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Wishing you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas with love, hope and happiness for the New Year!
To Adt216, whose kindness and patience is endless.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
-The Parting-
The first step is to face the facts…
It's Sunday, the last day of my parents visit.
I'm not good at goodbyes, but really, who is? I swallow the lump in my throat as Renee passes me the bread with a sad smile.
We're having our final Sunday lunch together before I need to take them to the airport. I already miss them.
Isn't it strange how used to people you can get? When I first found out about their visit I was frantic at the thought of having to share my space and my life with them for three weeks. Now, that seems like a lifetime away and for some reason, I dread their departure. Not only because my home will be quiet without them, but because we re-established our relationship in these last few weeks, bringing us much closer than we've been in a very long time. Unknowingly, they've been part of the three most life changing weeks of my life, and deep down I'm afraid they'll be taking the change with them, leaving me once again alone and lonely.
I squeeze my eyes shut when Charlie offers to say grace and squeeze Edward's hand even tighter.
Somewhere between giving thanks for our food and blessing the hands that made it, Edward softly rubs his thumb over mine. The action makes my eyes water. He's been extremely attentive towards me the whole morning. Somehow, without me having to say it, he can sense how hard this is on me.
I give his fingers a final squeeze before pulling away and opening my eyes to the solemn faces around me. Charlie looks slightly constipated. Guess he doesn't like goodbyes that much either.
I poke my food with my fork listlessly, listening to the soft scraping and scratching of cutlery on china.
"So you guys have a book release this coming week?" Renee asks conversationally from across the table.
I nod and from my periphery I see Edward doing the same.
"Is the book any good?" Renee tries again.
"It's okay." I shrug, pushing a fork full of salad into my mouth. My reply is not a lie. The book is really just okay. Why Aro wanted Breaking Dawn to publish it in the first place is beyond my comprehension.
"Worth buying?" I try to swallow the contents of my mouth in order to answer, but Charlie beets me to it.
"We'll wait for Edward's."
My head shoots up in surprise, and once again, Edward mirrors my reaction.
If I didn't have a mouth full of chewed tomato, I would be gaping. I turn my head in Edward's direction. He looks gobsmacked, and for a moment, I forget why I'm feeling down at all.
"Good choice," I say with a soft laugh once I've swallowed.
His delicious mouth twists into a shy smile, before he turns to give me a playful wink.
"It'll be worth the wait." I hear Renee agree, but my attention is focused on the shimmering eyes of the man beside me. Holy shit, he's gorgeous.
"Anything worth it usually is," he murmurs softly in reply, moving his hand to rest gently on my thigh.
I clear my throat and give him a small smile, before turning my attention back to my plate.
"Alice says to say goodbye and they'll see you at the wedding." I attempt to change the topic.
"Jacob invited Alice?" Charlie seems surprised, but I can't say I blame him. I was equally shocked when Alice told me earlier this week. Apparently she didn't want to tell me before that she got an invitation, afraid that I might freak out. Good call on her behalf. She wasn't planning on going either, but since I told her both Edward and I will be going, she said she'd accept the invitation and come for moral support.
"Yep." I nod, finally giving up on my half eaten plate by pushing it away from me.
"Well, Jacob has known Alice almost as long as he's known Bella." Renee correctly estimates before giving me an encouraging smile. "I'm glad she's going."
"Me too," I agree quickly and place my hand over Edward's which is still firmly planted in my lap. It has become an automatic reaction for me to reach for him when I'm feeling slightly unsure of myself. He flips his hand over and laces our fingers together, grounding me instantly.
"You and Edward will be staying with us that weekend, right?" Renee asks hopefully, causing my heart to tug. I hate that I've made her so unsure of me over the last couple of years.
I start to turn my head in Edward's direction to confirm that we will, but he answers for both of us without pause. "Of course, Renee."
This earns a huge smile from my mother, which causes me to laugh softly at her eagerness. I squeeze his fingers in thanks, which he reciprocates by running his thumb over the back of my hand. My breathing instantly picks up as my thighs clench on their own accord. He has my body so in tuned with his that even a small gesture like that makes me want to jump his bones.
He chuckles, dropping his head to his chest and keeping his eyes on his plate. He knows the effect he has on me.
I flip our hands and press the nail of my thumb into his skin. Smug bastard.
He pulls his middle finger back and runs it over the palm of my hand suggestively. I clench again. Yeah, he has reason to be smug.
