Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting this. There are really bad winds here and the power kept cutting out all day. I was afraid I'd loose everything if I even turned on the computer so I let it sit for a few hours. Um, I hope this isn't too jumpy emotionally. The chapter, I mean. I have another roller derby game so my brain is mush and Jasper kept changing his mind every damn day I sat down to write. Anyway, I'll see you all next week, I guess. Enjoy.
~Tay
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, while I pwn all bitches who think they can get past me on a track.
I arrive at her house and I'm exactly seventeen minutes late. I didn't leave my house until thirty-five minutes had passed. I didn't want to be early or exactly on time. It'd make me look too eager. Especially since I had no idea what she invited me over for.
Even though I hoped.
It was true, we had never actually spent alone time together so I didn't really know what to expect. I was going to be on her territory; finally in her house, her room! I could only hope that I would keep it together.
I sigh before shutting off my car, nervous as fuck. Bella and I have talked for hours over the phone before, but this is different. There's something impersonal about a telephone conversation that makes you feel invincible. I wish I had that right now. I should have just told her I was busy.
No, that'd be stupid. She's my girl; I should be about to have a face to face conversation with her...no matter how much she intimidates me.
It's kind of funny; if Bella ever found out how stupid in the head I was over her, she'd probably die of embarrassment. Or she'd laugh and leave me. Neither of those options is truly appealing.
I walk up the porch steps and ring the doorbell. I wait, not hearing any movement from the inside of the house. I think I hear a sigh before I hear the click of the lock being unfastened.
I lose my breath as the door opens.
Bella looks beautiful. That's nothing new, though. What is new is that she looks comfortable. But not just jeans and t-shirt comfortable - as if she needs to hide herself from me - she looks like she isn't afraid of me. She looks like her shyness is nonexistent.
Her hair is in a high, sloppy ponytail, the end of the bundle dragging against the bottoms of her shoulder blades. She's in a purple tank top and those mother-fucking-white shorts, too! And she's barefoot.
I don't know why her naked feet turn me on so much, but they do. She's without socks or shoes and suddenly I'm a foot pervert. Maybe it's just the uninterrupted expanse of exposed skin; I've never seen so much of her skin. It's debilitating.
I just want to touch it, touch her, everywhere. My brain is smog of sighs and mewls.
"Hey." The word's a breath and she smiles as she speaks it.
I'm melting inside. "Hey." The goofy grin on my face isn't easily reigned in, but I succeed...after a while.
Bella opens the door wider to let me in. Her house smells strange, but not bad. It's just different; a mix of her and leather and cookies. This is only the second time I've been here, but I was too nervous about our date to really pay attention the first time.
"Um...you want something to drink?" She's biting her nail, but she's looking at me so hopefully.
I can only nod dumbly in response. There are so many fantasies swirling through my head. Sunday's usually my jerk-off day and I'm pissed at myself for only getting one spank in before seeing her.
She disappears into the kitchen and I just stand there. I don't really know what to do. I know what I want to do, but that's different, and crossing the line.
What I need are answers; answers to questions that involve my very hard cock and her beautiful fucking blush. I don't want to be a complete hooligan, but I can't think straight right now. Bella is beautiful and she's my girl, and she is amazing and wonderful and I want her to know it.
My feet are moving before my mind catches up. I want her so badly.
She's bent, half hidden by the fridge door once I enter the kitchen.
"Is lemonade okay? We're all out of coke." Her voice is loud; she didn't hear me come in.
I take a moment to look her over from this angle. Her ass is plump and just barely peeking out of the bottom of her shorts. Her tank top has risen a bit and I can see two small dimples at the base of her spine. Her hair is falling over one shoulder and I can see goosebumps from the temperature of the fridge on the other. My throat closes and I swallow to clear it. Twice.
"Lemonade's fine." I make sure my voice is soft; I don't want to scare her.
Bella jumps anyway, whipping her head around so fast that she smacks it against a condiments shelf.
"Fuck! Ow!" The sound of her cursing is enough to make me groan.
She palms her forehead with scrunched eyes as I come up to her, wrapping my arms around her waist. I hug her to me tightly before removing her hand to inspect the damage. It's just a red whelp and I kiss it because I want to.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you." It's a half truth, but I don't care.
"It's fine." It's a whisper. I look into her eyes. She's staring at my lips.
I kiss her - hard.
My breath is panting out through my nose. My hands are clutching into her sides. I can feel her hip bones in my palms and I rub my hands across them. I feel bold and wanting and high as a fucking kite.
Bella sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and I feel like I'm exploding. My dick has never been harder and I groan out a sound between a sigh and a whine. She's everything and I can't stop myself.
I lick her top lip and my hands smooth over to her back, rubbing my hands across the hem of her tank top and the top of her shorts. I can feel skin peeking through. It's silky and warm and completely overwhelming. I really want to palm her ass, like in those movies where the guy picks up the girl by her ass cheeks. I've never done it before, but I know that the scenes of passion always escalate from there and I really, really want this to escalate.
