Disclaimer: This also applies to chapter one. "Fallible" is mine. The Twilight Saga is not, and there is no copyright infringement intended. I'm only borrowing these characters, not adopting them.

04 - EPITOME OF SELFISH - 04

By the time I arrive at the Clearwater's, everyone is in the bed and rightfully so. It's well past three in the morning. I can only assume that they'd assumed I decided to stay at Sam's because of the power outage. I wince. I can only imagine what Leah had had to say about that.

I turn around at the door to find Sam watching me, silently, contemplatively.

"What do you want to do?" he asks. "If you ring the doorbell - "

" - I'll wake everyone up, I know," I finish his sentence as I bite my lip, worriedly.

"Tomorrow, you should ask Sue for a key," he says, crossing his arms. "Don't they usually give you one when you come stay for the summer?"

"No," I say, quietly. "I'm usually with Leah, so I don't need one."

This inspires somewhat of an awkward silence.

"We could go back to my house. It's pretty late," he suggests, though from the way he says it, I know he expects me to say no.

I have to admit, as tired as I am, the idea sounds awfully appealing. But once again, I'm stopped at the thought of what Leah would say.

"It's probably not the best idea," I say, even as I'm secretly wishing I could be back on his couch.

I wrap my arms around myself in an effort to keep the heat in, and the cold out. He notices, and inches a bit closer to me. His body heat radiates. I look up at him to find him staring down at me. So intense.

I stop breathing.

"Cold?" he asks.

I shake my head and look away. A non-verbal lie. I don't trust my voice. Not when he's looking at me with eyes that should be reserved for Leah.

"I could - "

He starts to speak, but he's interrupted by the front door opening. I turn, but I can feel Sam's eyes still on me.

"Emily? Sam?" Uncle Harry says, looking from one of us to the other. There's no accusation in his expression, yet I feel undeniably guilty.

"Uncle Harry," I say, nervousness emanating from me in waves. I can feel it. There's no way the two of them can't. "We were trying to figure out how I was going to get into the house without waking everyone up, thank you."

Uncle Harry shrugs. "Couldn't sleep." He smiles, and looks past me to Sam.

I look back at Sam as well. He still hasn't said anything. It's as if he's still stuck in the moment from before, like he doesn't realize Uncle Harry has come outside. He just continues to watch me.

"Thank you again, Sam," I say, softly. "Goodnight."

I can't get into the house fast enough, and when I do I head straight for the bathroom. Quickly, not but quick enough to escape my thoughts.

My brain betrays me, replaying the moment over and over, part of it wondering what would have happened if, and wishing, Uncle Harry hadn't interrupted. What would Sam have said? Would he have touched me? Hugged me? … kissed me?

Would I have let him?

There's only so much I can push away and not allow myself to answer before it breaks through and I'm forced to think -

" - think, do you! Do you even have a brain!"

I am startled awake, once again, by an angry Leah. My eyes wrench themselves open just in time to see a glass full of ice water being hurtled in my direction.

I gasp and sit straight up on the couch. I'm utterly, and completely drenched, and Leah is standing in front of me, glaring fiercely, the glass clenched in her fist.

"How, exactly, is staying for hours at night at my boyfriend's house supposed to make me trust you more?" she says, her voice low and cold.

It's crystal clear that she's absolutely livid. But this… I look down at my clothes. I am soaked. She's crossed the line, now.

"Nothing. Happened," I say, slowly and evenly, as I rise to my feet.

And though the feelings of guilt are there… among other, more confusing feelings… I can say with one-hundred percent accuracy that this is true. I've never purposely touched Sam, or even reached out to touch him.

She snorts, and tosses her hair over her shoulder. "Please! You know he's attracted to you, Emily!"

I've had enough.

"Then, take it up with him!" I snap. "You and I both know I'm not the problem here, so stop blaming me. I'm not giving you any reason to doubt me, but clearly he is - "

"Don't come today."

For a second, I have no idea what's she's talking about. Then, I remember. Her graduation. She's uninviting me to her high school graduation.

All of the anger evaporates out of my body so suddenly that I am left feeling deflated and drained.

"Lee, come on, you can't be serious. I haven't done anything - "

"He's going to be there. I don't want to think about you two sitting next to each other on what is supposed to be a happy day for me - "

"Leah, that's ridiculous!" I interrupt. "The whole family is going to be there - !"

