Another update! You know I've never had a consistent update between my different stories. So, right now I'm in sort of a shock. But anyway, this chapter is shorter (sorry about that). And there's a little less Roxas, and kind of more Sora D: *le gasp*
Yeah, I dunno. If there are any typos, grammar errors, spelling errors sorry about that. I didn't proofread... I should just start doing that now (probably not).
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Anonymous Review Maha: Thanks for the review, first of all. I'm really, really super stoked that you liked it! And it's really nice to hear that you've read IJAC *head swells* And I don't really understand your suggestion :O. To answer your last question, the reason that this story is called Skinny Love is because I use a line or two from the actual song (by Bon Iver) in each chapter. I love the song and it inspired me with this story (Listen to it! It's awesome! There's also a very nice cover by Birdy). Skinny Love has an actual meaning too (hint: urban dictionary) . I hope that cleared everything up. Thanks for reading :)
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Anyway, back to my Author's Note, um.. enjoy?
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Chapter 4:
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
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That next morning everything still feels like it's sort of a dream – a bad dream. It's a weird feeling. Like I'm not really me, and I'm just looking in on myself from the outside.
The box of cupcakes remains half open, and on my bedroom floor. My eyes are dry and hurt like hell. I don't think it's possible for me to cry anymore. Good. I can't stand to be this idiot crying over something I can't have.
The words shake me for a moment.
It's true, I can't have Roxas. He's unattainable and intangible. Sometimes I wonder if he was ever really there to begin with.
I sigh, and rise from the mattress. I push my feet through my slippers and walk towards the box of cupcakes, snatching it up from the floor. My fingers feel clammy against the plastic box. It hurts looking at these baked goods. I can't help but snort at that thought. They don't really look physically good.
I sigh again, and set the box down on my bed.
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Throughout the whole morning my movements are robotic. It is obvious something's wrong but my parents don't exactly question it. They already suspect who my current state of detachment pertains to. They're probably so used to my bipolar behavior that it doesn't faze them anymore.
I beg to differ.
This is different, though. It's a different kind of rejection and I realize it. It's softer and gentler, but for some reason it hurts all the more. It's like that cute and cuddly Snuggle bear grew fangs and decided to bite the hell out of me.
A deep sigh rolls out of my mouth. It's not even funny in my own head. Another sigh escapes as I reach for my bag that's draped over the back of the kitchen chair. The keys are conveniently placed on the table. I snatch them quickly and head out the door, without a goodbye.
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I hesitate when I put the keys in the ignition. This is the part where I pull out of the driveway and head over to Roxas's house because the idiot is too lazy to walk to school.
What am I supposed to do now?
I chew my lip, analyzing the situation ahead of me. Did he honestly expect for me to pick him up? Especially after all the drama that happened yesterday?
My eyes glance towards the rearview mirror and I almost choke at the sight. My eyes are bloodshot. Like the I'm-so-high-off-my-rocker-because-I-just-smoked-a-bunch-of-pot kind of bloodshot. Not that I've ever done that. Good girl, remember?
I don't want to see him. I really, really don't. I had planned my whole day of complete avoidance of the blonde. And, now, I was just going to go straight to his house?
I shove the keys in the ignition and start the car up with a newfound determination. No. I'm not going to be that pathetic little sap anymore. No way. Kairi Lockhart is not a scared little chicken shit anymore.
I think it was an automatic body response. That's what I tell myself, when I find my car pulled up in Roxas's driveway. Once a chicken shit, always a chicken shit I guess. I put the car on park and sit there for a good minute.
Right about now, the blonde would be bursting through the door because he'd be running late. The door opens and I almost find myself smiling at my accurate description.
… Except it's a brunette that's bursting through the door, helmet under his arm as he makes his way towards the garage. Wait what?
Sora fiddles with the keys, before pressing the button on the key of the garage door. He almost jumps when he finally sees me parked behind him. I don't know why I get this sudden urge to duck beneath the wheel and hide. It's not like he can't see me.
The brunette grins at me nervously, as he walks up to the driver's side. I seriously consider keeping my window rolled up and pulling out as fast as I can… Er, no sexual innuendo intended.
He stops at my window, twirling his keys around his finger, before sticking it inside – and great, Kairi, now you've been reverted into a sick perverted, sex-crazed boy. Get your mind out of the gutter!
I roll down the window and he leans down. I hide the scowl that's forming on my face. Because he's leaning all over my car and I just washed it two days ago.
"Kairi, hi!" He greets with a charming smile. It shows all of his sparkly teeth. "… And what are you doing here?"
"I'm doing what I do every morning." I deadpan. Now I'm just annoyed. It's kind of crazy how easily Sora can annoy this girl. Crazy.
Sora looks uncomfortable. Oh crap, did I make my annoyance that obvious? The apology is ready on my tongue but he coughs – in my car! – and suddenly I'm not so apologetic anymore.
