I've Got To Have You

In a cabin in the woods, Bill and Sookie find each other again. Have they found their way back to each other or is it only a temporary reprieve?

My kudos go to Alan Ball, HBO and Charlaine Harris as usual.

Chapter 3

Bill was trembling as he brushed her lips tenderly with just the barest touch. Opening his eyes he looked at her. Sookie looked into his eyes and found herself lost again as she always had been, right from the very first moment he had walked into her life. He recognised the want she shared for him as much as he felt for her, the regret, the hurt, the passion and the love. It was enough. He knew without any spoken words, she wanted him as much as he wanted her. 'I've got to have you' lay unspoken between them.

Laying her down gently, he searched for her lips again, Sookie meeting his with the same tender response. They lay like this for moments, years ... each brush of their lips like a thousand life times, each touch an explosion of emotions overwhelming every sense.

This was no carnal meeting of desires, it was above that, deeper and more profound. This was a conquering of something bigger than either of them had any control over. It was something both knew to be inevitable and knew in their very souls to be the truth.

She lay looking up at Bill, suddenly she had an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu as though she had been here before, experienced this before. Then just as suddenly she realised it was how she felt the first night she had given herself to Bill, to her first. She felt like a virgin again, that is how he made her feel looking down at her, his eyes showing the promise of his want for her happiness, the promise of his undying love.

Bill felt the emotions Sookie was feeling flooding through him. Nothing else existed, no before, no future, just this moment and the trust in her eyes. It was enough. Without speaking a word their lips crushed each other's, tongues exploring with a new found passion, touching each others bodies, feeling each others needs so familiar yet now renewed.

The feel of the soft feathery down of Bill's chest or Sookie's silk like hair, now a new sensation to each of them as though reborn in a world with unexplored sensations. It did not matter to either that they had shared them selves with others for nothing would ever be the same as now, in each others arms.

Bill gently trailed kisses from her mouth down her throat, lingering on her pulsing artery for only one moment before trailing down to her breast, first gently suckling on one nipple then moving to the next until each were hard and she was moaning softly as a mewing kitten. He then continued to lightly kiss her as he trailed down to her mound, drinking in her sweetness, her moans rippling through him making his arousal throb with the need to be in her.

Reaching down to his silky hair she took his head in her hands forcing him to look up. If her body had not been enough, her eyes were the confirmation Bill needed as he moved again and mounted her, Sookie reaching to guide him into her silky folds as they both gasped, so wonderful was the feeling for them both.

Everything was surreal as they lay not merely coupling, this was no make up sex, they were making love, they were compelled, they were destined, and they belonged. Each thrust was a breathless experience in itself, intense and filled with emotions neither had ever felt before, tears pouring from their eyes at the overpowering intensity, gasping at each movement, slow and lingering, increasing the need.

Sookie wrapped her legs around Bill in her desire and the sensation was ecstasy for them both, as he plunged deeper touching that unknown place of hidden joy. They were lost to everything but each others feelings flooding through the blood bond and the pleasure and joy of being whole again, being with each other.

Overcome, Bill broke the silence 'I've got to have you' nothing more, his words enough to send a spasm through Sookie. She turned her head, the artery in her neck pulsing in rhythm to her heart beat as Bill bit into her, her sweet blood coursing through him as she too broke his skin, lapping at him. Their blood coursing and mingling, shooting them into an explosion of orgasm, multiplied by the intensity of the other's feelings, almost too much to bear.

As they lay together arms wrapped around each other, still shaking from the experience, Bill watched as the bruise to Sookie's head quickly changed colour and faded away. Leaning over he softly kissed the place where it had been and stroked her face.

'You know that I didn't mean to hurt you Bill, it wasn't deliberate it just happened' tears filling Sookie's eyes, her words breaking into Bill's thoughts. 'Don't Sookie, we can talk about this later' he said solemnly. 'No Bill, that's the trouble and it's my fault, we never have talked about it, any of it. I never gave you a chance to explain. I was so angry and hurt but I promise you, I didn't go with Eric just to hurt you. I love you too much for that.'

