Chapter 18

The rain had slowed to a drizzle and the water could be seen through the air. The air smelled clean and fresh with the scent of water as the sound trickled through the cracked window. It was clichéd but it worked in its soothing properties as Angela stared out the window holding her mug. It had been nearly two, maybe three hours since she patched up the boys and made them comfortable on their beds in Hell's Outhouse. Those three hours allowed for a lot of thinking time.

In the beginning she wanted to curse Dean for even mentioning how he felt about her. It only served to tell her that she never really thought about it completely. She first heard it from Sam and she accepted in her usual fashion but the curse of a good memory forced it to crop up and she had been forced to really think about it.

At first she thought she could get used to the idea and she had been careful about how she acted especially around Sam. She thought to hide her recovery problems and of course he saw right through it. She was holding the result in her hands and she couldn't believe she was actually holding a mugful in her hands.

Angela knew that she needed a second mug. She could feel the scratches from Joseph wanting to heal and her tiredness and lethargy was creeping in. She couldn't give in to the want to sleep; not with the boys in their condition. Her own pain could be put aside since she was made of tougher stuff and the fact that even retarded, her healing was superior to normal humans.

Angela looked down at the mug and the dark liquid. She had drunk her first mugful in years in front of one of the few people that truly believed she was worth the time and effort. She didn't have to have him there and he even offered to go into the bathroom so she could be alone. It was just one more thing that reminded her that she wasn't human. She remembered mentioning to Dean that she could remember what being human was like. Truth be told, she missed it.

It wasn't easy.

It wasn't easy to live and watch time go by; watching people be born, age and die. Living was an agony since she really couldn't age and die. She could be killed and die that way and hell she nearly died of exposure and yet there was someone or something that wanted her back. There was always another battle to fight and all roads led to a path that she avoided like the plague. That road she wasn't looking forward to at all.

Angela continued to look at the dark liquid. She could smell its smell. It wasn't fresh otherwise it would have a different tang to the odor. Funny how she could always smell blood and whether it was fresh or not. Then again they made sure of that. The funny thing was that Dean and Sam found it rather cool though Sam was more reserved about it. In fact much of what she could do may have scared them at first or they were forming their opinion, or something, but now they thought it was neat.

The telekinetic ability amused them. Both have teased her about being a showoff and Sam even commented that she had been practicing. Then there was that fluke with the Venator. The ability was channeled into her natural and trained fighting talent and she was able to give the Venator a good ass kicking. Dean found it handy when she went into cooking mode.

The telepathic was more of a fluke than anything. The order force tested the range of her ability. She could 'talk' to people in their minds when she focused. There was also the empath feature which was what she had used to calm Barcalow and Sam. It made her feel bad to even use it on Sam and in the beginning he told her to show him on him.

Then there was her vamping out. She had glowing eyes and she could elongate her eye teeth so she looked like the old movie vamps. The boys had never really seen her do both. In fact all she did most of the time was her eyes. Dean said she looked like one of those comic book characters when her eyes glowed and she was throwing her chakram or wielding Absolution and he said it in an affectionate and teasing manner.

She had to admit that she was fond of the boys. She had known them all their lives practically. She flitted through time as they grew up, checking in on them and making sure that they stayed out of trouble though she could proudly admit that was both their middle names. She never thought that she would become that attached to them as much as she did. She had convinced herself that she was keeping a promise to Mary even after she died. Then there was John's appeal to her.

She did become attached to people she got to know. Some places she stayed nearly a year or a few depending on the situation. Yet with Sam, Dean, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Ash, it was different. That much she could say and it sort of explained why she was comfortable in referring to the boys as hers. She was aware that she had called them as such when she made her plans and when she encountered the Lupei in the mine. She had referred to them as hers even in her mind and she had never objected to it, knowing that whenever she referred to them as such it felt right.

Again Angela looked at the dark liquid in her mug. As she did the old question popped up. Why would the Winchester boys ever think she was worth the time and effort? She certainly went along with the being partners label. That was acceptable and she used the term loosely since she had partners before the brothers and as she explained to Sam, few ever bothered to stick around afterwards. She did have to admit that it was partially her fault on that note since her reputation as a warrior as well as being an Ice Queen was well known.

Angela turned to look at the two Winchesters sleeping. Sam was looking a little bit better. Dean needed some persuasion and a liberal dosing of her best pain meds. The man was hell bent on being stubborn with her. And he thought she was bad when he was bossing her! She gave a tired smile at the thought. They were very much alike and yet very different.