"Except you," she hisses. "It's my graduation, and you're no longer invited. And since that was really the only reason you came here this summer, why don't you buy yourself a plane ticket? You can be gone before we get back, so I can be spared having to look at your backstabbing - "

"What in the world is going on here?" Aunt Sue's shocked voice startles both of us, quite effectively. I turn around to find all three of them: her, Seth, and Harry standing still on the stairs, caught in mid-descent, identical expressions of surprise on their faces.

"Ask that backstabbing bit - "

"LEAH!" Uncle Harry yells, furiously.

I stand there, pathetic and shivering, as an influx of tears well up in my eyes. Is this really what it's come to?

"Why are you wet?" Seth asks. "Leah, did you throw water on Emily?"

The sob catches in my throat, and everyone's attention turns to me. I propel myself into action. Leaving the blankets I had been using on the couch, I go instead for my suitcase, and then charge for the stairs.

Silently, they move aside for me, and wordlessly, I make my way to the bathroom -

- bathroom for at least half an hour, wishing for once in my life that I had done the unexpected a few weeks ago and actually made plans to go on vacation with my parents.

A more resentful part of me wished for a second that I had gone ahead and kissed Sam. I reasoned that if I had to do the time, I might as well have done the crime. I quickly banished that mode of thinking, however, which brings me to now.

"Emily? Leah and Harry are gone, sweetheart. You sure you won't reconsider and come to her graduation? I'm sure she didn't mean - "

I open the door only because it's rude to force Aunt Sue to try to talk to me through a wall. She doesn't deserve it any more than I deserve what Leah's been doing to me.

"Sorry," I say, softly.

Seth is nowhere to be seen, and I can only assume she's banished him to elsewhere in the house so she can talk to me alone.

"It's not your fault," she says, shaking her head. "I don't know what's come over Leah. I mean, I know she's never been the most levelheaded crayon in the box, but Sam seems to have this effect on her that makes her absolutely crazy."

I shrug. Sam seems to have that effect on a lot of people, I want to say, but of course, I don't. I already feel uncomfortable enough. There's no need to give Aunt Sue to be suspicious of something that hasn't happened. It would just make the situation worse.

"And then they want to get married!" Aunt Sue continues, exasperatedly. "He's a perfectly nice boy, and Harry seems to really trust him, but I don't know…"

She furrows her brow, and raises hand to hover in front of her face as if she's about to bite her nails.

"Honestly… I never thought they were right for each other," she admits, worry so visible all over her face.

I let my surprise show. "Really?"

"I always figured it was a case of opposites attracting, you know?" she nods. "But try telling anything to Leah that she doesn't want to hear… It only made her attach herself to him more."

Classic Leah.

"Do you think I should go home?" I say, softly, already knowing exactly what her answer will be.

"You know I don't, and you better not try," Aunt Sue says. "You know perfectly well that Leah needs someone to blame for her failing relationship with Sam, and because… well, Sam does tend to pay a lot of attention to you - which is natural, darling, don't look like that, you're a beautiful girl - it's only reasonable that Leah blame you. She knows deep down you would never do anything to betray her trust - we all do - I'm just sorry you had to be involved."

The guilt in my stomach multiplies when she says this, and the 'kissing Sam' fantasy immediately goes up in a puff of smoke. Deep down, I wonder when it became a fantasy, rather than an errant thought.

"Me too," I reply, biting my lip. "Aunt Emily, I… want to go today, but I don't think it's the best idea."

Her disappointed look almost makes me reconsider.

"Well, if you're sure…" She checks her watch. "Goodness, Seth and I should get going. Harry should be back with the car by now."

Sure enough, as soon as she says that, we hear Seth call up from the foot of the stairs.

"Mom! Dad's back!"

She smiles at me and turns to leave. Then, she hesitates at the top of the stairs, and turns back to say, "Oh, and I'm leaving my keys on the kitchen counter for you in case you want to go anywhere. Harry told me what happened last night. I don't know why we didn't think to give you keys. I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay. Thanks, Aunt Sue," I respond from where I am, still in the bathroom doorway.

Five minutes later, everyone is gone and I am left alone with my thoughts. Sighing, I finally leave the bathroom and return downstairs. My eyes fall upon Aunt Sue's keys on the counter, exactly where she said they'd be.

Too late, I realize that I don't necessarily want to spend the day alone, but now it can't be helped.

