A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I've taken poetic license when it comes to Abbey's family and Jed's mother/brother- Jed mentions a brother-in-law at one point in the show but never specifies, and I can't see Jed having a sister and not saying anything, so I gave Abbey a younger brother, and Abbey mentions a nephew at one point as well (but I've given them plenty of nieces and nephews)- we'll meet Jack and his family next chapter. As always, your feedback is wonderful!
(I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but oh well- the next handful of chapters will be vitally important!)
Disclaimer: I own only the idea and the OCs; nothing original to The West Wing is mine, sadly.
Abbey woke up before Jed the next morning, and left him sleeping, slipping into her robe before heading downstairs, starting coffee and getting breakfast ready for the girls. Once she'd made sure Liz was up and in the shower she woke Ellie up, the nine year old emerging from the covers bedheaded and bleary-eyed. Abbey let Zoey sleep a little longer, and figured Jed would get up when he wanted.
By the time her two eldest daughters came down the stairs Abbey already had cereal and fruit laid out for them, and they settled into their seats sleepily. She worked on packing their lunches while asking them questions about what their days were going to be like, working hard to make everything as normal as possible.
The girls were putting their boots on when Jed came downstairs, running a hand through his hair wearily; neither he nor Abbey had gotten much sleep the night before. He kissed both the girls goodbye as they headed off to their bus stop, then poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table.
"I'll go wake Zoey," she said quietly, and he merely nodded, fingers already reaching for his pack of cigarettes and lighter. Abbey swallowed as he stood and moved to the back deck, sliding the door shut behind him as he put one of the white cylinders in his mouth, the flash of orange as he lit it lighting up his face momentarily.
She turned and headed upstairs, knowing that the rift between them was driving him to smoke more, but unable to think of a way to stop it. She sighed softly as she reached the top of the stairs, opening Zoey's door and approaching the small form under the covers.
"Zoey, baby, it's time to wake up," Abbey said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Zoey's unruly strawberry blonde hair, just barely peeking out from under the covers. The small body stirred, a quiet moan issuing from her daughter. "I know it's early baby but you have to get ready for school."
Zoey's blue eyes blinked open slowly, her blue irises hazy with sleep. She rolled into Abbey, pressing her face into her lap.
"Don't wanna go," she mumbled, shaking her head. "Wanna stay with you."
Abbey bit her lip, stoking Zoey's head, torn.
"Zoey, you missed Friday last week; don't you want to learn what you missed?" she asked, trying to coax her daughter. Zoey shook her head, curling further against Abbey.
"I wanna stay with you and Daddy," she answered, looking up at Abbey with big blue eyes. "Please Mommy?"
Abbey couldn't say no to her daughter, especially after the turmoil of the past weekend. She nodded, bending to press a kiss to Zoey's head, sighing quietly.
"Go back to sleep, Zo," she said, helping the little girl get rearranged under the covers. "Come downstairs when you wake up and we'll have some breakfast, okay?"
Zoey nodded, snuggling back into her pillow, lips parting in a yawn. Abbey watched her for a few moments before leaving quietly, shutting the door behind her. She headed back downstairs to tell Jed, finding him reading the paper at the kitchen table.
"Zoey's staying home today," she said as she picked up her coffee mug, taking a sip. Jed turned to look at her, tugging his glasses off of his face.
"Is that a good idea Abbey?" he asked, skeptism in his face. "Shouldn't she be back at school, around her friends?"
"Jed, our daughter asked to stay home because she wanted to be around us," Abbey said, placing her mug on the counter and walking towards the stairs, voice full of exhaustion. "I'm sorry if you disagree but the decision has already been made. I'm going to shower; if Zoey comes down before I'm out make her breakfast."
As Abbey stood under the spray from the shower, though, she regretted her harshness. Jed had asked honest questions, and he made a good point; Zoey should be around kids her own age, not clutching to her parents. She hadn't meant to snap, but she was exhausted from a sleepness night and she could practically taste the sadness lining her throat and threatening to suffocate her.
She took her time in the bedroom, getting dressed and drying her hair, making the bed and gathering up clothes from the girls' rooms to do laundry. When she came back downstairs with a basket full of clothes, she found Jed and Zoey curled up on the couch, one of her cartoons on. Both looked like they were fighting a losing battle with sleep, and so Abbey tiptoed quietly to the basement door and slipped inside, heading to the washing machine and starting a new load.
