Disclaimer: This also applies to chapter one. "Fallible" is mine. The Twilight Saga is not, and there is no copyright infringement intended. I'm only borrowing these characters, not adopting them.
07 – POTENTIALLY COMPROMISING POSITIONS – 07
The first thing I am aware of when I wake up is the pounding behind my eyelids. It's like someone is having a party in my brain and even though it's at my place of residence, I didn't get the memo. Or an invitation.
I groan and attempt to sit up, but I'm so overcome by a spell of dizziness that I can't stay upright. I'm freezing, though I'm having hot flashes, and my voice feels like a desert.
There's no way I'm going to be able to work today, and I can't manage to drag myself downstairs to inform anyone. Pitifully, I lay in bed until I hear a knock at the door.
"Emily, you're going to be late," Aunt Sue calls from the hallway.
I open my mouth to reply and discover that my voice is gone, too. I sigh.
"Emily?" Aunt Sue opens the door slowly, and sticks her head in. She spots me and the expression on her face is just enough to confirm my suspicions that I look like death warmed over.
"Emily, sweetheart, what's the matter?" she says, crossing the room quickly. She lays her head on my forehead without waiting for an answer and abruptly snatches her hand away. "You're burning up! Why is it so cold in here?"
Good question.
We both look for the source of the cold and spot the open window.
She raises an eyebrow at me. "Why in the world would you sleep with the window open?"
I shrug and avoid her gaze. It's not like I can say I forgot to close it after Sam left out last night.
Sam… Thinking about him makes my entire body burn, but luckily, Aunt Sue chalks that up to the fever.
She closes the window, informs me I won't be leaving the house for the next few days, leaves the room, and five minutes later is on her way to the store for medicine.
I lie in the bed shivering and sweating simultaneously, and try to stay awake until Aunt Sue gets back. I don't succeed. As I drift off to sleep, I remember why I opened the window in the first place, and wonder whose loose dog it was that Sam scared away.
I made a mental note to ask him about it later –
- later, much later. I've been drifting in and out of feverish sleep all day, so I wouldn't know what time it was if it weren't for Leah's alarm clock.
I hear voices downstairs, and I wonder who's here. My thoughts immediately turn to Sam, and I try to imagine what his reaction was to finding out that I was sick and wouldn't be coming in to work. I wonder if he was worried about me… worried enough to stop by and visit later, possibly.
I shake my head. Relax, Emily. He was just here last night. Him coming by today would be pushing it.
Though, of course, it's not like anyone is aware that he was here last night, so he could come visit. If he really wanted to, I'm sure no one would mind.
No. I attempt to banish the thought from my head. I don't want him to see me in my sickly state anyways. I'm sure I look an absolute mess, and now that I've admitted I want him in a totally inappropriate 'I have a gigantic crush' way, I care much more about what he thinks of me and my appearance.
I bury my head under the pillow, more grateful than ever that Leah is in Hawaii. I need to figure out how to get a handle on my emotions by the time she gets back.
I hear footsteps in the hall, and I figure it must be Aunt Sue bringing me another bowl of soup, but from the knock on the door, I can tell that it's not.
"Emily?" It's Seth.
I cough weakly, my pitiful way of letting him know he can enter, and he seems to get the message after a second. Or maybe he just remembers that I can't answer him.
"Heya," he says, poking his head in the room with a grin. "I got some soup for you, but I don't really want to get sick, so… if you don't mind having company, Sam is here to see you. He's carrying your food."
I smile, and try not to panic inwardly. Why? Why is he here? Though, even through my panic, I welcome the thought of Sam's company. The last thing I want is him seeing me this way, but I'm too curious and intrigued to ask him to leave. I raise my hand in a 'come on' gesture, and Seth's head pops out of the doorway to be replaced by Sam's massive frame.
"Hey," he says, softly. At once, I zoom in on the concern and guilt present in his features. What does he have to feel guilty about?
What's wrong? I try to say, forgetting for a moment that I can't talk. It doesn't seem to matter. He reads my lips effectively enough.
He comes all the way inside and closes the door behind him. "You're sick," he says, gruffly. "I'm sorry. I forgot to close the window when I left last night."
I shake my head, and point to myself, trying to reassure him that the fault is with me.
He sighs, and I can tell he doesn't feel reassured at all, which makes me feel bad. He comes over hesitantly, and when I make no signs of protest, he sits on the edge of the bed.
"How bad is it?" he asks, voice still concerned.
I shake my head, still trying to reassure him that I don't feel as bad as… well, as I feel. He doesn't buy it.
Slowly, his hand comes up to rest on my forehead gently. I am shocked that his hand still feels warm against my head. He brushes a few stray strands of hair back from my face. I close my eyes enjoying his touch, trying to ignore how forbidden it feels, but all too soon, his hand is gone.
My eyes open to find him looking down at me with an expression I can't describe.
"I was worried when you didn't come into work this morning," he says, softly. "I thought… I don't know. Harry said you were sick. I guess the shoe is on the other foot now. My turn to worry about you."
I just watch him and he gives me his tiny, signature smile, though it's laced with sadness and regret. I wonder if he regrets coming over last night. I hope not. My heart beats faster as we continue to just look at each other, and once again, I am struck with his beauty. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me…
"Is there anything I can do?" he asks in a whisper. "Anything?"