"Are you coming with us to the airport, Edward?" Charlie asks from across the table.
Edward's fingers momentarily still before he lifts his gaze to mine.
"Bella has yet to ask me, sir." He answers quietly.
"She has to ask?" Charlie sounds as confused as I look.
"For this she has," his answer is so quiet, I'm sure I'm the only one that heard. I frown at him, imploring him with my eyes to explain the meaning of his words. He offers a small smile, and then turns his gaze back to his plate, lacing our fingers together again.
"I'm fine with taking you on my own." My response comes out as an almost question, probing Edward for any kind of response. I get none–from him at least.
Step two is to prepare for goodbye…
"Are you ready to go?" I ask from the guest bedroom's door. Renee is packing a few final things and Charlie seems to be wandering around aimlessly.
"Two more minutes," Renee calls over her shoulder as she quickly shuffles into the bathroom.
"I'll just go check on Edward, and then we need to get a move on if we're going to make it on time," I say with a watery smile before making my way towards my bedroom with heavy steps.
I find Edward lying on his stomach, arms crossed beneath his head, fast asleep. He's exhausted after the week we've had. I smile as I close the door behind me and make my way towards him. It's not easy to juggle a full time job and edit your book until ungodly hours of night.
I stop beside the bed to appreciate his stretched out form. Bare feet emerging from low slung jeans, hiked up t-shirt giving me a sinful view of his boxer briefs and lower back, white cotton stretched over broad shoulders, dark ink peeking from narrow sleeves. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I need to prepare myself for the goodbye, but for now, I just want to forget that my home will be empty in just a few short hours.
I lower myself behind him and mould my body to his back, pushing my knee between his thighs, wrapping my arm around his narrow waist, digging my nose into the soft hair behind his ear, softly twisting my fingers into his hair. I pretend. I pretend that this is just a normal Sunday afternoon and that we're taking a nap after lunch, and that no one is going anywhere soon.
Sensing my presence I feel Edward starting to turn, but before I can move away from him, he's lying flat on his back, his arm wraps around my shoulders and my head resting on his chest. His fingers lace with mine on his stomach as I tilt my head to look up at him.
"Hey." He smiles sleepily, dropping his chin to kiss the top of my head.
"Hey," I sigh, unable to remove my eyes from his. "Sorry I woke you."
"Don't be." He's voice is gritty and low from sleep, causing my body to react with longing. His sleep voice startlingly resembles his sex voice. "Sorry I fell asleep."
"Don't be," I repeat his words with a smile and receive another kiss, this time on my forehead. "Sorry I made you work so hard this week."
"Don't be," he replies with a soft chuckle, eyes sparkling with mirth before he kisses my cheek. "Sorry you had to work just as hard."
"Don't be," I giggle as Edward scoots down slightly until we're eyelevel, lying on our sides to face each other. I feel the weight of my parents' departure melt and dribble down my shoulders as his playful gaze remains fixed on mine. I can feel his breath on my face and lavish in the feel of his thumb rubbing circles on my thigh as he hikes it over his hip. "I'm sorry that we have the book release Friday to add to your workload."
"Don't be." We both chuckle as he leans in and kiss my neck, causing my skin to pebble at the contact of his warm lips. "Sorry that it's going to completely suck."
"Don't be." I full out laugh. Edward hates the book we're about to release and was nothing if not reluctant to be involved in any of the arrangements. Unfortunately, it's part of his job description and mine, and therefore, even though I agree with him, we have no choice but to show up and look like we want to be there. "Sorry I'm going with Ben."
For just a split second the playfulness is gone as we stare at each other pensively. We've already discussed that I will be going to the book release with a colleague from one of our sister branches. The arrangements were made long before Edward and I started…this…whatever it may be. And besides, there's no way Edward and I will ever be able to go to a work function together. Not under the current circumstances anyway.
"Don't be," he huskily replies, lowering his head to mine slowly, keeping me captive with the heat in his gaze as he drops his wet lips to the corner of mine. My lips part with a gasp and Edward takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. One soft, warm stroke and I'm falling to pieces. "I'm not sorry he won't get to taste you like this." He murmurs against my lips and slips his tongue inside once more. "I'm not sorry he won't ever get to touch you like this." He fills my mouth with wet, heated strokes of his tongue, causing my toes to curl and my thighs to buck against his hip.
