The small corner of my mind that my rational thought had apparently retreated to once again noted that I should stop struggling because he was the last person who would hurt me. The part of my brain controlling my actions ignored that little memo. I jerked free...or he let me go. I could sense him backing up, giving me the space I so desperately needed, but all I could see was the Monster coming after me again and again...in the courtroom, in his lair, and in the woods when I was running...my hands...my back...Nekane...Maddie...so much blood...
I gasped as the Monster lunged at me again and finally gave in to my fears. I tried to run. Strong hands caught me and I thrashed in an attempt to get free until a sharp stinging blow cracked across my cheek. I gasped again then gave up the struggle as I continued to hyperventilate, but my vision finally cleared enough for me to see Oreius watching me with unmasked concern. He said my name just as my legs gave out and I simply collapsed to the floor. I was hyperventilating and shaking and trying so hard not to sob from the remembered terror and pain. I was torn between wanting Oreius to go away before he saw me break any further and not wanting to be left alone. I also couldn't have stood and run even if Oreius would have let me...something I doubted...so I managed to swivel around until I was kneeling away from Oreius. I was still shaking, so I didn't really register when I started rocking while still hunched over my knees.
For a little while (minutes, seconds, hours, I couldn't even begin to guess), I stayed like that with only the sound of my pounding heart and my far too rapid breaths as company. I felt another sob working its way past the lump in my throat and tried to swallow it, but I don't think it worked because the next thing I knew Oreius was talking to me in a soft, gentle tone like one used with a spooked horse. "Katerina Alambiel, you are safe. Relax, shh. Let me help you. He can't hurt you anymore, I promise. Relax. Let me help you. I won't let anyone hurt you. Katerina Alambiel, relax. Breathe."
I felt him place a cautious hand on my shoulder and I shuddered but didn't try to move. I'm not sure if I was finally listening to the small corner of my mind that was chiming in about how Oreius would never hurt me or if I was reacting more like any spooked being who naturally senses whether someone means harm or not, but either way I let him pull me closer until I could feel his chest against my back. I tensed at the contact then rocked again as I struggled to breathe normally. He kept talking to me, but this time he wanted me to do something. "Katerina Alambiel, you need to relax and slow your breathing. Shh, wait just relax. Breathe. I want you to breathe with me. I know you can do it, just relax and take a breath when I do. Come on, Alambiel. There you go. Breathe. Steady now, in then out. Breathe."
I was still rocking slightly and he was rocking with me, but I was doing what he wanted as I started to take deeper, longer, shuddering breaths that nearly matched his own...his didn't shudder. I listened as he kept talking, his voice rumbling just above and behind my head. It was better than hearing the Monster's screamed threats again. Another soft sob escaped me even though I still couldn't force any words out and I felt Oreius tighten his grip on my shoulders and arms in response. Clinging to his rumbled reassurances and the sensation of being held instead of being alone was the only way I could keep my tenuous grip on the last thread of my control as more memories assaulted me.
I shut my eyes when I heard the doors open then shut and a hurried soft question. Oreius rumbled an answer, but I didn't open my eyes or pay attention to what was being said until hands touched my curled fingers. My eyes flew open as I reflexively jerked away only to stop because of Oreius holding me. Terror fought to catch me again its suffocating grasp as I met Tuulea's concerned eyes. I shivered with the sheer force of my unvoiced screams... Oreius and Tuulea didn't understand...they wouldn't have continued to gently yet determinedly uncurl my fingers if they did.
The Monster barked a coarse laugh as he grabbed my fist and forced me to stretch out my arm. He held the bright silver dagger in front of my eyes as he pulled at my fingers until they uncurled. He leaned in suddenly and I gagged at his breath as he whispered, "Time to scream, princess." I watched in horror as he brought the dagger down toward my hand.
A voice cut through my memory of the pain and terror that moment had ushered in and how I had screamed for the Monster...that first time and many times after it. "Tuulea, hurry. She's hyperventilating again." That was true. "Relax, Alambiel, and breathe. Come on, breathe with me." I was trying, believe me, I was trying. Oreius rumbled again as Tuulea released my fingers and he shifted his hands so he could cup mine, which were once again curled tight. "Sherket, do not speak a word of what you've seen or heard to anyone outside this room." She growled her assent, and then I heard Tuulea whispering to Oreius before the doors opened and closed again.
I gasped and Oreius went back to trying to calm me down by having me match my breathing to his. It took longer this time...or at least it felt that way to me, but eventually my breathing slowed again so I was no longer hyperventilating. I finally stopped rocking as terror receded only to be replaced with an overwhelming sense of grief. The few soft sobs from before had nothing on what happened next as I took a shuddering breath, then I bowed my head and harsh sobs broke free. Oreius shifted behind me and moved his arms so now they wrapped across my shoulders holding me securely against him as I lifted my hands and clung to his arm as I sobbed.
