Chapter 5: Lies
Bella went to the clothing Esme had packed for her and started to put on another long sleeved shirt and pants but then realized how hot she would be in the California sun. The others had already seen her bruises and cuts, thanks to her tantrum on the airplane, so why be afraid to let them see them now? She chose a t-shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts instead and dressed as quickly as she could. She was anxious to get away from the Cullens for a while and be on her own to clear her head. She had been with them every minute since the attack and she needed some space.
Bella spent the remaining afternoon in a beach chair staring at the ocean. Wherever the Cullens were, they were leaving her alone. She knew that someone was likely watching her at all times, but she could pretend to be in her own little bubble, anyway. Watching the waves go in and out, in and out, like they did every minute of every day. As if nothing had happened and the world was still normal. She resented them a little for their indifference but realized how ridiculous that sounded and laughed to herself.
"What's so funny?" Edward said, startling her out of her reverie.
"Um, nothing. Just a random weird thought, that's all." Bella Stammered.
"I have those from time to time myself." Edward smiled and sat down in the sand beside her.
Bella expected herself to be disappointed at being interrupted, but instead she found herself glad to see Edward.
"How are you doing out here? Not sun burning or anything, are you?" Edward asked with concern.
"No, all lathered up with 50 SPF!" Bella proudly displayed the bottle. Esme had thought of everything.
"50, really?" Edward said as he laughed. "The trick is to not let the rays burn you not to repel them altogether!"
"Yeah, well, you're talking to someone who would be a lobster without this stuff in about 10 minutes in this sun. I've spent too many weeks in the summers as a kid flat on my back from falling asleep in the sun to forget the good old SPF!" Bella exclaimed and laughed.
Edward made her feel so much better when he was around. She just didn't understand why. What she didn't know, however, was that Edward was starting to feel better when she was around and rather than coming just to check on her, he had missed her company and had interrupted her for selfish reasons of his own.
Edward looked at Bella and felt a strange feeling in his chest. It was something he had never felt before, something entirely new, and he had no idea what it was. He just knew that he was feeling it around Bella and he felt guilty for feeling anything but anger towards her attackers when he saw her bruises.
Before he could stop himself, he ran his hand up her bruised arm.
"Do they hurt?" He asked before he thought about it.
"Not unless someone touches them." Bella replied and he pulled away with a look of horror on his face. She laughed at his expression.
"No, no, I'm just teasing. They hurt sometimes when I'm lying on them or bump into things – which I do A LOT – but there is just a dull ache most of the time. The cuts hurt the worst. Especially when I move." She finished quietly, the joke forgotten.
"I'm sorry for what they did to you, Bella. I plan to find them and do something about it, you know." Edward said.
"No, Edward, please. Just let it go. They've done their damage and probably moved on. I doubt they were even local, they probably just stumbled onto the dance and thought it might be a good opportunity to grab someone. Besides, I don't want you in any trouble and I don't want you to have to leave, ok?" Bella grabbed Edward's hand and pleaded with him.
"Don't get upset, Bella. I will do whatever you want. If you want me to stay out of it, then I will do that. I just want to help you."
"And I welcome your help," Bella replied, a heady sound to her voice. If Edward wasn't mistaken, he sensed something in Bella that he was feeling himself. A strange attraction that wasn't there before. But he told himself that that was crazy. She had just been raped a few days ago. She couldn't be feeling anything close to attraction to any man, especially one that hadn't even been on her radar before the attack…could she?
"Esme has dinner ready for you." Edward said, changing the subject. "Carlisle will have my head if I don't bring you inside to eat." Bella sighed.
"OK, I guess it is getting kind of late. I am a bit hungry."
"Sweet words to hear, shall we go? Will you be in need of my chariot?" Edward made an exaggerated bow in front of her. She laughed and stood up.
"No, if we take things slowly, I can walk it. I got myself out here, didn't I?" Then she took Edward's hand and he felt electrified at her soft, gentle touch.
They arrived to a melee in the living room of the beach house. It was designed to enjoy the outdoors, so the only television in the house was in the living room. Emmett wanted to play video games and the girls wanted to watch something on television. They were arguing on and on about who had used the television the most and whose turn it was and Bella and Edward just stood in the doorway, a bit dumfounded by how the fight was escalating. Finally, Bella put two fingers to her mouth and whistled.