Once the machine was started Abbey leaned back against it with a sigh, closing her eyes briefly. Her head hurt, and the ache in her abdomen still hadn't subsided. She just wanted to crawl in bed and never leave, and the irrational part of her brain told her to do just that for the rest of the day.
But she knew she had to call her brother, along with Jed's mother and brother. She anticipated them wanting to come see them; she knew she'd have to gear herself for visits from both family and friends. She sighed, rubbing at her forehead, feeling the headache growing even more massive.
She headed back upstairs to clean up from breakfast and check on Jed and Zoey; both were still asleep, the cartoon playing quietly in the background. With a soft, sad smile she washed and dried the breakfast dishes, putting them away before grabbing the phone to call the hospital, wanting to check in and make sure everything was okay. She made her way to the study, leaving the door open a crack before dialing the familiar number.
"Manchester University Hospital, this is Rhonda speaking."
"Hey, Rhonda, it's Abbey," she said, settling into the office chair and draping a blanket over her shoulders, shivering slightly. "I just wanted to check how things are."
"You should be resting, not worrying about us," Rhonda scolded lightly, though her tone was warm. "We're doing fine, Abbey. We're all thinking about you."
They were straying too close to territory Abbey didn't want to be in; she squirmed in the seat as she turned the conversation away from the miscarriage.
"Thank you," she replied, swallowing. "So everything's covered?"
"Yes, Abbey- don't worry about us. Focus on you," Rhonda said, and Abbey swallowed again.
"Thanks, Rhonda," she replied, and after a quick goodbye, hung up and put the phone on the desk, closing her eyes. She took a few deep breaths, resting her head back against the chair, tugging the blanket more firmly around her shoulders. It smelled like Jed, and she took comfort in the familiar scent.
She didn't know how she was going to get through any more calls. Aside from her family, she had friends to call as well, and she wasn't sure how she could handle all of them. She supposed she could ask Jed to help, but if she could barely explain it, how could he?
She sat in the silence for a little while, but when her back and abdomen started to hurt she stood, refolding the blanket and heading back into the kitchen. She found Zoey coloring on the floor, Jed still asleep on the couch; she winced, realizing he hadn't slept much more than she had. She covered him carefully with a blanket, making sure not to wake him.
"C'mon Zo; let's get dressed and we'll pick a movie to watch upstairs on my bed so we don't wake Daddy," Abbey said quietly, shutting the television off and leading her daughter by the hand upstairs.
Zoey was quieter than usual as Abbey helped her pick out an outfit; once she'd brushed her teeth they went through the movies together and Zoey settled on The Fox and the Hound. Abbey settled Zoey down in the master bedroom and told her she'd be right back; taking the phone with her into the upstairs guest room, she took a deep breath and dialed her mother-in-law's number.
"Hello Diane, it's Abbey," she said once she'd picked up, hearing the instant shift in demeanor on the other end.
"Abbey, dear, are you alright?" Diane Bartlet asked, concern clear in her tone. Abbey liked her mother-in-law; as harsh and cruel as John Bartlet had been to his son, Diane was kind and gentle, showing none of the hostility her husband had. "Your mother called on Friday and I haven't heard anything since."
"That's why I'm calling," Abbey said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Jed and I invited you over last week to tell you we were pregnant again. But Thursday night, I had a miscarriage. It's been...a long weekend."
She swallowed the bitter laugh; she didn't want to worry Diane any more than she had to.
"Oh, Abbey..." Diane said softly, voice full of hushed anguish for her. "Oh dear, I am so sorry. How far along were you?"
"Almost eighteen weeks," she replied quietly, throat thickening with emotion. "We'd just found out we were having a boy."
The silence was thick on the phoneline, and Abbey squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry. She was so sick of crying.
"Do they know what happened?" Diane asked after a few more moments of quiet, and Abbey blew out a slow breath.
"There was a tear in the placenta; he stopped getting oxygen, and my body tried to go into labor," Abbey explained, swallowing against the sadness in her throat. "We had to do a D and C; everything is...fine, now. It's just a matter of healing."
"How's Jed? The girls?" Diane asked after another pause. "Are you in pain?"