After awhile I shifted slightly to my right and dropped my forehead to touch Oreius' shoulder. He let me cry against his shoulder. All he did was continue holding me and occasionally rub my arm. I sobbed for the years lost, for my friends Nekane and Maddie whom the Monster had stolen, for Jack and Clive who were taken when I was fifteen, for the Professor who tried so hard to help me but I couldn't bring myself to let him before he died in the same train crash as Jack and Clive, for Charlie and his team who trained me before they were forced to let me go, and for everything else I had bottled up inside since it happened. I sobbed as I mourned until I finally let go of it all, something I had resisted doing until that moment.
My sobs finally quieted and I sniffed as I continued leaning against Oreius' shoulder (well, I just killed, buried, dug back up and stomped all over my pride and dignity). I straightened and stared at Oreius' shoulder as I suddenly recalled something the Professor had told me when visiting me in the hospital: "A simple friend has never seen you cry, but a real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears." The shoulder of Oreius' tunic was completely soaked from all the tears I had shed...guess what type of friend he was (the kind I didn't need my pride or dignity with for one thing).
I finally looked up to meet Oreius' cautious gaze. I felt another tear break free and quickly swiped at it. Oreius shifted his hold on me and dug into the sash of his tunic like he had when he had given me the beads on the beach after I was knighted. That time he had pulled out a box, this time he whipped out a handkerchief. I accepted the proffered handkerchief with a watery smile...a burst of unexpected and probably unintended amusement bloomed in me. My throat was sore from sobbing, but I managed to rasp, "What is it with you Narnians and handkerchiefs? Every time I turn around, someone has whipped out a handkerchief."
Oreius grinned at me, looking rather relieved that I was talking (or that I wasn't really crying anymore). "Well, they do come in handy when a friend spontaneously bursts into tears." He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes then asked softly, "Better?"
I shrugged as I balled the used handkerchief in my fist, "I guess." I paused then continued, "I'm sorry, Kentauri. For sobbing all over you, I mean. I didn't...I never intended to lose control like that."
"There's nothing to apologize for, Katerina Alambiel. I'm grateful I was here for you, besides all you did was prove that you do indeed feel."
I smirked slightly, then a sharp twinge in my left hand distracted me and I tilted my head when I saw a bandage wrapped around my hand. "What happened?"
"To your hand? I don't know, but it looks like you knocked a vase to the floor...again. And, apparently you cut the outside of your hand when you trying to pick it up."
I frowned in thought, but I couldn't summon the memory of doing that...it must have happened when I was being overwhelmed by memories, panic, and terror. "Is that what brought you in?"
"Yes."
I absently reached up to push my hair back again when my hand brushed against my cheek and I recalled something else. I tilted my head back and glared at Oreius, "You slapped me!"
Oreius nodded, "I didn't have much of a choice, Katerina Alambiel. You were panicking and struggling so hard that I feared you would cause yourself further harm."
I stared at him and saw both the truth and the unspoken apology. I nodded, accepting the silent apology. We stayed there in silence for a while. I knew Oreius desperately wanted to know what had caused my reaction, but he wouldn't press me because of his promise, and I tried to figure out what to tell him. The whole truth or only a part of the truth? I had already told the partial truth once...when I had been required to explain the scars on my back. I started to hum after a bit, only to stop when Oreius stiffened. "Where did you hear that song?"
I offered a little shrug, "I don't know...I've always known it. Why?"
He shifted so we could look one another in the eyes as he replied, "That song is a lullaby we Centaurs sing to our foals. Aslan said your mother was the Nymph daughter of a Centaur, so either she or her kin must have sung it to you."
I was silent as I processed the information that a small piece of my true heritage had traveled with me across the worlds. I sighed and Oreius finally let go of me as he rose to his feet. Pulling me up right, he turned me so he could see my face and then he tilted my chin up so our eyes met once more. He searched my eyes for something before he glanced at the water clock on my fireplace mantle and shook his head, "You don't have to come to training if you don't feel up to it. And, try to get some sleep if you can." He hesitated then asked, "Will you be all right if I leave?"
I stared at him then nodded, "Don't worry about me, Kentauri, I'll be fine." I took a step back, putting that tiny amount of distance between us then whispered, "Good night, Oreius."
He looked at me, searching one more time, and then he nodded. He glanced at the water clock again and sounded amused as he countered, "More like good morn, Katerina Alambiel." I followed his gaze to the water clock this time...it was already nearly fourth hour...well no wonder I was tired (yes, it had nothing at all to do with the emotional turmoil I had just experienced). Oreius smirked as I shrugged, then he left. I sat on the settee and watched the water clock for a little while, and then I cleaned myself up and changed into fresh clothes for training. There was no way I could sleep at that moment and if I let my memories keep me from training, I was letting the Monster win. I would not give him the control, especially when we were worlds apart.