Kiss me, I want to say. Touch me. Hold me. Don't leave.
I shake my head, grateful that I can't talk, glad that I'm literally unable to let anything slip. He is not mine. He never will be. And the very idea of me making those requests of him is ludicrous. I need to remember that Leah is not gone forever.
His face falls slightly, the mirror image of what I'm feeling inside. I wonder what he wants me to say, but I quickly cut off that line of thinking. It doesn't matter, I try to convince myself. It doesn't matter because it's never going to happen.
Sam is not mine. And he never will -
- will myself to get better. I hate feeling like an invalid, and I strongly dislike having people wait on me hand and foot. As strange as it sounds, I much rather take care of someone than have someone take care of me. I've always been that way.
It's the third day of me being sick and I'm finally starting to feel better, but I'm still not really up to leaving the house. Sam's been back to visit, but both times I forced myself out of bed and downstairs. It was strange for both us – being together around others, but after some heavy thinking, I decide that it isn't a good idea for us to be alone with each other.
I don't know about him, but with my emotions high and my natural defenses down, I am starting to feel like I might do something I would seriously regret. Plus, my voice is back, so chances of letting something slip verbally are also quite high.
I make my way to the kitchen to make myself some hot tea. Everyone's home, but I'm quite capable of doing it myself. On the staircase, I am intercepted by Seth who is heading the opposite direction. When he sees me, however, he seems to hesitate, change his mind, and follow me back down the stairs.
"Hi Seth," I say, hoarsely, as he follows me into the kitchen.
"Hey, Emily," he says, hesitantly, after a moment.
From the tone in his voice, I can tell something's up. Seth has never been the type to say anything outright, however. It takes a certain amount of prodding to get anything out of him. He's almost the opposite of Leah. While she's always been very outspoken, Seth has always kept a lot to himself.
I turn to look at him as I pull a coffee mug down from the cabinet, and sure enough he's avoiding eye-contact and looking uncomfortable.
"What's wrong?" I ask, patiently.
He shrugs. I continue the process of making my tea. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. My curiosity is piqued, but I try not to let it show.
"So… you and Sam are friends?" he asks, finally. I feel a boulder drop into my stomach. Uh oh.
"Yes," I say, hesitantly.
"What kind of friends?" he presses.
I blink. "Just friends," I say, lightly. "We talk. We enjoy each other's company."
"Oh," he says, but I can tell the questioning isn't over with. I wonder where this is going. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. Why?" I ask.
"Because… I think he likes you," Seth says, finally looking up at me. "I don't think he wants to be friends. I think he wants to date you… like he dated Leah."
My stomach tightens. The microwave beeps, letting me know the water is done for the tea. I take the coffee mug out carefully.
"I don't think so, Seth," I say, struggling to keep anything extra out of my voice. "Sam and I are just friends." I add some sugar and then cautiously, I raise the mug to my lips.
"No, you're not. Even if you don't like him, he likes you. More than he liked Leah. I can tell," he insists. "When he's here, he watches you all the time. He knows when you move and he smiles when you laugh. It's like… you're this giant light bulb or something, and he's a fly. He can't look away. He liked Leah, too, but he wasn't like that with her. I think she liked him more than he liked her." And that's when he drops the bomb. "Plus, he never climbed in Leah's window when she was in there."
Hot tea burns my tongue, and I almost drop the mug in surprise and pain.
"I think you like him, too, Emily," Seth adds, watching me with concern. "You just don't know it yet."
I stare at him in disbelief, speechless. How in the world - ? It makes me wonder worriedly how much Aunt Sue suspects.
"I think you should be careful, okay? Leah acts tough, but Sam really hurt her feelings. A lot. I thought he was cool, but… I don't know, maybe he still is cool. Just look, you have to be careful, and…" He hesitates. "… and don't let Leah find out."
I clutch the coffee mug to my chest at a complete loss for words. Seth leaves the kitchen, but I'm still frozen, unsure of how to process what's just happened.
All I know for sure now is that my instinct was completely right. If Seth can pick all of that up when Sam and I are hanging out in front of other people, then it's downright dangerous for us to be alone together –
- together. I guess Uncle Harry is worried that I'm going to faint on my shift or something, but this honestly is the worst idea ever taken recent realizations into account.
Sam and I are working the afternoon and night together because Uncle Harry worked the morning alone. Of course this would happen just when I decide that being alone with Sam is a bad idea. There's nothing I can do about it for this shift, but I'll have a talk with Uncle Harry before he assigns us any more working hours together.
For the first half the shift, I do anything I can to keep myself busy. I pounce on customers as soon as they enter the door, I straighten shelves and merchandise that don't need straightening, I sweep and then mop the entire store, and I make a big show out of the upstairs storage room needing to be more organized.
Fortunately, Sam leaves me to it and doesn't ask questions, though he does watch me thoughtfully whenever we pass each other.
I am upstairs straightening and un-straightening – and straightening again – the same carton of miscellaneous decorations when I hear the door downstairs open. My pulse immediately quickens, my body goes on hyper alert and I think about what a bad idea it is to be upstairs alone with Sam.
