The morning passed in a blur. I was thinking and writing down possible meanings behind Edwards words yesterday through class. I thought it - he could be making sure I didn't make a trip to the ER. Or making sure his secret was safe with me not being here for Spring dance - or not being near Carlisle. Maybe Carlisle was weak, vunerable - I was sure the way he was after the almost accident was all an act though. Maybe he had a weird pleasure in dangling himself in front of me that was dangerously close to revealing his secret. Incubus? None of them seemed sensual enough - or maybe he had said "she's mine - none of you are to seduce her" to the other Cullens. But .... nothing was supporting that - there was no way any of them could be that way - It was something else.
I got very angry all of a sudden.
I wanted to look over at the Cullens and see them frowning and unlaughing at me. I looked over at their table in the cafeteria. Edward wasn't there - but something else shocking. Alice stared at me, her eyes very distant, a mischeivous smile spread across her face. I looked away. The others seemed frustrated.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you again... I wonder why he's sitting alone today?"
I followed her gaze to see Edward smiling crookedly from an empty table away from where he usually sat. He motioned for me to join him.
When I reached his table, I stood behind the chair across from him, unsure. "I wanted to explain myself a little better"
"well, I decided as long as I had to stick with you in Seattle and disobey my father I may as well tell you why – so you aren't constantly badgering me with it" He said smoothly.
I nodded, unsure of his apparent surrender.
"My father Carlisle, said he didn't want me to get close to you, Bella – But if I stay away from you, honestly, you can attract trouble in the safest of places, and you'll be admitted into hospital where you will see my father anyway" I tried to comprehend all this. How did he know about my clumsiness. I couldn't think of anything to say.
It struck me, Carlisle didn't want me near him.
I struggled to hold back tears, but they spilt over my lids and down my cheeks, embarrassing me. The only thing that made me feel whole - didn't want me. I shrugged my hair over my shoulders and tried to cover my tears. I shut out the future that dawned without Carlisle.
"He doesn't want you close to us beacause of the reasons that you think"
I could do nothing but sob. "Carlisle" I heard in a high urgent trill. I looked at Alice, who stood talking on the phone. Edward stared at Alice and loped over to her. Alice continued to mumur into her mobile, her lips blurring as they moved. She then hung up. I wondered what urgent reason had brought the Cullens to call their father at school. And why would he come any where near me.
Something was different now, the hole in me seemed to be healing as I cried for the loss of Carlisle.
I was overfilled with joy at finding that I was finally getting over this pain. I felt more complete, not the pain in my chest and the depression of being so lonely. The minutes passed. Ai had torn my eyes away from the Cullen's confiding urgently. I looked down at my hands - crying. With the passing minutes - I was healing. 10 minutes had passed and I was complete.
Now - I was ecstatic... Until, I smelt the memorised comfortable scent of fresh forest and books by a hearth - did I realise that I hadn't gotten over depression and lonliness... Carlisle was coming.
My blood was pulsing excitedly - gushing.
My heart fluttered in my chest. I was suddenly befuddled as the scent went straight to my head. All I could think and smell were Carlisle. I fought against the knowledge that Dr. Cullen was in the room. My stomach churned and cold air found it's way under my T-shirt. To my distraught horror my body was not under my full control. I was crying. My chest was beginning to perk up. I flushed at remembering the unbelievably hard to perfect feeling of Carlisle's touch.
That did it. I crossed my hand over my chest as I felt eyes settle on me.
The cold burn, was all over my face. His eyes burnt mine. He searched and worried over the falling tears. He realised – and shifted uncomforatbly. I looked up over at the cullens table with my face burning red and plump. Dr Cullen had sat down. I felt another two tears drop and another brimmed. My hands had dropped from my chest as I realised his proximity to me. His eyes were broken and pity struck, again. He then shifted his gaze, his eyes then washed with what must be distraction as his eyes shifted over my chest. He was taking all of the physical syptoms of trauma - like a good doc should.... Or a sadistic freak. The cullens were already chuckling quietly behind him, but it was hard to concentrate on the sound. His eyes found mine again. Edward tapped his father and said something in a low voice. Carlisle looked up, eyes fresh with shame and said something very quiet.
The bell ringed. I quickly got up, too fast, stumbled, I fell. I got up red-faced and almost ran out the door.
