Well, the next chapter is up. It came out longer than I expected... And… it's really angsty. Really, angsty. And really intense! A lot of you may hate me after you read this. And possibly Roxas. Also there are a lot of things happening in this chapter. I've seriously considered changing this into an M-rated story, but nah. I never said this was going to be a happy story.
To those of you who answered "We Found Love" by Rihanna, you are correct. Congrats:
roxirigirl. Polymoly. ken08002. Sookdeo. DreamStar175
Free cyber-sugar cookies for you!
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Chapter 6:
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
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It all just happens rather quickly. Naminé hits the floor. Sora lets out another yelp. Roxas watches silently. And I throw myself out towards the blonde. What the hell is going on?
"Naminé!" I yell, sinking on my knees towards her limp body. I turn her over and see blood seeping through what I realize is a busted lip. I shake her, feeling the blood drain out of my face at her unresponsive reaction. "What's – what's wrong with her?"
"Can't you tell by now?" Roxas's voice is filled with mirth. My eyes flit towards his shaking form. He's laughing! He has the audacity to laugh at this whole situation. It sets my blood boiling. I don't get a chance to respond because the blonde rolls over. A tiny grown escapes her lips as she comes around. My fingers push the hair out of her face, and then shortly after that, she pukes all over my lap.
"She's wasted." Sora murmurs, as the realization hits me faster than the steaming anger.
Naminé's eyes crack open and she stares up at me with glassy eyes. I'm not sure she knows where she is or who I am, but the look is gone when another gagging fit hits her. I move to stand, as quickly as I can, pulling her up with me. I support most of her weight and it really doesn't faze me because she's tiny as it is.
"Bathroom." I order sharply. Sora stares at me as if I just spoke to him in a different language. Roxas, on the other hand, knows exactly what I want. He makes a quick turn and I rush to follow him, dragging Naminé's drunken body with me. We aren't even near the bathroom, when I suddenly hear her sobbing quite loudly into my ear.
"Oh god!" She croons, digging her nails into my neck. I want to tell her to shut up. Partly because she's hurting me. But I think it's mostly because I'm furious, at Roxas, at her, at myself. It never ends. "No, no, no, he hates me. God, he hates me!"
Roxas pulls open the farthest door in the hallway, moves in to turn the light. Fortunately there is no one in there, when I dump Naminé as close to the toilet as I possibly can without her banging her head against the porcelain seat.
Her crying doesn't stop, even when she's puking her guts out into the toilet and all over herself. I wrinkle my nose, as I hold her hair back. Her dainty fingers clutch the toilet seat tightly as another roll of vomit comes up. After a few minutes, the blonde tiredly leans against the seat, whimpering against the rim of the toilet. I don't have the heart to move her face away. The girl is crying as if someone were chopping off her legs.
"What did you do?" I hear Sora's angry voice by the door. My attention diverts from the sobbing blonde, towards the two brothers who are watching us. Roxas looks remote, unemotional even. If I were anyone else, I would assume he was indifferent to the entire thing, but I noticed his right hand clenched into a tight fist.
"I didn't mean for things to get this bad." Roxas snapped back.
"Weren't you watching her!" I demand, rising from my seat. Naminé doesn't notice, as she continues to cry into the toilet.
"I'm not her babysitter." He shot back. I'm furious. I want to slap him or do something to wake him up from that stupid Roxas world he's been living in.
Naminé coughs, momentarily breaking us from our argument. I reach for her hair, but she moves away proceeding to barf out her insides. "I don't want him to hate me. I – I shouldn't have done that. Sora's going to hate me." She hiccups.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, before I hear an uncomfortable cough coming from other best friend. Roxas looks away.
"What did you do?" I repeat Sora's question. At least, Roxas has the decency to look a little nervous. "Roxas!"
"Look, I honestly didn't mean for Naminé to get this bad." The blond admits reluctantly.
"What did you do?"