Bella's mouth peeks open a bit and I slip my tongue inside. This is new territory for us and it feels great. I'm pretty sure she feels the same because her arms are wrapped around my shoulders and her hands are messaging the back of my neck. Her light touches send shivers down my spine and I shudder, accidentally/on-purpose sliding a hand to each of her ass cheeks. I kneed them a little, just so she realizes they're there. I don't want to freak her out.
Our kissing makes me lightheaded. I guess Bella is too because she breaks away, turning her head to the side. I kiss the corner of her mouth, sliding open mouthed kisses down the edge of her jaw and to her neck.
I kiss and lick below her ear. The skin is soft.
"Jasper." It's a sigh.
I kiss and lick across her throat. The skin is soft.
"Jas-per." It's a breathy shudder.
I kiss and lick where her neck meets her shoulder. The skin is soft...
So I bite it a little.
"Jasper!" It's a gasp and she's pulling me closer. It feels so fucking good.
So fucking good.
Her hands are around my waist and her fingers dig into my back. I grind into her, pinning her against the counter. Her ass is still in my hands and I clutch at it some more. It's like a water balloon full of pudding...only it's sexy and not edible.
...even though I kind of want to bite it too. I hum a little at the thought.
My cock is hard and I'm rubbing it against her stomach. As much as I want to just hump her leg, I'm reserved. I don't want to freak her out and who knows when she'll make me stop. It's like, I have no idea why she's even acting like this. I don't know who this new Bella is, but I really like her. Like, a lot.
I can feel Bella kissing my neck as well. Then her teeth scrap from my Adam's Apple up to my jaw line. The noise that's comes from my throat sounds like a choking bear. It feels so fucking fantastic. I see white behind my eyes. My hips crush into hers brutally. I can't help myself. My body takes over and I do the movie thing: cupping her ass cheeks and hoisting her onto the counter. It puts my cock right up against her pussy and I can feel heat radiating from the apex of her thighs.
I feel like I'm going to come at any second.
I'm so turned on I'm delirious.
I clamp my eyes shut tight, stilling my hands and my body. My hips twitch involuntarily because I'm so close to coming it's embarrassing. I take some deep breaths and cradle my forehead onto Bella shoulders.
She's breathing deeply too, her hands motionless on my back. I move my hands to her hips, just so I'm not tempted to just say fuck it.
Bella shifts a little. I think she wants to get down now. The movement isn't helping my resolve.
"Just..." I don't know what to say. I'm fucking embarrassed that I almost lost my nut from kissing her. And I feel like an asshole all of a sudden because I don't want the first time I blow my load with Bella to be on her kitchen counter without so much as a five minute conversation happening. I don't even know how far she wants to take this; I don't even know if I'm pressuring her into this. "...just, shit! Just give me a minute." It comes out all harsh and she sighs beside my ear.
"Please." I whisper it because I feel like a dumbass. She must understand me because she strokes my back with her hands. It's slow and sweet and totally what I don't deserve. I might as well be a fucking raper, or rapist or whatever. I was pushing all up on her and she just let me. I'm a fucking animal. Shit! She gets me so caught up.
I pull back after a few moments. "Sorry." I can't make myself look at her. I look at the stove next to me instead. "I just got a little..." I really don't even know what to say.
"It's okay. I got a little...crazy myself. Sorry." I don't know what the fuck she's apologizing about. I'm the one that practically tossed her around in a kitchen.
I look at her and she's staring right at me. Her eyes are bright and huge, her tank top is slightly askew, and her face is the color of a peach. And she's smiling at me.
Fucking smiling, right at me.
"What's gotten into you?" I don't mean to sound so accusatory so I try to fix it before her face can fall. "You're killing me here." I rub my dick across her for a split second so she knows what I mean. Plus, if I do it longer than that, this whole cooling off thing would have been for nothing.
She just shrugs and bites her lip, looking away from me for a second. She's smiling though so I know I didn't piss her off.
"So, what are you trying to get into today?" My thumbs stroke her hipbones as I ask. I'm all down for staying like this for a while, but I don't think I'd be able to stop.
Bella shrugs again. "I don't know. I was just trying to hang out, you know?" She looks down a bit. "I feel like I don't get to see you much." It's a little louder than a whisper. It makes me feel like a king.
"Whatever you want to do is cool with me." I kiss her forehead, but grip her hips at the same time. I feel like that's the best way to describe what's going on in my head; I'm down for what just happened and I'd do it again, but we can keep it light.
"You want to just...chill? Watch a movie or something?" I nod and take another deep breath. I can do chill...maybe.
Hopefully.
I easily help her down from the counter and I catch her shy, smiling glances. My heart leaps for a second. She looks all tousled and beautiful and she let me do that to her. She liked it, I can tell by her smile. I try hard to keep my face blank, only giving her the tightest of smiles. I can't let my girl know how much she completely owns me.
We head into her living room. I'm equal parts sad and glad we don't go to her bedroom.
"What do you want to watch?" She stands at the DVD rack against the TV stand and I plop down on her couch.
I run my hands through my hair and make a show of stretching out and sighing. "Whatever. It's up to you." Then I think about it for a minute. "None of that sappy shit though." I refuse to watch my girl cry.