I stand up straight and head towards the stairs when who should appear around the corner, but… Jared.
"Oh," I say, slightly surprised.
"Hey," he says, slightly uncomfortably. "Sam said to let you know that it's late and it's time to close."
"Oh!" I repeat. "Yeah, okay. I'm done here." I pretend to give the room a once-over, but I doubt Jared cares. I grab my jacket, shake my head when I notice that Sam doesn't appear to have brought one, and follow Jared downstairs.
"Ready to go?" Sam asks, watching me as intently as ever.
I nod, blushing slightly, and avoid his gaze. I know he knows something's up. He's definitely not stupid.
"I was wondering…" he continues. He glances at Jared, and that seems to be enough for Jared to take the hint and head outside. It blows my mind how well they can communicate, and I feel a flare of jealousy spark up inside of me.
"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a little while," he says, putting his massively large hands in his pockets. I recognize it as a nervous gesture.
"Um," I look in the direction of the door and out of nowhere, I'm hit with a brilliant idea.
"Will Jared be there?" I ask, a little over-eagerly.
He looks puzzled. "Jared? Yeah, why?"
I smile. "No reason," I say, suddenly thrilled. "Sure. I'll come over for a bit." Yes, problem solved. I can spend time with him without having to be alone with him.
He smiles his small smile in response to me, and then surprises me by reaching for my hand. Contact is not a good idea, either. I frown before I can help myself, and his smile falters. He pulls his hand back and runs it through his hair.
"Just let me lock up," he says, gruffly.
I nod and quickly head for the door before the situation can get any more awkward.
"I wanted to apologize," I say, as we climb into Jared's jeep a few minutes later. Sam has graciously offered me the front seat. Both of the guys look at me, but I make sure to keep my gaze fixated on Jared. "... for flipping out about the shift thing. I don't mind if you work here sometimes. It's actually a really good idea. We could use some help."
I smile sweetly, genuinely sincere – although I do have an ulterior motive – and I watch as his tanned face darkens with a blush.
"Th-that's uh… cool," he stammers, looking away from me. I watch as his eyes dart to the rearview mirror and then quickly away, but thankfully, Sam doesn't say a word.
"I'll speak to Uncle Harry about it," I continue. "Maybe you can work at the same times as me. I'd be happy to show you the ropes." And that way, I won't be stuck with Sam in any potentially compromising positions.
"Maybe," he says, hesitantly returning my smile.
"If he's not busy," Sam interrupts from the backseat.
No. He is not going to ruin this for me.
"Why would he be busy?" I say, smartly. "It's summer time."
At that, neither of them says anything more until we reach Sam's house. Ever the gentleman, Sam practically scrambles to get out of the backseat around to my side of the jeep and opens my door for me. He holds out his hand to help me climb down and this time I take it with an appreciative smile. For some reason, this seems to relax him and he smiles back at me causing my heart to flutter.
He seems to want to hold hands all the way into the house and I allow it, but the second we step inside I pull away. He shoots me a look of confusion, so I make a bigger show than necessary of taking my coat off, and I get comfortable on his couch.
Jared yawns. "Do you mind if I take a nap, Sam?" he asks. "I need to sleep for a little while before I… go running."
"Yeah, sure," Sam says, quickly, heading in my direction and the couch.
Alarm bells sound in my head. Me and Sam alone on a couch? Bad, bad idea.
"Wait!" I say, stopping him from heading into the back. Both guys stare at me, and I feel myself blushing. Again, I purposely don't look at Sam. I know if I do, I'll crumble and allow Jared to leave, and Jared leaving would be a bad, bad idea.
"Are you sure you don't want to watch a movie, or something?" I say, speaking quickly. "You probably already know, but Sam has an awesome werewolf and vampire selection."
At this, both guys appear to develop the strangest expressions on their faces. Neither of them speak for what seems like a good twenty seconds, and an odd feeling lingers in the air… as if I've just said something really off-putting.
"Unless you don't like horror," I say, laughing nervously.
"Oh! N-no, I like… horror," he says, glancing at Sam. I glance at Sam, too, seated next to me on the couch now. Once again, he seems tense.
"Cool," I say, hesitantly. "Come. Sit." I vacate my seat, pat it to offer it to him, and go in search of a good movie. I find Queen of the Damned, put in the DVD, and when I turn around I'm pleased to see that Jared has taken the hint and seated himself next to Sam on the couch.
Sam, however, is watching me contemplatively and it makes me nervous, so I look away from him as I head for the armchair. The next one-hundred and one minutes that follow are the most awkward and uncomfortable minutes I've ever had in my life.
Jared is watching the movie with the most disgusted face expression on his face that I have ever seen on anyone. Sam is not watching the movie at all. He's not even pretending to watch the movie. He's solely fixated on me and it's making me so self-aware that I am conscious of every move my body makes. I am attempting to watch the movie, but honestly, with these two acting so odd, it's extremely difficult to concentrate.
"It's over," I announce unnecessarily as the credits start to roll.
Jared lets out a huge sigh of obvious relief and mutters something under his breath that could easily be, "Thank God."
"You didn't like it?" I ask, laughing a bit.
