A/N. I'm sorry it's been a while since I last updated anything. My inspiration to write has been about as stable as a house in an earthquake. However, recently I've started to feel better about certain things and people that have been holding me back from writing, so hopefully that only continues to improve. In the meantime, your patience and support is always greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"This isn't working."
James' voice is low and steady, which surprises Kendall. After himself, James is the one known to have the shortest fuse. He is passionate and when he gets angry, he gets very angry. His patience doesn't usually last this long. Then again, neither does Kendall's.
He turns slowly to face his friend, and takes a deep breath. "Listen, James." he says quietly, the words edged with anger. "I know you think it'll help to tell Logan about his dad, but honestly your sneaky little hints are just confusing him more."
"What hints?" James demands. He shoots a quick glance at Logan and Carlos who are walking together several yards behind them.
Kendall feels like he's been a rubber band these past few days, and the stress and worry is stretching him thin. Too thin. He can't last much longer before he snaps. He's not only afraid that James might be the one to get hit, but that everyone else might suffer from a similar blow. "What happened to doing this together?" he finally asks.
"You know what, Kendall? That's exactly what I want to know. Because ever since Logan came home from the hospital, wait, ever since he woke up, you've been lying to him and making us do the same. You're not letting anyone even suggest an idea. You keep thinking you have this whole thing under control as long as you make the decisions. But haven't you noticed that it's just not working?"
Kendall's heart is beating rapidly in his chest and he's burning with anger and frustration. The worst part is that he has no idea where to focus all of these emotions, so James is his only clear target. "You have to give it time." he says through gritted teeth, shocked when tears spring to his eyes. He can't cry now.
James has noticed the tears too and for a split second it looks like he might back off. But then he's in Kendall's face again, shaking with barely controlled rage. "Just how much time are you talking about, Kendall?" he asks, still careful to keep his voice low so Carlos and Logan can't hear.
"James, he lost practically all of his memory." Kendall reminds him, wincing at the ache in his heart. He swallows hard and continues. "He's not going to get better over night. It's going to take him time-"
"You didn't answer my question." James interrupts flatly. He stops just outside the Knights' home and folds his arms across his chest.
"Is everything okay?" Carlos asks as he and Logan draw nearer. Logan looks confused and worried, but Carlos looks on the verge of breaking himself. Unfortunately, Carlos very rarely gets angry. Instead he gets hurt. "What's going on?" he says now in a quiet tone that pleads with both Kendall and James to calm down.
"Nothing-" Kendall starts to say.
"Kendall is refusing to listen to me." James interrupts yet again. "Carlos, he won't even listen. I don't know of he's crazy or in denial, but he's convinced that his idea is going to work."
"What idea?" Logan asks when Carlos nods in recognition. He glances at each of his friends, searching their faces for answers he won't get verbally.
"Nothing." Kendall spits our harshly. "James is an idiot."
James moves forward so quickly that Kendall doesn't have a chance to block the attack. His head snaps backwards and pain blasts through the left side of his jaw. A hand comes up automatically to clutch the already swelling area, but he pulls it back when the contact sends new waves of pain shooting through his entire face.
"James!" Logan exclaims, horror struck. "Why would you-" he's cut off abruptly as Carlos suddenly takes his arm and yanks him backwards out of harm's way.
Kendall throws himself at James, knocking him to the ground. He swings a fist, feeling a mixture of satisfaction and self-disgust when he connects solidly with James' face. He pulls back to going for another punch only to have someone grab his wrist and pulls him roughly away. He falls backwards, hitting the ground with a thud that has all the air rushing from his lungs.
"Stop it!" Carlos yells, struggling to put himself in-between Kendall and James to bring the brief fight to a halt. "What do you think you're doing?"
"He's the idiot!" James shouts back, absolutely livid. Blood is running freely from his nose, soaking into his grey shirt. "He won't listen to anyone!"