"Jed's staying home from Washington for the next few weeks," Abbey replied, another twinge of guilt flooding her. "The girls are coping; we'd only told them a week ago, it wasn't like Jed and I- we've known for weeks now. The pain isn't too bad, just if I move around too much."
"Do you need me to come help at all, with the girls?" Diane asked, and Abbey was touched by her concern.
"Not at the moment- but if you could possibly take the girls for the weekend?" Abbey asked, already trying to plan time alone with Jed so they could truly talk. "I'm not back to work for three weeks, but having a quiet house might do some good."
"Of course," Diane replied, and Abbey swallowed, placing her hand on her neck. "How are you, Abbey? Really?"
"It's really hard," she whispered, tears blossoming in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. "I don't know how to talk to Jed, I don't know the right way to handle the girls, and every time I look in the mirror it hurts to know that I'm the reason we lost him."
"Abbey, this isn't your fault," Diane said, as gently yet firmly as she could. "I'm sure Jed has already had this arguement with you, but I'll restate it. Things happen, and we don't always know why. But this is not on you, Abbey- and I'm sure no one blames you for anything."
Abbey bit her lip against the tears trailing down her cheeks; she tried to breathe evenly, but she was sure her mother-in-law heard the hitch in it. She wiped furious at her cheeks, grabbing a tissue out of the box on the nightstand.
"I wish I could see it that simply," she replied quietly- and she really did wish she could. "Maybe it would hurt a little less if I could. But it isn't that easy for me, and I know it's making it harder on Jed, but I can't see it any other way. And it's killing me."
"Do you want me to talk to Jed?" Diane asked, and Abbey chewed on her lip, debating.
"Maybe in a few days," Abbey answered, shifting on the guest bed. "For now, we need to work out some things just the two of us. Thank you, though, Diane."
"Of course, anything," her mother-in-law replied, and Abbey took a deep breath.
"Do you think you could call Jonathon, and tell him?" she asked, hesitant. "He and Jed don't have the best relationship, and..."
"Of course, Abbey," Diane said, and Abbey let out a breath of relief. "I'll have him give you a call in a few days."
"Thank you," she said sincerely, biting her lip gently. She picked at a few loose threads in the bedspread, swallowing. "I've got to call Jack- I'll call you in a few days, check back in. And I'll be sure Jed calls you."
"Take your time, Abbey," Diane said maternally, and Abbey nodded to herself, swallowing. "And take care, sweetheart. This is the time to focus on you."
Abbey thanked her and said goodbye, falling back gently against the pillows and closing her eyes, emotionally drained from the phone call. She knew she needed to call her brother next, but she was too tired.
Getting up, she made her way to her bedroom, where Zoey was curled up under the covers. Abbey slid in next to her, cuddling up with the preschooler and breathing in her little girl scent, kissing the top of her head. Zoey sighed sleepily and closed her eyes, snuggling closer to her mom's chest.
"Can we get a puppy?" Zoey murmured, eyes still shut and voice slurred slightly with sleep. Abbey smiled softly, closing her eyes as well.
"We'll talk about it."
Jed woke up disoriented; once he realized he as on the couch in the living, he relaxed, blowing out a deep breath. The television was off, he was covered in a blanket, and Zoey wasn't curled up next to him anymore. He cleared his throat, straightening up and rubbing a hand down his face, looking around him.
He didn't see Abbey or Zoey, and a glance at the clock told him it was almost lunch time. Standing and stretching, he made his way through the house, frown deepening when he didn't encounter them. He headed upstairs, finding them curled up in the bed, the credits of a movie scrolling across the television.
Both of his girls were asleep, and he just watched them for a moment, his heart in his throat. His family was his entire world; he didn't know what he'd do without his wife or daughters. He wouldn't be the man he was today; he wouldn't live the life he did. Meeting Abbey all those years ago had been fate, he was sure of it, and maybe this tragedy could have its reasons as well.
He vowed to talk to her; no more hiding his feelings and only hurting them more. Maybe he'd call his mother and as her to watch the girls for the weekend; she'd be more than willing to spend time with the girls.
Zoey began to stir quietly, stretching and yawning, and Jed smiled softly, finding himself glad his youngest daughter had stayed home today.
Maybe she could be the bridge that brought Abbey and Jed back to solid ground.