"I just offered her a few drinks, okay? I just was hoping to get her tipsy, just a little. It wasn't long before she was confusing me for Sora. It was an honest mistake."
"Let me get this straight… You got our best friend drunk to make-out with her!"
Roxas frowns. "Look, I'm sorry, when a hot girl wants to make-out I just go for it!"
"You're her best friend." I snarl.
"You're her best friend." He repeats and I visibly flinch at the statement. The anger is coursing through my veins. And I realize that if I don't calm myself down now, I'm going to have another Kairi explosion. Roxas seems to notice…if that slight tilt of his lips is any indication. "You should've noticed that she was a mess way before this party even started Cherry."
Damn it Kairi, this isn't the time to be staring at his lips!
"What are you saying? That I'm a worst friend than you?" I ask incredulously.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying."Roxas scoffs.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me right now-"
"At least I don't hurt her." He spits.
"And this isn't hurting her?" I demand, gesturing towards the blonde sniffling, leaning against the tub. Roxas's frown deepens.
"I told you it was a mistake. Drinking cheers me up and Naminé was miserable, so I put two-and-two together."
"You're sick." I hiss, before standing up abruptly and stomping out of the bathroom.
This is stupid. Let them sort out that mess. Naminé and Roxas can both go fuck off.
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Monday morning, I still can't seem to process the events from last night. My mind just wouldn't accept it. I couldn't – I can't – accept the fact that Roxas, my Roxas, and Naminé would do that. It seems unreal, crazy. I feel like I've tumbled down a rabbit hole and everything's topsy turvy. Kairi's in wonderland, except it's not really a wonderful land, it's more like horrorland. A neverending fright fest that's usually held in the local theme parks. That's exactly what it was – a never-ending fright fest.
When was it going to end? Will it even ever end?
Roxas, the thought of his callous behavior sends my blood boiling. I want to hate him. I want to hate him so badly. But I can't. I just can't. I can't reach into my own soul and find some kind of semblance of hatred so strong that it perpetually binds itself towards the blond. It's impossible.
And Naminé? It's hard to think of her and not want to rip her hair out. It's so easy to hate her and that's just sad.
I didn't speak to her since Saturday. I tried calling her over the remainder of the weekend, just to make sure she got home safe. But the she never picked up. I didn't have the guts to visit her either. I was angry too.
It's first period. I'm dreading that class. I'm dreading sitting next to him. But I quickly shake that feeling. The bell was going to ring soon and Kairi, despite any kind of situation, is never tardy. I walk into Government class, taking my seat. I can't resist the urge to glare at Roxas. He doesn't seem fazed by the glower, as he smiles at me easily. It just infuriates me even more.
"Goodmorning Cher-"
"Don't," I hiss out, my fingers already curling into fists on my desk. "talk to me."
I don't want to blow up. I really don't. It really isn't the appropriate time or place, especially considering the fact that that stupid bimbo bitch, Olette, is watching our every move. I shoot her a glare as well, just because I can. Her nose wrinkles as if she's just taken a whiff of dog poop.
Roxas can sense her stare so he knows better than to provoke me. He keeps quiet the rest of the period, and I'm thankful for that. For once, he doesn't seem like an idiot.
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The day flits by faster than I expect it to. Perhaps it's because I'm only half-aware of my surroundings. Perhaps it's because I feel like complete and utter shit. Or perhaps it's the incredibly tremendous fear washing through me. English with best friend number two. I know Naminé is in a right fit. She's been ignoring my calls since Sunday. That really was never a good sign. Hung-over or not, Naminé is usually really good about returning missed calls.
I pause by the door, knowing that the blonde – if she showed up to school – will be sitting in her regular seat. I've never wanted to not go to English this badly (I love English!). I wish I could just melt into the linoleum floor. Even if there was gum on the current tile I was stepping on.
I hear a nervous cough, from my right and my attention immediately shifts towards the sound. Spiky hair, nervous smiles and all, Sora stands awkwardly before me.