Oreius was not surprised when I turned up in the armory, though I could see he wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. Cletus, Ardon, and the Kings all gave me sharp looks when they saw the evidence that I had been crying, but a single glare from Oreius told them to mind their own business and they listened. I had showed up, so Oreius must have decided I needed no mercy since he kept me on the same intense schedule I had been on all week. After training, I was exhausted and finally slept for a bit, helped in no small part by the fact that I was too exhausted to have nightmares. By the end of training, I had also reached the decision to trust Oreius with all of my secrets...I would talk to him that night.
ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ
I tapped my foot and crossed my arms as I regarded my eldest son through narrow eyes. Aslan knows I love my sons, but there were times when they truly tried my patience. "Your argument is nonsensical, Illusin. There is absolutely no reason you can't show interest in her."
Illusin shook his head and stamped a hoof, "You are completely ignoring the point, Mama."
I huffed, "You don't have a point, which makes it easy to ignore." Silverstone snickered while Illusin rolled his eyes, ignoring his brother. I ignored both of them as I continued, "There is no reason you should not pursue Caia. She caught your eye a year ago and you have allowed how many opportunities pass you by when you could have done something?"
Illusin groaned, honestly he acted like I was stitching a wound with nothing to numb it first. It was a simple question. Silverstone apparently couldn't resist tormenting his older brother as he cheerfully noted, "Over thirty, even though he can't resist talking to her whenever he can manage it."
Illusin swatted at Silverstone who dodged the blow easily, "We talk because we're both in the army and it's only on those types of matters. And, it has not been over thirty times, Silverstone can't count."
I gave Stonebrook a despairing look as Illusin lunged at Silverstone, but my husband refused to get involved in these discussions most of the time and tonight he was apparently engrossed in his papers. Silverstone snickered again as he taunted Illusin further, "Yesterday you were talking to her about the weather. That wasn't exactly army matters. Not to mention, you couldn't care less about whether it will be sunny or cloudy tomorrow."
I gave them an assessing look. Illusin was definitely blushing just the slightest bit though it was hard to see with his tanned skin as he glared at his brother...well, that was promising. I hadn't seen him blush before...and Silverstone was correct about how much interest Illusin gave the weather. "If that's the case, why haven't you done something about it already?"
Illusin broke off from plotting his brother's slow demise (I'm their mother I do know what they're thinking in most cases) and stared at me, "Mama, I'm a century her senior!"
Silverstone snorted and I heard Stonebrook mutter something about a wrong move as I peered up at my son, "Is that it?" He opened his mouth, but I kept talking, "Your father is a century older than I am and it didn't stop him from pursuing me."
Stonebrook chuckled softly as he lowered the paper he had been hiding behind and peered at me over the top of his reading spectacles, grey eyes twinkling as he commented, "I don't remember pursuing you, Tuulea."
Bother the details about which of us actually initiated the pursuit, Stonebrook was deliberately ignoring my point, which was he did pursue me...once he had a little encouragement. I waved his comment off and stayed focused on our eldest and most stubborn son. "That aside, my point is you've really no excuse to continue hesitating in pursuing Caia. As for the century, that doesn't even really count since you haven't even aged a few handful of years from when Jadis turned you to stone and you were barely past one hundred when that happened."
Illusin shook his head again, "Another reason not to pursue her. She needs someone who's closer to her and has known her longer than just under two years."
I threw my hands in the air, "Lion preserve us from your logic, Illusin. At this rate, I'll never get any grandchildren."
With those words, Stonebrook buried his nose in his papers again...anything to avoid the discussion of grandchildren, or rather lack thereof. Silverstone laughed while Illusin groaned, "Mama, not the grandchildren speech again."
I scowled at him, "Yes, again. I want grandchildren and it is your duty to give them to me. I don't ask much of you. It's all very simple. You get married and have children. All I'm asking is for you to show enough courtesy that I might actually get to see my grandchildren before I die. Am I really asking too much? Every mother asks the same thing, but other mothers don't seem to be blessed with sons as stubborn as you and your brother."
Silverstone stopped laughing as soon as I mentioned him in passing. Illusin heaved a longsuffering sigh then gave his father a pleading glance, "Da?"
Stonebrook didn't look up from his papers as he mildly replied, "Colt, you want your mother to stop talking about how she wants grandchildren, then you had best do as she says. Get married, have some foals, and she'll quit...or so I assume that's how it works. She'll move on to your brother in any case."