The phone rings, and I go to answer it, but pause when I see my mother's name on the caller ID. I sigh, and decide to let the answering machine pick it up. She's the last person I feel like talking to at the moment. Not only will she keep me on the phone forever, but she's excellent at picking up on my mood through my voice. When she keeps calling back to back, however, I see it as a sign that I should probably leave the house.

I search my suitcase for a clean hoodie, emerging unsuccessfully. It would probably be beneficial to use this alone time to do the laundry, but I don't feel like that, either. Instead, I wander into Leah's room, and pick an oversized dark red hoodie out of her closet from her self-declared 'if I wear this, shoot me' section. It's doubtful she'll even notice it's gone.

I head back downstairs, grab the keys off the counter, and leave to the sound of the house phone ringing, yet again.

I start out with my head down and no set destination in mind. I am walking for about fifteen minutes, very slowly, before I come across anyone else.

I look up, only because I don't want to be rude, and open my mouth to say, 'Hello,' but the words die before they can escape my lips. It's the 'fishing stuff' boy from Uncle Harry's store. And it actually seems like he's grown a few inches, or so, if that's even possible.

"Aren't you cold?" I blurt out, instead of a greeting.

"No, actually," he snaps, startling me a bit. He glares. "And I thought you said you didn't know him."

"Excuse me?" I reply, eyebrows raised.

He gestures behind him. And only then do I realize that my subconscious mind has ironically brought me directly to Sam's house. I sigh.

"You lied," he spits. "Why did you lie to me?"

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Um, I don't actually know you," I say, smiling nervously. "I only met you that one time in the store, and I'm certain I didn't lie to you about anything. Maybe you're thinking of someone else? My cousin, Leah, maybe. I've been told we look alike… from a distance."

"NO, it was you!" he says, raising his voice more than what's necessary.

Unconsciously, I take a step back as I am suddenly flooded with worry and confusion.

"I don't understand exactly - " I try, but I'm interrupted.

"God, just looking at you makes me sick. What are you afraid of? Do you actually think I'd hit a woman?" He scoffs at me.

My heart pounds frantically. I'm at a complete loss. This is the type of situation I never thought I'd end up in, for sure. Especially in La Push, of all places. I have no idea what to do. Should I just take off and run? Will he chase me if I do?

"Do I have to spell it out for you? Where. Is. Sam?" he says, saying each word very slowly, as if I'm stupid.

Randomly, I wonder if I did something to him in a past life.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" he shouts, his entire being shaking in anger.

Without thinking about it, I bolt. I swivel on the spot, and sprint as fast as I can in the direction I came from.

"HEY!" I hear his startled voice, but I can't tell if he's following me or not. The thought makes me run faster.

I reach the Clearwater's house in record time, and practically break down the front door as I struggle through my panic-filled mind to unlock it. Reasonably, I know that if he was following me, he would have caught up to me by now, but I'm not thinking too clearly.

I slam the door behind me and run for the phone. That's when I hesitate. Who am I supposed to call? None of them have cell phones. I could call Charlie Swan, Chief of Police, and one of Uncle Harry's close friends, but now that I'm out of 'immediate danger' and my heart rate has slowed, it seems kind of a drastic thing to do. Technically, all the boy did was yell at me.

Though, it was in a very threatening manner.

And it was about Sam: the current source of all my problems. I sigh again, and pick up the phone and dial the taxi company.

"Hi. Can I get a cab to La Push Reservation - ?"

- Reservation High School is bigger than I remember. Or maybe it just looks that way because there are so many cars parked here right now.

I use some of the money I made working in Uncle Harry's store to pay for the cab, then I head into the school. The graduation is being held in the gym on account of impending rain, but it's going to be impossible to locate anyone in this sea of bodies.

And then, of course, I don't want Leah to see me before the rest of the family does. There's no telling what she would do. I wouldn't be surprised if half her graduating class already knows about my 'betrayal.'

I make my way through the crowd of people who isn't in the gym for some reason, and reach the double doors.

"Emily?"

At the voice, I turn on the spot.

It's Sam.

I'm sure the relief I feel is visible on my face, because when he sees that it is, indeed, me, he gives me one of those rare tiny smiles. I ignore the way my heart stutters.

I make my way over to where he's standing near the bathrooms.

"Hey," I say, when I'm close enough.

"Hey," he responds. "I didn't think you were coming."

"I was uninvited," I say, shaking my head.