"Are you going to drink that or are you like a connoisseur and let it breathe?"

Angela glanced at the boys. The voice hadn't woken them up and it wasn't like she was asleep… or was she? She turned to look at the owner of the voice and asked, "Am I dreaming Wosret?"

Wosret couldn't blame Angela for thinking the way she was. It would certainly explain a lot if she was dreaming but not this time. She replied, "You're very much awake. I am here but if they were to wake up, they wouldn't be able to see me."

Angela sighed in some relief. It was bad enough she mentioned the declaration that she never fell asleep on the job and Sam teased her about it on occasion. At least it wasn't another guest that had the bad habit of cropping up when things went south. She replied, "You gods just love to make it seem like I'm crazy when I'm talking to nothing there."

"I believe the appropriate retort is: it's not my fault you can actually see the spirit realm," Wosret replied gently and with a slight smile.

Angela made a slight scoffing noise. That was usually the case. It wasn't anybody's fault unless she wanted to go the route of blaming God and she would technically be right. She looked at Dean who was looking more comfortable now that she had him pumped on the really good stuff. She had to because of his kidneys. At that moment Dean decided to mutter something and, much to Angela's embarrassment, it was very clear, "You look beautiful my queen. I am glad to have defeated the jabberwocky for you." He then made a slight frown and muttered, "Shut up Sam Hare."

Wosret heard and raised her brow in surprise. Did she just hear right? She glanced at Angela who was trying hard not to laugh but at the same time was pinching the bridge of her nose out of sheer embarrassment. She asked, "Did he…?"

Angela answered with a slight nod but still refused to look at the goddess. "He thinks he's in Wonderland and it becomes pronounced when he's on the good stuff or feverish."

"Huh. Interesting." Wosret looked up from the hunter and at Angela who was turning her mug round and round. "So it is true then, you don't really drink the stuff do you?"

"I haven't in years," Angela replied. She glanced at Sam and added, "But a persistent Winchester persuaded me."

Wosret watched as Angela looked over at Sam. The boy looked worse than his brother and she could hardly believe that this was the same one that defeated Lykos to become the champion of the tournament. The look that Angela was giving him was something to think about. It was different from when she looked at Dean. She replied, "I take it he made a very good case."

"Not really," Angela replied. "He… made me think about a few things."

I'll bet he did. Wosret had the thought without any malice. She replied, "I take it that's the reason why you're staring at another cupful of the stuff."

"A little." Angela looked at the mug and gave a slight smile. "I still have trouble believing that their gestures and words are genuine."

"From what I hear and the reports the Centurion has, they are."

"Genuine in the job, Wosret. They do the job of saving people and hunting things but the emotions are genuine especially when it concerns each other." Angela made a slight chuckle at a thought. She then continued, "They are quick to pounce on any bastard who tries to hurt the other and they watch out for each other."

"Seems like they do the same for you," Wosret added, eager to put Angela into the equation. "Dean gave you restricted duty after what happened in that place called Darby. Sam brought you that." She pointed at the mug. "Seems to me that you fit in that equation somewhere too." She peered at Angela trying to discern the look on her face.

"Not really. I give them more trouble than help them fix it. I couldn't even make it so the deal was mine. Sam died on my watch and I couldn't do anything about it and it all stemmed from the fact that I set Azazel free."

"And yet you were there to make things right. You created a champion and in the process are attempting to save a soul from the pit. How is that any different than what they do for you?"

Angela frowned slightly. She felt a slight burst of anger and in that moment she downed the cup and turned to put it on the table as she headed towards the bathroom. "It is misguided since I bring misfortune." She turned to look at Wosret with narrowed eyes. "I am not worth anyone's time Wosret."

Wosret watched as Angela's eyes began to glitter. She could feel pain, self-loathing and confusion. From her understanding she was happy the first hundred years of her life. Did death change a person that much? What of the reasons to come back from Isis' domain? It was a question that only Angela could answer if she took the time to do it. At this rate, it would be better for the goddess to calm her down. She replied, "Then why did you come back?"

"What do you mean?"

Wosret knew that she could make this into a dance or she could get straight to the point. Their mutual acquaintance said that being blunt was the best route. It wasn't like she feared what Angela could do to her but if she could make her aware of the others in the room, then it might prevent anything from getting out of hand and Angela would do something that she would regret many lifetimes over. She replied, "I know you've died before. And I know that you have been to the place between realms. In the beginning you could be sent back but now you have to make the choice. Why do you come back to a place where you face nothing but misery?"