"How old are you guys again? I thought I was the teenager!" Then the tension released and there were some giggles.
"How about you let the girls watch their tv show and then I kick your ass at Mario Kart afterwards, Emmett?"
"Hell yeah, Bella!" Then there were grumbles of 'fine', and 'whatever' from the girls as Bella sat down to a dinner of spaghetti and broccoli.
"Thank you, Esme, this looks fabulous and I'm starving!" Bella smiled at Esme and picked up her fork.
"You are very welcome, dear. I had hoped all that fresh air would be good for the appetite!" Esme looked pleased that Bella was eating and sat across the table from her. For the first time, there was no piteous look. Bella, Esme, Edward, and Carlisle had a normal conversation about life and home and things in general and for a few moments, Bella felt normal.
That night Edward, as he lay next to Bella, caught himself inhaling just to catch her strawberry scent and watching her bright red lips mumble while she slept. She talked about Charlie, she talked to Jessica and Angela, she even murmured his name a few times. But she never talked about THEM. Not for 10 hours straight.
That was the pattern that continued for the next few days until they found it was Sunday and time to return home. Bella would sleep long hours in Edward's arms while he watched her, he would make her lunch while Carlisle changed her dressings, then she would spend hours on the beach before Edward would collect her and they would walk hand in hand back for dinner and movies or video games and Bella would fall asleep, utterly exhausted again.
That was before Sunday. They had an early flight plan to get Bella back in plenty of time to settle in before school the next day and to help her hide her wounds from Charlie. Bella woke around 4am, sweating from a nightmare with Edward coaxing her awake.
"Edward, how do I face Charlie? How do I go back there? How do I exist in Forks? How do I walk into gym class tomorrow like nothing's happened? I don't think I can do it!"
"Ssshhhh, Bella. It's OK. We will talk to Carlisle, figure something out. Maybe you can develop the flu and ease back into things. Face Charlie first and then school, ok? That should make things a little easier. I'm sorry that you have to go back there. I'm really sorry." Edward tried hard to comfort her. They sat up in bed, Edward just holding her while she sat there imagining the scenarios she might face at home for two hours until it was time for Bella to get up and shower and dress.
Everyone was quiet on the plane ride back until just before landing. Bella and Edward sat side-by-side, her hand in his, quietly contemplating what was going to happen after they landed when Carlisle approached and sat opposite Bella.
"So, how are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"Like I've swallowed rusty nails and they are poking holes in my gut." She answered without skipping a beat and without a smile.
"I know this is going to be hard for you—"Carlisle began when Bella cut him off.
"With all due respect, Carlisle, none of you know how hard this is going to be, except maybe Rose, and she got to come back as a badass vampire and kill the men who hurt her, which I can't do, so even she can't completely get it." Bella spat.
"I'm sorry, Bella, I meant no offense. I'm just trying to help. We will take those stitches out once we get back to our home. That should make you much more comfortable. You won't have to keep them covered any longer. Unfortunately, some of your bruises are still quite dark but it is the upper Northwest. The weather might allow you to wear pants and long sleeves, for the most part, since it is only early April." Carlisle looked apprehensive before continuing.
"Edward mentioned that he thought I might be able to convince Charlie that you have the flu and to keep you home for a few days. I think that can be arranged, but you are going to have to go home to Charlie tonight. I'm afraid if we keep you any longer, he may send the entire state police force to come get you. He loves you, Bella. I'm sure if you told him—"
"NO! You promised not to tell Charlie! You all promised not to tell Charlie, you can't go back on your word! I couldn't handle it if Charlie knew what they did to me. I just couldn't handle it. Please, Carlisle, I'm begging you!" Bella pleaded.
"Of course he isn't going to tell Charlie," Edward interrupted. "It's OK, Bella. It's OK." Edward cooed softly as he held her in his arms and she cried.
"No, Bella. I would never dream of breaking your confidence. I think that it should come from you, but if you are not ready, then so be it. I won't say a word and neither will anyone else." Carlisle attempted to reassure a distraught Bella.
"Thank you." Bella whispered through her tears.