**************************************
Lucklily, Mr Banner was there when I arrived. I settled quickly in my seat, aware of both Mike and Angela staring, Mike was grinning and laughing; Angela was shocked. I didn't have the concentration to care much – the distracting scent of Carlisle had not left the school grounds. I hadn't noticed how much the scent relaxed me. Besides the tention I could feel coming from the hall I was totally relaxed. It made me think how close was he? He was very close though. Mr Banner stood then, calling the class to order. He was juggling a few small cardboard boxes in his arms. He put them down on Mikes's table, telling him to pass them round. Mr Banner started the instructions. Blood tests. Oh no. Clammy moisture broke out on my forehead. "Put a drop on each of the prongs the teacher demonstrated, squeezing Mikes finger until the blood flowed. I swallowed convusively, my stomach flipping and heaving. He continued, showing the class as I tried to hear through the ringing in my ears. I put my cheek against the cool blacktable top and tried to hold onto my consciousness. "Bella are you alright?" Mr Banner said alarmed.
"I already know my blood type"
"Are you feeling faint?"
The tension increased but my unease subsided as the smell of Carlisle filled the room.
"yes, sir"
"can someone take Bella to the nurse please?" he called.
"can you walk?" Mr Banner asked.
"yes".
"Is everything ok in here?" Dr Cullen asked with his appealing voice. My heart skipped beats. I felt his eyes burning me instantly. " I'll take Bella if I may ". Dr Cullen put his freezing arm around me and lead me out of the biology room. He towed me without effort across campus, not stopping. He kept his chest closely fitted to me side. He hardly took his eyes off me. I forced myself not to look at him. But that feat could only last so long.
"Just let me sit down for a minute" He looked down at me worriedly. Dr Cullen didn't respond, he eased me up into his bewilderingly strong arms and carried me as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of 110. My breathing hitched, my blood thundered around my body (more than before - even though I wasn't sure it was possible), it felt red and swolen. His touch felt like electricity that jolted through me. A constant wave of peace and pleasure washed through me. My heart never stopped hesitating and suddenly gushing. He looked worried - like something was life or death - very serious. "Bella?" He looked really alarmed. I moaned roughly - but soft. Dr Cullen was in utter anxiety - that scared me. "Put me back on the sidewalk" I moaned. Dr Cullens scent and rocking movements weren't helping. He held me away from his body, supporting all my weight on just his arms – he didn't even strain against my weight. "Is this more comfortable for you in your faint condition?"he asked. I attempted a scowl. He gave a good-hearted smile and changed the subject."Do you faint at the sight of blood?" Dr Cullens voice caring, and full of sadness. He di very well in hiding the complete and inexplicable pain and horror that was underlying his voice. I fought the nausea and confusion with all my strength. It was suddenly warm. I opened my eyes. I was in the office.
"Dr Cullen?" Miss Cope asked wide-eyed. Carlisle smiled angelically and approached her desk.
"You must excuse me from interrupting your calls, but Bella is in a faint condition. As a doctor I think it is best if she rests at home for the remainder of the day. I was wondering whether you could call her father?" Dr Cullen said in a husky tone.
"Certainly Dr Cullen..."
"I'll have her home safely for Charlie's return"
*****************************************
"What were you doing in the cafeteria?"
"I had to speak with Alice about a very important issue" Dr Cullen said.
"... Alice knew I was going to get sick" He sighed, closing his eyes for a minute.
"What are your theories?"
"You and your family follow the Wiccan religion?" Dr Cullen shook his head smiling, "voodoo priests?" He chuckled. "Pagan Gods of mischeif?" He laughed outright. "uh... radioactive spiders? ..... I'll figure it out eventually" He looked wary but he smiled. "Just out of curiousity... which one of my guesses is closest?"
He chuckled huskily. "Umm, the warlocks are closest. You couldn't begin understand, and I don't expect you to. Please refrain from your curiousity". I ignored the suggestion. It felt like forever until I said it:
"A couple of friends are going to the beach .... come"
Dr Cullen looked surprised, he smiled sweetly. "I don't think your friends will react well"
"so?". He sighed again.
"which beach?"