Sora.
Of course. Another person I wasn't really all that keen about seeing today.
"Hey Kairi." He greets politely. It's different. The whole vibe of this greet is different. It's almost distant. A sad smile tugs at my lips as I greet him back.
"How was, I mean, did you get home okay Saturday?" I ask, feeling incredibly stupid for not asking that question on – duh – Saturday night. Sora's brown eyebrows raise slightly, my question barely sinking in. He knew I was really asking about Roxas. Stupid Kairi. Even when you're furious with the idiot, he still manages to make you a pathetic little sap.
"Yeah I was fine." He answers quietly. He understands now.
I mimic his nervous cough, before walking through the door. This chit chat was only getting more awkward by the second.
Naminé is the first thing I see when I walk in. She looks oddly normal, considering how messed up she was on Saturday. Her blonde hair is neatly arranged in soft curls over her right shoulder. Her face is resting against her hand as she draws in her empty notebook. It feels almost normal walking into the class. It feels like it could be any other day. But when she looks up, that feeling shatters.
Her eyes narrow and freeze over instantly. The serene look on her face stiffens until it's an empty, cold look. There's something in her expression that terrifies me. It could've been the sudden coldness of it. But I really think it's the detachment of her expression. Her walls that I've so carefully picked away over the years are standing strong against me. I'm locked out, unable to pass through.
It hurts to see her look so defensive. It hurts even more when the hard studying gaze I used to hate is completely gone. She barely even acknowledges me.
"N-Naminé?" I call out tentatively. She regards me. But that's just it, she regards me like she would to any normal person – no – she regards me as if I were a stranger. The look silences me and I don't bother trying to grab her attention the rest of the class.
After the dismissal bell rings, I watch as she picks her things up and walks out the door. I count to five, before I rush out after her. She's walking normally. It was always harder to read Naminé than it was read Roxas. And now that she's closed off, just makes the studying all the more difficult.
"Naminé!" I call out. She stops to my surprise. I feel an eerie sense of déjà vu hit me, as she slowly turns around. "Naminé, hi, I just, um, I just wanted to see how you were-"
"-Fine, thanks." She interrupts stonily.
"Oh." I say in a small voice. Her gaze is still blank, but I notice she keeps looking down to the floor. As if she has a hard time staring me in the eye. "So, um, I just wanted to say sorry for everything-"
"Really, just save the apology. I know neither of you mean it." Naminé says with a condescending tone lacing her voice. It catches me off guard. "I'm really, like, tired of the both of you. I'm sick of watching you guys. I'm sick of trying to play match-maker and peace-keeper for you two. And I'm sick of being treated like the stupid tag-along, unimportant nuisance."
"I – I don't, we don't think of you that-"
"-Kairi, I seriously don't want to hear anything more. It's always going to be you and Roxas. I was never really part of your crew. And to be honest, I kind of hate the both of you right now." Naminé said with that creepy calm voice.
"Naminé that's not-"
"No! I don't want anything to do with Roxas or you or even Sora. I just – I just want out." She sighs, wearily. That's exactly what she looks like. She looks tired, exhausted even. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. Being so caught up in Roxas that I failed to notice that Naminé was practically going through the same thing I was, probably even worse. "I'm leaving."
"What?"
"I'm moving back with my dad in Radiant Gardens."
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By lunch time, I'm seething. I feel on edge and jumpy. The conversation with Naminé has only sent my emotions in to a confusing jumbling mess. Leaving? She couldn't be leaving. We couldn't have scared her off? It couldn't be our fault!
It's his fault. It's always been Roxas's fault, indirectly or directly. Things always trace back to that blond idiot!
I drop my tray onto the table, my hands are shaking and I'm only half aware of my surroundings.
"Kairi, are you okay?" Selphie asks, putting down her carton of milk. She glances at me worriedly but I know it isn't sincere. How do you say you're okay when you're not?
