A/N. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have such loyal and supportive readers. I write for you and your encouragement is what keeps me writing. It's a wonderful two-way relationship that I will always be grateful for. Thank you all so much.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"What are we going to do?" Carlos whispers, his eyes riveted to Logan who is sleeping now. It's the first time he's spoken since they got to the hospital and Kendall has never heard him sound so scared and helpless. Carlos has an innocence to him that allows him to see hope when others cannot, but even he can't find a light in the darkness this time. They're all so lost.
James shrugs. "What else can we do?" he asks, trying to keep his own voice steady. "We're going to bring Logan back to us. We're going to help him remember everything, including us. All of us. We're going to tell him how we met and everything we've done together and everywhere we've been and everything that's happened to us. We're going to show him pictures and movies, just like the doctor said we should do. We're going to take him to familiar places and to familiar people and do everything we can. We're not just going to give up."
A hint of a smile crosses over Carlos' face, but when he turns to look at James, the doubt is back. "What if it doesn't work?" he asks. He sounds afraid of putting it into words, but deep down, they all know that they're thinking exactly the same thing.
James doesn't answer at first. His gaze moves around the small hospital room, to Mrs. Knight and Katie, to Kendall who hasn't spoken much at all in the past hour, to Carlos who is watching him dependently, and finally, to Logan who is oblivious to their suffering even when he's awake. "i don't know," he says at last, his tone flat. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when- if we come to it. But for now we have to focus on getting Logan's memories back so we can get Logan back. Whatever it takes." He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest, eyes on Logan.
It's not a very convincing act. Kendall can see right through him and so can everyone else in the room. No one says anything though, because to contradict his false optimism would be even worse. Instead, Kendall sighs and turns back to face Logan. His face has gained a little color and he's relaxed now. Before, he was crying until he got so upset that the doctor needed to give him a mild sedative. Kendall kind of wishes he could be sedated too. He'd do anything to escape this nightmare, even for just a little while.
"Kendall, are you okay, sweetie?"
He glances over to his mother, who is watching him in concern. He pastes a smile on his face. "I'm okay," he tries to say, but his voice cracks and before he realizes it, he's crying again. He tries to shy away from her as she reaches out to him. "I'm fine," he insists with a sniff. "Logan is the one we need to worry about right now."
"Kendall, Logan is asleep right now. He's okay. I know how hard this must be for you though." she reaches out for him again, and although he doesn't pull away this time, he doesn't lean into her embrace either.
"It's hard for all of us," Kendall tells us, gritting his tenth together. "I'm not the only one hurting right now."
"But you weren't prepared at all," she points out gently. "You had no idea what to expect, Kendall, and I can't imagine what a shock it must have been-"
"Yeah well, letting it get to me isn't going to help Logan." Kendall interrupts shortly. "I need to be strong for him. We all do."
Tears brighten her eyes and Kendal feels sick. He's made his mother cry. "Baby," she whispers. "You can't be the strong one all the time. Even the best superheroes had their weaknesses."
He's not a superhero. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Just like superheroes though, he has his weaknesses though: His family and his friends. Logan, whom he swore to protect when they were fourteen and Logan was left an orphan after his father died in a car accident. Logan is his kryptonite, his most human side, and Kendall would be lying if he said he's not completely devastated by the tragic turn of events. To have Logan pull out of his hug was more painful than watching his dad walk out the front door for the final time.
Again, he doesn't notice how hard he's crying until he feels his mother's arms go around him and he's too weak to protest. He collapses into her and clings onto her, sobbing hard. Instantly, he has a headache, pounding at his skull so hard that the pain makes him cry even more. His eyes are streaming, his nose running, his entire body shaking. "Mom," he says brokenly. "I need Logan back. I need him."
"I know, sweetheart." she replies, rocking him back and forth and running her fingers through his hair. "It's okay to be scared, Kendall."
He doesn't want to be scared though. He wants to be brave and assure everyone that everything will turn out okay. Who is he kidding, he doesn't want to be in this situation at all, brave or scared. He wants to be home with his family, watching a game on TV with Logan or playing a board game with everyone. He wants Logan to- "I just want him to know me again."
"We all do, Kendall." she whispers back. "And believe me, just like James said, we're not going to let him go without a fight. And no matter what happens, we're going to keep him and know that deep down inside, he's the same Logan we always knew and loved."