"What? Why?" He looks confused, and I realize that he knows nothing about the fight between Leah and me.

I sigh again. "It's not important. Listen, I came to tell you - "

"… you're wearing my hoodie." He proceeds to very obviously check out much more than the hoodie, and once again, my heart refuses to listen to my brain. It stutters, and I lose all train of thought.

"What?" I say, weakly.

"It's mine. I can't fit it anymore, obviously, but… it used to be. I remember because it's the only hoodie I ever gave to Leah. My mom threw the rest of them out when I started… growing." His skin darkens and I recognize the tell-tale signs of a blush. He stares at me. "I know Leah has more than one hoodie. What made you pick that one?"

I blink at him, then look away, but my gaze is drawn back to him again in a matter of seconds. "… what?" I say again, rather unintelligibly. "I don't know. I just… I don't know. It looked… warmer than the rest, I guess."

He smiles. Again. I stop breathing. I imagine kissing him. I blush, fiercely. He stares at me, and I stare back, lost.

Someone walks past and brushes up against my arm, pulling me out of my trance.

Stop it, Emily. Focus.

"That kid," I say. "The one who was looking for you in the store a while ago."

"You mean Jared?" he asks, visibly tensing.

Jared. For some reason, the name sounds familiar, but I can't place it at the moment.

"Yes. He's… He was looking for you again. That's why I came to find you. Whatever it was sounded really important. He…" At this point, I hesitate. So what if he yelled at me? It doesn't matter. Nothing really happened.

"What?" he says, searching my expression.

I shake my head. "Nothing. But you should talk to him. Sooner than later. He was very agitated about finding you. It seemed extremely important."

"Did you tell him where I was?" he asks.

I shake my head again. "No."

"Okay, good. I need to go." He studies me once more. "Did he do anything to you? Or say anything strange?"

The second question catches me a bit off guard, and I know there's a noticeable pause before I say no. I know Sam catches it, but to his credit, he just nods and doesn't press the issue.

"Sue, Harry, and Seth are sitting across the gym in the middle section, second row from the top of the bleachers. If you can help it, try to avoid telling anyone, but Harry about Jared. Just tell the others it was an emergency and I had to leave. Harry will understand, though."

I open my mouth to respond with what would have probably been a question, but he reaches out quick as lightning and just barely brushes his fingers on my cheek, very effectively shutting me up.

"Thank you, Emily," he says softly, and just like that, he's gone -

" - gone? What do you mean, gone?" Seth questions. Aunt Sue raises her eyebrows, and Uncle Harry purses his lips, but neither of them say a word.

"There was some kind of an emergency," I hedge. I make eye contact with Uncle Harry. "With one of the kids on the rez."

He visibly pales, and blinks rapidly. From his reaction, it's clear that he understands, even if I don't. I really wish I did.

"I hope everyone's okay," Aunt Sue says, looking worried now.

"I think he'll be fine," I respond. "Sam didn't seem too concerned, but he thought it would be best to check it out."

"He should be a police officer," Seth interjects. "I keep telling him, but he keeps saying the uniform wouldn't fit." He rolls his eyes, but Aunt Sue and I exchange a grin.

"Will you stick around?" she asks, and I shake my head, still uncomfortable with the idea.

She nods, and doesn't push it.

"Leah's a butt-munch," Seth says, and this time I giggle out loud, even as Aunt sue admonishes him with a, "Seth."

I make my way back down the stands just as they get through the B-names of the graduating students. I reach the door as they start the C's.

"Caudweller, Clara… congratulations!"

"Charles, Bryson… congratulations!"

"Clearwater, Leah…" I turn around and watch her ascend the raised platform.

She pauses, and scans the bleachers. I watch as she locates her family… and notices that Sam's not there. She blinks several times, and something heavy like lead drops into my stomach. Oh, Leah.

I watch as she takes a deep breath, and I know instinctively that she's trying to hold back tears. She smiles, and continues forward. The principal says, "Congratulations!" in that false cheery voice, and in that moment, my heart breaks more than a little -

- little bit of relief from her madness. Aunt Sue informs me through pursed lips that Leah has gone to a graduation party, and then afterwards, she's spending the night at Sam's house.

I can't deny that my stomach clenches at the thought. With barely an ounce of surprise, I recognize the emotion for what it is: jealousy.

I sigh. This is way past ridiculous, now.

Attempting to put it out of my mind, I spend the rest of the day and the night with Seth, watching old movies.