"the first in La Push"
"I won't get you into any more trouble than I have. I should have waited for Charlie to pick you up. I didn't have his consent. That was wrong of me". He looked at me apologetically. We waited along time before anybody spoke. He spoke first. "What is your mother like?"
"like me, but a lot prettier. She's more outgoing and braver. She irresponsible and slightly eccentric. She's my best friend". Dr Cullen noticed talking about her made me depressed, he rubbed my shoulder like the last time sending spasms through me.
"how old are you Bella?"
"I'm seventeen... I don't seem seventeen" I laughed.
"What is it Bella?" Dr Cullen asked sensitively.
"My mother always said I was born 35 and I get more middle aged every year" I laughed.
"So why did your mother marry Phil"
"who told you that? ... My mother.... she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him"
"Do you approve?"
"Does it matter? I want her to be happy... and he is all she wants"
"thats very considerate of you" he said slowly with an accompanying look of admiration. "Would she extend the same courtesy to you? No matter who you choose?" He sounded like he was guarding his intent.
"I – I think so. But it's a little different, she's the parent afterall" He chuckled, guiltily.
"no one too old?" he tried to tease. I smiled. He abruptly changed the subject after he shook his head. "Do you think we're scary?"
"They can be" He smiled sourly.
"Are you frightened of me now?"
"I'm not afraid of you, I'm only afriad of you leaving". I instantly changed the subject from embarrassment. "so, tell me about your family"
"Can I trust you?"
"of course" I murmured, dazed.
"My children are all adopted from different parents" I began piecing things together automatically.
"oh, why did you tell every one that they are related?" I coolly replied.
"for appearances Bella"
The car had been stopped in front of the house for some time and he had walked me to my doorstep.
"well, Bella... Have fun at the beach with the other kids"
"I'm onto you" I blurted and he chuckled, holding a finger to his mouth adorably. I edged a little closer to Carlisle. "Dr Cullen .... forgive me" I sputtered.
I leaned upwards and pressed my lips against Carlisle's cheek. My lips formed into an angry welt. My body trembled uncontrollably as the blood roared through my body. I softly held his face in my blistering hands. He stared at me bewildered. I waited, staring into his hazy dark gold eyes. His eyes were passionate but burned with pity and alarm. My stomach muscles tightened. I wanted his touch again, with such magnitude. I kissed his other cheek. His cold skin made my lips tingle and burn sweetly. I led a trail of kisses from his left cheekbone to his jaw and down his neck. I reached the hollow of his throat and I partially opened my mouth to suck at the soft skin. My hands had traveled down to his button up shirt. I pulled at the first button of his shirt.
I didn't want to be lonely any more.
I successfully unbuttoned the first two buttons. His shaky hands caught mine.
"go inside Bella" he told me firmly. I opened the door and walked inside. I turned. "I'm sorry Dr Cullen. I'll make it up to you... Do you want some... coffee"
He walked through the doorway and I shut the door behind him. "Bella, I could have just got you in serious trouble. I am married – I tho"
"so everyone says... Your children aren't yours or aren't even remotely related. She could just be your wife for appearances sake" I had struck a nerve, his mouth dropped only slightly and his eyes widened. "Is she?"
He shook his head, emphatically. "no. no she is not my wife"
"how old are you?"
"28"
I smiled. I walked over to him and held his face softly again in my hands sending shivers and excited blood all through my body. I walked him backwards into the lounge room. He looked too shocked and too scared to do anything but comply. I sat down next to him on the lounge. I kissed his nose. His hands defended himself - pushing me back ever so lightly. "are you feeling okay?" I attempted a scowl, "i'm going to take you to the hospital, ok?" I said nothing. He analysed my face for long minutes. I heard him breath deeply. He lay down holding his head, righting himself, saying that he shouldn't repeatedly. I lay beside my worried doctor.
"How lonely have you been Bella?" he said in a perfectly tortured voice.
"...It hurts..." was all I could manage to stutter out before burying my face in his neck. Dr Cullen held me for two minutes. And I sighed. "I have to go – You don't want to be caught kissing me" I nodded and buried my face in the cushion he had left behind.
Again I was torn apart by Dr Carlisle Cullen. I knew I would be analysing everything - was it possible that he was that brilliant an actor or was he generally worried - no - then that would have torn apart every theory of spell or witchcraft out - and that would mean that I loved him... and that he loved me.