The sudden burst of anger that Angela felt died out. Wosret had asked a question she always asked herself even after the choice was made. Why did she come back? Isis would have willingly accepted her choice but then the dicks with wings would have found a way to bring her back. They were that desperate for Absolution. The pit would have been cakewalk and she would have willingly dished it out on the demons. She paused and looked away to think and her gaze happened to fall on the sleeping boys. The answer was clearly in front of her but it felt like a dream and that was the scary part.

Wosret could see the look of indecision on Angela's face. It was like the girl didn't know completely why she chose to come back to this realm and face more of the same. A cruel joke would have been that she was a glutton for punishment but Wosret knew better. She may be a young goddess but she could see into hearts and souls. The answer was there and while it was not completely discovered, it was partially there.

Angela took a breath as she ran through her memories of the past year, even the painful portions. They played out as she examined them. She defended the brothers against the toughest of the things they had hunted so far. She fought against her own creation to protect someone because of the demon blood thing. She taught them both how to better defend themselves against the things they have yet to see. She told Dean to kill her because she thought that if she could take a small part of his pain away, then it would be all right. She kept coming back even after they separated. She let loose her wrath on Lupei to get to them. Why did she come back?

Swallowing slightly since the taste of blood was still in her mouth, she replied, "For them. I couldn't leave them alone."

It wasn't a complete answer to Wosret but she could see that Angela would need more time to think about it. It would suffice for now. She replied, "I see. I will leave you be since you have a long night ahead of you."

"Thank you Wosret."

The room was dark save for the digital luminescence of the clock that came with the room. It probably would have been better if it was an analog clock and the second hand could be ticking. Then again that would be nerve wracking and even more clichéd. The quiet was welcome even though it was a thunderous silence. It was only broken by the slight moaning that was attempting to remain quiet.

Angela slowly opened her eyes. She knew that she had fallen asleep on duty but it was a light sleep. She was still coherent enough to pick up any sound and plus she had fallen asleep on a rather uncomfortable chair in an upright position. She really wasn't asleep and that enabled her to pick up on the sounds that were coming her way.

Sitting up straight in her chair, she turned towards her left. Dean was still out like a light. His breathing was normal and he didn't seem to be in any pain. His nose was still swollen but it would heal straight since it had been set. It was then she turned to the right and taking a good look, she could tell that Sam was going to wake up and probably in a panic. She stood up and went to his bedside just as he opened his eyes. As expected he started to panic and he managed to get out in a heated whisper, "D-Dean?"

It was second nature to reach out and touch Sam's forehead. She ran her fingers through his locks and said, "Dean is fine Sam. Just lie still."

Sam looked up at her and studied her face for a while. The first thing that came out in that whisper was, "You need more."

Angela knew what he was referring to. He still thought of others before his own pain. She gave a slight smile and replied, "Don't worry about that."

"Don't hurt yourself…"

"It's okay Sam. I remember." Angela ran her fingers through his locks as she looked at the treated injuries. Her mind went into the focused mode as she checked mental lists. "Now where does it hurt?"

"Ribs and side."

Angela patted Sam's forehead and bent to take a look at the stitches. She had to make sure they weren't infected or none were ripped. It was a relief that wasn't the case but that didn't make it hurt any less. Besides he was sporting bruised and broken ribs and that didn't help much. She replied, "Well no infection and no ripped stitches. How's your leg?"

Sam swallowed slightly as he looked up at nothing in particular. "Aches but not as bad as…"

"I understand. Let me get you something. Stay there."

Angela went quietly like a predator stalking its prey in order to not wake Dean. She opened up her medical kit and pulled out the bottle of painkillers. She was tempted to give him the same stuff as she did Dean but she was certain that Sam didn't want to be put too far into loopy land. She pulled out that vial all the same and went to get a glass of water. She returned and found Sam struggling to sit up, trying to help her out. "What did I say about lying still?"

"I'm not a dog," Sam managed to retort. He winced as he tried to prop himself on his elbows. It was the least he could do.

"The puppy dog eyes say different," Angela replied softly. She took the vial with the less potent stuff. If he felt uncomfortable after taking one of those, she could give the good stuff to him. She popped out two of the pills and held them out to Sam. She helped him up so he could take a sip of water without choking on it.

Sam popped the pills in and took a small sip. The water felt good going down. His throat had been parched since he woke up. After popping the pills, he gently took her hand that was holding the glass and took another sip. "Thanks." He closed his eyes to ease the pain. He squeezed his eyes tight.