I hid a smile at how my Stonebrook glanced up just long enough to wink at me while our sons both groaned at their father's words. Illusin suddenly brightened and gave his brother a wicked grin that always boded trouble...if they broke something, I was not going to be pleased with them. "What about that pretty Nymph you've been showing such an interest in lately, Silverstone? One of the Queen's ladies-in-waiting I believe, a Birch Nymph isn't she?"
I mumbled, "Birch Nymphs tend be flighty things, but I'm past the point of being choosy about daughter-in-laws." I ignored Stonebrook's poorly muffled laugh as I continued, "Is it Amaryllis' sister?"
Silverstone glared at his brother, "No, Mama, it's not Amarantha. She's not a Birch Nymph either. That's just who she was standing next to when Illusin saw her."
"Then who is she?"
I had to hide a smile at how Silverstone hurried to cut Illusin off, "He wouldn't be able to tell you. He was too busy staring at Caia."
Oh, honestly, they acted as though I would do something horribly embarrassing if I knew who each of them was interested in. I quickly ran through the Nymphs serving the Queens as ladies-in-waiting, happily eliminating the Birch Nymphs (they really were too flighty in their nature to be a good match for Silverstone). I paused as the most likely candidate came to mind, but before I could question my sons there was a knock on our doors. Illusin and Silverstone both sighed in relief as I crossed the parlor to open the doors...I shook my head in mock disapproval of their dramatics, don't know where they got it from.
Sherket looked up at me with worry as soon as I pulled the door open. "The General asks for your assistance, Tuulea. It concerns Dame Sepphora."
I nodded, "Of course, a moment to collect my kit." I immediately walked over to where Stonebrook was watching and pulled my spare kit of medicinal supplies free of the drawer I had stuffed it in last time I used it. I paused to whisper, "It's Alambiel." He nodded but didn't say anything. We both knew that it probably wasn't good if Oreius had chosen to summon me instead of Alithia...I had trained her well and she filled my former role as head healer with more than enough skill. I pointed at my sons as I walked by, "This conversation isn't even close to being finished."
I glanced at our water clock before I joined Sherket. It was half past midnight. Walking with the Leopard Captain, I quietly ordered, "Tell me."
Sherket glanced at me, "I'm not certain what's going on but the General and I were headed back to the barracks after checking the night guard when we heard something break in Dame Sepphora's quarters. She didn't answer when we knocked, so we opened the door to find her standing by the window...she sounded distressed, but there was no one in the room except the three of us. She didn't react to our presence or to questions, I checked the other rooms while the General kept trying to catch her attention. When he finally had her attention, it was as if she didn't know him. She reacted with fear, panic. That's about the time we realized she was injured. I think she cut herself on something, but she was struggling trying to get away when the General attempted to calm her. That's when he sent me to find you."
I didn't like the news that the child was panicking because that was so far removed from the strong front she presented the world. However, I was most concerned by the fact she apparently didn't know Oreius. I braced myself for the worst as we finally reached Katerina Alambiel's quarters. Entering it was impossible to miss how Oreius was holding her still and I recognized the signs of someone who was coming off a panic attack. I motioned for Sherket to stay back as I cautiously approached; the water clock attested that it was just past first hour and who knew how long it had taken Oreius to calm Katerina Alambiel down after Sherket left. Touching Oreius' shoulder, I whispered, "Where?"
"Her hand."
I nodded as I looked to see how her hands were curled close even though Oreius had already braced her arms so they were extended out from her body. I could see the blood covering her left hand, and it was obvious that she had been hyperventilating recently. I glanced up to meet his concerned gaze, "Hold her still. I doubt she'll like this very much."
He gave a short nod then shifted his hands to better brace her arms, so she wouldn't be able to pull away. The moment I touched her fingers, her eyes flew open and she tried to jerk her hands away. I silently asked her forgiveness when I met her terror-filled gaze. Dear Aslan, what else had been done her that she was filled with such fear? I still needed to see her hand though, so with some help from Oreius I gently forced her fingers to uncurl. Once I could see her hand, it looked like a shallow cut along the base and outer edge of her palm but it had already bled quite heavily, making it seem worse at first glance. Her breathing started to pick up again and I could feel her pulse racing beneath my fingers as I worked on cleaning her cut. Oreius shifted uneasily as Katerina Alambiel's breathing continued to pick up, "Tuulea, hurry. She's hyperventilating again."
I gave the colt a patient look; after all, I could only go so fast. "Then you must calm her down again."
