Chapter 6: Dead end

That night, Bella was so tired, but forced herself to stay awake. She knew that if she fell asleep she would have a vicious nightmare and bring Charlie running. She tried to feel safe knowing that the guys were outside, watching over her, but that did little to calm her fears. She looked around her bedroom, realizing that even those things familiar to her were no longer the same.

Her view of her entire world had been turned on its head. Everything felt too big, too small, too bright, too dark, too somebody else's to be hers. The room felt foreign. Her favorite paint by number she'd done when she was seven of the shih tzu dog, the Christmas lights she'd hung for mood lighting, the desk lamp Charlie had bought for her when she'd moved in with him. They all felt wrong and like they belonged to someone else.

She could feel the panic starting to rise in her chest as she sat up and began rocking back and forth, her knees pulled up tightly, her arms wrapped around them. She had never had a panic attack before, but was pretty sure she was having one now, and there was only one person she wanted to calm her down. One person to hold her and tell her everything was alright.

"Edward?" She whispered into the night air and quicker than she could take another breath, he appeared through her window and at her bedside. "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you mind…I mean, could you…" and she trailed off, not able to ask him to stay with her the way he had in California. Maybe that was a temporary thing? Maybe he didn't really want to be that close to screwed up Bella anymore? Maybe he thought she was too dependent on him?

"Of course, Bella. I will stay with you." Edward proceeded to put his arm around her shoulders and snuggle down into the bed with Bella, her under the covers and him on top so she wouldn't get so cold. She put her head on his chest and within minutes was fast asleep, murmuring to her friends and family in her dreams again.

Edward lay and watched her chest rise and fall, her eyes moving, her lips parting as she mumbled names and occasionally uttered a decipherable word or two. He stared at her lips, red and beautiful and found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to kiss them, to touch them, to hold Bella in his arms and then chastised himself again for letting his mind go there. She needed his help, not his fantasizing about touching her in ways that went beyond friend and caretaker and that's what he was going to give her so he had to stop letting his mind wander to things that he had no business thinking about. Then he heard her utter something that surprised him.

"Edward…mmm…stay…don't go." And he hugged her tighter and stroked her smooth, soft cheek. The cold across her cheek must have surprised her because she awoke and sleepily looked around, taking in her surroundings.

"Edward, you're here? I was dreaming that you had gone and I was left alone." Bella said, sadly.

"I would never leave, Bella. Never. I will be here every night if that's what you need." Edward replied. "At least until Charlie wakes in the mornings."

Bella was more awake now and aware of the conversation. She paused and looked up at him with eyes of wonder.

"I wish I understood why you cared so much and I wish I understood why I like that you care so much." And her face began moving closer to his.

Edward was stunned into silence and unmoving as Bella moved towards him with a heady look on her face. He could tell what was coming and he welcomed it, he just hoped that she would be ok with his touch and that he could control himself with this fragile, human, girl.

Their lips met and instantly electricity passed between the two of them. Bella's mouth began to move against Edward's as Edward returned her kiss automatically. Their passion heated up as Bella put her hands behind Edward's head and pulled him towards her. He ran his hand through her beautiful, dark hair that was so soft and smelled of those amazing strawberries. Bella's lips parted and he felt and tasted her sweet breath as her tongue pressed against his lips and he hungrily opened his mouth and welcomed her into it. Their tongues began a symbiotic dance as if they had been kissing for months. Pulling and pushing back and forth, a dance of true love.

Bella felt herself come alive as Edward sucked her tongue into his mouth and massaged it with his own. She realized how numb she had been and how awake her mind and body was now. This was a touch she wanted, a touch she craved. She ran her hands through his copper hair and pressed his face as close to her as she could, his cold skin an erotic opposite to her warm mouth.

Edward kept himself under control, but it was hard as his hands combed through her gorgeous dark hair, her warm breath a welcome treat to his cold lips. She tasted wonderful and so sweet, he felt himself losing control and finally had to pull away.

They both looked at each other in stunned silence, neither wanting to break the spell but both confused as Hell about what was happening between the two of them.

"They never kissed me." Bella finally whispered, breaking eye contact with Edward and looking down at her hands that had come to rest in front of her. "They hurt me in a lot of ways, Edward, but they never kissed me."

