The evening was cold and she pulled the children closer to her as they shuffled and shivered their way through the crowded New York streets to get to the hospital. By now she no longer needed to ask the way at the reception desk, she could walk it in her sleep. As they neared the ward they were cornered by one of the nurses with a big smile plastered on her face. Mary had been waiting for this news for so long she could hardly believe it. Teresa was awake. Her beautiful, strong, stubborn little baby had come back to her. Despite the warnings of possible long term damage and amnesia, she had pulled through and that was all that mattered. She practically ran to her daughter's bedside. "Hello Mammy." she smiled weakly, her voice horse and quiet, little over a whisper.
"Hello my darlin'" Mary could feel the tears pricking her eyes. There were three little pairs of hands tugging at her skirts, he stepped aside so Melissa could she her sister, lifted Sean up to sit on the bed and pulled Allen up to her hip so he could also see better. Her heart soared for the first time in ages as her girls hugged and her eldest son looked on protectively. Little Allen buried his face in her neck and she could feel him smiling as he excitedly kicked his legs, he was getting too big for her to carry but it was a special occasion. The four of them where soon lost in conversation and the usually quiet Melissa takes the place of her sister, leading the conversation. She takes this opportunity to set Allen down on the bed next to his brother, who lays an arm round his neck and shoulders without looking up from the conversation, and crosses the ward to find Jim. He is how he was, how he has seemingly always been and Mary is beginning to wonder if all those flowers and dances and trips to Dublin, leaving the kids with his parents while they go to the Volta, where all just dreams. She once again takes hold of his hand, large and padded as always but without his strong grip and the gentle caress of his thumb. His hand is warm but feels cold in hers as it does not radiate the heat it once did. Many would blame Teresa for her husband's current state, many of the people who she told her story to did, but she blamed herself. She should have stopped Teresa from leaving the lifeboat, she should have tried harder and she shouldn't have kissed that wicked man, she shouldn't have done that to Jim and she shouldn't have lied about it to him either.
She remembered the look in his eyes, the rage, the jealousy, the hurt. She hurt him. Everything he had done for her and she hurt him. She remembered the unconvinced look he gave her when she told him it was him she wanted, why couldn't he see how much he meant to her? Why couldn't she have seen what he meant to her? His eyes were now shut, he couldn't show any emotions, he couldn't see anything, and he might never open them again his beautiful brown eyes.
A small hand took her free one. She looked down to see Sean looking up at her, she couldn't loose hope for their sake, she couldn't give them false hope either, she could really use Jim's advice right now. She laid Jim's hand down to rest on his chest on top of the covers, as he had every night for as long as she'd known except now she was not resting her head on his other arm which would snake down to her back and press a warm hand there, her face nuzzled into his neck. There where always nights one of them, usually her, would face away from the other one after an argument or a disagreement but they would always wake up the same in the morning. Everything was always OK in the morning.
She lead Sean away and towards Teresa's bed, she knew they would want to see their Da but she didn't think she was up to seeing the upset on their little faces, not after the great news of Teresa.
The time flew by as the little family sat there together, occasionally talking, filling in missed events but skipping all the grizzly bits, but mainly just sitting and lying there, enjoying being in each others company. Eventually the time came when the nurses would sweep all the visitors out of the hospital. Mary sent the children near the door to but on their discarded hats, coats and gloves while she bent down, kissed Teresa's cheek, stroked her hair and told her she would be back again tomorrow. Just before she could stand up she heard her daughter whisper "Where's Da?" the pain in her little girls voice was unbearable.
"He's over there darlin', he's in a bed over there (she pointed in the direction of the bed near the door, though she knew Teresa would never be able to see it lying down) don't you worry about him." Teresa could see through her mother's charade, she could always tell when people were lying.
"Is he awake, can I see him, can I talk to him?" hope shining in her eyes, she knew the possibility was slim but she had to know. The saddened expression on her Ma's face told her everything.
"Not yet." Once again Mary bent down, kissed her cheek and said "I'll be back to see you tomorrow."
"Do you blame me Ma, it's my fault isn't it?" Mary's blood ran cold.
"No, of course not darlin', of course not, don't you ever go thinking that."
AN- Have I got Allen and Sean the wrong way round?