Hell, it seems, is a brightly colored city that slowly absorbs your sanity. We've only been in the Capitol two days and I find myself running from the Visiting Center in the direction of the train station. The only difference between this bout of misery and the others is that I can pinpoint the exact moment it started. Back in District 12, I would often find myself on the floor of the bathroom, not sure how I got there or what caused the sudden, immobilizing pain in my chest. This time, I know.

We were sitting in the dining room of the Center. Haymitch was diluting his tea with vodka and Effie was curling her two-inch long eyelashes. My stomach had finally decided to stop letting the environment disrupt my eating. I had a spoonful of lamb stew in my hand when I looked across to see Peeta tearing a roll apart and dipping it in hot chocolate. Suddenly, we were in the train on our way to the Capitol before the first game. I was thinking of Prim and my mother and how they would survive without me, hoping that Gale would take care of them—a spoonful of lamb stew in my hand.

I let out a strangled laugh, breaking out of the memory. Funny how I had been so worried for Prim when it wouldn't matter later on. She'd be dead. Nobody needs to be taken care of when they're dead. And wasn't it just hilarious how I trusted Gale to care for Prim when all he ever did was take her away. And my mother. I worried for her, too. What a joke then, that she decided it wasn't worth her time to come back and stay with me in 12.

As I continue sprinting toward escape, it's not the fact that they are gone that really gets me. It's the realization that two of them are no longer here by their own free will. My best friend and my mother left me. Am I really so broken that I'm worthless even to them?

I reach the station. It's empty, not a train in sight. I'm not sure what I expected to find here. I sit down in the grass that hugs the tracks. My forehead finds my knees and I wait, but the tears don't come. I feel surprisingly calm. And that scares me. Has it finally happened? Have I finally snapped? No. The sorrow of losing my mother and Gale and the anger at them leaving me seem to have canceled each other out, leaving me with lightness in my chest. I take my first whole breath since the arena. But it hitches in my throat when I think of Prim. I wait for the tears again, but my eyes stay dry. I know that Prim is gone, and that hurts more than anything I have ever known. But the pain no longer seems like something I can't get past, rather it feels like a soreness I will always have in my heart, but that I will get used to. I will learn to live with it. I will not let being here in the capitol destroy me. I will not be defeated again.

Peeta finds me a few minutes later. He approaches me carefully. "Katniss? Are you okay?"

I stand up, nodding. "Yes." And I'm not lying. I feel like a piece of my shattered puzzle has worked it's way painfully back. I don't physically need Prim anymore. The memories will be enough.

Peeta still looks concerned. I lift the corners of my mouth ever so slightly to prove it to him. The movement feels rusty and unnatural. It's not a smile, really, but it's a start.

"Why did you run away?"

I shrug. "It was too much too soon. But I'm done now, Peeta. I'm done running."

He takes a wary step toward me. I must seem crazy to him. Running away hysterically one second, then trying to smile the next. "Honestly, I'm okay," I say.

Peeta still doesn't look convinced, but he takes my hand anyway. We walk back to the Visiting Center in silence. Peeta is observing me quietly, watching for signs that I have snapped. The pressure of his palm against mine reminds me that even after everything I have lost, I still have Peeta. I still have the boy with the bread. Something inside me warms at the thought. I think back a couple nights to when he smiled at me on the train. It seemed to have triggered a chain reaction inside of me. The sudden rush of desire for Peeta to be happy and be happy with me had caught me off guard. But now when I feel it as we walk down the streets of the Capitol, it doesn't surprise me. There has never been just me, and just Peeta. Everything we have been through, we've been through together.

I stop in the middle of the street. Peeta, not expecting my sudden halt, keeps walking a few steps until he notices my hand slide out of his. He turns back. "Katniss? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. I just… thought of something." The realization I've come to causes my heart to beat fast. Peeta has always been patient with me. Any unkindness he displayed toward me was either a side effect of the tracker jacker venom or for my own good. Not once was there a moment when I was hurting that he didn't ask me what was wrong. But he never pressed. He never pushed me to do things I wasn't capable of. Yet, he never held me back. He always told me I was strong, even though I didn't believe it. And here I stood, putting the pieces of myself back together despite the pain, proving him right all the time. How was it that Peeta knew me better than myself? The truth hits me like a sweet summer breeze. Nothing has changed since he threw me the bread on that hopeless day.

"You love me," I say suddenly.

There's a long, silent pause before Peeta nods slowly. "I do."

I don't hesitate to walk into his open arms.

"I really do," he whispers into my hair.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to see."

Effie is throwing a fit when we return. "Do you know what you just did to me, Katniss? I thought you'd run away for good. Then where was I going to find another Mockingjay? You worried me sick." She throws her hand to her chest dramatically. "I need a drink. Haymitch? Where are you?" The clacking of her heels disappears down the hall.

Haymitch emerges from a different hall. "Good. She's gone." He directs a hard look in my direction. "Stop running away. You're going to kill the poor woman." He pauses. "On second thought…" He waves the thought away with his hand. "The rest of the day is yours, but you better be up bright and early tomorrow morning. Effie has a lot planned and if I have to hear another second of her whining, I'm gonna…" Haymitch stares at the bottle in his hand, and then looks back to us. "I haven't forgotten how you woke me up in the Victor's Village."

I nod, making a mental note to set an alarm. I'd rather wake up to that than a bucket of cold water splashed over me.

After Haymitch leaves, Peeta and I are alone in the front room of the Visiting Center. I look up at him, not sure what to say. But I don't have long to be concerned with finding a subject for conversation because Peeta leans in and kisses me. It's fast and soft, nothing like the rehearsed ones we'd shared in front of audiences.

Peeta gauges my reaction. I surprise myself by smiling. It's not forced and it's not fake. A real smile. Peeta returns it. I'm stunned by how long it's been since I've felt remotely happy. The warmth spreading to my heart startles me, but it feels so good. I press my palms to his strong, sturdy chest and stand on my toes to kiss him again. And for the moment, I forget that I'm in the Capitol. I forget that I have lost everything. I allow myself to feel happy.