The plane landed and Carlisle and Jasper retrieved their vehicles from long term parking while Bella waited with the others, her hood pulled up high, sunglasses on, but looking less out of place in the Port Angeles rain. The drive from Port Angeles was quiet. No one really knew what to say to Bella and she didn't know what to say to anyone else. She just sat close to Edward and held his hand. Afraid if she let go she would come undone.
Finally, they arrived at the Cullen house and everyone began taking their luggage to their respectable rooms. Edward dropped Bella's near the door and ushered her over to the sofa.
"How are you doing?" He asked
"Not so great, to be honest. I don't know if I can see Charlie and fake the old Bella. She's dead to me now. Gone for good. How do you pretend to be something that you are so far removed from?" She asked as she lay her head on his shoulder and he enjoyed her strawberry scent.
"Bella, you are strong. You survived something that would have killed most people. It would have left them incapable of taking care of themselves, at the very least. But you got up and you got help and you are calling the shots. That's a strength not many people possess. You can face Charlie and you can be the old Bella for him. It won't be easy, but after everything you've been through, it will be doable." Edward tried to boost Bella's confidence.
"I hope I know how to find her again. I'm just glad that I don't see my Dad all that often with his long work hours and school and everything." Bella paused, reluctant to continue. "I hate to admit it, but I'm afraid to be alone tonight. I've grown to depend on you too much. They have my address, what if they come back?" Bella finally asked.
"Guys like that don't come back, Bella. They move on to their next victim and they continue their reign of terror elsewhere. It's how they work. They break one woman at a time until somebody stops them." Edward spat out the last part with such anger, it almost made Bella giddy.
"Do you really believe that?" She asked with doubt.
"Absolutely. You trust me, right?" Bella nodded. "Then believe me when I say that they are long gone and you are safe. If you want, Emmett, Jasper and I can take watch outside your house tonight. And for a while. Just until you feel safe." Edward suggested.
"Would you really do that for me? It might help…but I hate to ask you to waste your time sitting outside my house waiting for the Boogeyman that will likely never show up." Bella said, embarrassed at what she believed was probably an irrational fear.
"We would be happy to do it." Edward said.
"Hells yeah!" Came Emmett's voice from somewhere upstairs.
"Count me in!" Shouted Jasper.
"OK, then, it is settled. Now let's go get Carlisle to take those stitches out and Rose to help you with the makeup around your eyes, although I don't think you need much." Edward suggested. Her black eyes had turned a sickly yellow color, but that would be easier to cover up than the blue and purple they had been. Her arms and legs were a different matter, but everything was covered by her long clothing. Perfect for this rainy, foggy, Forks day.
"Alright." Said Bella, feeling better.
Carlisle removed the stitches and Edward offered to drive her home. Alice demanded to ride shotgun because SHE, Charlie liked. Edward alone with his 16 year old daughter, probably not so much. Carlisle called ahead to let Charlie know that Bella had developed a flu bug the previous day and would need plenty of fluids and rest for several days. Bella was grateful that when they arrived home, Charlie was out shopping for those fluids. Alice and Edward followed her upstairs, Edward carrying her bag and Alice chatting about bringing Bella her homework the next day and anything she could think of. She helped Bella unpack while Edward put her to bed.
"It will be easier to pretend if you are sick in bed." He stated just as they heard Charlie's car pull into the driveway. "I'd better get downstairs before Charlie comes in. Alice, you will act as interference for a few moments?" Alice nodded and Edward leaned down and gently kissed Bella on the forehead, which surprised them all, then zipped downstairs with the speed of a vampire just as Charlie opened the door.
"Hello, Edward." Charlie said, surprised by his presence.
"Hello, Chief Swan, Bella is upstairs. Alice is helping her get into bed and putting some of her things away for her.
"She must have it bad, then, huh?" Charlie, the germophobe, looked upstairs with trepidation.
"Yes, sir. She was vomiting all night and on the plane ride home. We will be lucky if we don't all catch it from her. If I were you, I would give her some space while she gets well." Edward said, hoping to help Bella avoid as much contact as possible with her father.
"Yeah, well, Bella has never been one that wanted to be coddled anyway. I will make sure she gets her fluids, though! I got ginger ale, Jello, chicken soup…a few other things I can't remember. I just got whatever the sales clerk said I should buy for a sick kid." Charlie was so out of his element here.