He shoots me a dark look. "I hate anything to do with vampires." The look on his face is so completely serious that it stops my laughter and causes the smile to slip right off of my face.
"Did you… like it?" I say, reluctantly turning towards Sam. He's still watching me with that same look.
"I've seen it," he says, simply.
I smile, attempting to ease the tension. "That's more than you can say for most of the movies in this box." I gesture towards the tons of movies still with the plastic on that obviously haven't been watched.
Sam doesn't smile back and once again my own smile slips from my face. What is with these two?
"I think I'm going to go running now," Jared says as he gets up and crosses towards the window.
"Isn't it kind of late for that?" I say, glancing towards the window myself.
"He'll be fine," Sam says, shortly.
"Oh," I say. "I was… wondering if you could give me a ride home, though." I direct my comment to Jared, but before he can answer, Sam interjects once again.
"I'll give you a ride home," he says. Jared tosses him the keys, nods in my direction, blushes fiercely though he doesn't make eye contact, and leaves out of the door before I can say a word.
Silently, I follow Sam out of the door, and the mood in the jeep overwhelms me. I feel like a child who is about to be chastised, but I have no idea what I've done wrong. We're quiet the entire time in the car and I can only thank my lucky stars that the ride isn't that long.
"Here," Sam says, quietly, as he stops in front of the Clearwater's house.
"Thank you," I say. He gets out of the car without turning off the ignition and heads over to my side. He opens my door.
He holds his hand out once again, and I take it gratefully as I step down from the jeep. I don't go inside the house right away. Instead, I look up into his dark eyes. With a start, I realize that I can't read his face expression, and that sends wave after wave of worry through me.
"Are you okay?" I blurt out. The question seems to surprise him.
"Fine," he says, shortly. Then, he hesitates and looks at me, a question in his eyes.
Ask, I beg silently, though I know I shouldn't want to know.
He takes a deep breath. "Goodnight, Emily," he says softly, and I feel my chest tighten.
"Goodnight, Sam," I say, automatically, and I stand there for a beat longer than I should, unsure of what I'm waiting for.
Then it hits me. I'm waiting for him to hug me goodbye. What is wrong with me? My body floods with heat in embarrassment and I stumble a bit in my haste to get away from him. I go inside the house and I don't look back -
- back to the store. Honestly, with the weirdness between him, Sam, and me, I didn't expect him to show up, but I am so glad he did. Apparently Uncle Harry talked to him, and judging from his face expression when he mentioned it, he talked to Sam, too. I winced at this bit of information, but it's not like Sam wasn't there when I said something about Jared working at the store.
I just hope no one gets the wrong idea.
"Hey, Emily?" Jared says, blushing a little. "Where should I put this box?" He avoids eye contact and I feel a bit uneasy. I really, really hope no one gets the wrong idea.
"Top shelf right there," I say pointing, with what I hope is a smile that will put him at ease. "I'm too short to reach it," I add, jokingly.
He looks up and at me for the briefest second, smiles, and then disappears. As soon as he is out of my sight, I check the time. Five more hours of this, and then I can go take a walk on the beach. Clear my head. Throw rocks in the water. I sigh.
For the first time, I wish I had a friend I could confide in, other than Leah. I wish there was someone I could tell all my secrets to, who wouldn't judge me. I prop my elbows up on the counter, and lay my head down feeling wistful. Not for the first time, I wish I would have taken my mom up on that vacation offer.
"Hey, Jared!" I call, my voice muffled. I lift my head up as he replies from somewhere in the shelves. "What do you want to eat for lunch? I'll order. It's on me."
The bell over the front door clangs loudly with the arrival of a customer. I turn my head to greet the person only to find that it's none other than Sam Uley. My voice dies in the back of my throat, cutting off whatever I was about to say.
"Hey," he says, giving me a tiny unsure smile.
"Hey," I respond trying to ignore the way my heart skips a beat. Immediately images from the night before replay in my brain.
"My other job was cancelled for the day. We got rained out. I thought you could use some help here," he continues nervously.
I smile back, hesitantly. "You guys haven't adapted to working in wet conditions yet? You do realize this is La Push, right?" I ask trying to joke. Unfortunately, it comes out sounding much harsher than I intend.
An emotion I can only identify as hurt flashes through his eyes for a split second and he looks away from me at the ground. Before he can say anything though, Jared comes from the back.
"Anything but pizza," he says, a visible shudder running through him. I can't help but laugh. "Hey Sam," he adds, and I note that he doesn't seem surprised at all to see him.
"Hey," Sam says gruffly.
"Since you're here," I say, an apologetic tone in my voice that I hope he picks up on, "would you mind running to get us something to eat? I was going to send Jared because we're not too busy, but…" I trail off.
He nods and finally looks up at me again, but this time, his eyes are guarded. I feel strangely contrite. And unexpectedly shut out. I realize that I've grown to be able to read him really well in the short time that I've known him, and I don't like that he's able to hide his feelings from me.
"Sure, what do you want?" he says, but his tone suggests he would like to be doing anything than running to get food. I feel marginally worse than I already do. But what can I do now other than to suggest that Jared go instead? Then, they would both wonder why I changed my mind…
I take a deep breath. "Actually, never mind. Uh, we could just order something. I forgot you said that it's raining." I add the last part and glance at Sam.
