A/N. Hi, everyone! I'm pleased to say that this chapter is up much sooner than even I anticipated. I'm still trying to get out of my stressed school mindset so I can concentrate on writing and hopefully this means I'm headed in the right direction. I'm already working on the next chapter so we'll see! In the meantime, thank you for reading and I hope you like this chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"Is he okay?"
Through the haze of tears, Kendall catches the sound of Logan's voice, full of a detached kind of concern. It triples his agitation and he cries harder, his legs buckling with the force of his sobs until he slides down against the wall and ends up on the floor.
This isn't happening. This isn't real. He must have imagined it. That's the only logical explanation there is. Kendall struggles to cling to this lone pathetic thread of hope. It's like he's hanging by this thread in mid air and all that is below him is a deep, dark nothingness. If the thread breaks or if he lets go, he'll have no choice but to fall slowly but steadily into the blackest of despairs.
"Calm down, honey. Just take a deep breath." a nurse says from somewhere by his left shoulder. She's kneeling on the floor next to him and is gently rubbing his back. Ridiculous, because she's supposed to be taking care of Logan. "Come on now," she says soothingly. "we don't want you in the bed next to him, do we?"
That gets Kendall's attention. The last thing they need is for him to be rendered so helpless and useless. Sucking in a deep lungful of air and somehow not choking on it, Kendall nods. He gathers his strength and rises unsteadily to his feet. He's shaking all over, but with the nurse's assistance, he somehow manages to stagger over to Logan's bed and collapse into the nearest chair. "Logan," he says his brother's name again, the relief gone and replaced by a suffocating fear. "Logan."
Logan is gazing at him in concern, but it's no more concern than what he would have for a random stranger having an emotional breakdown right in front of him. There isn't a hint of recognition or even familiarity in his brown eyes. When Kendall reaches forward to take his hand, he flinches away and mutters an uncertain apology.
"Logan, don't you know me?" asks Kendall, still clinging to his thread of hope. "It's me," he adds before Logan can shake his head in denial. "Kendall."
"Kendall," Logan repeats, the name sounding foreign even to Kendall. "I'm sorry, I don't think I know anyone by that name."
It's so hard to breathe right now. Panic is squeezing all the oxygen from Kendall's lungs and his response comes out like a gasp. "You have to," he whispers pathetically. "you have to know me, Logan. I'm Kendall." Nothing. "Your best friend?" Logan shakes his head and Kendall's heart sinks, weighing so heavily that he begins to lose his grasp on his thread of hope. He has one more card to play, the one he keeps closest to his chest. Right above his heart. "Your brother."
Logan bites his lip, his eyes taking in every ounce of the anguish that is tearing Kendall apart. "I didn't know I had a brother."
Had. Past tense. That and the fact that Logan has yet again displayed that Kendall is complete stranger to him. A knife pierces Kendall in the heart and he doubles over at the pain just as the same knife slashes at the thread of hope he's been trying to hold onto. The thread gives all too easily and Kendall is falling again.
He was wrong though. It isn't a slow and steady descent into despair. It's a free fall, so quick and sudden that it robs Kendall of the air that he was left with earlier. He doesn't even notice the door opening and his mother and Katie hurrying into the room with James and Carlos and Logan's doctor crowding in behind them.
"Logan? Kendall?" Mrs. Knight hurries to Kendall's side and places a gentle hand on his shoulder, her worried eyes darting back and forth between her two sons. Kendall's distress is confirming what the doctor has already told them and her face pales when Logan's only reaction to her is to draw back in surprise.
Katie is more upfront. Shaking all over, she marches to Logan's other side abs takes his hand, ignoring the way he tries to pull away from her as well. "Logan," she says, her voice thick with frightened tears. "it's me, Katie. And Mom and Kendall. And James and Carlos back there." She gestures to the other boys who are still standing frozen by the door. "You recognize us, right?"
Kendall can't look. He almost covers his ears too because every one of Logan's denials is killing him slowly and painfully. It has yet to lighten up. Even Logan's simple, "No, sorry." in answer to Katie's question feels as though it might be the final blow.
Katie starts to cry and is instantly taken into her mother's arms who is at the same time, trying to reach a terribly shocked Kendall. James and Carlos are still standing by the door, too afraid to move. Logan meanwhile, is frustrated.
"What happened?" he finally asks, looking from face to face without a single spark of recognition.
Kendall sits up, calling on his last reserves. "We were playing hockey," he whispers, the images flooding back to him in one violent rush. "and the other team was-"
"I play hockey?" Logan interrupts, looking completely surprised by this.