Edward smiled. Charlie obviously loved Bella and tried so hard to take care of her, but what do you do with an independent girl like Bella who hasn't needed anyone to care for her since she had aged into the double digits? Edward was worried, though, about how Bella would handle being alone with her father when they were all gone. Of course he would be right outside, but that was probably of little comfort to her.
"Well, Chief Swan, Alice can help you get her all set up if you'd like to go upstairs now and see her." Edward said. May as well see how it was going to go before he left. "I will wait down here for my sister."
"Yeah, I suppose I should go do that." Charlie started up the stairs reluctantly.
Bella heard her father's familiar footsteps on the stairs and grabbed Alice's hand.
"Alice, I can't do this." She whispered frantically. "I can't face him."
"Charlie doesn't know anything, Bella. You will be fine. I will help, ok? I will ease you into conversing with your father. I'm sorry, Bella, I truly am, but you are going to have to talk to him if you want to continue hiding what happened or he is going to get suspicious."
And then he was there, in the doorway, looking at Bella as if she were an animal with two heads.
"Hey, Bells. I hear you aren't feeling so well."
"Y-y-y-yeah, Dad. I caught some kind of bug, probably from flying. You know how germy airplanes can be." She stammered.
"Yep, that's why I rarely fly. Filled with germs and stuff. I bought you some Ginger Ale, would you like some?" Charlie asked and Bella just nodded.
Edward was listening downstairs and was dying to run upstairs and hold her and rock her and tell her that everything was going to be ok and how strong she was. But he knew he couldn't, so he gritted his teeth while he waited, and listened.
"Thanks, Dad." Bella said as Charlie took a cold can of soda out of his shopping bag.
"Do you need anything else?" Charlie asked as he backed towards the door. "I have soup and…stuff."
"No, this is good. Thank you for going to all the trouble." Bella said with a smile.
"You're welcome, kid. It's good to have you back. Was gettin' a little lonely around here!" Charlie exclaimed with his hand on the doorknob. "I guess I will leave you to talk to Alice, but not too long, ok, Alice? She needs her rest."
"Of course, Charlie, I will just say my goodbyes." Alice promised. With that, Charlie quickly exited the room and closed the door.
"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Alice asked.
"No, I can handle it from here." Bella said, relieved.
"If you need me, I can sneak back in through the window." Alice whispered.
"No, but thank you." It was Edward she wished had offered that, but she couldn't ask any more from him.
"Ok, I'm going to go if you don't need anything else, then…" Alice said, hesitantly. "Are you sure you don't need me to stay?"
"No, it's—" And her voice was cut off by a knock.
"Bells, I forgot. You received a package while you were gone. It looks like a shoebox. Did you order some shoes?" Charlie poked his head and arm in the door, extended with a package in his hand. Bella saw a strange look pass across Alice's face as she grabbed the box from Charlie.
"I ordered them for Bella and completely forgot. I will turn her into a fasionista if it kills me!" Alice giggled.
"OK, then, enjoy the shoes." Charlie said and left the room, obviously uninterested. Bella reached for the package.
"You bought me shoes, Alice?" Bella sounded confused.
"No, um, but…don't open this, ok. Would you trust me and just let me take it with me and give it to Carlisle?" Alice said with little hope in her voice.
"No way, give it to me!" Bella ordered. Edward appeared at the door.
"I smelled blood." Edward whispered. "What the Hell happened." Then he realized where it was coming from and moved to take the box from Bella gently but she turned away from him.
"What's wrong with you, two. What do you mean blood?" Then it dawned on Bella what she held in her hands. She slowly unwrapped the plain brown paper and pulled the lid off the top of the box. Lying on top of tissue paper was a typed note that read 'Thought you might be needing these'. Edward grabbed the note and growled in anger. Bella slowly pulled back the tissue paper and inside the box were her heels from the night of the dance, bloodied, scuffed, and one broken during her struggle. Edward put his hand over her mouth to stifle her scream as she dropped the box and Alice quickly picked it up and replaced the lid, carrying it over to Bella's desk.
"It's ok, Bella. No one is here to hurt you. It's ok. They couldn't get through us if they tried, remember? I would rip their heads off if they tried." Edward tried to calm Bella down.
"And I would help!" Alice promised.