He just nods, unsmilingly. A boulder drops into my stomach. I hate even the thought that I might have hurt his feelings.
"I disagree," Jared butts in. "The only thing you can order around here is pizza and Chinese food, and I don't want either." He looks at Sam pointedly, but Sam actually glares at him causing Jared to recoil.
"I'll just… go get something myself, then. I'll call when I get to the store, Em," he says, then speeds out of the door like he's being chased.
"He calls you Em?" is the first thing Sam says when the door closes.
I give him a strange look and shrug. "I guess."
"That's weird."
I smile. "Not really. It's just short for Emily. My brother calls me Em."
He shrugs this time. Okay… time for a change of subject.
"Hey, so I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me and Jared?" I say, slowly. "We were thinking we'd go see a movie in Port Angeles this weekend."
"What?" he looks shocked. "You and Jared are - ?"
"And you," I interrupt. "Me and Jared and you. I thought it would be fun."
"So… it was your idea?" he asks.
"Yes?" I say it like a question because I don't understand what's going on with him right now. "I… thought it would be fun?"
"Would you go without me?" he suddenly asks. "If I can't make it, will you still go?"
"Um, I don't know, maybe? I might invite Seth," I say, the thought just occurring to me. "I'm kind of at a loss for friends without Leah. Not that she was particularly friendly before she left, but… really, you're the only other person I can hang out with outside of my family besides Jared."
"Just go with Seth, then," he says. "Jared and I are busy that day."
Now I narrow my eyes. "Strange. Jared said he wasn't busy."
"Jared is busy. We both have to do something for the council that day. He just doesn't know it yet."
I give him a disbelieving look. "Really? I didn't even say which day."
He falters for a second before he pulls a hand up to his hair. "You said the weekend. We're going to be busy all weekend." He looks away from me.
I look at him incredulously. "Sam, do you… not want to share Jared's friendship or something?"
He rolls his eyes, shocking me immensely. Where is the Sam I know and strongly like? "I don't care if you and Jared are friends, Emily. But he's busy this weekend, so just find someone else to go with."
Having said that, he stalks away from the counter where I'm standing, and leaves me reeling as he exits out of the door without a backward glance or a goodbye –
" – goodbye! And be safe, Emily!" Aunt Sue calls as I get into the cab that Saturday morning.
After the thought-process of a lifetime, I decide to just go to Port Angeles by myself for the whole weekend. I'm thinking of it as a vacation from my "vacation," which doesn't make sense to me at all, but that's the way it feels. This summer is turning out stressful and it's not what I had in mind when I came down here at all.
It's just Sam, and everything that comes with him.
I didn't explain why to Aunt Sue of course, and she doesn't agree with my plan to go to Port Angeles, spend the night alone in a hotel room, and come back Sunday night. She asked me to bring Seth along, but I told her that I needed some time alone to just think about life… and what I want to do now that I'm out of high school. It's true, but I don't plan to think about that while I'm here. I don't even plan to think. I just want to exist for a few days
I watch the Clearwater's house grow smaller from the back of the taxi and I swear I can almost feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders.
For a little bit, I felt bad about leaving Uncle Harry alone at the store, but when I expressed my concern, he gave me a strange look and told me that Jared and Sam were working all weekend, and that if they were busy they certainly hadn't said anything to him about it. Thinking about the way Jared looked when I asked him if he was truly busy this weekend, I can only assume that Sam pressured him to say no about my movie offer. I shake my head. I still can't get over that.
For what reason? Not to mention, it makes me mad.
I force myself to relax. It doesn't matter right now. This weekend belongs to me.
The first thing I do when I get to Port Angeles is check into the hotel. Luckily, I found one ahead of time where you only have to be eighteen and not twenty-one to check in, unlike so many in Seattle. Not that I've ever gotten a hotel room before, but I clearly remember acquaintances in high school who complained when they had nowhere to go after prom. From what I heard, it resulted in a lot of house parties, and a lot less people losing their virginities. Needless to say, my virginity is still intact.
Instantly, I imagine Sam in a position to take my virginity – figuratively and literally - and I make myself clear my mind. No. No, no, and no. This weekend is for me. Not even the thought of Sam is allowed. But I know that that will be a losing battle.
I set my things down in the hotel room and head outside with nothing but a hoodie, a cheap umbrella I picked up the other day, rain boots, my wallet, and my hotel card key. It feels good to "travel light."
I head in no particular direction and I stop when I find myself outside of a bookstore. Acting on a whim, I go in, but to honest, books hold little to no interest for me… unless they're informative or self-help books. As much as I love the idea of fantasies and fairytales, I've never been a huge reader, preferring to get my kicks from wonderfully creative movies.
Speaking of, a movie sounds great.
I leave the bookstore after asking one of the staff members where the closest theatre is. It's a bit of a walk, but I manage to get there just in time to see an action flick that looks appealing.
It's expectedly lonely, yet surprisingly peaceful to see there by myself and watch blood and guts splatter across the screen. The movie ends, and I'm not really sure I could repeat the plot to anyone for a grade, but it was nice to drift away for a while.