The next morning, I bolt awake completely on my own from a scary dream that trickles away as soon as I open my eyes. It seems as if I can never get a full night's rest anymore.

Accepting it for what it is, I decide to just get up. I check the kitchen wall clock and it shows that it's about nine. Perfect timing if I want to be gone before Leah gets home.

I shower, dress, and throw something together for breakfast hurriedly. I wonder belatedly where Aunt Sue, but there isn't a note, and the car's gone. I know Uncle Harry would already be at the store by this time, and a quick peek into Seth's cracked bedroom door tells me that he's out cold, still.

I hesitate before grabbing the red hoodie, and then decide I'm being silly. Why should I care what Sam thinks? It's not fate or anything that I picked this particular hoodie. It's just something to wear that I figure Leah won't miss. And hopefully I can return it before she realizes it's gone.

There are no keys for me to lock the door with, so I lock the door from the inside and vow to be home early enough so that I can get back in.

There's nowhere in particular I want to go, so I head to the store out of familiarity. It's not my day to work, but I figure maybe Uncle Harry needs extra help. I doubt Sam will be at the store very early if Leah's over his house.

Lost in my thoughts, I take my time getting to the store. I wonder what happened with Jared? Uncle Harry never told me anything, and since I hung out with Seth last night, I didn't have time to pull him aside and ask him what was going on.

Though, I doubt he would have told me anyways.

I pull open the door and Uncle Harry notices me immediately from where he's a the front counter ringing up a customer. He acknowledges me by smiling, then goes back to focusing on the man.

As I head towards the counter, I notice a movement coming from my left. I turn, almost in slow motion, to see Sam approaching me from one of the center aisles. Shirtless.

My heart jolts.

"Oh, hi," I say, my surprise evident in my voice. "I didn't think you'd be working today."

He gives me a puzzled glance, and then does a double-take. "You're wearing my hoodie again. And I didn't think you would've heard already."

"Heard what?" I ask, curiously, purposely ignoring the bit about the hoodie.

At my question, his entire body tenses. He shoots a glance at Uncle Harry, whose customer has left, and who is now watching our exchange.

He looks back at me, at the floor, and then at me again. "We broke up," he says, quietly.

My eyes widen. My first instinct is to say, 'who?' but that's a very stupid question.

"Oh," I say faintly, instead. "I'm sorry."

He searches my expression. "Yeah."

I blink, trying to register my own shock. Because all I feel right now is shock. I mean, it's not like I didn't expect it to happen eventually, but eventually usually means in the future… not now.

"Hey, Emily," Uncle Harry says. "Glad you showed up. We're not super busy, but we are getting more than the usual amount of customers, and I was wondering if you would mind helping out a little bit this morning? Sam told me when he came in, and I figure I should go help Sue with Leah. She's not taking it well."

"Of course, it's no problem! I was wondering if I could help out anyway," I agree immediately.

I definitely don't want to go back to the house now. Living with Leah is going to be impossible after this.

Uncle Harry thanks me, heads to the back room, grabs his things, and is gone within five minutes.

I turn towards Sam for direction, and he's still watching me. A customer comes into the store, and he doesn't even greet her. So I shake my head and go do it myself.

We work in awkward silence for the rest of the morning, until my stomach starts growling. I haven't made lunch plans, and I hope there's something in the employee refrigerator I can nibble on.

"Hey, Sam?" I call, as soon as I finish ringing up the last customer in line.

He comes out from behind a shelf. "Yes?"

"Did you… bring anything to eat today? I wasn't really expecting to work, much, and - "

"Yeah, I brought… leftovers," he looks apologetic. "If you want, I can go get you something, or… we can order pizza?"

"Sounds good to me," I say, attempting a smile. But it's difficult. Every time I look at his face, I picture Leah's heartbroken one at her graduation, and I have to look away.

I head towards the stockroom to make the call.

"Emily?" he says, softly, as I get to the Employees Only door.

I turn around, slowly, a metaphorical boulder dropping into my stomach.

He shoots a look at the front door. There are no other customers in the store at the moment. Then, he comes over to me. It occurs to me that we're hidden from view of the front door.

I take a deep breath, and try to make myself calm, which is the last thing I am feeling right now.

"Emily…" he repeats, in a lower voice this time, and I hate that a searing heat shoots through my body, right below my navel every time he says my name. "We've agreed to be friends, right?"

