Dear Katniss,
This is by far the hardest letter I have to write to anyone, because you already know what I'm going to do and why. There's so much more to the why than even I understand. All I know is I don't want to ever live without you and I don't think I can anymore.
The day of the reaping is one of those days when something changed in me. I knew I loved you, I'd always loved you but when you volunteer I knew that I wanted to be with you and protect you. You couldn't die not knowing. My name being called out was lucky.
Announcing to the whole of the Capitol that I loved you wasn't my best idea ever, I have a scar to prove that! But it was what kept us safe and together. These last few months, even though I know you don't love me in the same way I love you, it didn't matter. I got to calm your nightmares and make you happier, that was the best thing ever.
I'm sorry I have to leave you, I really don't want too. I know that you made the same deal with Haymitch that I did, but you're the Mockingjay, the symbol of rebellion that has to live, even the drunk Haymitch can see that. You have to survive without me, carry on burning.
In the arena, I promise to keep you safe, I promise to try to get you ask to your family, I promise to die so you can live, if you promise me you'll be happy. I want this, don't spend your time thinking it's your fault. I know you will, remember, I've been paying attention.
I'll try to say a last goodbye in the arena; Haymitch can give you this letter after I die. I'm not scared of dying anymore, not if I know it will grant you your life. We can ally up with people, but I know I can only trust you, I've always trusted you.
I want to make sure that I tell you some things, like that making your book with you was some of my best memories of my whole life. It was perfect and normal, it made me thing that without the Games, this could have been us, just normal friends with no worries. I regret so much never talking to you before the Games, I should have said something, anything.
On the day with the bread, I should have gone over to you, spoken to you properly, given you the bread. That slap was worth it, a million slaps would have been worth it. The next day I should have said something too, I'm usually so good with my words, but when it comes to you, I'm speechless.
Life would be so much easier without the Games, since I was five, I've always wanted to try to hunt with you, you made it look so easy and fun. If a miracle happens and we both get out, then I'd love to come with you some time. I'd like to be friends.
And on the train, I should have said to you that I hate sick so much, I can't stand the stuff, but I wanted to seem brave in front of you, and not to wimp who can't even clean up a sick person, since you're a healer's daughter.
And in the Games, I wasn't waiting to die; I was waiting for you to come. It kept me awake with a will to live; otherwise I would have killed myself to get it over and done with. I was so happy the day you showed up and cared for me.
I heard you screaming at me when they took me in, I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. After you told me it was all of Games, I remembered that moment and relised that you didn't know that, you didn't want that to be true. You're scared of people you love leaving you. Your Dad, your Mum, all of them. I'm not leaving you Katniss, I would never leave you, I'm being dragged away fighting like hell. I won't ever stop fighting for you.
And when we were about to be set on fire, and you held me hand? Sometimes, I can still feel your soft, small hand against mine. You really were, and always will be keeping me up so I don't fall.
Nothings going to ever stop me loving you, not ever the arena. I'll be there for you. Please be happy, please don't ever give up. I love you too much to let you suffer because of me. I love you more than I ever have. I've always love you, I'll always be with you and I'll always protect you and stay with you. I love you and I wish I had a million more lifetimes to tell you. I love you.
Yours completely, my heart, my soul, my life.
Peeta.