He raises my knee higher on his hip and pushes fully into the apex of my thighs, making my fingers clench in his hair.
"Don't you have something you want to ask me?" Edward moans into my mouth, pushing my knee even higher–thank Buddha for yoga. My mind is a frenzied mess as I feel the dull ache between my legs intensify with each push from his pelvis. Forgetting all sense of propriety and the fact that we're not alone, I writhe against him shamelessly, eagerly chasing the friction we're both searching for.
"Not that I can recall," I whimper, biting at his mouth desperately.
His hand drops from my knee and pushes between my legs until it's fully cupping my sex.
I still for only a second, and then I gasp as he pushes down on the seam of my jeans with the heel of his hand.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" He groans, running his fingers up and down, reminding me of his promise to spell the alphabet against my sex.
"Yes," I hiss as his thumbnail presses against my covered clit. I'm about two seconds away from fucking him with my parents waiting for me in the next room. I snap out of my sexually induced haze at the thought of them, and laugh breathlessly, pushing at his chest and lowering my leg from his hip.
"We're ready, honey." Renee's calls as if on cue and startles the living daylights out of Edward–literally causing him to flinch in surprise.
"Shit," he chuckles, burrowing his face into my pillow, his ears turning pink in embarrassment.
"You're cute," I giggle, kissing his neck as I run my hand over his back. The many layers of this man still enthral me.
"Cute cuddles. I fuck," he delivers dryly as he turns his head in my direction with a smirk.
"Must you be so crass?" I sigh, falling back on the pillow beside him.
"Must your pussy be such a slut for my cock?" he retaliates as he pokes at my sides playfully.
"My pussy was more interested in your tongue this time around." I scowl and slap his hands away from my waist.
He practically chokes beside me and then turns his face back into the pillow, his ears turning an even darker shade of red.
"Did I just embarrass you?" I ask in surprise, fighting back a shocked giggle as I gape at the back of his head.
"You have to get going," he mumbles into the pillow, refusing to look up at me.
I laugh obnoxiously at this interesting turn of events. I never thought I would see the day that my pillow talk would turn Edward Cullen shy. He must be truly exhausted.
I lean over and whisper in his ear, "Still fucking cute," before pushing myself up and off the bed and skipping over to the bedroom door, feeling far more light hearted than before.
"Bella?" he calls before I open the door.
"Yeah?" I turn, finding him lying on his side, head propped up on his hand–bicep bulging, smooth skin peeking from between his shirt and jeans, pink tongue licking his bottom lip. I literally have to grab onto the doorknob to stop me from launching myself back into his arms.
"No questions?" he asks imploringly.
I frown at him in confusion, feeling that I am in fact forgetting something, but can't quite put my finger on it.
"None that I know of." I finally shrug, unable to pinpoint the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach as he stares at me imploringly.
I see a flash of hurt mar his features which confuses me even more, before he smiles and gives me a nod.
I frown and smile back unsurely, before giving up and turning away.
I slowly make my way towards the guestroom, still wracking my brain for the answer to his question lurking just out of my reach. A sense of trepidation engulfs me as I realize–his smile didn't reach his eyes.
Say the goodbye…
"We'll see you in two weeks," Renee says through tears as she hugs Edward in the foyer.
"Yes, ma'am." He smiles over her shoulder and raises his eyes to mine. I roll my eyes playfully, but he quickly drops his gaze, turning my smile into a frown.
Edward emerged from my room in a hurry once I left in order to greet my parents before their departure. He's been avoiding eye contact with me ever since, even after various attempts on my part to grab his attention.
"Take care of my daughter, son." I hear Charlie demand gruffly as I keep my eyes focused on my feet, unsure of his behaviour and even more perplexed at his avoidance.
"I will, sir," Edward answers with matched seriousness, causing me look up at their exchange.
"Call me Charlie."
For the second time today, both Edward and I gape at Charlie in shock. What the hell is going on with him? First the book and now this?
"Thank you, Charlie." Edward recovers gracefully which is more than I can say for myself.
After taking a moment to gather myself, I step around Edward, trying to catch his gaze as my parents shuffle through the front door towards the elevator, but once again without success. I sigh in agitation, irritated that he's acting like a child for no reason, and shove past him
"Baby?" Edward breathes in my ear just as I'm about to march into the corridor.
I freeze, eyes focused on my parents' backs as he gently presses himself against me, causing my heart to stutter and my teeth to grind in apprehension.