I wander into the lobby, debating for a brief second whether I should sneak into another movie or not. I decide not to. I've done it before, but never alone, though I'm sure the chances of getting caught are slim to none for one person. Still, though, I'm not sure I could sit for another two hours.
I stretch and head towards the exit.
"Excuse me!" someone says, but I ignore it, positive they're not speaking to me.
"Hey, excuse me!" I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around in surprise.
An attractive blond haired guy around my age is grinning down at me.
"I know you're not here alone," he says, the smile dropping from his face to be replaced by a puzzled expression. "So the only other conclusion I came to is that someone stood you up. And frankly, whoever that person is, is an idiot." The grin returns to his face, and it's contagious.
I laugh softly. "I'm Emily," I say, holding out my hand. "And I am here alone, actually."
"Oh, no…" the smile fades from his face again, and it's all I can do to keep up with his emotions.
"What's wrong? You don't like my name?" I ask, confused.
"No, that's not it. It's just… I can't ask you out now."
I have mixed feelings about this, so I don't respond. I'm pretty sure I don't want him to ask me out, even though he seems perfectly nice, but to say that would be rude.
"You see, my name is Emeric. And that's entirely too close to Emily. If we were to go out and people asked us our names, we'd have to be like Emeric and Emily, and then they'd assume we were brother and sister… and that would just be tragic."
"Indeed," I say, raising an eyebrow. "Tragic and confusing. Except for the small fact that we look nothing alike."
"Well, of course, one of us is adopted," he says, seriously. "But we were raised as brother and sister. And so it would still be rather taboo."
"And then, I'm sure that people like to shorten your name to Em," I say, smiling. His enthusiasm is contagious too.
"Right," he says, dejectedly. "I guess it'll never work out, then."
"Guess not," I say lightly, and grinning even wider, I turn to walk away.
"Hey!" he says, surprise evident in his voice.
I turn around once more. "It was nice meeting you, Emeric," I say, hoping he'll get the hint. He gives me a tiny smile that is entirely too reminiscent of Sam. It makes my heart clench.
"At least take my number," he says with patented – I'm sure – puppy dog eyes.
"I don't have a cell phone," I say, honestly.
His eyes widen. "Really? Well then, we should get you one. First date established."
"What…?"
"There's a phone place right down the street from here. Let me take you to it. I'll get you something prepaid."
I stare at him for a second, completely flabbergasted. "I don't even know you," I finally manage to say, gaping at him.
He shrugs and flashes me another smile. Again, I have to admit that he is attractive. And not an ex-fiancée's of Leah's.
"You're the kind of beautiful that makes me want to spend money," he says, winking at me.
I can't help it. I laugh again. "Thank you, but I'm not letting you buy me a phone."
"Well, you should let yourself buy one, then," he says. "In this day and age, you really need one. Prepaid is good for emergencies since 911 numbers are free to call."
I give him a skeptical look. He gives me a hopeful one. I shake my head and sigh.
"Okay… but it's not a date," I relent.
He smiles. "No problem – "
" – problem, then you can return it at any of our stores for up to sixty days with a full refund. Just make sure you have your receipt."
"Sure, thank you!" Emeric says, the grin back on his face in full force. The salesgirl appears a bit dazzled by his even, white teeth as she smiles back at him.
I giggle, and shake my head again. We leave the store with the salesgirl staring longingly after Emeric and my new cell phone in his hand.
"You should've given her your number," I suggest and he makes a face.
"I only give it to a select few," he says. "Feel special. It's the first number in your new phone."
I roll my eyes as he hands my phone back to me.
"So… you want to go for a late lunch?" he asks, putting his hands in his pockets.
I hesitate and he notices, then gives me a wry grin.
"Don't worry, I'm a gentleman," he says. "This doesn't have to be a date. If you just want to be friends, I'm cool with that. Well, no I'm not really, but I'll pretend to accept my defeat in time. And then I'll crumble and cry when I see you go off and date someone else."
I laugh again, and loop my arm through his arm that he's holding out to me. "If we're still friends, I'll be here to pick up the pieces," I reply.
I don't know him at all, but strangely I feel really comfortable with Emeric. It's not in the same way that I feel comfortable with Sam – with Emeric I feel like I've known him for the longest time, and we've been friends forever. With Sam, I feel like we're so much more than friends – or rather, our friendship is on a timer – and we're just kidding ourselves until the time comes when we have to admit what's really going on.
The rest of my weekend I spend with Emeric. I don't do anything crazy like invite him to my hotel room, or even let him know I'm staying in a hotel, but I do spend the whole Sunday with him. I know I got so lucky when he found me because he turns out to be the perfect person to "vacation" with. True to his word, he doesn't push anything romantic on me, and for that, I'm grateful.
"So we'll keep in touch?" he says for the millionth time as we stand outside a coffee shop waiting for my taxi to take me back to La Push.
"We'll keep in touch," I say, somewhat shyly. "Thank you for the weekend."
"Thank you for not bringing a date to the movies," he says, wistfully. I smile awkwardly. He leans down quick as anything and plants a soft kiss on my cheek. He blushes, but returns my smile.