For the second time, he's said something I don't expect.

"Yes," I respond, tentatively.

"Then, as a friend…" He takes a deep breath. "… is there any way you can… not let this thing with me and Leah affect… me and you? And by me and you, I mean our friendship."

Before he can get the entire sentence out, I am already shaking my head. "That's impossible," I say, softly. "Leah… absolutely hates me right now, and if she finds out that we… that we're trying to be friends - " I shut myself up.

Because we are trying to be friends. Never mind what Leah wants. Is this even what I want?

"That's what I mean," he says, sounding a little exasperated. "I wish you wouldn't worry so much about what Leah will think…"

At this, I am somewhat stunned, and I feel a jolt of anger. Before I can stop myself, I choke out a rude laugh. "My God, Sam, do you even hear yourself right now? You sound… so callous. How can I not worry about what Leah will think?"

He looks startled. "Look, I'm not saying it to be… callous. I know you care about Leah; I just don't want her come between us - "

"There isn't an us!" I interrupt. "How can you say things like that when you just broke up with her? Do you even care about Leah? Honestly? Because I thought you did, but now I'm finding it kind of hard to believe."

His eyes flash, but he looks more wounded than angry. "Of course I care about her. I love her."

"Forgive me for saying this," I snap, and cross my arms. "But it doesn't sound like it."

Now he glares at me. "Listen, you have no idea - " But I interrupted him again.

"So I keep hearing, but since you don't see fit to enlighten me, all the ideas you're inadvertently giving me are bad ones!"

He closes his eyes, and rakes his fingers through his hair. He looks distressed, and to my disgust, I feel a pang of sadness shoot through me. For him. He's the last person I should be feeling sorry for, and I know it. But I can't help it. And it only fuels to make me even angrier.

"Emily," he says my name again, and that fire shoots through my belly again. His voice is low and intense. I can't break the eye contact. "There are… so many things you don't understand. I can't just tell you - "

"Why?" I cut him off. "Why can't you tell me? I know we don't know each other that well, but it's not like I'm going to run screaming through the night shouting out all of your secrets. I'm a trustworthy person."

"Maybe you wouldn't tell anyone, but you'd definitely run screaming," he mutters.

I stare at him. He stares back.

"Try me," I say.

For a moment, he searches my gaze. Then he looks away, defeat written all over his features. "I'm sorry. I can't. Not now."

I feel a terrible pit in my stomach now. He's definitely not going to like what I have to say next.

"Sam." His head snaps up as I say his name. I wonder briefly if I have the same effect on him as he has on me, then I quickly put the thought out of my head. "What you're asking me to do… once again, it's impossible. Leah is my cousin. I can't push aside her feelings because you need a friend. No matter how much I want to." I whisper that last part, and watch as his eyes widen slightly.

"She hates me enough right now, and that would be so incredibly selfish. She would see it as the ultimate betrayal. I can't do that," I continue, speaking quickly.

For almost an entire minute, he doesn't say anything. When he speaks again, it's in a voice quieter than mine had been.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

"What?" I am utterly confused.

"At my house. When you came over. When we talked. When the power came back on, and we knew it was on, and we still talked. For hours. Did you enjoy yourself?" he asks, pinning me down with his intensity.

I feel myself blush and I curse myself for it. "I did," I whisper.

"So did I. And it was easy, right? It was nice and it was easy and it was comfortable being with me."

I swallow. "It was," I say, over the sudden lump in my throat.

"And you were happy."

I don't respond this time. What's the point? He already knows the answer.

"When you go home, Leah is going to torment you. She's going to torture and verbally abuse you until you feel like the most insignificant person on earth. I'm not trying to badmouth her - I got into a relationship with her already knowing all that about her - but it's a fact that that's what she does when she's miserable. She's going to pull you down into that pit of misery with her until - "

"The pit you put her in!" I burst out.

" - until you don't smile anymore," he finishes as if I didn't interrupt him. "Emily, everything doesn't have to be about Leah. When you go home, Leah will make everything about her - she's probably already doing it - and because Harry and Seth and Sue and you, too, will feel bad, then she'll succeed. And she'll milk it for all it's worth. For as long as it takes her to get over me."

And Leah can hold a grudge for years.

I don't say anything.

"I'm trying to give you an escape from all that," he says, seriously. "You know that I… need a friend… and soon, you're going to need one, too."