Kendall grits his teeth together and ignores the poorly concealed gasps of horror from all around him. "You're one of the best on the team actually." he tells Logan calmly. "Anyway, today the other team was playing dirty and the refs weren't calling them out for anything." A lump fills his throat, gagging him. Kendall pauses and tries to swallow what feels like a large rock. "I got sent to the penalty box for checking a guy who tried to trip you with his stick."
Logan frowns. "That doesn't seem right," he says looking around him. His face softens and he looks worried for them and frightened for himself. "and then?" he whispers.
Kendall reaches for Logan's hand again and is relieved when he doesn't flinch away this time. "Then the guy I checked went after you." he says in a haunted voice. "He hit the back of your legs with his stick and you fell backwards. Your helmet flew off and you. . . you hit your head really hard."
Gingerly, Logan touches his head with his free hand and winces. He looks up at the doctor. "Why can't I remember anything?"
The doctor steps forward and introduces himself, but his name flies right over Kendall's head. This is what he missed in his hurry to get to Logan.
"Logan, I'm afraid your brain suffered a tremendous amount of trauma when you hit your head today. It appears that the part of your brain that stores information and memories, the hippocampus, has been greatly affected. There are several cases of amnesia-"
"Amnesia." Logan repeats, sounding as dazed as Kendall feels.
The doctor nods. "Yes, memory loss. There are different causes and types of amnesia. You're suffering from a case of retrograde post-traumatic amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is the loss of pre-existing memories as opposed to anterograde amnesia which is the inability to form new memories. It often affects memories directly prior to the incident, but can reach far back into a person's memory which is what you're experiencing right now. As for the post-traumatic part, well, that's self-explanatory."
"The hockey accident," Logan says faintly.
Kendall lifts his head from his hands and looks up at the doctor. "What can we do?" he begs. "There has to be something."
Rocking back on his heels, the doctor purses his lips and looks thoughtful. "Memory is a funny thing and also fairly unstable. There's nothing we can do for Logan here, just keep him overnight until we're sure he's recovered enough. He could recover on his own, but there's no specific timeline. I'd recommend reinforcing things that have happened day after day. Be sure to tale a break when needed, but don't get too discouraged. Logan could recover some of his memories or all of them. It could happen tomorrow or-"
"It could never happen." Mrs. Knight finishes for him. Her face is drawn and anxious, but she clears her throat and presses for more information. "Um, what would you recommend exactly? Just talking to Logan?"
"Oh no, there's plenty you can do." the doctor encourages. "Show him pictures or home videos. Take him to familiar places and show him familiar people and things. And of course, talk. Tell him about your family life and his relationship with his friends. As you go on, you'll be able to tell how far you can push it every day before it becomes too much for Logan to handle."
Logan is rubbing his temples with his fingertips. "This is all so much." he says tensely. "I don't know anything or anyone." His voice suddenly breaks and he's on the verge of tears. "I don't know what to do. You're all upset, but I don't know you so I can't help or even be upset with you. I don't even know who I am." A choked sob escapes abs Logan breaks down. "I'm scared."
Something inside of Kendall comes alive again and he straightens up. "Logan," he says gently. "I'm scared too. We're all scared. But you're not alone. We're going to take care of you. I promise. No matter what happens, we'll be here with you every single step of the way."
Unable to resist, he reaches out to hug Logan. He ignores the way Logan flinched at his touch and then stiffens in his arms. But he can't ignore Logan when he pulls away, shaking his head. Casting his gaze away from Kendall's stricken gaze, Logan whispers, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Kendall glances at James and Carlos who have yet to move from the door and to Logan's side. It's like he's looking into a mirror when he sees them. He feels sick, they look sick. He's scared out of his mind, they look scared out of their minds. He's completely heart broken and-
Kendall watches Carlos' face crumble, his bottom lip trembling and his eyes filling, until the younger boy dissolves into tears. He watches as James follows suit, silent tears streaming down his pale face. Yes, they're completely heartbroken too. His mother and Katie are crying quietly as well so they're obviously in the same state.
And Logan. Logan is crying. He's crying not because of what he lost, but because he doesn't know what he lost.
A/N. I confess to knowing very little about amnesia. My mom is a nurse, but I'm afraid that I've asked her so many medical questions in regard to my stories (my personal favorite was when I was writing Head On Collision and asking her about traumatic brain injures) that she probably thinks I'm crazy at this point. I do as much research on my own as I can, but the only website that I can really understand is Wikipedia. We all know how reliable that site is. It's either that or sites like WEBMD which seem to be written in another language. I hope this is okay. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful week. I love you all!