In my dream it was dark and lonely. Carlisle was there in the distance - a bright light radiated from his skin. I ran after him, calling to him. He called my name constantly in a soft and urgent tone. He seemed to be in pain. His calls became more urgent as he sunk onto his knees with sickening grimaces. His calls for me became strained - he winced, hunched over on the forest floor. I was filled with overwhelming urge to save him - to be near him - to hold him - to be the softest touch he had ever had. But thick vines shot from trees and wrapped themselves around me - until I collapsed calling his name. The last thing I saw was he getting up - clutching his chest and wincing off into the bush.

Why didn't he help me?

He just walked off - while I was writhing on the floor.

*****

To my dismay, the following week was difficult, and, more importantly the hole that had disappeared - had torn in me, again. Tyler Crowley was impossible, he followed me every where. I had hardly anytime to think, and watch the Cullen's when we had a crowded lunch table. Although the Cullen's sat not eating, laughing amongst themselves and glancing over at me occasionally with humorous eyes. Especially Alice, Emmett and Edward Cullen. The Hales - didn't so much.

When he sat next to me in class, he only smirked at me occasionally and kept his fists in tight balls, as far away from me in the table as possible (as usual). I wanted very much to talk to him – but I couldn't.

I was too angry.

I was too confused – in the way I felt – I couldn't even hope to open my mouth.

Edward was there, every day in biology. I glared at him, sometimes, unable to get over the fact that he and his preciously respected family had done this to me. Had ripped this hole in my chest. Had confused and bewitched my heart to obsess over them.

I glared at him, always from a distance. Watching his eyes grow noticeably darker day-by-day. I tried not to draw attention to myself when I glared at them, but I took it easy on myself, because the pain was worse when I was so far away from the Cullen's. Why are they torturing me? I wanted to see Carlisle again. Have my happy fix.

Mike and Jessica had been scaring me lately. They didn't sit so close any more. Mike asked me to the prom in biology. Edward turned his head glaring at Mike. I glanced at him. He had pleading with the look in his eyes. When he shook his head, confiding his opposition with Mike's date proposal - I knew - this had to be Carlisle.

"I think you should go with Jessica".

"Did you already ask someone?"

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all. I am going to Seattle that Saturday"

"can't you go some other weekend?"

"sorry, no. So, you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer – it's rude".

"yeah you're right"

Edward was staring at me sourly, with an edge of curiosity and frustration. I stared back at him, expecting him to laugh. Instead he continued to stare at me with the same curious black eyes.

"Mr. Cullen" the teacher called, seeking an answer to a question that I hadn't heard.

"The Krebs Cycle" Edward answered, seeming reluctant as he turned to look at Mr. Banner. As soon as his eyes released me, trying to find my place. Cowardly as ever, I shifted my hair over my right shoulder to hide my face. I felt the longing I had for the very some one who tortured me. Carlisle! This was beyond what I could withstand. I could not believe what the Cullen's did to me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.

I suffered in silence holding my stomach, trying not to think about Carlisle.

too late.

"Bella?"

I turned slowly, unwillingly. I didn't want to feel what I felt around the Cullens. Or even worse alone. That missing part of the picture - The beautiful Cullen leader.... Carlisle. A sense of hate washed over me - but in the same wash - an instant calming, and instant longing.

"If your going to laugh at me - I really don't need it and .... .... You have something better to do with your time than laugh at me - right?"

His lips twitched fighting a smile. "no, not really" he admitted. I closed my eyes and tried to get the pain of loneliness out of my head. "then what do you want Edward? Either than to constantly make my life miserable?"

He looked a little shocked. Then pitying. Then wistful.

"I'm sorry" - He sounded sincere, "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better that way, really". His face was serious. "I don't know what you mean"

"It's best if we don't get close, I'm not allowed"

"What do you mean, Edward?"

"I'm not supposed to be friends with you Bella"

"sorry Tyler, I really am going out of town"

"That's cool. We still have prom" Tyler said.

Before I could respond, he was walking back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face. I looked forward to see Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper sliding into the Volvo. In the rear view mirror, Edward's eyes were on me. He was glaring with frustration and curiosity. I wanted desperately to ask him about the look he was giving me. To ask him why would he do this to me!

***********************************************

I tried to concentrate on making dinner, especially on slicing the chicken. I wanted every excuse to go to the emergency room, but not at Charlie's expense. I was analyzing everything Edward had said to me today. What did he mean, it was better if we weren't friends. My stomach twisted as I realized. This was because they didn't want me to find out there secret. It was obvious, thoughts of Carlisle had crowded my head and I couldn't think.

****************************************

"Bella? I've been meaning to talk to you" Charlie sighed.

I waited.

"here's the thing... I've never seen Dr Cullen act that way. You're not..." I glared at Charlie, "....you and Carlisle aren't..."

"no, no, Dad. I don't need this"

"I am your father. I have these responsibilities. I was just wondering .... whether.... you'd want to talk about this"

"no!"

Next morning when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as far away from the silver volvo as possible. I didn't want to be laughed at today. Getting out of the truck, I fumbled with my keys and they fell into a puddle at my feet. As I bent to get it a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could. Edward Cullen was standing next to me, leaning casually on my truck.

"how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Appear out of thin air!"

"Bella, it's not my fault if you're exceptionally unobservant" His voice was a velvet muted murmur.

I scowled at him, noticing his eyes were light today, a golden honey color.

"What are you always laughing at?" His lips pressed together in a tight line.

"I can't tell you, Bella. I'm sorry"

I made a gagging sound. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"I know your family aren't normal, I won't tell anybody" I pressed pathetically - unable to say much else as the pain gripped my rib cage. Edward's faced twisted in pity. He didn't say anything.

I turned back and started to walk away.

"wait" Edward called.

"Why won't you just leave me alone, stop laughing at me. What's so funny?"

He stared blankly and started again.

"I wanted to ask you something. I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know the day of the Spring dance - "

"what are you doing?! I thought we weren't supposed to be friends"

"please allow me to finish. I heard you were going to Seattle and I was wondering did you want a ride"

"what is your problem, Edward?" He ignored that question.

"well, I was planning to go to Seattle soon anyway, and, honestly, I'm not sure whether your truck can make it"

"my trucks fine"

"can your truck make it on one tank of gas?" he said pressing his lips into a tight line of anger.

"I don't see how it's any of your business"

"the wasting of finite resources is everyones business"

"I thought you didn't want to be my friend"

"I said that I wasn't allowed to be close to you, not that I didn't have to be"

"What?"

"I wish I could stay away from you, but that would only bring you closer - with your balance issues"