Bella didn't know why it was important for her to make sure Edward knew that, but it was. She wanted him to know that her lips hadn't been tainted. To understand that whatever they had done to her body, her mouth was still pure and belonged to her and now to him. In some strange way, he understood what she meant without her having to explain it all to him. He lifted her chin up so that her eyes met his and gave her a sweet, chaste kiss, then settled them both down into bed with Bella's head resting on his chest and his chin resting on the top of her head. No more words were needed and Bella fell asleep comfortably for the entire night.

Unfortunately, Charlie was an early riser and Edward heard him coming while Bella was still fast asleep but he couldn't risk being discovered so with the speed of a vampire, he was up and out the window in a flash that woke Bella, startled her, and had her starting to sit up when Charlie poked his head in to check on her.

Edward landed deftly beside his brothers who looked at him strangely.

"What the Hell was that, bro?" Emmett asked. "You start making out with a rape victim barely a week after it happens? And with BELLA of all people? What are you thinking?" He seemed genuinely angry. Emmett thought of Bella as a little sister and Edward knew that in his mind, he was protecting her, but he wanted to tell him to butt the Hell out and leave them alone. Thankfully, he didn't.

"I can't explain it, man. It just happened. One minute I'm comforting her and the next minute she's kissing me and I'm kissing her back. I really think I'm starting to feel something for her." Edward replied.

"Be careful," Jasper warned. "A damsel in distress can fall in love with her rescuer only to lose interest when the danger has past and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Him get hurt?" Emmett exclaimed incredulously, "Dude, you had better not do anything to hurt or scare Bella or you will have me to answer to!"

"And me!" Alice's voice chimed in as she approached for her day shift duty of keeping Bella safe and occupied. "I got to see the whole scene play out in full Technicolor the second they made up their minds to kiss and it was definitely…how shall I put this…passionate to say the least. I do think our brother is starting to fall for Bella. I just hope you know what you are doing, Edward." Alice said.

"And I wish you would all mind your own damned business and leave mine alone!" Edward whispered harshly through gritted teeth before zipping off through the woods, leaving them standing outside Bella's house, stunned.

"Hey Bells, feeling any better?" Charlie asked from the relative safety of the doorway.

"No, Dad. Not really. Still feeling pretty terrible."

"No school today, then!" Charlie ordered. "And stay in bed unless you have to get up to get more fluids! Carlisle says those are important for the flu." Bella groaned, trying to react the way the old, whole Bella would have.

"No arguments, Bells!" Charlie said as he ducked out of the room and closed the door. As soon as the front door closed when Charlie left for work, Alice appeared before Bella.

"So you have daytime babysitting duty, huh?" Bella asked Alice.

"It's not babysitting, it's girl time!" Alice exclaimed as she busied herself fluffing Bella's pillows and straightening her bed.

"I'm not really sick, remember, Alice?" Bella said, slightly embarrassed by the attention.

"I know, silly, but you deserve some pampering. How about a manicure?" Alice asked, hopeful to be able to do something to help. Bella grimaced, manicures weren't really her thing.

"Alice, why don't you go to school? I will be fine here during the day. It's the night that gets scary…" Bella ended with a low voice and her eyes cast down.

"If that's what you want, Bella." Alice said, a little disappointed. Bella got the feeling that Alice wanted her to sit and talk about what happened. To open up to her best friend about the worst experience of her life. And she couldn't. She just couldn't.

"Not what I want, but what you should do. I'm fine, here, and I need someone to bring me my homework, remember?" Alice brightened at the chance to do something to help. Bella felt guilty for not offering her more opportunities, but then she had been a little preoccupied and resented that she felt guilty. She didn't want to resent her friend so she wanted to send her away on a happy note before she could hurt Alice's feelings again. She was really wishing Edward were here.

"You can sit and fill me in on all the gossip afterschool." If Alice loved anything close to the way she loved clothing and fashion, it was gossip. She looked practically giddy at the thought.

"OK, we will have a total girls' night…well, before you want Edward to come up." Alice paused, obviously wanting to ask something and working very hard to phrase the question in such a way that wouldn't offend Bella.

"Bella, I don't understand what is going on between you and Edward." Alice finally said.

"I've told you, I don't understand why I like his protection, he just makes me feel safe." Bella said, trying to hide her exasperation.

