"Ned?"
Ned smiled to himself excitedly, realising he'd been staring blankly at his computer screen. He hadn't typed a word in over an hour. The only things he could think about were Sebastian and the fluttering in his stomach. His hands were shaking. Just the fact that he said his name instead of knocking made him want to giggle, but he restrained himself.
"Come in!" Calm down, Ned. It's fine. He likes you, and you like him, it's no big deal. You've hung out with him before. This won't be any different. Except he'll probably kiss you. And his hands will probably- OK, be nervous. You don't have a say in the matter. The voice in his mind shut up when a head appeared through his doorway. It was always nice seeing him in normal clothes. The blazer made him look hard and cold, but now he was in a t-shirt and jeans. He was smiling shyly. They both let out a nervous laugh.
"It's gotten weird, hasn't it?"
"No... No... Well, yeah. I mean, it's bound to feel different. How's the head?" Sebastian reached up to run a hand through his hair. Ned wondered how he hadn't noticed his arms before.
"Better, thanks. The coffee helped. I owe you one." Ned laughed.
"You owe me a million. Last night I stopped you from choking on your own vomit. I could have very well saved your life." He stood up and walked towards Sebastian.
"Good point. But as you brought that up, I'm reducing my debt by, like, five." Ned smiled up at him and kept getting closer until they were an inch apart.
"That- that sounds fair-" It wasn't weird now. The forgot about any awkwardness the second they started kissing. At first it was gentle, like it had been earlier, but another look in Ned's eyes and Sebastian was overcome. He let himself lose control again, because last time he did that it had ended pretty well, and pulled Ned by the hips until their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. Ned's palms were against his chest, his fingers pulling at his thin, grey t-shirt and fighting their way up to his face and into his hair. Every time he worried he was doing something wrong, he felt those warm hands on the small of his back, holding him close, and he stopped caring and melted into it. Sebastian pushed into him, still holding his back, lowering him onto the bed. He moved his mouth down towards Ned's neck, pushing him further up and settling between his legs as he raised a knee to make room for him, kissing him until they were both out of breath before craning his neck to whisper in his ear.
"If you ever want to stop-"
Ned pulled Sebastian's face up so that their noses were touching. He kissed him slowly and deeply. It took them a while to separate, but when they did, he looked into his eyes and shook his head.
Sebastian couldn't sleep. He glanced down at the head resting on his collarbone, delicately stroked Ned's arm with his knuckles and used his other hand to play with his hair, teasing it between his fingertips. He breathed in slowly, smelling him, and stared at the lines of light on the walls as the sun filtered in through the blinds. This was all wrong... He'd never... He'd always thought... Sebastian Smythe, did you just let a virgin... Top?
In relationships – well, in bed, he'd always been dominant. It wasn't just with sex; with everything, he'd always been in control. He decided who he slept with. He decided which of the Warblers he would deign to talk to. He decided which classes he would attend and which ones he'd fail. Whenever he was with Ned, he felt that control slipping away. He used to do everything deliberately: his movements, his expressions, everything he said or did, it was all planned to the last detail. Now he just kept getting distracted. One smile and he was a puddle on the floor. He went to every lesson because Ned would be there, and if he failed anything, Ned would know he'd done it on purpose. He'd give him that look that said 'You're better than this'. He didn't want to be better. He was perfectly fine just being his normal, crappy self because that made it easier when stuff went wrong. Now what? What if this went wrong? He'd never had anything to lose before, and now there were his good grades, there were the Warblers, there was his... His Ned.
His breathing sped up slightly as he realised just how much of an effect this kid was having on him. Ned nuzzled into his chest, sensing the tension even though he was asleep. How could he do that? How could some boy change him so much? He had to get some kind of control back before Ned made him care again. Look what happened when he let himself care about his parents – he'd almost drunk himself into a coma and he'd actually shown emotion to someone he was supposed to be manipulating. He'd wished he was a pig.
He was meant to be taking stuff he couldn't have, manipulating somebody, but Ned wanted to kiss him. He didn't have to trick him or anything. That idiot's theory was true. He was nice to someone, and they liked him for it. And because Ned liked him, everyone did. Wasn't that the plan? Turn the straight kid? Manipulate the Warblers in his favour? He had everything he wanted, but it wasn't the same. He didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong. He hadn't lied to anyone or pretended to be someone else. He just felt relaxed and safe and happy, and like he wasn't playing a game any more. Fuck. He looked at his watch. It was almost four. He had to get out of here before anyone else woke up, before he started feeling any more comfortable. He just had to leave before Ned saw his snout glowing and tried to snuggle him.
He shifted away from Ned, keeping one hand on the back his head before gently laying it down. He couldn't wake him. He couldn't talk to him, and see how blue his eyes were and how big his dopey smile would be. That would stop him going. It might stop either of them ever leaving the room again. He pulled his clothes back on in silence, making sure his eyes stayed away from the boy on the bed, before sloping out of the room. When he got outside, he paused. His hand was against the door so it wouldn't make a sound as it closed. He leaned his head next to it and closed his eyes, taking long, slow breaths. Controlled breathing. That was a start.