A/N: I'm so glad to see everyone is enjoying this story! This chapter focuses a lot of Abbey and Jed, and communication (or lack thereof). The next few chapters will deal with getting life back to 'normal', and the girls and their actions after everything, along with Abbey calling Jed's mother and brother and a few other friends to tell them what happened. The angst is nowhere near over- prepare yourselves to feel it full force in a handful of chapters or so!
Disclaimer: I own only the idea and the OCs; nothing original to The West Wing is mine, sadly.
"Baby I'll let go, when you say so," -'Halo', Tim McGraw
After Abbey gave Zoey her bath, and Jed read her a story and put her to sleep, and Ellie and Liz had gone to their rooms as well, the Bartlet parents finally took a deep breath.
Jed went out to smoke a cigarette while Abbey finished putting away the dishes and checking on the laundry, the silence of the house almost eerie. She sighed, flicking on the radio, some old, jazzy tune coming through the speakers. She didn't really listen to it; it just filled the gaping quiet around her.
She knew she and Jed needed to talk; they couldn't just ignore the fight they'd had in the bedroom earlier. His words still made her heart twist; she didn't want him to be in pain, or at least in no more pain than he had to be.
Abbey was just turning off the radio in preparation to go upstairs when Jed shut the patio door and stepped inside, tossing his pack of cigarettes and lighter on the counter, running a hand through his hair. Abbey watched him quietly, concern creasing her brow when he rubbed at his lower back.
"Does your back hurt?" she asked, stepping forward and tilting her head, meeting his gaze when he lifted his eyes to her.
"It aches some," he replied, wincing when he hit a particularly sore spot, his face contracting in pain. Abbey's eyes tightened, and she tenderly moved his hands, replacing them with her own as she pushed his sweater and t-shirt up. His muscles were tense under her fingertips; she could feel the tightness, and she knew he was in more pain than he was letting onto.
"Did you throw your back out again today?" she asked, glancing around at him, he shook his head, though everything about his body language was tight as her fingers pressed lightly. Jed had thrown out his back a few months ago trying to fix something in the barn, and he was plagued by chronic back pain now. This was more inflamed than normal; he'd done something. "Jed, what happened? Please talk to me."
"I went to the gym," he answered after a few long minutes, voice tensing when she traveled lower and hit a sensitive nerve. "Lifted weights; must have been too much for me."
"Maybe a shower will help," Abbey said, and he nodded tightly. She was sure sitting on the floor and carrying Zoey all over the house had only aggravated the nerves. "I'll grab the oil, try to rub some of the knots out."
"Abbey, I'm okay, you don't have-"
"Jed, I want to. It will make you feel better," Abbey interrupted, cutting him off with the shake of her head. "You're doing everything for me- let me do something for you. Please."
He looked at her for a long moment, and then he nodded, wincing when he shifted his weight and pain shot up his spine. He caught his breath and Abbey walked with him slowly to the stairs, knowing each step was going to be painful for him. When they finally reached their bedroom Jed dropped onto the mattress with an agonized groan, and Abbey bit her lip, sitting next to him and stroking his hair. She laid back against the pillows, pulling his head into her lap gently, listening to his pained breaths and her quiet inhaling and exhaling, the otherwise silent room seeming bigger than it actually was.
Abbey opened her mouth to speak when Jed sat up slowly, wincing visibly when he stood and straightened, his blue eyes hazy with pain.
"I'm going to shower," he said, and she nodded. She almost asked if he wanted her to join him, but held back, honestly worried he'd say no. He grabbed a pair of sweats before shutting the bathroom door, and Abbey closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
She changed into a nightgown and turned down the bed, the massage oil on the bedside table. She was just finishing putting away the laundry she'd brought up when Jed came out, steam billowing into the room as he walked stiffly. She brushed her teeth quickly and pulled her hair back in a low ponytail, shutting the light off as she walked out.
Jed was obviously trying to get comfortable; he'd move and a gasp of pain would fill the room. Abbey cringed in sympathy, moving towards the bed and grabbing the oil, getting in on her side.