Angela put the glass down on the table just in case Sam needed more. She made a slight face as if she didn't know what to do while she watched Sam's face contort in pain. It was going to be a while before the meds kicked in. "Do you need anything else?"

"Just…"

Angela gave a short nod. It was probably a bad idea but it was the only thing she could think of. She could read out loud since that was guaranteed to put Sam out but it didn't seem enough. Gently she started easing Sam up and muttered apologies when he hissed in pain.

He responded by trying to help since he felt the need to shift a little. He told her that it was all right and that she didn't need to apologize. It didn't register that she was sitting on his bed and his head was in her lap until she felt her hands run through his hair. "What are you doing?"

"Did you want me to read?"

Sam heard the uncertainty in her voice. She could read since he had a track record of falling asleep when she read out loud. The uncertainty though stopped him. He recognized that if he didn't say or do anything, she would retreat and probably shut down. It bothered him that if she felt that way, she would hide. Anyone else would call it cowardice on her part but… "No. I was just wondering what you were doing."

It had been a bold move. Angela could admit that. She could also claim that her conversation with Wosret had shot her usual sense to hell. That had left her thinking and she worked herself into exhaustion by the time she sat in her chair to keep vigil. She certainly had done a lot of thinking and it was still doing its work in her mind. "I thought I would try something new. You were squeezing your eyes shut. First thought was concussion."

Sam looked up at the ceiling and thought about that statement. He could recognize deflection and he picked up on it but he wasn't going to badger her about it. He was tired and achy and truth be told, her stroking his head felt good. It was like a gentle massage on his head and it was sore too. "Feels nice."

"Good because I seriously doubt Bram Stoker is a good choice in this situation," Angela replied not looking down. Rather she was scanning around the room to detect any potential threat. It was the job and she would defend the boys.

Sam continued to stare up at the ceiling. He replied, "To be honest, I wouldn't be listening to the words. You have a nice voice."

Angela gave a slight snort. "I sing a morning wakeup call and suddenly I have a nice voice. You've improved on the flattery, Sam."

"Only because it's the truth."

Angela gave a hum as she ran her hands gently on Sam's forehead and down his hair. "You really believe that even though I've done nothing but gotten you and Dean in trouble. I…" She became silent not quite sure how to say it. "I'm just glad I am able to get you out of it."

Sam couldn't help but smile. It was like her to hide behind a comment like that. It told him that she was pleased with the compliment, which was an honest one. He liked her voice when she sang or read. It was easy to fall asleep to it and he could feel the drowsiness settle in as well as the pain meds kicking in. It certainly helped with what she was doing. He closed his eyes to let sleep drift in. "That's what family does."

Angela watched as Sam drifted off. She wasn't going to move unless she had to so she was stuck until morning. She just continued to stroke Sam's head as a means of something to do.

"Nice work sis."

Angela turned her head to see Dean's head turned towards her. His eyes were open but she could tell that they were glassy. It was dark but she could see and she was definitely seeing a glassy eyed expression. He was looking at her and giving a dopey smile. He was really out of it and she half expected him to mention something about his adventures in Wonderland. She returned the smile with one of her own and replied, "And the queen is pleased with you. Go back to sleep Dean."

"Not the queen, sister."

Before Angela could say anything, Dean drifted off to sleep. Her mouth was open but she shut it in a smile. That was twice Dean talked to her about being family and he was determined to have the last word on that discussion. Of course Sam said his piece and then there was Wosret who got her to think about it.

Angela still thought that she wasn't worth the effort but she was aware of what time spent in the company of the boys did for her. Sam was especially persistent in that and Dean was the same in his own way. They looked out for her as she did for them. She called them her boys and would do anything for them.

Once Ellen told her on one of her visits that family wasn't about blood; it was about the people that you would live, breathe and fight for. At the time Angela thought that she was telling her just to tell her and she humored her. She knew Ellen had told her once or twice that she was like her own daughter.

She then thought about Joseph's pack. They were not related by blood but they were a pack. They were family. Gerald Ellis raised Joseph as his own son. Maybe she, the stray puppy that came to Bobby's house and stayed, was of worth to someone. She could get comfortable with that. She continued to stroke Sam's head until the first rays of the morning sun shone through. They would stay a couple of days and get used to the feeling of being considered family.

A/N: Looks like Angie had a lot of thinking to do and came to certain conclusions and acceptance of the idea of family. Gotta give Dean the kudos for that as they take some R&R until their next adventure in episode 2.09 Honor unto Death...