I feel myself blushing too. If only I wasn't crushing so hard on Sam… It wouldn't be right to confuse myself further, though, or to bring Emeric into an already complicated situation.
"See you," I say as I climb into the taxi.
He holds up his cell phone, and I hold up mine in response. The taxi pulls off and once again I find myself heading for La Push –
- La Push faster than I expect. I pay the taxi driver, wave to him, and go inside the house to find Aunt Sue waiting anxiously.
She smiles and holds out the house phone to me before I can even put my things down.
"Here she is now," she says. From her tone, I can only assume it's my mother.
No way in heaven I am telling her anytime soon that I have a cell phone. "Hey, Mom," I say, a bit breathlessly.
Aunt Sue gives me a brief hug, grabs my bags and heads up the stairs.
"Emily!" a deep voice says. "You're back!"
My heart flutters. It's Sam. I am so surprised to hear from him that for a second I don't reply.
"Emily?"
"I'm here," I say, faintly. Why is he calling?
"Can I see you?" he asks, anxiously.
I look at the clock. It's almost dinnertime. It's definitely not late, but…
"You want to hang out? Now?" I ask, hedging.
"Yeah. Let's meet at First Beach."
I close my eyes. Part of me really, really wants to. The larger part of me knows, however, that it's a really bad idea. Not to mention the way Aunt Sue looked at me before she went up the stairs. The butterflies parade through my stomach. I wonder how often he's called this weekend? For some reason, I feel this isn't the first time.
"… Will Jared be there?" I ask, hesitantly.
It takes him a bit longer than expected to reply, but he finally says, "No. He won't."
Really bad idea.
"Actually, either way I don't think it's a good idea," I say truthfully as I twist the telephone cord around my fingers. "I'm pretty beat from this weekend."
Again, it takes him a while to respond.
"Sam?" I ask, wondering if he's hung up.
"Can I come over there?" he asks, so quietly that I almost can't hear him.
My heart thumps wildly. Why all this insistence to see me?
"Sam, I – " don't think that's a good idea.
"I'll come through the window like before. Later, when everyone goes to sleep, I'll be there."
Before I can say no, he hangs up the phone. When Aunt Sue comes back downstairs, I'm still sitting in shock listening to the dial tone.
I can't stay in the house after that. I eat dinner hurriedly then head out to the beach, promising Aunt Sue that I won't be out long. I pray that I don't run into Sam, but I doubt he'll be there after I told him I didn't want to go. For a while, I just walk parallel to the water, trying to calm myself down. I don't want to see him tonight. I feel uneasy about seeing him tonight, especially – strangely – because I just spent the whole weekend with another guy.
Even though I didn't do anything, I almost feel like… I cheated on him or something. Which is insane, considering we're not even together! I sigh. I really need to get this straightened out. And it would be a lot easier if Sam wasn't so insistent on coming over tonight.
I get back into the house and I tell Uncle Harry and everyone that I'm going to bed early. They give me weird looks, and I know they know I'm acting strange, but I can't help it. I keep myself busy for all of five minutes by putting my things away. I jump in the shower, jump back out, but I can still hear movement downstairs. I hope Sam doesn't show up while anyone is still awake.
For lack of anything better to do, I open my window a crack, and then lay down to wait. I must drift off because the next thing I hear is the sound of the window creaking open. I'm facing the window, so when my eyes open, I see a huge hulking figure creeping inside. If I didn't know it was Sam, I would be terrified.
As it is, I'm already incredibly nervous. I sit up slowly, so as not to startle him, and I lean over to turn on the bedside lamp. He's shirtless once again, and other than being unbelievably gorgeous, he seems just as nervous as I am.
"Hey," he says, softly. He sits on the edge of the bed warily, and just like that I feel all the fight go out of me at him being here uninvited.
"Hey," I respond, just as softly, slipping out from under the covers. I slide to the edge of the bed to be next to him.
"I'm sorry," he says, finally making eye contact with me. I am startled to see that his eyes are bloodshot, as if he hasn't slept at all this weekend. He looks utterly exhausted.
I give him a confused look. "For?"
"For messing up your weekend plans."
I shake my head and give him a small smile of forgiveness. "It's okay, Sam. It worked out for the best. I… bought a cell phone." I am about to tell him I met someone when my intuition tells me that it's a very bad idea… that it's the last thing he probably wants to hear.
"I wish… I could have gone with you," he says, glancing at me from out of the corner of his eye.
I feel my face getting hot, and I'm glad that I'm sitting further back on the bed and that he's not looking at me directly.
"How was… how was your weekend with Jared?" I ask, attempting to change the subject.
"It was fine." He shrugs. "We worked, mostly."
"Oh, that's nice," I say. This is so much more awkward than it needs to be.
He gives me his signature tiny smile. "So do you have any plans for tomorrow? If you're too tired it's fine, but I thought we could go see a movie."
Immediately my mind is assaulted with thoughts of us sitting alone in a darkened theatre, preferably in the back where no one would be able to see if our hands happened to wander –
"What about Jared?" I blurt out.
He stares at me. "What about Jared?" His tone is light, but has a bit of edge to it. I can see the warning signs, but I ignore them in favor of my sanity.
"It might be fun for him to come with us," I say, nervously.