"Kairi, um, you know, Roxas isn't …" He mumbles the last part so I don't hear properly. I shut the car off, cutting the engine.
"Sorry, didn't hear you." Crap, what happened to no apologies?
"Roxas isn't here."
Oh...
He left? He never does that. Even if whenever we fought (which we're not doing now) I always gave him a ride to school. It was just something we always did. I don't know what it is, the reminder of the rejection, or the fact that Roxas up and ditched me, that makes me feel like crap. The temptation to go back home and curl in my bed grows is strong.
But Sora's staring at me expectantly, and staying in bed all day isn't going to solve my problems.
"Right… um.." I fumble with my words, because I don't know what to say. And I know I look like a complete idiot. And I'm pretty sure, Sora is going to mention this to his younger brother – most likely in a scolding fashion.
Quick Kairi, say something.
"So, um, want a ride?" I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
No, Kairi. Shut up!
Sora's lips stretch even wider, into a mega-watt smile. I can't exactly look into his eyes as he exclaims a very excited, "Sure!" and hops into the passenger seat.
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I think it was the fact that I gave Sora Strife a ride to school that I was getting a ridiculous amount of unwanted attention from said brunette. I mean, he was tolerable before but now it's insane.
I watch as he walks me to my class. He has that silly grin on his face, and there's a small blush forming on his tanned face. It's… endearing, in the way a baby would say its first words. And then after a few days the baby wouldn't shut up.
"So, I'll see you after class?" He asks me expectantly. I pretend I don't hear him, and continue walking inside the classroom. My irritation with the brunette only grows.
Just leave me alone!
I stop short when I catch sight of the familiar blonde head. It's perfectly arranged and that disappoints me slightly. In all honesty, it disappoints me to see him so perfectly normal and groomed and so damn beautiful. I feel my face flush with a wave of emotions – mostly embarrassment – as I take my seat next to him.
My eyes immediately glue to the desk in front of me. It's better than staring at his apparently content-self. And I wouldn't get the urge to do any stupid.
"You're late, Cherry." His voice sounds so cheerful and it hurts. It hurts in a way that makes me feel like an even bigger idiot for loving this guy. Did he have no consideration for my feelings? I know he apologized for his rather rough way of dealing with my feelings, but it didn't mean I still wasn't hurting.
And why would he say that, out of random, when I'm pretty sure he knew the reason for my tardiness. I want to shoot him a glare. I want to so badly but I don't think I can do it and mean it.
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Lunch doesn't come as soon as I want it to. But when it does, I feel like a big stress-ball comes off of my chest. Mostly because I don't have to be forced to see either Strife brothers for the remaining classes.
Sora has his own group of friends, I have my own, and I'm pretty sure Roxas will be too distracted with his group of fan girls like he is every day at lunch.
I set my tray down on the lunch table and regard my group of friends. They all have that sympathetic expression on their faces as I sit down (and their conversations immediately ended when I approached the table). The nearest person, Selphie, smiles at me pityingly and the only thing I want to do afterwards is crawl under a rock.
Yeah, so it was obvious I'm in love with Roxas Strife. And yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious that I was rejected too. I sigh – it was more of a huff, really – and plop down next to Selphie. The food I bought doesn't look as appetizing to me anymore.
I hear a loud chuckle resound through the cacophony of the cafeteria. Instinctively I feel my eyes travel over towards the laughing boy. He runs a hand through his perfectly combed blonde hair, his eyes scrunch together as another loud chuckle booms out of his mouth. It's funny how attuned my ears were to every sound he made. Actually, it's kind of pathetic.
I internally groan, picking at my food. Stupid chicken. Stupid Roxas. Stupid cafeteria. Stupid –
"Kairi."
Oh great.
I swivel in my seat, gaze already dreading to meet Sora's eager expression. His dopey expression is bright and vibrant and so opposite of what I'm feeling, I want to punch him.
"Do you have a minute?" He asks, placing hand on the back of my chair. His fingers get caught on the tips of my hair and he ends up pulling strands out. The scowl is forming on my face I can feel it. "Ah, sorry." He adds quickly, removing the hand.
"Just… make it quick, okay?" I mumble out.
I let the brunette lead me a slight ways away from the table. He grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the trashcan (oh how romantic!). I watch with a skeptical expression, as he scratches the side of his face nervously. His blue eyes are averted and there's a seriously anxious expression painted across his Banana Republic face.
Subconsciously, I feel my gaze flicker towards the Calvin Kline model. Just because I wonder if he's staring back. He's not. One of the girls is giggling into his ear, while his hand is conveniently placed on her ass.
"I wanted to ask you something." Sora starts out.