I don't respond, instead choosing to rip the turkey sandwich from out of the plastic wrappings. I'm not even hungry. In fact I'm sick to my stomach. But I ignore that, as I stuff the sandwich into my mouth. I don't even like turkey!
I can feel their eyes on me as I glare down at the table with watery eyes. I don't know what to do. I realize I stopped knowing what to do a long time ago. What am I supposed to do about Naminé? About Roxas? About myself?
And to make matters worse today, of all days, Roxas chooses to ignore his horde of girls to take a seat next to me. His tray drops on the table roughly, some of his chili beans spilling over onto my tray. He beams at me, cheekily. I want to smack him, but I don't. I wouldn't do it in a crowd full of people. His fan girls would jump me.
"Cherry, you see Naminé today?" He asks. I can hear the smug tone dripping from his voice. I don't respond, choosing to take a big bite of my sandwich. The horrible turkey flavor infests my mouth and I'm tempted to cough it all out. But I can feel his stupid eyes on me. I don't need another excuse to make myself look like a humiliating idiot.
Roxas turns away, and proceeds to tell the group a joke. It takes me a while to realize that it's a dirty one. Oh typical. A dirty joke that most likely demeans women. The blond nudges me with his elbow, excitedly asking me, "Did you get it?"
I chew dangerously on my sandwich, glaring at him. Roxas doesn't seem fazed by my lack of…friendliness. In fact, he seems to have taken it upon himself to make my ill behavior melt away. He nudges me, or asks my input and the annoyance is increasing. Add that to the fact that I'm already pissed beyond my wits at him.
He's laughing loudly and it sounds like someone playing a trumpet in my ear. I can feel my resolve crumbling away after every minute ticking by. And then the idiot mentions the party.
"You guys should've seen Naminé, she was so…"
And then I snapped. I'm so angry and in a rage that I don't even hear the rest of his statement. Naminé is leaving because of him. Everything is crap because of him. It's always been him and I'm so sick and tired of it.
"Hey!" I shriek, standing abruptly from my seat. I can feel everyone's attention suddenly shift towards me, including his. "Do you mind being an asshole somewhere else?"
His smile fades slowly.
I don't stick around to hear anything. Quickly, I grab my tray, bustling towards the trash can, and walking out the cafeteria door. I can still feel the heated glares from the girls.
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It felt like déjà vu all over again. I cried as I walk down the hall, towards my car. Except Roxas didn't stop me. And neither did Sora. I'm was alone in this.
The tears didn't stop, even when I finally got home, even when my parents had the decency to finally ask what was wrong with me.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" My mother asks for the billionth time that week. It's Friday now, and their anniversary. I can see their bags are packed for the drive they've been planning for months. A wave of guilt hits me.
God, Kairi you can even manage to ruin your parents' day as well.
"No, Mom, just go." I protest and for the first time it sounds like a decent protest. It sounds sincere, despite the fact that I'm not okay and I don't want the safety of my parents gone this weekend. I didn't even have Naminé anymore. She was long gone by Wednesday afternoon. I didn't even get to see her off at the train station. Or give her an apology.
My mom looks convinced for the first time. It unnerves me and I can't exactly say I'm relieved at the expression on her face.
It doesn't take long for them to load their bags into the car and pull out of the drive way. It was so easy for them. A sense of despair hits me as I watch the car drive down the street. I really am alone in all of this.
My lips tremble and I can feel it, the oncoming tears. With a quivering breath, I turn and head back inside. I make a beeline for my room. It's not like any of the other rooms in the house are appropriate for a meltdown. Except, perhaps the living room. But sitting on the couch by myself and not being able to hear my mother cooking or my dad remodeling the guest room, only deepens the sense of loneliness.
So, my room it is.
I lock the door, an automatic reaction when I walk into my room. There is still a fresh wet stain on my pillow and I just know that stain is going to expand after I'm done with it.