He grumbled under his breath as I assessed the extent of the damage to her hand. The cut wasn't deep enough to warrant stitches, so a bandage would suffice. I doubted the cut would even leave a scar when it healed. I paused a moment in my wrapping of her hand when Oreius finally started talking to Katerina Alambiel. "Relax, Alambiel, and breathe. Come on, breathe with me." He had no idea that he had slipped into calling her by her proper name that I confirmed in single upward glance. It was ironic that the young colt whose father had been one of Alambiel's primary guards now clearly protected her. As soon as I tied off her bandage and released her fingers, he cupped her hands in his as he looked over his shoulder at the Leopard Captain still sitting by the doors. "Sherket, do not speak a word of what you've seen or heard to anyone outside this room." Sherket nodded with a slight growl then I leaned in close to whisper, "Stay with her, Oreius. It's not safe to leave her alone in this state and you seem to be the only one she truly recognizes at the moment. You can leave when you feel she's recovered enough that it's safe. Send for me if she needs anything." He nodded and I slipped out the doors after Sherket.
Standing in the hall, I easily recalled the first day I had seen Katerina Alambiel.
"Tuulea! You must come and meet Katerina." I couldn't help smiling at Queen Lucy's enthusiastic call. Ah, how she did remind me of Alambiel, bright, full of life and laughter.
Emerging from the back of the room where I had been looking over the newest fabrics to arrive at the Cair, I had a smile ready for the Queen and her new friend. I nearly lost my smile when I saw Queen Lucy's companion. It was like seeing a ghost. She was Hadassah with Swanwhite's coloring, but...Jadis had offered proof of her death...
Queen Lucy smiled and tugged the ghost closer, "Tuulea, may I introduce Katerina Alambiel. Kat, this is Tuulea, she's the best seamstress in the Cair and she's the one who taught Alithia everything she knows about healing! Tuulea, Kat's going to stay with us for a while, so she needs new clothes. But, she says she won't wear dresses."
Katerina Alambiel...my Alambiel back from the dead. Oh Aslan, I never thought I would see her again this side of His Country. I quickly recovered from my speechlessness and successfully hid my shock from the Queen, Alambiel, Alithia, and Sherket.
They had no idea that as soon as they left, I had nearly run to find Stonebrook and told him that Alambiel was back, that I had seen her. My poor husband thought I had lost my mind once he calmed me down enough that he could understand what I was saying. He actually told me that I must have imagined it! I could feel a smile growing as I remembered when Stonebrook finally saw her for himself.
"Tuulea?"
Stonebrook sounded odd and, when I turned around, he looked paler than usual almost as if he had been hit by something...or had seen a ghost. I clapped my hands in glee, "You've seen her."
He nodded, "At the council meeting, their majesties have extended her a permanent invitation."
I smiled brightly at the thought of having Alambiel with us for a longer amount of time. Then, I arched an eyebrow as I stared up at my husband, "Just my imagination or even wishful thinking, love?"
He chuckled as he raised his hands in a placating gesture, "I admit I was wrong. But, Tuulea, can you blame me?"
I laughed, "Not really, but that doesn't mean I'm going to miss this opportunity to gloat."
He had thought that was funny. I remembered my stifled astonishment at the sight of Alambiel's back the first time I had her in for a true fitting. I had promised her that I wouldn't breathe a word to anyone and I had kept that promise even though I had been upset enough that Stonebrook was not happy when I refused to tell him. I had been torn between sorrow, outrage, and relief when Ardon and Alithia had come to us with Alambiel's story of a Monster who tormented her beyond what any child should have endured...the relief was only because now Stonebrook also knew of the secret I had been carrying for her. What I had seen tonight, however, told me she had received far worse hurts than she had previously confessed.
Entering our quarters, I wasn't surprised to see Stonebrook still reading his papers waiting up for me to come back...I also wasn't surprised to see that Illusin and Silverstone were nowhere to be found. He looked up as I closed the doors. Setting his papers down and pulling off his reading spectacles, he searched my face for a clue to my thoughts. "Your sons made their escape back to the barracks not long after you left. How is she?"
I shrugged, "I don't know. It was a minor cut, nothing serious but she had such terror in her eyes..." I trailed off, and then took a breath before I brought up one of the few things my husband and I argued about. "We need to tell her."
"No."
He rose as I protested, "She needs to know, Stonebrook. We have the information. She's supposed to be looking for it anyway. Why can't we tell her who she is, who her family is? She deserves to know and-"
"Tuulea, no. We cannot tell her. She has to find out on her own. She needs to rediscover her memories on her own, Tuulea. You can't help her, not with this."
But, I wanted to! I hated the fact that she believed herself to be an orphan who was unwanted by her family. Nothing could be further from the truth. "So, we don't come out and say it. Can we not point her in the right direction for the genealogies?"
Stonebrook was shaking his head before I even finished speaking. "No, Tuulea. We can't interfere in any way. That is the word given to us by Oberon. And, you promised you would not try to drop any hints to her or anyone else about who she really is."
I scowled, "I promised, and I will keep my promise...it's not as though you would allow me to forget it. But, that doesn't mean I have to like it."