Bill lay perfectly still. He had not expected to be having this conversation any time soon and definitely not tonight. He wasn't quite sure if it was the knock to her head or the brandy talking or shock or a combination of all three but it didn't matter to him. This wasn't some after sex small talk either. This was something that in the whole of their relationship together had not been said and needed to be said for them to move on. Whether that meant the end of things or a new beginning Bill did not know but he knew that for the first time in their relationship, Sookie was willing to listen. She had grown up.

Nothing would ever change the way that he felt about her and holding her now in his arms he was happy for the first time in a long time despite the circumstances that had bought this about, just to hold her again, to be this close to her, to talk to her and to listen to her. And, she had said that she loved him.

As the storm continued out side unabated, they lay comfortable in each other arms and laid their souls bare. They held back nothing, no matter how painful, they talked about it. Both of them shed the tears that had been held back for so long, unashamedly past hurts and grievances, all the bad times that had been stored up and caused so much pain, all laid bare.

Bill having learnt from the past, explained the whole sorry story of his mission to procure her, how a delay meeting her at Merlottes had made him late and what the consequences of falling in love with her had meant as far as having to protect her from Sophie Anne's interests and from Eric.

He told her of his involvement with Nan Flannigan and how he had come to be made King and of his involvement in her death and the predicament he was in now, fighting to keep his name cleared of any suspicion even though it was warranted. He also told her of his relationship with Katarina and Portia and how he had felt when she had gone without a trace and he had blamed himself, his guilt and his loneliness being the cloak he wore. It was a watershed and one that he desperately needed.

'Sookie I knew that Eric was there that night when I was on the porch and I don't blame you. I understand. I spared Eric because I knew that you were hurt and you needed to heal. If that was the only way you could, I understood' he said as she looked at him with respect. 'Sookie I love you. I always did and I always will. Nothing is ever going to change how I feel. I told you once before that I have never loved, nor will I ever love anyone as I have loved you. Like it or not, that is the whole truth, that is me Sookie, that is who I am' he said gently to her.

Sookie hung her head, slow tears trickled down her face then looking up she told him how she had felt, talking of her feelings of betrayal, how she had never coped with his Vampirism even though she of all people should know what it is like to be ostracized for being different. She relived moments that had tormented her at the time but now on reflection, she could see that they weren't as they seemed to be at the time, that Bill had actually tried as hard as he could to let her have her independence without it jeopardising her safety but each time she had ended up making things worse, then blamed him or Vampires or both for it.

She sat feeling the injustices that she had accused him of, and realised more and more as she went on that Bill had always been the one who had saved her from others and tried to save her from herself but selfishly, she had not been willing to give him the credit for it. Bill had talked of his guilt, now she was feeling shame for her part in the situation.

'Bill' she asked suddenly as though struck by a new thought 'what were you doing out in the woods near my place tonight?' He had been dreading the situation that he was in, all that previous evening he had mulled over the whole predicament and had been dreading what he saw as yet another confrontation between them with this never ending battle of Sookie's independence vs. her safety. But now, he no longer felt that way.

Pulling no punches, Bill told Sookie his fears for her, watching her closely as the glow from the firelight cast colours through her hair and gave her tanned body an ethereal glow. Sookie swallowed hard at the mention of Russell Edgington but did not look surprised at all when Bill had told her of Eric's omitted warning.

If he was expecting histrionics he was mistaken. Sookie took it all in her stride and sat thoughtfully thinking it through. 'I am so sorry Sookie' he said with so much sorrow that she could not but help reaching over and patting his face. 'Bill it's not your fault. I realise now that at lot of things that I had blamed you for are not your fault. You are Vampire and I am part Fae. It was not your choice or mine, it is just the way it is.'