"Still nothing you want to say?" he whispers.
I blink in confusion and turn my head to meet his gaze. His vulnerability catches me off guard for a moment, as I search his face for the answer to his question.
"No," I answer carefully, frowning at the disappointment that briefly flashes behind his eyes. I raise my hand to his jaw and rub his cheek gently. "Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine." He smiles softly, kisses my cheek and then closes the door behind him.
I turn, staring dumbstruck at my parents, unable to move or fathom the reason for his behaviour.
What the hell is going on?
Step four is to grieve your way…
"Be safe, be kind and take care of yourself and Edward," Renee says as she pulls out of our hug, tears running down her cheeks.
I offer her an encouraging smile and hand her a tissue from my purse which she accepts gratefully.
"Be safe, be kind and tell Edward I'll hunt him down if he doesn't take care of you," Charlie tweaks Renee's version of a farewell dryly before pulling me into a hug.
I laugh against his chest and promise that I'll convey the message to Edward.
"We're proud of you, Bells." Charlie smiles through his moustache before tapping me lightly on the chin.
"Thank you for coming to visit." I swallow down some tears. "I'm going to miss having you guys around."
"Two weeks." Charlie nods determinedly before taking hold of Renee's elbow in order to steer her shaking form away from me. "Drama queen." He mouths over her head with a roll of his eyes. I laugh and wave them off as they make their way through the departure gates.
On my way back home I'm surprised at how composed I am. This confuses me to no end and I'm still pondering my irrational behaviour when I walk into my apartment.
It's quiet.
And then it hits me–the reason I've been so anxious. I'm alone and over the last three weeks, I've forgotten how to be.
Closing the door softly behind me, it feels like the click of the lock echoes through my house like the slamming of a jail cell door.
I swallow thickly at the lump in my throat and make my way towards my living room, dropping my handbag on one of the chairs. Turning my head in every direction, I suddenly miss my father's presence on the couch and my mother's tuneless humming from the kitchen.
Pushing back my shoulders and clearing my throat I walk to the kitchen determinedly. I'm not about to fall into some silly emo depression just because my mommy and daddy went home. I'm a twenty eight year old woman for god sakes.
Pulling open the fridge, I reach for the wine, but eventually gravitate to the last Heineken perched on the middle shelf.
I smile and make a grab for it, turning to search for a bottle opener. I'm not a beer drinker, but seeing as Charlie is so into this specific beer, I have to give it a shot and see what all the hype is about.
After removing the cap, I lift the bottle to my lips and take a long pull. I cringe slightly at the bitterness, but power through another sip and then another, getting accustomed to the taste and grudgingly admitting to myself that I might actually kind of like it.
Satisfied that I can adventurous if I want to and chuckling through a couple of stray tears, I strut towards the living room, falling down on one of the chairs and throw my head back to take another pull. I'm feeling very Bridget Jones sitting in a dark, quiet room, drinking on my own and wiping away snot and tears. The only thing that's missing is some good old Celine…
It hits me with a pang.
And Edward.
I'm not Bridget Jones. I'm not Miss Ice Queen Swan. I'm Bella, baby, sugar and there's a guy out there that wanted to hump me only a few hours ago. A hot guy that can't keep his hands off me, that laces his fingers with mine under a table where no one can see what we do to each other, that kisses me breathless and makes me laugh passionately. A guy that smiles so sweetly, a smile that didn't reach his eyes earlier today, that kissed me softly and looked so sad when I left.
I fling myself off the couch and practically run towards my bedroom, casting a quick glance into the empty guestroom and finding myself once again surprised that I don't feel the earlier pang of loneliness I expected I would.
My room is dark when I enter it. Dark and empty and that gnawing sensation I had only hours ago when I stood in this exact same spot, looking at Edward for answers to his questions, hits me full force. I don't expect him to be here, knowing that he would have gone home once we left, but a sense of dread settles in my bones when my eyes wander and stop near my closet.
A whimper escapes my lips when I walk over to the dresser I cleared out for Edward's things that very first day we had our first controversial sleepover. With shaky fingers I pull it open only to find it empty, as if he was never here, as if the last three weeks never even happened.
Confused and hurt I stumble towards my bed and fall onto the pillow Edward was occupying earlier. I turn my face into it, taking a deep breath to savour his smell still embedded in it. He was here. It was real.