My planned sob fest is short lived, because in the next second I hear a knock on my bedroom door.
Crap. Did I not lock the front door? Kairi you idiot! A complete rapist could come up here and – and –
"Kairi?"
I feel the blood drain out of my face as the voice of the last person on earth I want to see, call out for me. Slowly, I walk back towards the door, hesitating. I want to open it and tell him to go away and give him a good kick in the groin for good measure, but I don't want to risk him slipping in.
And I really, really don't want him seeing me cry any more than he already has. A girl can only take so much of humiliation.
"I brought a cake." Roxas's voice is soft and hopeful on the other side.
I hold my breath, feeling the traitor tears spilling down the sides of my face. I try to silence the sobbing noises, but I know he can hear them. It's Roxas. It's always been Roxas. He's always known everything about me. "Please, Kairi."
"I – I – I'm not opening." I cry out. Reminder, don't talk when you're crying Kairi. The other side is quiet and I can just picture that stupid satisfied smirk on his face.
"Please, Kairi just let me in."
"Leave me alone!" I manage to holler without any stutters. Should be quite proud of myself. But I can't muster even a grin on my trembling lips. I hear him sigh and… a sniffle? I hear the package of the cake crinkle as he, presumably, sets it down on the floor. I hear his footsteps fade as he walks away.
Good riddance.
After a good ten minutes, I take a deep breath and slowly unlock the door, poking my head out to see if there was still a blonde. A soft sigh escapes my lips when I see the empty hallway. That was a good sign. My eyes then fall to the package on the floor. The paper bag looks fancy, and looks like it belongs to an expensive bakery. A wave of anger hits me, as I grab the bag, run down the stairs and throw it in the trash can. I don't want his mixed signals or his stupid pity. I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything to do with him.
My eyes scan the hallway, bathroom and empty bedroom for any sign of the unwanted blond. When I'm satisfied, I hurry towards the front door and lock it.
I take my time heading back upstairs. It's not like I had anything to look forward to up in my room, besides crying another river. But apparently that river is momentarily blocked off by a dam, because the second I open my door I see a panting Roxas and my bedroom window open.
My eyes are red; I know that for a fact. I can't really hide the evidence that I've been crying either. He looks at me as if he knows too. His dark eyes are observant and they look, weirdly, red as well. This… this couldn't be right.
I'm speechless, watching him watch me. It feels imaginary. He must be some sort of hologram, sending me –
He reaches out and grabs my hand. Kay, well that theory is thrown out the window.
"I'm sorry." He breathes out. It sounds so freaking sincere. It sounds so honest and for some reason that makes me hurt all the more. I don't know what to say. I don't know exactly what to feel. The emotions well up and flit by me so fast I don't have enough time to distinguish between them. That was until one finally settled on the number one Kairi-emotion pedestal: anger.
"Kairi, I'm sor-"
"-Get out."
"What?"
"Get out!" I scream.
"I'm trying to apologize to you, damn it!" Roxas protested, dodging when I suddenly had the decency to swing at him.
"You've got some nerve!" I growl out, struggling against his hand when he decides to hold my arms still. "Coming here and – and bringing me some stupid cake. As if I'd eat that! Naminé is gone! She's gone! And it's all your fault!"
"You need to calm down."
"You need to get the fuck out of my house!" I snarled. Roxas immediately lets go of my arms. He backs away a safe distance and the sudden loss of contact leaves me slightly shocked. I glance up at him, ready to pounce, but he's staring at me with that wounded expression. I'm reminded of Sora. And that baffles me.
"I – I just really need to talk to you Kairi. About things." Roxas explains, watching me carefully. The whole Sora comparison has calmed me down a great deal. Maybe it's because in my head, Sora equals safe, so perhaps this situation may be safe… emphasis on the may be. "About us."
Screw that may be! This was so not safe! I need to get out of here! I need to –
"I know that you probably don't want anything to do with me but I don't care!"