'I want you to be safe, to live the kind of life that you deserve. I want you to have all the things that you want, to grow old with your grand children around you, just like Adele' he reminisced with his sorrow seeping through his voice. 'Bill, that is what I had always wanted but I know now that will never happen. That is not your fault, I am not human, I am part Fae. Just as it has been hard for you to come to terms with your Vampirism, all my life I too have fought with being different but now I understand. I will never be 'normal' and that is okay, I can live with it now whereas before, I couldn't and I think that to some extent I took it out on you.'

'And anyway, what is normal? Do we really know anyone in this crazy world that is normal? Bill, I have accepted that what I thought I wanted is just not possible. I have realised that throwing my life away for a dream that can't be is just plain dumb. I don't know why I couldn't see it before, I think that I was just in denial. All I want now is …..' Bill was studying her face as she spoke, hanging on her every word. 'All you want now is what Sookie?' he asked her softly.

She couldn't look at him. She turned her face away as tears oozed from her eyes. He reached over and took her face in his hand, turning her head so she had to face him, had to look into his eyes. She swallowed hard. 'What do you want Sookie, what would make you happy? If I can give it to you I will, that is all I have been existing for from the minute we met.'

She was choked with emotions, her heart was beating so fast that she thought she would explode. 'Bill I …' she couldn't say it, she couldn't expect it of him, not after the way she had treated him. She felt he deserved better and that she had relinquished any right to a claim on him now after what she saw as her betrayal of his heart.

'Sookie, look at me' he gently whispered to her. Instead she looked around and saw her pile of wet sodden clothes lying in a heap next to the mattress where Bill had dropped them in his haste to get her warm. Reaching over she pulled her jeans to her and fumbled in the pocket, pulling out a tiny silken purse. 'Sookie, what are you…' Bills words were cut short as he saw her take something out of the small piece of silk and taking his hand, she placed it in his palm.

'I have carried this with me since that night. No matter where or what I have been through it has been there with me' she said looking into his eyes. He looked down staring at his hand, unable to believe what she was telling him, unable to believe that all this time, through every thing that had happened, this was with her as he had always meant it to be.

She held out her left hand, trembling as she did so. Not taking his eyes from hers now, he picked up the tiny object and as he too trembled and placed it on her finger. The ring that he had so lovingly bought for her what seemed a life time ago, sparkled in the firelight as they sat, both in tears, looking into each others eyes.

'Are you sure Sookie, are you really sure?' he questioned with feeling. 'Bill I have never in my life been more sure of anything. The whole time we have been apart, even when I was so angry and so hurt…even when I was with Eric' her face blushing a deep red 'I never felt whole, never completed as I feel with you. It has taken me a long time to realise what was missing. No, I am not being honest there. It has taken me a long time to admit that the only time in my life I have ever felt totally accepted was with you.'

'I realised that even though I'm not, you made me feel normal. No one else has made me feel that way and no one else ever could. I know it is a lot to expect of you, I know that I don't even have the right to think that you could forgive me. I hurt you so many times, I will always regret it.'

'No Sookie, no don't feel like that. I have never stopped loving you and I never will. You bought me back to life and now' he gently fingered the ring on her hand 'now you are giving me a future that I had thought that I had lost forever. You talk of forgiveness, I have never been able to even ask you for yours. The hurt I saw on your face that night when you learnt part of the truth, it is burned into my memory and torments me. I can never expect forgiveness when I was the cause of so much pain.'

'Oh Bill, you asked me what would make me happy? You said if you could you would give it to me… this' she said holding up her hand, the ring on her finger flashing glittering sparks of colours through the air, 'this is what would make me happy and this is what I dream would make you happy too. I forgive you Bill Compton, will you forgive me?' she looked at him hopefully, the love in her eyes reflected in Bills. 'Always, I will always forgive you' he whispered into her mouth as he crushed her lips to his.

'Sookie, I've got to have you'…

~ Not the end but the beginning ~