The Tegan Chronicles

Intuition and Lies 32

Friday evening around 1800 hrs Sam showed up with two large pizzas and a movie Janet and Cassie had been wanting to see.

"What happened to you?" Cassie inquire about the gash in Sam's forehead that was currently being held together with Setri-Strips and a couple sutures.

"I – uh..." She glanced over at Tegan who was sitting on the couch and looking at her expectantly. "Door, big door, on base."

"Liar." Tegan responded as Janet came down the stairs.

"Pizza and a movie." Sam held out the boxes.

"Great." Janet smiled lightly while looking at Sam's injury.

"I know you guys are jumping, it's not a big deal." Tegan watched Sam hand the pizza off to Janet and walk into the living room. "So who put the sutures in?"

"Teal'c." Sam raised her eyebrows and quickly decided she shouldn't do that again.

"A door, on base, and Teal'c put in the sutures. Nice."

"It was a tree, off world. I wasn't paying attention, tripped on a root and slammed into the tree. Teal'c put in two sutures so we didn't have to come back right away."

"He did a better job then I could've done."

"I don't know about that." Janet looked at his handy work.

"An ape could put in sutures better than I can right now." Tegan grumbled and stood up. "I'm sorry, I'm going to grab a slice and head to bed. I'm tired, and obviously I'm not good company tonight."

Sam nodded.

"She's been like that since Wednesday morning. I think she and Sergeant Nash butted heads during her PT." Janet explained when Tegan had gone upstairs.

"She's going through a lot." Sam understood it was going to take time. "Do you think she even wants to come back?"

Janet glanced at Cassie who was pulling a slice of pepperoni pizza out of the box. She canted her head to her office and followed Sam inside. "Does she have a choice?"

"I don't know." Sam shook her head. "But if she did?"

Janet nodded. "I don't think she would have made the ape comment if it didn't bother her that you all are out there without her."

"Well;" Sam pointed to her head. "It's not like we don't need her. And Colonel O'Neill keeps reminding me she's not one to give up."

"Yeah, but..." Janet sighed. "I'm trying to tell myself it's what she's going through, but she's not Tegan right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't put my finger on it, but it's like her fight is gone." Janet shook her head. "I don't even know if that's what it is."

"She did completely shut down after Nirrti almost..." Sam's voice trailed off, no one ever really knew how to phrase that one.

"This is different, somehow." Janet's brow wrinkled in a mixture of confusion and concern.

"Give it time."

"You sound like Colonel O'Neill."

"I know." Sam smiled lightly.

"Janet tells me you're isolating more and more." Tilly spoke from the couch during their appointment.

It was the middle of week nine. Three more weeks had passed without her making any progress with Tegan and she was seriously thinking about handing her off to a colleague. Unfortunately that wouldn't do Tegan any good, and it wasn't even a possibility considering the classified nature of her case.

She had some notes sitting on her lap. "I've managed to read through part of your file You've changed a lot since joining the SGC. Your previously spotless record now has mention of insubordination. You not only seem to attract trouble, like your first Goa'uld attack, but you seem to seek it out. Like the time you turned yourself over to Nirrti after Colonel O'Neill had ordered you and Major Carter back through the gate. You have a bit of a hero complex."

Tegan listened but didn't contradict her.

"Well, maybe it's a superhero complex. You know like Superman slash Clark Kent, or Spider-man slash Peter Parker. You want to be the hero but you don't want the glory. Most people do heroic things for the glory. Not all of them... but..."

"I'm not a hero, I do my job."

"Your job?" She realized immediately there was no past tense used.

"Yes."

"'Leave no man behind', but you wouldn't understand that."

"Hero complex," She repeated softly. "Is that why Hek'tu chose you?"

Tegan closed her eyes, an attempt to block her out.

She sat there and watched Tegan, her eyes moving behind her lids as if she were reliving that moment. She supposed she probably was, but Tegan was a warrior through and through, she wasn't going to just open up and tell her what it was like.

After forty minutes Tilly broke into Tegan's thoughts. "Would you be open to having one or more of your team come to one of your sessions with you?"

Tegan opened her eyes and looked curiously at Tilly.

"You might feel more comfortable talking with a comrade."

"Not with you in the room." Tegan shot her out of the sky.

Week eleven Janet came out of her office to find Tegan lying prone on the couch tossing a racquet ball in the air and catching it with her right hand.

"You're going to be late for your appointment with Dr. Tillman."

"No I'm not." She caught the ball and tossed it again.

"It's almost 1400 hours and it's Monday."

"Yup." She tossed the ball again tapping it ever so lightly on the ceiling.

"You have an appointment at 1400 hours."

"Nope."

Janet caught the ball mid air and looked down at Tegan.

"I canceled."

"You mean rescheduled."

"No, I'm pretty sure I mean canceled."

"Just because I'm going back to work Wednesday doesn't mean you can go around canceling your appointments."

"It's a waste of time." Tegan covered her eyes with her arm.

"If you would talk to her, it might not be a waste of time." Janet put the ball on the coffee table. "Did you cancel all your appointments with her?"

"Yup."

"Well, I'm going to call and un-cancel them."

"Janet!" She threw her arm back.

"You don't have to go today, but the counseling is mandatory. I didn't make the rules."

"Then don't enforce them. I'll go back when I'm good and ready, and I'll take full responsibility for any flack in the meantime."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

"I'm talking about going back."

Tegan nodded.