He sighed, "I know, Tuulea, I know. I don't appreciate it much myself, but we gave our word."
So we did... Later I lay wide-awake while Stonebrook slept until I got up and walked over to the window. The only reason really that Alambiel's true identity had not been discovered yet was due to the fact that Lew had been so very protective of his youngest child and only daughter. He had been over-protective actually, keeping her out of the eyes of all save the inner circle for as long as he could manage it. Of those who had known her, only a few of us had survived Jadis' tyranny and only Stonebrook and I had returned to serve the Royals in Cair Paravel. It was ironic that Oreius had called her simply "Alambiel" since I was certain he didn't in any way associate her with the young Princess he had spent time with when he was a very young colt. I sighed as I sat down on the bed, this time at Stonebrook's back. Keeping this secret was going to drive me insane.
I needed to distract myself. Propping myself up on my elbow, I listened to Stonebrook's steady breathing as I mulled over everything I had seen and heard, not just tonight, but since Alambiel had come back. I paused as I replayed the interactions between her and Oreius that I had witnessed. Hmm, perhaps, just perhaps I could see- I jumped when Stonebrook interrupted my thoughts, "Tuulea, I can hear you plotting."
I giggled, "You cannot! And, I'm not plotting...I was just putting together some pieces that are forming an extremely interesting picture. It's about Alambiel and-" I cut myself off with a small yelp when Stonebrook suddenly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to land on the other side of him.
"Tomorrow, you can plot all you want about Alambiel and whoever you've decided would be a good match for her. You can even tell me about your theories. But not tonight, tomorrow."
I could not keep from pointing out one little thing, "It is tomorrow."
Stonebrook closed his eyes as he responded by tugging me closer and muttering, "You're not going to be happy until you've matched everyone in Narnia, are you?"
I giggled, "Only those who are truly single, dear." He grumbled under his breath about matchmaking healers and Nymphs as mates... Oh, that reminded me. I tapped Stonebrook lightly on the cheek. "Do you know which Nymph has caught Silverstone's eye?"
He didn't bother to open his eyes as he groaned, "Tuulea, sleep." I giggled in response, but obediently stopped poking my half-asleep husband. I would put all of the pieces together eventually for everything I was contemplating, and until Alambiel rediscovered her past, I could focus on convincing my stubborn sons that they were just being silly about delaying marriage and grandchildren.
ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ
21 Mayblossom 1002
I watched in silence as Katerina Alambiel paced the length of her parlor. The shadows under her eyes weren't as bad as they had been when she showed up at training in spite of my suggestion that she not come. I had a feeling that she was finally going to tell me everything else she had been holding back. I understood her better now than when I first asked the boon of the lowering of her shields. Learning what she had gone through when she was the same age Peter had been when he and his siblings had come to Narnia not quite two years...the thought still made my blood boil. No one deserved the treatment that had earned her scars, especially not at such a tender age. I understood now why she was so resistant to the idea of lowering her guard and trusting another to be her shield. I had asked a lot more of her than I had realized that night six months ago.
Watching her pace, trying to figure what to say or how to say it, I acknowledged the grim truth that Katerina Alambiel had actually suffered even more than she had confessed two months ago based on how she had acted last night. The itch to go hunt down this Monster myself returned with vengeance. Katerina turned at that moment and a sad smile appeared on her lips but it didn't reach her eyes. "It would be quite the feat, Kentauri, if you managed to hunt down the Monster when he's an entire world away."
I rubbed the back of my neck, "That obvious am I, Katerina Alambiel?"
She nodded, "You are. However, if anyone deserved to meet you in a bad mood, it would be the Monster."
I shook my head at her, but was heartened by how she had given me a true smile that time. I didn't know how to help her specifically, other than to allow her to take the lead. She brushed a loose strand of hair out of her eyes then dropped to sit on the rug. She peered up at me in silence and I raised an eyebrow. She muttered, "This is going to be harder than I thought."
I sank down to the floor directly across from her and finally spoke up as her muttered comment peaked my curiosity, "What do you mean? Have you not discussed this before with others?"
"What others?"
I shrugged, "Tuulea, Alithia, your Charlie, or the Professor you've mentioned. You must have spoken to someone about this before now."
She shook her head and waved her right hand in a clear negative, "Oh no, Kentauri. I don't talk about my past or my ghosts or anything else personal that I can avoid...ever. Offers have been made to hear me out and reminders have been given that I need to confide in someone, but I never acted on any of them."
I frowned in spite of my best efforts not to as I realized Katerina Alambiel had probably been holding in every fear, every feeling of despair and loneliness and guilt, for more than a few years. No wonder she had broken down so completely last night...and now she was already attempting to put the pieces back together regardless of help. "Why?"