"Does it feel any better after the shower?" she asked, and he exhaled slowly, turning his head towards her and opening his eyes.
"It's still tight," he replied, voice rough with pain. Abbey's fingers lightly traced his cheek, her teeth sinking into her lower lip. He was on his stomach, so Abbey kneeled near his left hip, covering her hands with some of the oil and lightly kneeding the muscles. Jed inhaled sharply, his whole body tensing before it relaxed slowly, limb by limb, as Abbey massaged the tight muscles.
When his body was more relaxed she shifted to straddle his hips, the movement putting strain on her abdomen, but ignoring it as she shifted her focus to his upper back and shoulders. They still hadn't said a word; it was almost better that way. They could almost pretend that the past three days hadn't been a nightmare, and that their worlds hadn't been turned upside down; they could almost pretend that tonight was just another quiet night between the two of them.
Suddenly, Abbey was desperate for more; to feel him against her, inside her, all over. She swallowed, closing her eyes, trying to catch her breath. The heat kept rising, and while every nerve was screaming that she wasn't ready for this, her body wasn't up for this kind of activity, a part of her brain told her to keep going, to act on the urge.
She moved off of Jed's back, stretching out on his left side, closing her eyes and trying to relax her suddenly too-tense muscles. She could feel Jed, feel his warmth beside her, though, and she tried to breathe evenly, but there was a faint hitch she was almost sure he could hear. There's movement beside her and she holds her breath; Jed's hand is warm on her hip, and she clenches her eyes shut even harder. "Abbey?"
He said her name like a question, and it took everything she had not to gasp. God, why did she have to feel like this?
She was a doctor, she was logical; she knew they couldn't do this, not for weeks. But there was a part of her that felt like the only way to fix this was to kiss him.
"Abbey, what's wrong?" Jed asked, concern laced with the sleep in his voice. She keeps her eyes closed, shaking her head, and he frowned, stroking her hip lightly.
Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers gently, preparing to turn on his side and go to sleep; he didn't anticipate her responding to the kiss, cupping his face in her hands, opening her mouth under his. Confused, he kissed her back, tucking her body against his; he understood physical comfort.
But when she started to tug at the waistband of his sweatpants, he pulled back, stilling his body's impulses and gently grasping her wrists, holding her back so he could meet her eyes. "Abbey, sweetheart, look at me."
But she couldn't. The embarrassment made her face pink, and she bit her lip as she squeezed her eyes shut, the tears barely held at bay. She choked back the sob, her chest burning.
Jed delicately brought her into his chest, holding her against him gently. His heart twisted when he felt the warm liquid of her tears against his bare skin, and he closed his eyes, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.
"I can't- I can't do this without you," she whimpered, burying her face in his neck and hiccuping, trying to breathe but being overwhelmed by the tears she couldn't compete against. "You- you said you don't know how- how to help but just being here- it's enough. Jed, I need you here."
He held her tighter, burying his face in her hair, clenching his eyes shut against the tears that suddenly invaded his thoat.
"It hurts," she whispered, voice raw. "It just hurts, Jed."
"I wish I could make it better," he whispered back, and it was the first time she'd truly heard tears in his voice. "Oh, I wish I could make it better, Abbey."
She pressed herself closer to him, his skin warm against hers, his legs entwining with hers as she pressed her cheek to his chest, tears still trickling from her eyes.
"Please hold me until I fall asleep?" she asked in a soft voice, closing her eyes and wishing they weren't here; that this wasn't happening to them, that they could go back a week to when everything was perfect.
"Always," Jed whispered back in a similarly soft voice, his arms encircling her gently and holding her to him. She turned her head and pressed a gentle kiss to his shoulder, whispering the three most important words to him before she settled down, exhaling slowly. "I love you too, Abbey."
If only those three words could do more than just comfort.
"Cry, cry; baby, I can't hold us together," -'Halo', Tim McGraw