I nod, half listening. My eyes narrow, when another girl accidentally falls into his lap. I can feel my arms cross over my chest, defensively. I'm not sure what they would be doing if I continued to watch, so I return my attention back on the bumbling, nervous brunette.
"So there's this band that's playing at this party down the street," Sora trails off pointedly. I can already hear the question before it's even asked. "And I was thinking that maybe you… and I…?"
"I don't really think that's a good idea." I mumble out. I can now suddenly feel the eyes of my friends around the table on me. As if they have our whole conversation bugged. It irritates me and I really want to get out of the spotlight. I mean I probably already look like a jealous, heartbroken, pathetic little sap; I really don't need this attention.
I make a move to walk back towards the table, when I feel his hand clamp around my wrist. This situation feels so ridiculously familiar that it freaks me out for a moment. For a brief second, I have this very strong desire to scream out. But the feeling goes away as quickly as it comes.
"Wait! Kairi, hold on a sec'." Sora tugs me back into his personal space. "It could be fun. And – and I know that you're in a funk right now-" I frown at his choice of words. "-so I really think this could just, like, make things better for a while."
"No."
"It's not a date."
"No."
"Really, we'll just go as friends, just to take your mind off things. You need to go out and have fun and…"
I tune him out after that. I'm not entirely convinced with his argument. It's not that I don't think he's sweet by doing this because he is. But I'm not stupid either. I know he has other intentions in his little agenda as well.
My eyes flicker around the cafeteria, looking for that set of eyes that I just know are on me. Still comfortably crowded by a group of girls, naturally, Roxas stares straight at me. It makes my insides quiver because it's the first time I've stared back this whole day.
His expression is unreadable. But I know for a fact that his attention is not centered around the gang of girls smothering him anymore. I don't know how long I hold his gaze. I've stopped paying attention to the fact that others are staring at me.
His eyes narrow slightly, as if he's studying me. Because we're two strangers who speak different languages.
I swallow quickly and narrow my eyes back.
You don't own me.
It's a halfhearted attempt at conveying a silent message and he knows it. I decide to turn away before I do something completely stupid.
"…And the band is really good! There'll be food and -"
"-Okay fine." I interrupt quickly.
Oh well that was stupid.
These Strife brothers are going to be the death of me.
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Sora reassures me afterwards that this was not going to be a date, not in the slightest.
Oh, who was he kidding, it's so going to be a date.
And to make matters worse, Namine's been glaring at me for the past half hour. I feel like I'm going to turn into an ice sculpture with that frosty glower she's shooting me.
"Namine, please wait!" I chase after her, as soon as the bell rings because she bolts from her chair. She pauses and looks over her shoulder. Her expression is still deathly cold as ever. It literally freezes me in my tracks. I would have remained stone-still, had she not grabbed my arm and yanked me away from the bustling students who were walking out the school gates.
Her hand is tight and uncomfortable, and it worries me. Oh what the hell, I should be worried. Should be groveling at her feet. Admittedly it scares the crap out of me. Namine never gets angry. She hates confrontation. And seeing her in this state has me realizing that I've messed up. Big time.
Once we settle in a secluded area, she spins around and looks at me with a very harsh stare.
"How could you do that?" She demands, her voice was full of anger. I don't think I've ever seen her that angry or… hurt. Her eyebrows furrow as she looks away, releasing my arm. "I should've realized it. God, I'm so stupid."
"Namine, it doesn't mean anything. I just said yes, so it would shut Sora up."
"You said yes to a date with a guy that you know I-I have feelings for. How is that okay?" Namine asks incredulously.
"I'm sorry, in that moment I just forgot-"
"-Forgot that I existed?" The blonde continues accusingly.
"No!" I protest, as she shakes her head. There's a cold, bitter smile forming on her face that sends chills down my spine. "No, of course not!"
"I would've never done that to you." Namine's voice is soft, but it's sharper than knives. Each word that's uttered out of the blonde's mouth just makes me feel like I'm being stabbed over and over repeatedly. "Even if I was rejected and wanted to get back at that person, I would never sell you out. Do you want to know why?" The smile fell away from her face. "You mean more to me than some stupid boy."
The guilt spread throughout my body like an infection. I want to say I'm sorry to her a thousand times but I know at this point she's not listening to me anymore. It's a one-sided conversation and I'm the punching bag that has to listen to everything.
"I know you've been hurt, Kairi," Namine says icily. "But I didn't think you'd ever be mean."
She shakes her head with a look of absolute disgust on her face. And that's exactly how I feel – disgusting. Unworthy of being loved. A cockroach that's just begging to be squashed.
She's gone before I can muster out any semblance of an apology.
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Oh geez, well I'm pretty sure the author's note was longer than the actual chapter lol! But it's okay, it was meant to be short. It's building up for the next one. Next chapter's going to be :O
Reviews are loved, dearly, by the way.