Okay, this is a suggestion from T'Reilani: Jazz finding a cat.
Jazz was miserable. He hated patrolling when it was like this – cold, dark, wet, and lonely. He didn't mind patrols even in the worst of weather as long as there was someone else to share his misery with…but when he was on a solo patrol, well, everything seemed twice as bad.
And that was before the cat showed up.
The yowling ball of sopping-wet feline flung itself in front of his alt mode as he drove along a small back road near the Autobot base. He let out a yell and swerved to avoid turning the cat into a furry pancake on the road. He skidded – slag these damp, muddy roads to the Pit! – and landed in the gutter.
"Ow," he muttered, transforming to climb out of the strangely deep gutter. Then the same yowling ball of soaking-wet and fighting-mad feline threw itself into his face. Jazz let out another yell and fell back into the ditch. The cat screeched – maybe in fear, maybe in triumph – and Jazz screeched too, in surprise. "What the slag?" he yelped.
The cat started to fall off his face and dug its claws in to stay up out of the mud that filled the ditch – and Jazz's circuits, he realized miserably. He winced as those claws dug into his jaw – since when did cats have claws that sharp?
"Jazz, right? What are you doing to that poor cat?" Jazz screeched again – he hadn't heard anyone approach! He leaped up, finally dislodging the cat from its clawed-out perch on his face, and found himself facing…Ravage.
"Primus! Another cat!" Jazz screamed. Ravage tilted his head. The cat who had been clawing Jazz scampered over to the feline-like Decepticon and huddled under his belly.
"Oh, shut up and answer the question. What did you do to this poor cat?" the black Decepticon demanded. The cat spat at jazz from its new shelter underneath Ravage.
"Nothing! It jumped out in front of me!" Jazz protested. The cat suddenly flew out from under Ravage and right at Jazz again. The Cyber-ninja leaped backwards with a scream as high-pitched as any femme and tripped, landing in the gutter again. The cat hopped neatly up onto Jazz's shoulder. Where it began purring. That scared the cyber-ninja almost as much as the yowling and clawing had.
"Well, she looks like she's taken to you. You should adopt her," Ravage suggested.
"What? NO!" Jazz snapped. Ravage sharpened his claws on the road.
"I wasn't actually suggesting you adopt her. I was ordering. Take care of the cat or I'll shred you! After all, she is carrying," Ravage added with a strange glint in his red optics. Then he vanished. Jazz looked at the cat on his shoulder, who was still purring.
"Carrying?" he repeated. "That doesn't mean the same thing for organics as it does for femmes, does it?" But Ravage was gone. "Carrying?" Jazz shrieked. The cat woke up and hissed, digging her claws into his shoulder.
Jazz could tell this was going to be a long, painful acquaintance.
Okay, so, maybe not as funny as some other people's crack fics, but it was fun to write. Maybe I should do a follow-up? Maybe make this its own little fic? What does everyone think?