Kendall nods and takes a strangled breath before pulling away. "Okay," he rasps out, rubbing at his face. "Okay." He drops his hands and looks up at everyone. They're all watching him worriedly, so he forces a wobbly smile to his face. "You're right," he says to his mom. "James, you're right too. Logan is still Logan. He's just. . . missing a part of himself and we have to find it for him." He lifts his head up and straightens his shoulders a little bit. "And we are going to find it." he says stubbornly. "No matter what it takes."
His mother, still looking incredibly worried, smiles a little. "There we go," she says softly, taking a tissues and handing it to him. "We're certainly going to do everything possible, I promise." She leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. "I'm so proud of all of you," she tells them, looking around the room. "I know you're all just as scared as I am, but you're all so strong too. Just remember that it's okay to be scared and to cry every once in a while. You're only human."
Kendall doesn't plan to cry again any time soon. They're bringing Logan home tomorrow and they're really going to have to start working on regaining his memory. He already has several ideas. . . pictures to show him, places to take him, stories to tell him. . . Kendall has everything planned out and he's sure that the others are silently doing the same thing. He's pretty sure though that he's the only one with this specific plan. "Hey guys," he says suddenly wanting to share his idea. "i was thinking. . . tomorrow when we take Logan home-"
"Kendall," his mother interrupts gently. "How about we talk about this tomorrow. I think we're all exhausted and that it would be best for everyone if we could get as much sleep as possible. We need to start taking one day at a time because it isn't going to be easy."
He opens his mouth to protest, but she shakes her head and he snaps it shut again. She's right. He knows she's right. That doesn't make it easy though. The idea has been eating him alive ever since Logan fell asleep and he started thinking about his brother's lost memories. He can't let it go and it scares him a little. Never before has he felt so helpless and yet so powerful all at the same time. He doesn't know what the others will think, but how can they possibly disagree with him? He's has worse ideas that have turned out better than he thought. And this, Kendall thinks, just might be his best plan yet.
Something still worries him though. Aside from the obvious, which is Logan. It's Katie. She's hardly spoken since the accident and she hasn't cried much either. She has just been sitting in her chair, arms wrapped protectively around herself, watching Logan. She's hardly moved from that position and it's been hours. Kendall knows this can't be good, but he also knows Katie. She's not going to give in just yet. She needs time, maybe so everything can start to sink in. Whatever happens and whenever it happens, he'll be waiting and he'll be ready. He doesn't care what his mom says, he'll prove her wrong. He can be strong all the time. After all, someone has to. Otherwise, they'll fall like Dominoes, one by one, into despair, until there's nothing left. Kendall isn't about to let that happen.
Kendall knocked on the hospital door before opening it and stepping inside the room. He had his smile ready to go as he greets Logan. "Hey," he says, nodding to the nurse who is there as well. "Ready to go home?"
Logan bites his lip, his brow furrowing in concentration. "You're. . . James, right?"
DO. NOT. CRY. If Logan bites his lip to concentrate, then Kendall bites his to keep from crying. "Kendall," he says in a voice that is somehow steady. "I'm Kendall."
Logan's face just drops and he shakes his head. "I'm-"
But Kendall holds up his hand. "Don't apologize, Logan." he says quietly. "It's only until we get your memory back. It's fine, really." Besides, he just doesn't want to talk about it right now. He just wants to focus on getting Logan home. Maybe that will jog some of his memories. "So," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Are you ready to go home?"
Poor Logan looks uncertain as he nods. "As ready as I'll ever be." he says with a smile that's as fake as Kendall's. "I need a wheelchair, right?"
Before Kendall can say anything, the nurse nods. "Hospital policy that all of our patients exit the hospital in a chair." she informs both of them as if Kendall hasn't spent the last two hours asking Logan's doctor about absolutely everything. "Do you have one?"
Right on cue, the door opens and the others walk into the room. James, gripping a wheelchair like his life depends on it, looks expectantly at Logan.
"You're James." Logan says confidently. "You're Carlos. You're Katie. And you're. . . my mom." He tries to mask his hesitation and then tries to cover it up with another smile when he fails miserably. "I'm ready to go when you all are."
Mrs. Knight gives him a small smile. "We're all ready, Logan." she says quietly. "We'll all walk out together and then I'll bring the car around."