"See that's the problem with you, you don't care, Roxas." I say nastily. He visibly flinches at my tone.
"That's not true." He protests stubbornly.
"And I – I care so much."
"That's not true, Kairi!" He yells furiously. His voice stops my speech. I fall silent at his fuming frame. He looks like he's about to hit something. I wouldn't doubt he'd do it either. It's Roxas. The blond glares at me, but it's not really a glare. There's still the striking resemblance to that wounded look. He's hurt. I've hurt Roxas Strife. I didn't even think that was possible. "God, you have no idea! You don't have a single fucking clue, do you Kairi? You think I'm the oblivious one? You're blind! You're so blind it's ridiculous!"
"What are you even talking about?" I ask suspiciously, as his tantrum rages on.
"I love you." He practically spits out. It sounds harsh and angry and horrible rolling out of his mouth. "I love you to pieces, okay?"
Did I hear correctly? My brain turns fuzzy.
"I'm sorry, what?" I question, blinking rapidly. I feel dizzy and this urge to sit down grips me. I want – I want to be back on my bed, and process this. What did he say? It feels like his whole statement has been censored like they do on T.V.
"I'm in love with you." He says voice uneven. Roxas is still riled up. His eyes are blazing and look as if they're on fire. There isn't an ounce of this love he speaks of in his eyes. And I think that's the major reason why I'm so confused. He looks like – like he hates me right now. "I've been in love with you ever since we were seven years old."
I blink again, the words finally beginning to process in my sluggish mind. He – he loves me?
That's not possible.
"Are you going to say anything? Isn't this the stupid little confession you've been dreaming of?" He asks nastily.
"You – you can't say that to me!" I finally mutter out. "After all that crap you put me through, you honestly think you even deserve to say that to me? You don't love me. People who love each other don't make the other suffer."
Roxas laughs dangerously. "It sucks doesn't it? Now try living with that for ten years."
"So what."
He lets out scoff, followed by another roll of incredulous laughter. There's still that dangerous, wild look in his eyes. And I'll admit it was starting to scare me a little.
"You're a hypocritical bitch."
I can't take it anymore; I can feel another round of tears start to build up. This is getting ridiculous. How – how dare he say that! To me, of all people! I open my mouth to tell him so, but he cuts in quickly.
"So, no, you can't just say so what to me. After everything, every single thing you put me through for the past decade." He says furiously. "I've – I've cried over you, do you realize how fucking horrible that feels? How stupid and how much I hated myself for even feeling that way about you? I've tried burying these feelings away because it wasn't doing me any good. You never looked twice my way. Never. And I was the fucking pathetic little sap that would follow you around like a stupid puppy." He paused, to swallow thickly. He ran a hand through his hair and looked away. But I did not miss the way he wiped his eyes with his other hand. "I resented you for making feel this – this weak. And I changed. I started not giving a fuck. I closed off everything – every fucking feeling so I wouldn't have to love you. It wasn't worth it, to feel all the pain that came with it. I hated you. Or at least, I tried telling myself that but you were so infuriating. Always creeping up inside my heart. Distractions weren't enough and then you had to go and ruin everything by saying that at the party."
He turns to look back at me, that same blazing look in his watery eyes. "I didn't know what to do or say. You, the girl of my dreams, was confessing her love for me? It was unbelievable. I would've taken you right there on the spot. But I didn't. I refused to feel like a fucking slave to my emotions ever again. I didn't want to hurt anymore. My heart, it couldn't take any more breakage-"
"-So you break mine instead?" I interrupt when I find my voice. He looks at me. The silence is enough of a confirmation. "That's just – fucked up – no, no it's sick! Who does that? You're, you're-"
"-I was scared. You had the power to make me the happiest guy in the world, and you also had the power to crush me into shit. Do – do you even get how, how much it hurts to be so invested in someone that when you realize that it'll never work out your whole world just crumbles down on you?"