She only nods without stopping her perusing. Eventually she picks something and sits next to me. She's close, but not close enough, so I pull her into my side, slightly draping her over my chest. I like having her this close to me. I think I hum a little. I think she does too.
The movies on for a while, but I'm not really watching it. I'm watching Bella out of the corner of my eye. I don't want thing's to get too out of control for her and I need some reassurance. I feel like a pussy for thinking it, but I need to make sure she doesn't think I'm some kind of fiend.
"So..." She looks at me as I start to speak, but I keep my eyes forward, only sneaking quick peeks at her face. "In the kitchen earlier...was that...cool?" I feel like an idiot and fight hard against a blush for my lack of eloquence, but I want to make sure she wasn't uncomfortable.
Bella turns cherry red, but keeps her gaze steadily on my face. "Yeah. I mean, it was intense, but...I guess I kind of missed you, is all." Her lips clamp shut and she turns back towards the movie quickly.
I wrestle like a prize fighter to keep my lips from curling up, but it's no use. My smile is undeniable. She gets totally caught up in me too. We're on the same level, I know it...
Kind of.
I know I'm going to sound like a pussy, but it's only her and me here so I speak my mind, for once. "I missed you too." I don't dare make eye contact though.
She snuggles closer to me. I feel her lips on my chest and I look down at the top of her head. I feel my heart tugging again and I realize that she's never been cruel to me once. Like, she's not a mean person and she always tells me what's on her mind. Maybe I shouldn't hold back so much. Obviously she wants to spend time with me so she must want to know me as much as I want to know her. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to act so bored. I mean, I always want to know exactly what she's think so maybe she wants the same.
I take a chance. "I wasn't...pushing it too far or anything, right? I mean, you didn't think it was...too much?" I'm terrified of her answer. I swallow.
Bella looks up at me. "Um, w-well we've...never done anything like that before, b-but..." She trails off and her eyes shut for a second. She clears her throat and looks at me. "I liked it."
"Yeah?" I need the reassureance. She blushes so I think she needs some too. "Me too. You have no idea." I rub my hand up and down her arm and she smiles, looking back at towards the screen.
...but now I can't shut up.
"So, you don't think we were pushing it. Like, we can do it again?"
She bites her lip - a good sign. I fist pump in my head.
Victory is so mine.
"Well, yeah, but-" I frown as she looks at me to continue. "-We might need to keep it low key. For now." The last part's so soft that I almost don't hear it. It's like hearing that you can have candy for breakfast...later. You know later's not coming anytime soon.
She's completely confusing the shit out of me.
"So you don't want to?"
Bella's voice shoots up an octave. "Oh, believe me, I want to!" She flames again at her outburst and brings her voice down. "I-I'm just um, I d-don't want stuff to get too fast...like, uh..." I think I hear her swear under her breath as she looks down. I can't hear her anymore so I tilt her chin up. Anything she has to say to me, I want to hear it.
"What's up?" I make my voice as soft as possible.
Her eyes are so large. I can see myself reflected in them. She bites her lip again and closes her eyes as she lets out a long, slow breath. Before she speaks, brown meets blue. "J-jasper." She clears her throat and breaths deeply again. "Jasper, I'm a virgin." Her eyes search mine and I know she knows that I already knew as much. "And I want to stay that way." Her eyes dart to her lap. "For now."
No matter how softly she said that shit, I fucking heard it. I have half an idea what it means, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Like I thought earlier, later's not any time soon.
I'm fucking dancing and singing on the inside though because she said it like she's thinking about me. I mean, like she's thinking about us doing it together. I want to do jumping jacks, I'm so pumped.
Even though I promised myself I'd speak my mind more with her, I think this is a time when I need to bring the boredom back. I want her to know that if she wants to wait, I'll wait too, that it's no big deal. She's my girl. Doesn't she know I'd do anything for her?
So, I shrug and kiss her forehead. "It's cool. I get it." And I mean it too, because she's fucking everything to me. I'm whipped to the core. If she's going to give me something like this, then I'm going to be as grateful as fucking possible. We can probably do other things.
"Yeah?" I can't believe how insecure she sounds. I need her to realize she's my queen.
"Yeah. It's up to you. It's a big deal, you know? And um, it's important, or whatever. So...yeah, it's cool." I shut up because I sound stupid.
Bella kisses me anyway, so I guess I did something right. "Thanks." She sounds so relieved it disarms me.
I end up blurting out whatever's on the tip of my tongue. "Anything for my girl." I kiss her temple to shut myself up.
She doesn't laugh at me though. Instead, she kisses my chest again and we watch the movie in silence. I have no idea what it was even called and I don't care.
I don't care about a goddammed thing other than the girl in my arms.
That realization scares the ever-living shit out of me, but that's okay with me.
For now.
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A/N: *ducks head* no drama yet, but was it terrible? Bella still in character? How about Jasper? Idk, you tell me what you think. Blue Review buttons explain it all.
~Tay
Rec P.s. - Puddle Jumping by 107yearoldvirgin = awesome. Just do it!