14.

…

When I saw the state Peter and Jasper were in, I freaked. I rushed to Peter's side, almost shoving Jasper out of the way.

He was hurt – his venom listened in the hazy sunlight, and his normally sparkly skin looked duller than usual. I settled a hand on the back of his neck, and he leaned slightly into my touch.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I asked.

Peer grimaced and tried to sit up straight, his dark hair falling messily across his forehead. "Got into a fight with the wolves," he admitted.

"What, they attacked you here?"

"No, a couple miles west of here."

The only thing west of the Cullen property was the Quileute reservation. My temper flared. "You went to fight them behind my back and attacked them? What the hell?"

"Bella, no – " Peter pleaded, contrite yet defensive.

I leaned back from him and crossed my arms. "Don't lie to me. You went behind my back."

I'd almost forgotten about Jasper by the time he interrupted, trying to defend Peter. "Listen, Bella, we needed to find out if the treaty is still valid." I felt a synthetic calm prickling at my skin, which only pissed me off even more.

"Excuse me, I'll be angry if I want to." I shot Jasper a dirty look, feeling irrational even as I did so, and then turned back to Peter. His pained eyes reminded me that he was hurt, and I felt an echoing pain in my chest. What was I doing?

Confused, angry, and ashamed of my freak-out, I demanded, "Answer my questions. Did you hurt them? The wolves?"

Peter burst out, "Why do you still care? What they did to you… They sent you out to fucking die, Bella!"

I felt his words like a slap to the face, but he was right. "Thank you for reminding me of my awful life." I said softly and bitterly, before turning and storming off.

I followed the wet dog and excrement smell back into the forest, stewing as I went. The stinky trail led me toward La Push. I tried to crash through the undergrowth as loudly as possible, hoping to draw out the wolves…. I knew what Peter and Jasper were capable of, and I needed to see for myself that Jacob and the others weren't hurt too badly.

Soon enough I came across Jacob, sitting on the ground and leaning his back against a tree. Bruises and gashes littered his face and exposed chest. A strange pride welled up within me, knowing that Peter had hurt Jacob, and a perverse sense of vindication for what Jacob had done to me.

Even though Jake looked like he had been waiting for me, shock and surprise crossed his face when he saw me. We were seeing each other for the first time in years, and for the first time since I'd died.

I couldn't suppress a smile, and my eyes made their own appreciative sweep of Jacob's body. He really had grown up… muscly and lean and dark but still with a total baby face.

"Bella…" He trailed off before rushing forward and hugging me. He felt burning hot and smelled awful. I was sure his skin would leave singes where his arms wrapped around me shoulders. Almost as soon as his arms closed around me, he flinched and shoved me away.

"Vampire!" Laced with horror and accusation, his tone fell to despair. "…I really did kill you."

I couldn't really argue. "I was attacked a couple weeks ago. Peter and Jasper saved me."

Jacob barely reacted, just gave a little shudder. I knew that he and I weren't going to ever be friends again; we couldn't be. My body instinctively shied away from him, and he found me as repulsive as he always had found the Cullens. Mortal enemies and all that.

But most of all… he'd made it perfectly clear what he thought of me when he'd kicked me out of Forks. I'd never had any reason to expect him to want to see me now.

"Shit," I muttered, looking at the ground and suddenly not wanting to do this anymore. I'd rather be back with Peter, apologizing profusely for acting like a righteous bitch, no matter how right or wrong I'd been, and even with Jasper, who'd only every supported and protected me, except when he was trying to kill me.

So I squared my shoulders and plowed ahead, summoning my spirit. "I'm not dead, Jacob; it's okay." And why was I comforting him when it was my life, not his, that had been irrevocably changed after years of torment? "I'm just… not human."

Jacob's mask of disgust never slipped from his face. He only stood a couple feet away, looking appalled and a little guilty. Still, he had been my best friend. "Jake, I'm still me." I sighed, not feeling up to defending myself to someone who'd treated me so badly. "And I missed you." My voice cracked, and I looked away, embarrassed.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Bells. Come here." He tried to hug me, but I instinctively flinched away from his hot touch.