"You!" I stammer out. "You, that's exactly what you do to me."
Roxas swallows thickly. He looks away from me. My heart is beating like crazy because it feels like this is it. We're both at the tip of a steep peak, and whatever more we say can tip the other over. I want him to fall off – so badly. But I don't think I have it in me to push him. He'll push me before I do that to him.
"I'm sorry." The blond glances back at me. His expression has changed. It's soft and not in flames. His watery eyes are even softer. He looks gentle, and I'm reminded of the times he would comfort me. His cupcakes, his smiles, his sweet words. "I'm sorry for everything. I thought I could – I could fight this, but I don't want to fight anymore. I can't stay away from you."
A small, bitter smile graces his lips.
The smile does wonders on me, quelling my anger. It shouldn't have surprised me that I felt a tiny sense of relief at seeing the smile. Or the way I feel the corner of my lips tilt. It's ridiculous, it's unbelievable, it's crazy and incomprehensive. But that's what we were.
He closes the gap between us in three strides. His hands are gently placed on my waist. There's something in his gaze that comforts me. Stupidly I realize that that unreadable expression on his face is none other than affection. Affection, doting, loving. I never understood it because I never related Roxas to any of those things. Roxas and affection never went well together in a sentence.
He inches his head lower so that we're at eye level, before he leans his forehead against mine. It's warm. And the slight brush of his blond bangs feels so irresistibly feathery soft.
"I love you." He breathes out. He sounds and looks so vulnerable. Scared, even. For the first time in my life, I have the ability to be in control. I have the power to hurt him just as badly as he has done to me. I have the power to say sweet things to him, and leave him hanging the next second. I have the power to crush him. But I don't have will to do it. Even if I wanted to, I never would have done it because –
"I love you." I repeat the statement softly. It feels surprisingly pleasant rolling out of my mouth. And the blush forming on his face is even more pleasant. It's a fucking masterpiece.
His breath beats against my lips, enticing me to just close the gap between us. It's not like I never kissed anyone before, there was that time with Hayner… but this is a Calvin Kline model here. This is Roxas. This is the guy I'm head over heels in love with. And he's inching closer to me. The anticipation nearly kills me.
When his lips brush against mine I can feel every doubt, every insecurity, every ounce of anger I've ever held towards him gets thrown out the window. Because this was worth it. Oh, god this was so worth it. My heart feels like it's aching in a good way. The feeling of it swelling so much that there really isn't any room left in my chest.
His lips are smooth as they nervously move against mine. It's not even pathetic that I think this is so magical. That I want my foot to pop up, but I'm too preoccupied with his moving lips.
His hands move from my waist and rest on the small of my back. It's so tender. The way he holds me against him. My hands automatically reach for his neck, bringing his face closer. I don't think it's possible for our faces to get even closer. I mean my nose was practically pressed up against his cheek.
A soft groan comes from one of us. I'm not even sure who it was, but it doesn't matter. We're so in synch that it could've been both of us. Roxas's lips suddenly part and I feel his teeth scrape against my bottom lip, prompting me to part my own. And I comply way too easily. His tongue brushes against the inside of my mouth, sending an unnaturally heavy and heated chill throughout my body. I can feel the kiss turning a different direction. It's desperate and hot and primal. I can feel every ounce of arousal underlying each swipe of his tongue.
He's everywhere, enveloping me in a world I always dreamed of being a part of. I can feel him, as he moves away from my mouth, leaving a very familiar trail down my jaw line and neck. I hear his heavy breathing against my ear and soft words that make my legs turn to jelly.
His exploring is short lived, because I crash my lips against his again. The same belly flopping, heart aching, hot chill feeling washes over me as my lips run over his. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
Roxas's hands fist around the material of my shirt, before smoothing it out. He pulls away suddenly, hands moving away from my back. I let out an unconscious whimper of protest at the lack of kissing. I open my eyes to give him a confused glance, until they suddenly fall on his hands that are on the top button of his collared shirt. He undoes the first button, shooting me a questioning glance.