He narrows his eyes almost as if he's confused. He looks at me, he looks away. And then, almost so softly that I can't hear it, he says four words that freeze me up from the inside out.
"He's not into you."
My face goes red and then white. "Wh-what?" I stammer in shock.
Sam takes a short breath. "Jared doesn't feel that way about you. He doesn't think of you like that."
I blink rapidly. Sam thought…?
"Like what?" I barely manage to say. As if I don't already know.
Now he looks back up at me. The bitterness and barely concealed anger in his eyes takes the remaining breath I have away.
"Romantically," he spits out like it is a dirty word. "He's too young for you."
I blink rapidly, stunned that he is using this tone with me. Now I know that I definitely can't tell him about Emeric. Clearly, he isn't as cool as being just friends with me as he has led me to believe. At the same time, though, that doesn't give him the right to act like a jealous boyfriend. He's not my boyfriend.
I narrow my eyes at him. And he needs to learn that he doesn't have a claim on me, no matter how into him I may be.
"I am not interested in Jared," I say slowly and evenly.
He raises his eyebrows. Sarcasm radiates from him in waves. "Really?" he asks, skeptically.
I glare at him. "I'm not interested in Jared!" I repeat, fighting to keep my voice low.
"Could've fooled me," he continues to speak in that dark tone. "Could've fooled him, too. You want to include him in everything, lately. You even asked Harry to put him on all of your shifts. What are we supposed to think?"
"You're supposed to think," I snap, "that maybe it's not about Jared. Maybe it's about you." Oh, no. Why did I just say that?
"What?" he says, clearly caught off guard. But I can't answer him. I'm absolutely mortified. How can I explain what I can't explain? The lines between us are already blurred enough.
I take a deep breath. "Sam, I… I don't think it's a good idea for us to be alone together."
He stares at me, not speaking as his entire face expression changes from surprise to hurt to devastation. I feel absolutely terrible.
"I think you should leave," I whisper, looking away from him.
"Why?" he asks, barely audible. "Emily… please. I would never… I told you if you wanted to be friends, I wouldn't compromise it. If I've overstepped any boundaries, let me know… I'll back off, but I wouldn't take advantage – "
"Sam – "
"I can be more trustworthy. I can – "
"Sam, stop," I say, forcefully. "It's not you that I don't trust. It's me."
He stares at me. I blush profusely, but I force myself to make eye-contact this time.
"I don't trust myself to - to be around you. I'm… afraid I'll do something I'll regret," I whisper.
"You wouldn't," he finally says, quietly.
I blink. "What?"
"You wouldn't regret it."
I feel my body grow hot and cold at his words. All too suddenly, he stands up and is over in front of the window before I can blink. He has one leg out when I make an involuntary noise in the back of my throat.
He turns towards me, but I am already making my way over to him. He pulls his leg back inside of the window and waits. I don't stop moving until I'm directly in front of him. I look up at him, my heart pounding in my chest.
Kiss me.
Slowly, giving me the necessary time to pull away, he reaches out and touches my cheek. His fingertips trail icy fire as they navigate achingly slowly from the side of my face to my neck... to my shoulder… down my arm until he reaches my hands. My fingers twitch, but other than that I'm unable to move. Or to make a sound.
He looks up at me as if asking permission. I just stare at him, wordlessly. He brings his other hand to the other side of my body and they continue to travel until they come into contact with my waist. His hands tighten around me, and pull me into his body. My eyes travel of their own accord down to his lips, but he doesn't kiss me. Not yet.
Instead, he spins me around so that I am the one up against the window. The cold against my back combined with the heat emanating from him onto my front only serves to incapacitate me further. His hands continue to move, now inching their way up the side of my body again until they reach my shoulders, and then he stops. His palms are flat against the window now, on either side of my head. The message is clear, though I couldn't run if I wanted to seeing as how my knees have gone weak. It's all I can do to hold myself up.
He presses forward into me until I can feel every inch of his rock solid body against mine. I don't even think I'm breathing anymore. And then, and then… his lips touch mine. At first, it's a gentle pressure, unsure and new, but that quickly changes. He draws my bottom lip into his mouth sucking and nibbling with his teeth. He licks my lips with the tip of his tongue. I automatically open my mouth in response, and his tongue dives in. His searching tongue finds mine and I feel as if I've been electrocuted.
Sam is kissing me. I'm kissing Sam Uley.
I'm kissing my best friend's and my cousin's ex-fiancée, Sam Uley, when I swore to her that I wasn't the least bit interested.
Before I realize what I'm doing, my hands come up from my sides, and shove at his chest. He ceases what he's doing immediately and backs off.
"I-I didn't mean to," I stutter, but I really don't know what I'm saying. I'm not even sure if the words make it out of my mouth.
But whether they do or not, he gets the message. The look on his face causes something fragile within me to fly apart at the seams, but before I can say anything or do anything to fix it – to change what's just happened - he pushes me to the side and climbs out of the window.
I'm shaking uncontrollably, and it's all I can do to make it back to the bed. I sit down in the spot he vacated, and the burning sensation in my eyes builds up until the tears spill over.
I'm losing my mind. And the worst part is, there's no one I can blame for this, but myself.
- FadingSlowly