I take a deep breath. He's absolutely right. Leah's the type of person to spread things like this around. She's going to wrack up the sympathy points from everyone. Soon enough, the entire population of La Push will have some kind of crazy story about how I - her own cousin - breezed into town and supposedly stole the love of her life right out from under her nose.

"You've made me into the bad guy," I say, quietly, realizing.

He looks pained. "I would do it differently, if I could go back."

"You wouldn't have broken up with - ?"

"No. I still would have, but I… wish I could have spared you the pain."

"Me?" I say, somewhat hysterically. He doesn't answer.

I'm afraid to ask this next question, but I know I have to. I can't continue with this conversation until it's answered honestly.

"Sam, did you… did you break up with Leah to be with me?" My voice is wavering, and I feel as if I'm on the verge of tears.

It takes him a long time to reply, and my heart sinks, already having found my answer.

"Yes," he says, on an exhale, shame evident all over his body.

My skin goes clammy. My hands start to shake. My heart is pounding so loudly, I'm sure he can hear it.

"You know we could never." But even as I say it, I know my voice sounds hollow, even to me. The tears spill over, and I feel as if something in my chest is being crushed. Possibly my heart.

This is my biggest fear about this entire situation: manifested. It was my fault. It is my fault.

I'm the reason they broke up.

And the worst part? The part that hurts the most is that deep down, a very tiny bit of me is absolutely elated. Taking pleasure out of someone else's pain; I am the worst kind of person.

He looks terrible.

"I'm not asking for it," he says, hoarsely. "I just thought… maybe one day, we could - "

"It's never going to happen!" I say sharply, my tone as vicious as I can make it. Unfortunately, it isn't all that convincing, as I'm struggling to talk through my tears.

"I'm sorry," he says, faintly.

"How could you? How could you do that to her?" I say at the exact same time that he says something like,

"I'll be anything you want me to be."

"I want you to be Leah's boyfriend!"

"No, you don't." He shakes his head.

I stare at him. Part of me wants to throw the box on the shelf behind me at his head. Another part of me wants to run as fast as I can out of the store, without stopping until I reach Seattle. And the third part of me… wants to take him with me.

"You don't even know me. Did I… did I lead you on? Is it something I did? I'm n-not certain I didn't flirt, but I tried so hard - " I say, desperately.

His hand reaches out, slowly, as if giving me time to pull away if I want to. I seem to process what's happening in slow motion. It takes a million years for him to make contact, and when he does, it's his thumb. On my cheek. Softly, he brushes away a few strands of hair that have swept down across my face and into my mouth.

He drops his hand, and I stare at him, stunned and speechless. He appears just as dazed as I am.

"What I'm doing is the epitome of selfish," he says, softly. "You are not a bad person, Emily, and neither am I. But neither of us can deny that being with each other makes us happy in a way that being with no other person does."

I want to ask him how he could have possibly determined that from just one night of hanging out and talking, but for some reason I don't fully understand, I am still unable to regain use of my vocal chords.

"Believe me when I say that I hate what I did to Leah. There are no excuses for that, and I'm going to regret how much I hurt her for the rest of my life. But being with you for one night made me realize that I could never have the type of love I want to have with her. It's never going to be enough."

"You can't have it with me, either," I say, that pressing feeling heavy on my chest. "I'm never going to give you what you want."

"All I want is what you want. I want us to be friends."

"Sam - "

"You have my word that I will never ask you for anything more than that… unless you want it."

"Sam - "

"Emily, please."

His eyes plead with me, but I shake my head, and stare at the floor.

"I can make you happy. I know I can," he says in the quietest voice I've ever heard him use.

At that, something inside of me crumbles. My resistance and willpower. This is insane. I feel like I'm agreeing to be 'the other woman.' Is this what I want? Do I want to be friends with Sam? Or anything with Sam?

My accelerated heart rate answers that for me.

The less rational piece of my brain is saying, 'Leah already hates you. Why not dig the knife in a little deeper?' I wince at the thought.

"Can we not tell Leah?" I ask. "Or anyone? Except maybe Uncle Harry…"

"If that's what you want," he agrees quickly. "But, you know she's going to find out eventually."

"It's what I want, for now at least. Please."

He nods.

I take a deep, shaky breath. This is what I want, right? I can't believe I'm doing this.

"So…" I say, hesitantly. "What's your favorite pizza topping?"

His barely-there smile lights up the world.

- FadingSlowly