I don't know what my face looks like, because he suddenly stops.
"Sorry.. I just…" He's flustered now. And I'm – I'm frozen on the spot. I know what's going to happen if he continues. It almost seems unreal. My parents are conveniently gone. Roxas is here. Roxas loves me. I love him. Was this all planned out by fate? I don't know.
The only thing I know is that I want it just as much as he probably does. And I know that when it comes to Roxas, I really have no self-control.
I push his hands away, when he tries to re-button it. I hold his gaze, trying to convey a silent message like I did in the cafeteria that day, what felt like forever ago. Roxas's eyes narrow studying me.
I want to.
"Let me." I whisper, training my eyes on the buttons, as one by one I undo them. I can feel that heavy gaze on me. It makes my core quiver and the flush become apparent on my face. His fingers find their way to the hem of my shirt, before lifting it off in one swift movement.
A cold shiver runs through me, as we both size each other up. His warm hands coax me closer to him.
And then I'm gone.
.
.
There's a soft smile on my face as I finally stir. My hands automatically reach for the warm body I know is next to me, but my fingertips brush against sheets. The smile drops, as I open my eyes and scan the room.
A wave of panic hits me, but then my eyes catch sight on him, bending over to pick his belt off the floor. He – he didn't leave. It's kind of sad how shocked I am with that knowledge. He actually stayed.
I study his back, it's bare and oh god, are those scratch marks? I feel my face turn crimson. The feeling doesn't last long because something suddenly feels off. What was he doing there and not in my bed?
He doesn't look at me as he puts his belt through the loops of his jeans (that I've just realized he's wearing).
"W-what are you doing?" I question. Roxas stiffens instantly, before slowly turning around. His expression is unreadable and not in the affectionate way. It's distant.
"I have to go." He whispers.
I sit upright, my hands fumbling around the floor for my shirt and slip it on. "No! You can't just do that. You can't just – just come here and then dump me afterwards."
"I'm sorry-"
"-You are not leaving me again." I threaten, standing up. He's buttoning his shirt now, nonchalantly. As if – as if he were getting ready for school. "I just – we just – I mean you can't leave me here after-"
"Kairi, I thought I could do this but I can't." Roxas mutters stonily.
"Please." I'm crying. I don't even realize it. My chest feels like it's caving in. I can't breathe. I can't – I can't breathe and he's just watching me with that damn unemotional expression. My breathing is heavy and laborious as I try to get oxygen into my choking lungs. "Please, I – I need you."
My world is spinning. Roxas is starting to become a big blur. And he doesn't care!
"I-I can't."
He's at the door now, watching me. I don't know what to do or stay. I'm practically begging, pleading with him. I don't think I can handle any more rejection. I don't think I can survive it. Doesn't he understand?
"I love you." My voice is cracking. It's pathetic, but I'm desperate.
He's pushing me off of the peak, crushing my grip one finger at a time. And I'm letting him. Roxas shakes his head before, opening my bedroom door.
"If you leave, I will never forgive you!" I shriek, causing him to hesitate. It's slight, but he hesitates. And then –
"Bye, Kairi."
When the door closes, I throw the nearest thing at it. The alarm clock. It shatters at the door. The broken machine prompts me to tear up more stuff. Because I'm hurt, devastated, angry. I'm heartbroken. And nothing is going to repair it. My foot collides with bed post.
The physical pain doesn't even compare to the raging war inside my torn up heart.
He's gone and I'm entirely convinced I've gone crazy.
So crazy that I promise myself I will never feel this way again.
I'd rather die than let him hurt me again.
.
.
Yeah…this was a pretty intense chapter. Please hold the tomatoes for now and shoot them at Roxas. This will be the last chapter in Kairi's POV (either for now, or forever, haven't decided yet). Reviews are loved and appreciated, tremendously so.
Thank you for reading!