"Sorry." I took a step back, and reminded myself why I was there. "Jake, what happened? I mean, with Peter and Jasper today."

Jacob tensed. "The human drinker and the Cullen? And hey, why are your eyes red, too?" He asked suspiciously.

"All newborns have eyes like this," I hedged, "and don't change the subject. What the hell happened? Are you guys okay?"

"Why are you so worried? And why is that leech's scent all over you?"

I bristled and shot him a mean look. "None of your business. And answer my questions!"

"Okay, fine. Pushy." And he was back to acting like a fifteen year old. "The empath –"

"Jasper." I interjected firmly.

He ignored me. "- wanted to confirm the treaty was still on. Some of the pack didn't take too kindly to them coming back here, and your human drinker got a little mouthy at how we'd treated you." Now, Jake had the grace to look guilty, and he turned his sad eyes up to me. "Bella, you know I didn't mean to – I had to protect my tribe."

I knew he was talking about hurting Peter and also about forcing me to leave Forks, all on my own. He looked at me for forgiveness, but I could only shift uncomfortably, crunching the twigs and dry leaves beneath my feet. I had no idea how to forgive him, or even if I wanted to.

"Did it work? Making me leave, I mean. Did Victoria leave La Push alone?" All along, I'd been expecting Victoria to catch up with me after I'd fled south. She never had found me, but for better or worse, Peter had.

Jacob sighed, the sadness on his face looking out of place. "Victoria never left. She was convinced we were still hiding you in La Push."

"Oh no…" I breathed in dread.

Clearing his throat, Jacob continued. "The leech killed Seth and Leah's mother – Sue Clearwater. Tried to get them to tell her where you were hiding… but nobody knew where you'd gone."

Oh God. And poor Seth and Leah, especially Leah, losing Sam and her mom.

I wondered if they would have given me up if they'd known where I gone after leaving Forks. And I wondered if I would've blamed them if they had.

I asked what happened to Victoria, and Jacob smiled grimly. "Leah killed her."

I felt relieved and sickened, finally having closure, knowing for sure that Victoria was no longer a threat. The sick feeling came from knowing Victoria had slaughtered two kids' mother just trying to find me. A mate for a mate, even though only Peter's face went through my mind when I heard the word mate, not Edward.

"How's Leah doing?" I finally asked. She'd been awfully unpleasant before, dealing with Sam leaving her for her cousin and then turning into basically a supernatural freak, and losing both her parents. Good lord.

Jacob choked out a laugh at my question. "How do you think?"

I had no idea what to say to him after that, all my words feeling vaguely inappropriate.

We walked away from each other for the last time in that forest, with so much held back, so many memories and regrets. More disappointment and unfulfilled expectations, but at least it was over.

Pushing through the forest back to the house, I took my steps slowly, giving myself time to think.

I remembered reading a book once, about a schizophrenic girl who felt haunted by moments, by paintings and memories and fictional worlds. Her regrets and hallucinations haunted her and followed her around like storm clouds.

I was beginning to feel like that girl. Snapshots of moments, faces and voices crowded in my mind – Seth, so young when Victoria had first attacked. Leah, such a vicious bitch from being hurt too many times. Now their mother Sue. I felt sick.

So I remembered the gruff determination my all-American dad had always shown, and that I hoped he could find in himself again, and told myself to toughen up.

Finally I could try to forget about my past, everything I had to go through from when Edward left me till I'd been attacked and changed… None of it really mattered anymore or had any relevance on my existence now.

I'd come to Forks for closure – for my father and for my past with Jacob. I was learning that life and death maybe don't work like that. Not so neat. Life isn't fair, doesn't make sense, and can always get worse.

Life wasn't fair – like that was a big surprise. A lot of things didn't make sense, but some things, some people even, did. Like Peter. Being with him had happened so naturally, I'd never even questioned him. Even though, okay yeah, I hadn't been entirely sure he wasn't going to kill me when we'd first met.

I'd been pleasantly wrong.

….

(A/N: So thanks everyone again for all the reviews and faves/alerts/whatever! I love you all. And yes this is another super long chapter… I figured something short now was better than having to wait! So. Let me know what you think!)