"No…I mean the …uh…kiss last night." Alice finally stammered out. "Curse of being able to see the future, you know." She said as she tapped her head, nervously, to make a point."

"So you saw that, did you?" Bella asked. In one way she was annoyed by the lack of privacy, but it wasn't as if Alice could help it. On the other hand, she was grateful to have a girlfriend to talk to.

"Alice, I don't know what that was. I don't know if it was a pity kiss on his part or why I initiated it. I don't know why I feel so close to Edward. I don't understand anything. Please, you explain it to me!" Bella said, her voice rising with anxiety.

"I wish I could, Bella, but be careful, ok? You've been through a lot. I know that I can't understand what you're going through, I'm not saying that at all, but I also know that you are vulnerable right now and I don't want you to heal and my brother to get hurt or my brother to figure out he had the 'Knight in shining armor' syndrome and you to get hurt. You two are two of my favorite people. I just want you to be careful and if you decide to continue with a relationship, think about it long and hard." Alice lectured. Bella chaffed at the lecture, though she didn't know why because Alice did make some sense.

"Relationship? Alice, it was one kiss!" Bella exclaimed.

"It was one Hell of a kiss!" Alice said as she tapped her head again and Bella covered her face with her pillow, embarrassed.

"I don't want to hurt Edward. Maybe I'm relying on him too much. But he makes me feel safe and I just want to feel safe. But, that's selfish, isn't it?"

"It's not selfish because we want to make you feel safe. It's only selfish if you use my brother to make yourself feel better with no intentions of making the relationship something more. Don't get me wrong, my brother and my best friend being together would be a dream come true for me, but you guys barely spoke two words to each other in passing before the…attack…and now you can't let go of him? And you are kissing him? I just want to make sure it's something you both want and not something that will end up hurting either of you. I love you too much." Alice finished with a hug that Bella tried hard not to shrug out of.

"I had better get to school if I'm going." Alice said. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you, today? Edward may have my head for showing up at school, but it's worth it if it's what you want."

"I'm sure. I'm just going to stay in bed today and do some thinking and some much needed sleeping and healing." Bella replied.

"Good! Just what the doctor ordered…literally!" They both giggled and Alice hugged Bella once more before leaving.

Bella got up and looked at herself in the mirror. She would have to remember to put on a high-necked shirt if she was going to walk around with Charlie in the house. The bruises on her throat were a greenish yellow now, but still noticeable. Those on her face had healed to a slight yellow that just made her look sick, not like she had been carrying two black eyes the week before. The split lip had healed into a fine line that could be passed off as dry, cracked lips. She slowly undressed in front of the mirror. The bruises under her clothing were far darker, still, though they were fading. There were hints of green around the edges of blue and purple. Up and down her arms, legs, and torso. Even the hint of a shoe print on her chest. She turned to look at her back, the scratches and cuts having healed into fine lines.

The scars on her legs were very prominent. She would never be able to wear short shorts again. The thought made her sad. But then she realized she would probably never want to show that much of her body again, anyway. The burn scars were still scabbed over, healing slowly but with no sign of infection and the internal infection had nearly healed, she was certain of that because the symptoms had dissipated greatly. She remembered how horrible she'd felt the night it had happened. How her abdomen had ached, how she felt as if she had been torn in two. Now, a week later, those feelings seemed a vivid but distant memory as she stood with no abdominal pain and far less soreness than had been present before. The stitches had likely dissolved inside her and she was just like anyone else again…almost.

Tired of staring at herself in her full-length mirror, she grabbed her bathrobe and headed for the shower. She still felt so dirty. She knew that any remnants of the men had long since been washed away by her sometimes multiple showers per day, but she couldn't fight the need to scrub herself again and again anyway. She stood under the hot water, scrubbing and re-scrubbing until the water ran cold, then exited the shower and went to her room to find clothing. She would have to eat some soup soon. Charlie would likely come home on his lunch break to check on her.

She found a high-necked shirt and a pair of baggy sweatpants and quickly dressed, pulling Edwards sweatshirt he had loaned her for the trip to California over her head. It was a soft, navy blue and it smelled like him. It made her feel safer. She didn't like being alone but was glad she had sent Alice away. It was Edward she yearned for.