A bitter smile twisted her lips as she glanced away then looked back at me with hard eyes as she softly answered, "Because I couldn't let anyone in. I had to be stronger than that. The trials of the Monster were highly publicized and there were all these crowds of people judging the Monster, judging me. They all came to the same two conclusions: She's a liar and possibly worse or that poor girl who would ever want her now that she's been damaged. Pity or skepticism, that's it. It was humiliating and then tiresome because I never knew if someone offering to be a friend, a confidant, was doing it out of a genuine interest in me or because they were trying to learn some new salacious detail that the rumor mill hadn't already churned out. Half the time I was treated like some poor invalid who must pitied and the other half of the time they treated me like a pariah."
She paused and I took the opportunity to comment, "Katerina Alambiel, you were a child when this happened. Why didn't you accept the help? Your experience would easily crush an adult, a veteran warrior."
Her eyes snapped up to meet mine and I could see a blue fire in them as she snapped, "I am not a victim!" Her fierce declaration defiantly challenged me to even suggest that the Monster had turned her into a helpless victim.
Understanding came in a flash as to why she had insisted on participating in her training routine that morning. Control of her emotions, her actions, her very life would not be surrendered even to a Monster now regulated to her memories. I inclined my head as I solemnly replied, "No. You're a survivor."
She hesitated then she nodded, accepting that I did indeed understand what she was trying to say. "Yes, I survived...and I should not have." She took a breath then continued before I could say a word, "Oreius, I was barely thirteen and I survived torture, both physical and mental, that would challenge an adult to live through. And, then I somehow managed to escape his lair, escape him, when I should have been too wounded to move. Not even adrenaline could account for that feat, not completely anyway. The doctors, healers, said I should have died just from the blood loss alone and they couldn't explain how I not only survived but regained full use of my hands when the healing process shouldn't have been so thorough or relatively fast. The Professor laughed at that, he would say that it was my own personal miracle and a sign of our Lord working in mysterious ways. I suppose though that was actually a sign of my Narnian heritage...the faster healing rate and greater endurance."
I hesitated then nodded, "It makes sense to me that your Narnian heritage was protecting you to an extent. Not to mention, you are too stubborn to die when someone orders you to do so."
She smiled a little at that, then she tucked her hair behind her ear again as more strands escaped the messy bun she had pulled her hair into earlier before she quietly continued talking. "Either way, those people whom I would have trusted with my fears all disappeared from my life due to one reason or another. The Professor, Clive, and Jack, they were killed in...an accident when I was fifteen. Almost immediately after that I was taken from Charlie and his wife, who had been acting as my foster parents, and placed in a crowded foster home but I was almost immediately booted from it when they found out I was the girl associated with the serial killer, the Monster. In spite of how fast I was bouncing from home to home and that they were on standby as reserve military, Charlie and his team took turns being on my protection detail or if they weren't on the detail, they would come an sit in the courthouse so I would have at least one true friendly face in the crowd. You know, I have no idea how they managed that, but then not even six months later Charlie and the majority of his team were killed in combat. By the time I was sixteen I was essentially alone and I was old enough that the defense team for the Monster had started to suggest I had either lied about the Monster or was trying to blame him for things I had helped another do."
She sighed then continued in an even softer whisper, "Everyone I could trust was gone by the time I was almost ready to consider finally taking them up on their offers of help. So, I put up another layer of shields and retreated into a world of books and my drawings as part of my method of coping with everything. I didn't dare let myself mourn. I was by myself and there was no one I could trust to catch me when I fell. I just forced myself to stand back up and tamped down on those feelings. To give in to them became the same as giving in to the Monster again. He already made me scream for him, I wasn't going to let him control me again no matter how tenuously. Most of the time, I'm fine and no one can see through the mask. What they can't see, doesn't exist. If I can fool the world around me, some days I can fool myself into thinking that I'm not pretending when I say I'm fine."
I understood the idea of hiding one's true feelings behind a mask that would convince the outside everything was well on the inside. I used that method often but not for the reasons Katerina Alambiel used it. I was the General, the leader of my people, and I couldn't afford to let them see if I was despairing or fearful of a situation...that had been especially true during the Hundred Year Winter. I understood very well, but she needed to say something else, I could see it in her eyes as she waited for me to judge her. I chose not to say anything, instead I inclined my head to acknowledge I had heard and understood her words. She tilted her head as she studied me closely, searching, I guess, for any hint of either deception or worse pity. When she nodded, I finally voiced a question that had troubled me all day. "Why didn't you tell me this before? Such as after you were knighted. I thought you would and then when you didn't, I assumed you were talking to Tuulea or Alithia since you never breathed a word of it during our Sixthday talks."
She hesitated before answering as she ran her thumb over the lion and cross pendants. "Because I was hurt by how you doubted my intentions when we were dealing with the Muhuru and Jambres. I didn't know if the lack of trust you showed meant that I shouldn't try to trust you because you might use the things I confided to you as a way to hurt me the next time you didn't see me as trustworthy."