Bella was shaking uncontrollably and Edward and Alice were worried, both wondering if they should call Carlisle when she looked up at them finally and spoke in a dead calm voice.
"I'm fine. Just take those with you. You can go now. There is nothing to worry about. I will have my own vampire goon squad outside my house tonight so I know that I will be safe. Really, you can go."
Edward and Alice were surprised by Bella's sudden change in demeanor, but Edward stood and Alice collected the box as they headed for the door.
"That's right, Bella. Jasper, Emmett, and I will be right outside all night."
"And I will come spend the day tomorrow, maybe bring Rosalie." Alice chimed in.
"Thank you, I'm fine." She had stopped shaking and was so calm, it was almost eerie. Even to two vampires. Then Alice got a strange look on her face, the look she gets when visions strike her and she realized why Bella was so calm.
"Bella Swan!" Alice hissed. "How could you even think of doing something like that? What about Charlie? What about me and all your friends? Your Mom and Phil? What about all the people in your life who love you?" Then she turned to Edward.
"She made the decision to overdose on the painkillers Carlisle gave her the time Tyler almost hit her with his van. She still has about 20 left in the bottle and she was hoping that would be enough to do the job right, which it would have done it quite well!" Alice looked angry and hurt and sad all at the same time.
"Bella, why? Why would you do something like that? After everything you've been through, this is what pushes you to suicide? You know we can't let you do that. You know that so many people love you who would support you through this and we've honored your decision not to tell them but you would do this, anyway?" Edward questioned her quietly, trying not to draw Charlie's attention from his room across the hall.
Bella burst into tears and started rocking back and forth.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking or why, I just know that I can't stand the skin I'm in. I can't stand feeling the way that I feel. They violated me and now they've violated my home. Nothing is safe, nothing is sacred. I'm just so tired. I just want it to stop." Bella finished in a whisper as she dissolved into silent, wracking sobs.
Edward quickly appeared at her side on the bed, enveloping her in a hug and rocking with her cooing words of comfort as she cried against his chest. Alice stood, not knowing what to do. Still angry at Bella for what she had been thinking of doing and searching her decisions to make sure she had changed her mind but for now, Bella's future was murky and Alice didn't like that.
The thought of Bella committing suicide nearly ripped Edward's heart out and he was surprised by the intensity of his reaction. Had he been human, he would have been crying. As it was, all he could do was sit with her and try to console her when he wanted to run far away with her and keep her safe from the thugs who had broken his Bella.
HIS Bella?
What was he thinking? She wasn't his anything. But he was feeling so protective of her and, he had to admit to himself, a bit possessive. He wanted to be the one to comfort her. He wanted to be the one to make the hurt go away. He wanted to be the one to make everything better. But he didn't know how and he didn't know if she would even want him to be the one to do those things. Edward was so confused about his feelings.
A little more than a week ago, Bella was just some girl his sister hung out with who had figured out their secret and he was wary she would keep it. Now, she was a girl who could cause him to want to cry and to want to kill and to want to kiss…Edward chastised himself for thinking such a thing. Bella had been so traumatized, of course she wouldn't be thinking or feeling the same way that he did. He had to get a grip on himself.
Bella had stopped crying and was starting to pull away from him. Alice had stopped searching Bella's future and was focused on the present and Edward found himself missing Bella's touch as she pulled away.
"I'm ok now, guys. Really. You should go before Charlie comes back and finds Edward in here. He would be less than thrilled. And you've done so much, I'm sure if you don't feel like staying outside my house, I will be safe—"Bella started to let them off the hook for babysitting her but Edward cut her off.
"Don't even say it. We will be out there." Edward looked at Alice, obviously reading her mind and Alice nodded that it appeared to be safe to leave her alone. "Bella, do you mind if I take the pills with me in case you start thinking about things and change your mind again?" Bella sheepishly opened up her bedside table, took out the bottle of pain pills and threw them to Edward silently.
"Thank you, Bella. Emmett and Jazz are already outside, I will go join them." Edward finished as he started towards the door.
"And I will be back tomorrow morning, ok?" Alice said as she hugged Bella goodbye. "I love you." She added as she followed her brother out the door and down the stairs.
"Would she have really taken them?" Edward asked.
"I saw her funeral," Alice replied. "I don't think I will ever get that vision out of my head." Alice said, visibly shaken.