A thousand scenarios flit through my mind as I breathe in his scent–the worst of all–that Edward may have just waited for my parents to leave, so he could finally be rid of me as well.
I take a stuttering breath, trying to alleviate the vice grip on my chest, and nearly choke from an obstruction sticking to my wet nose and cheeks.
Sitting up and fumbling to remove the offending item from my face I reach for the bedside lamp to cast some light on my current surroundings.
How the hell did a piece of toilet paper end up on my pillow? I frown down at it in irrational anger, ready to toss it to the side, when I notice the all familiar scribble on it. My mind flashes back to the toilet paper trail he left me before, and before I know it, I'm smiling again.
My breath catches in my throat as I pull the delicate pieces of paper apart, and then I cry like I haven't cried in years. Not since my grandmother died. Not since Jacob left.
Ask me to stay.
The final step is live the life…
I chuckle bitterly at myself as I recite the final of five steps in how to say goodbye. Alice bought me a self-help book a couple of months after Jacob and I split up, desperately trying to get her best friend to move on. I still remember every step in perfect detail. It didn't help for shit, but I'm a firm believer in perseverance. What I didn't realize, when I was chanting the steps throughout the day, was that I was never afraid of saying goodbye to my parents. Subconsciously, I was trying to cope with saying goodbye to Edward.
After I washed my face from the tears I shed for over an hour, I realized that in some way I was preparing myself to let go of Edward. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, Charlie and Renee's departure translated into losing Edward as well. Once they left, our arrangement became null and void. Therefore, if Edward stayed with me, it would be because he wanted to, and not because he was bound by our agreement to be there.
If Edward stayed, it would be because I asked him, which I didn't.
I want to be angry at him for dropping subtle hints instead of just saying it outright. But I can't. He needed me to ask him first. He needed me to end our arrangement just like I started it–all on my own.
He needed confirmation that I was into this, into him, with no terms or conditions attached.
And I fucked it up. I'm a damn fool.
My hand is shaking as I lift it, then drop it, just to repeat the process over and over again.
I sigh heavily, give myself a quick yet silent pep talk, and then raise my hand and knock three times in succession.
I'm living the life. It's the only step in that book that makes sense to me now. I'm no longer allowing myself to be a bitter, hardened bystander. I want to live. I want to love. I want all of that. But most of all–I want that with Edward.
I wait with baited breath, praying that he'll hear me, praying that he'll even open the door for me.
I'm just about to knock again when I hear the lock turn before the door is swung open with a flourish.
Standing in front of me is a very rumpled, very dishevelled looking Edward. His hair is standing in every which direction, some of it plastered to the side of his head the rest splaying out like licking flames. His white t-shirt is wrinkled. His pajama bottoms are hanging low and twisted on his hips, almost as if they were pulled on in a hurry.
Smiling down at his bare feet I allow my eyes to drift back to his face.
He's so fucking beautiful my heart aches.
His eyes are still thick from sleep as he watches me silently for a moment, before startling me by stepping forward and wrapping his arms around my waist.
I'm only shocked for a second, before I raise my arms around his shoulders, dig my nose into the soft skin of his neck and breathe in his scent, warm and musky from sleep. He reminds me of freshly washed laundry and my favourite blanket growing up, safe and comforting. I melt.
Lowering his hands, he drops them to my thighs before pulling my legs up and around his waist. I sigh.
"Took you long enough," he mumbles before turning us around, kicking the door shut with his foot and carrying me to his bedroom still wrapped around him.
"I'm sorry," I speak into his neck, once again feeling like a complete idiot.
Home is wherever Edward will be, and if he doesn't stay, I might be a hobo for the rest of my life.
"Don't be."
I chuckle breathlessly against him, reminded of our teasing from earlier today. He squeezes my thighs, letting me know he remembers too.
I swallow thickly, summonsing the courage to ask what I should have asked days ago.
"Stay," I whisper against his neck as he steps us into his bedroom.
"Yes," he whispers back, and my heart takes flight. I squeeze my arms around his neck even tighter when his wet mouth takes purchase on my shoulder. I'm holding on for dear life, stunned that I'll be able to keep him. That he wants to be kept.
By me.
Xoxo
This chapter was a bit shorter than others, but I promise you a nice, fleshy bad boy on the next one. ; )
Hope you liked it, my lovelies!
POV's will be changing more regularly from now on, seeing as we're four chapters away from the end.
With love…
Your Mistress
xoxo