Logan nods and then starts to climb out of his bed. He jumps when Kendall is at his side in the next second and mumbles an apology. Even the natural feeling of having his friends, especially Kendall, attached at the hip is gone and since the day before, he's been constantly flinching away from what is now unexpected contact. "Thanks," he says, trying again to make up for unintentionally hurting all of them.
Once Kendall is sure Logan is safe and comfortable in his wheelchair, he eases it out of James' white knuckled grip and pushes it out of the room, too distracted to thank the nurse. "It'll be good to have you home, Logan." he says as they walk carefully down the halls.
"Yeah," Logan replies slowly. He pauses ands then says, "It's only been a day, right?"
Kendall is glad that Logan at least can't see their faces the way he is now. He's wondering if Carlos or Katie will break first right now. "Right," he says smoothly. "A day too long." Logan doesn't reply this time and Kendall falls silent. It's really hard, he thinks, to they to help Logan remember when he doesn't know what we're talking about. Are they going to have to show Logan around the house too? Just how much has Logan forgotten? He hasn't said one word about his late parents or school or anything. He's hardly spoken at all even when they try to get him to talk. It's like they're speaking a different language. One that he can't understand.
There's a collective sense of relief once they get out of the hospital and into the car to head home. It's quieter and more peaceful. However, the sense of awkwardness rise even higher with that peace and quiet. Carlos tries to start a few conversations, but they're still all trying to get used to the fact that Logan remembers literally nothing, and so talking about the summer they went camping by themselves or the time they won the pee wee hockey championship is pretty pointless.
Finally, they're home and as his mother pulls into the driveway, Kendall can't take his eyes off of Logan. He stares without blinking at his brother, inwardly pleading for something. Anything.
"This is home?" Logan asks.
Katie jumps out of the car and slams the car door shut, before heading off to the front door. Mrs. Knight watches her go with worried eyes and then turns to Logan. "This is home." she confirms with a watery smile. "Welcome home, Logan."
Logan doesn't move and instead continues to stare at the house. He's obviously searching in his mind for a memory of the building in front of him, but like everything else, he draws a blank. "It's a nice house." he says finally to cover-up for the silence.
"Come on, I'll show you around." Carlos says bravely. He grins in encouragement at the others, but his dark eyes are swimming in tears. "I know this house just as well as you do. I mean did. I mean-"
"It's okay, Carlos." Logan smiles gratefully at him. "That would be really cool. And who know's? It might help."
The two boys get out, and Kendall, James, and Mrs. Knight all hurry to follow. The house is quiet, Katie is obviously locked in her room, and Logan is looking around the entry way when Kendall catches up. "Anything?" he asks hopefully.
Logan looks lost and just shakes his head. "Not yet." he says optimistically.
"What about your room?" James asks. "Maybe that will help."
Logan nods and then waits. It takes them all a moment before they realize that he doesn't know where to go and that they have to show him. "Why don't you go up and I'll get something together for lunch?" Mrs. Knight suggests.
Katie? Kendall mouths silently.
She nods and whispers when no one else can hear, "i think she needs a little time to herself right now. She'll come out when she's ready."
His mother is right. Kendall nods and then hurries after his friends who have already taken Logan upstairs. He rejoins them just in the nick of time.
"So, am I Kendall's real brother?" Logan is asking James and Carlos as he eyes a family portrait.
"No," James answers. "Um-" he glances to Kendall for help.
"Logie, maybe we should talk about this later." Kendall says gently. "It's a lot to take in." His mind is racing. They can't talk about Logan's parents now. He hasn't had time to tell the others about his great plan. "Here," he tries. "Why don't you just look around for now?"
Carlos and James are giving him strange looks and Logan looks like he wants to protest. "Kendall," he says quietly. "I won't remember if you don't tell me."
Kendall forces a smile. "We will tell you!" he assures Logan. "Later though. Promise. Let's just take one thing at a time. For now? The house. Come on, I'll give you the grand tour."
A/N. I would just like to say that Lauren and I both thought of Kendall's idea because we are soul mates and awesome like that. However, our idea for Kendall's idea was awesome, but that doesn't mean Kendall's idea will be awesome. If that makes sense. Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter! I graduate from my community college tomorrow and Sunday I will be occupied by a certain television show, so the earliest that the next chapter will be up is. . . Monday haha. Sorry about that! In the meantime, I love you all and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!