I winced at the brutally blunt truth she offered, I was not proud of how I had doubted her word because of the evidence presented against her. However, my first loyalty was to Aslan and the Royals...I had had to suspect everyone the evidence indicated due to that simple fact alone. Meeting her steady gaze, she nodded slightly and I saw her own understanding of the situation even though it had hurt her. Still... "I am sorry, Katerina Alambiel."
She smiled faintly, "I know." I believed she did and not just where my apology was concerned. She toyed with her necklace again before she gave me an indecipherable look. "In any case, I've reached my decision." I didn't even have the chance to ask what she was talking about as she twisted slightly to her right so she could face me directly. "I, Katerina Alambiel, do ask thee, Oreius son of Cadfael, to act as mine shield for as long as I require it of thee 'til the day I do release thee from thy vow."
For a moment, I said nothing as the utter unexpectedness of her request, formal request, impacted me. I had only given my oath of fealty and protection to those who by Aslan's law possessed it by right, the Four and my tribe. I took a breath, "I, Oreius son of Cadfael, do swear to thee, Katerina Alambiel, that I shall act as thy shield for as long as thou requires it of me 'til the day thou does release me of mine vow." I paused allowing the vow to resonate between us, and then I quietly repeated, "For as long as you need me, I promise to be there for you as your shield."
She nodded then she gave me a strange look, "What else should I tell you, Kentauri?"
I was not so foolish as to not recognize the open invitation for me to take all her secrets and ease that burden. I paused before I challenged her to use the vow she had just extracted from me, "Tell me everything."
She lowered her head for a brief moment, and then she smiled at me. "You never make it easy for me, do you, Oreius?"
"No."
"All right, be warned it's going to take a while and I'm only telling you everything I've not told you before about the Monster." I nodded, ignoring the slight twinge of guilt over the fact that I knew something about her Monster that she did not. The High King had forbidden me from saying anything and I could not, would not, disobey him unless it was a matter of life or death. Though I hoped to convince him to change his mind concerning those documents soon.
In the meantime, however, I settled in and listened as she shared every detail about what she had witnessed and experienced at the Monster's hands. I could tell when it was hardest for her to talk, but she once again demonstrated why she was a survivor as she pressed through and let me share the burden of the memories of that experience. My opinion of her only rose that night as I learned what she somehow had overcome in order to still hang on to that hope of there being people who deserved her trust and her friendship. She didn't weep, I think she had wept for it all the night before. I respected her and silently marveled at the strength of will she demonstrated not only as I listened but as I remembered how she had reacted to everything since I met her in that glade as she held a tree branch and stared at me with a silent promise of a beating if I had intended to harm Queen Lucy. She could act like a lunatic at times, but I was more than willing to act as her shield. I understood better than most ever would, and I would not let her forget that she was not alone, that I was by her side. I did not know what future challenges would occur but it was my hope that I never failed in my promise to be her shield, her protector.
ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ
When You Are a Soldier ~ Steven Curtis Chapman
Verse 1:
When you are a soldier I will be your shield
I will go with you into the battlefield
And when the arrows start to fly
Take my hand and hold on tight
I will be your shield, 'cause I know how it feels
When you are a soldier
Verse 2:
When you're tired from running
I will cheer you on
Look beside you and you'll see you're not alone
And when your strength is all but gone
I'll carry you until you're strong
And I will be your shield 'cause I know how it feels
When you're a soldier
Bridge:
I will be the one you can cry your songs to
My eyes will share your tears
And I'll be your friend if you win
Or if you're defeated
Whenever you need me I will be here
Verse 3:
When you're lost in the darkness I will hold the light
I will help you find your way through the night
I'll remind you of the truth
And keep the flame alive in you
And I will be your shield
'Cause I know how it feels
When you are a soldier
I Will ~ Lady Firewing
When you're lost and you're lonely
Doesn't matter
I'll be there by your side
Through the cold and the lonely nights
When you feel like giving up
Know that you've got a friend
I'll be with you until the very end
Chorus:
When the waves they
Crash over
Don't you worry
We'll stand together
I'll hold you steady
'Cause you need a rock
I'll be your rock
Bridge:
And though it seems hard
To find the light
Know that the tunnel will soon be bright
Open your eyes
ӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁӁ
A/N: Please Read and Review! Okay, my little jaunt through the between times turned into a monster didn't it? So, this is the last chapter for Shields...I do admit it is the longest chapter I have ever written even without the disclaimers, songs, and author notes. Now, that this is finally finished I can go back to work on Revealed and a few other projects...but mainly Revealed. Click the big blue button below and let me know what y'all thought about this chapter.