As she stood looking at her reflection in the mirror, making sure her bruises were hidden, her stomach rumbled. She wished she could have something more substantial than chicken soup, but she was supposed to have the flu. 'I will add some saltines, maybe that will make it more filling', Bella thought.

While she waited for the soup to heat on the stove, the doorbell rang. Instantly on alert, Bella panicked and started hyperventilating.

"Just chill, Bella. It's probably nothing to worry about. Doorbells ring all the time and what villains actually ring the doorbell before the attack?" Still, she very slowly looked through the peephole in the door and saw that it was a Fed-Ex delivery man with a package. "Charlie must have ordered something. Come on, Miss Paranoia, open the door." And she did, but the package was for her. The same brown paper as the shoes, no return address. This one was much smaller, however, and she couldn't imagine what it could be.

Bella held the package in her shaking hands and leaned her back against the stairwell wall, finally sliding down to keep from falling. The room was spinning, she felt sick, she could smell her soup burning on the stove but could do nothing about it. She just sat there in stunned silence for minutes…hours…she had no idea. She finally began unwrapping the package, slowly as if it might explode in her hands. Inside was another typed note that read 'we thought you might be missing these'. Then it dawned on her what was inside. When she peeled back the tissue paper, she found her bloodied and torn panties from that night.

They were tormenting her. They used her, they broke her, and now they were terrorizing her. It was never going to end. Never. She knew in that moment that she couldn't take the fear, the sadness, the sense of loss and the feelings of utter humiliation and violation. She just couldn't take them anymore.

Without thinking about it, she grabbed her keys and slowly made her way to her truck, not bothering to grab her purse or anything else. She slowly backed out of the driveway and headed towards the highway.

"Yes, Alice?" Mr. Murdy asked, not happy to be interrupted during his lecture.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Murdy, but I'm not feeling well, can I be excused to the nurse's office, please?" Alice looked ashen and panicked. Her eyes dark and terrified. She had just told Jasper what she had seen and the images were so clear, so scary, so horrifying that even as a vampire, she managed to look sick.

"Yes, of course, take a pass with you." Mr. Murdy said and then continued with his lecture.

"Alice nearly bolted out of the room, trying hard to function at normal human speed until she made it to the hallway and then in a split second, she was on the other side of the building, standing in front of Edward's Shakespeare classroom. She closed her eyes and mentally tried to send the images she had seen to him. In a flash, Edward was up and starting towards the door.

"Mr. Cullen!" Mrs. Thompson called out, but he ignored her as he met Alice in the hallway.

"Has it already happened or is it in the future?" Edward asked, grabbing Alice by the arm and rushing her towards the door. There were students in the hallway so he had to go at a frustratingly human pace, though his clip was undoubtedly fast for a human.

"Future, I think. You know it's hard to tell with my visions sometimes." Alice said apologetically.

"I know where she's going, we have to get to her before she gets there. Let's go." Edward didn't pause, his tensed jaw was set, his eyes dark as he headed for the door just as Vice Principal Morgan stepped into his path.

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Cullen, where do you think you are going?" Mr. Morgan asked, his arms crossed, clearly intending to block Edward's escape. Edward simply pushed passed him, dragging Alice with him who shrugged at Mr. Morgan and smiled as if she were confused.

"Mr. Cullen! Get back here this instant!" Edward ignored Mr. Morgan and continued running towards the parking lot at barely a human pace, Alice right along with him. They climbed into his Volvo and hit the road, immediately accelerating, trying to race to catch up to Bella.

Bella pushed her old truck as fast as it would go, which was only 45mph, but she hoped that would be enough. She had to find a safe place to do it because she didn't want anyone coming upon the wreckage on a blind corner and getting hurt. That's when she saw them in the distance. The poles that held the banner across the highway announcing Forks Logging Festival in May. Bella made sure no one was behind her and she pointed her truck directly at the pole on her side of the road and unhooked her seatbelt.

Never touching the breaks, the truck struck the pole with such force that the front end folded in on itself and the steering wheel was pressed into Bella's head, neck, and chest. The dash board crumpled in to pin one of her legs beneath it, her elbow shattering the side window.

Edward and Alice came upon the smoking scene precious seconds later and Alice was already on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator when they did.