"Boys, what on earth is going on?" Mrs. Knight demands as she and Katie appear in the doorway. She surveys the four boys as she stands before them. James' nose is bleeding badly, Kendall has a nasty bruise forming on the left side of his jaw, Carlos looks like he's on the verge of tears, and Logan looks frightened.
Coming quickly down the steps, she swoops in and helps Carlos separate the fighting boys, taking Kendall's arm in an iron grip that is fueled by her own fury. "I asked what is going on." she says clearly, looking straight at Kendall.
"James set us up at the rink!" Kendall snaps. He tries to pull away only to have his mother all but do holed fingernails into his arm to hold him still. "He had all the guys there and he didn't tell them anything!"
"I didn't tell them anything, but I also didn't tell them to say what they did!" James argues, not struggling against Carlos' hold.
"What are they talking about?" Logan asks, looking to Katie, his mother, Carlos, and back again.
"Look, he missed it anyway!" James' voice cracks and he slips away from Carlos, but doesn't bother to move. His eyes are filled with tears. "He doesn't know what's going on. We could probably say anything-"
Adrenaline pumps through Kendall in a big rush and he gets away from his mom to tackle James to the ground again. "Don't say anything about Logan!" he says furiously. "It's not his fault that you're determined to ruin everything."
By now, they've gotten the attention of several neighbors who are all standing out on their porches, staring unashamedly at such an unexpected fight. Kendall can hear his mother shouting at him to stop, but neither he nor James pause for a second to give anyone a chance at separating them this time.
Blow after blow is exchanged, worse than any fight Kendall has ever been in. At some point it occurs to him that he's beating up one of his best friends. Before he can feel too guilty though, James flips him over and delivers a punch that is sure to leave a black eye.
"Stop!" Katie shrieks, above everything else. She dives forward and starts to simultaneously pound James on the back while kicking Kendall in the side. Fortunately, both of them obey almost instantly for fear of hitting her.
"Kendall Donald Knight!" his mother yells just as Katie flees into the house, probably to hide in her room. "I want you and James to stop fighting this instant!"
Kendall has seen his mother angry plenty of times before, but never like this. Her face is pale and stretched tight with anxiety and she looks absolutely disgusted with them. "Now," she says, her voice quieter but just as deadly. "I want you and James inside now. Carlos, please take Logan to his room until things settle down. He's had a long day and he doesn't need to see this."
Kendall turns and watches as Carlos nods and goes back to Logan's side without even a glance at either of his other friends. He bites his lip, beginning to feel the guilt come alive and eat at him. He's reduced his little sister to tears and now one of his best friends can't even look at him. It also doesn't make him feel any better to know that Logan is clearly more confused than ever before. He and James have really screwed up.
A glance over at James tells Kendall that he's feeling the same way. His passionate anger is crashing into passionate despair as he trudges wordlessly into the house, head hanging low.
Mrs. Knight doesn't say one word to them as she sits them down at the kitchen table and starts to patch them up a bit. She gives James a cloth for his nose and then retrieves several ice packs from the freezer. "Do you think anything is broken?" she eventually asks quietly.
Kendall shakes his head right away. His entire body is screaming in pain, but it's nothing terrible. He looks over at James and holds his breath, then cringes when James gives a hesitant nod.
"Maybe my nose," he says, tentatively pulling the cloth away to see that the bleeding has slowed. "and my finger." holding up his right hand, he indicates to his pointer finger which is bruised and grotesquely crooked.
Kendall can feel his mother's furious and disapproving stare boring into the back of his head. "I'm sorry." he mumbles with no clue as to what he's apologizing for. There's so much.
The silence stretches on. The only sounds Kendall can hear is the ticking of the clock on the wall and the sound of his own unsteady breathing. Every once in a while, James shifts in his chair and winces softly in pain. "All right." Mrs. Knight says at last. "I want to have a talk with both of you, but not right now. First, we're going to the hospital to make sure neither of you permanently damaged the other."
It's not just Kendall who flinches at the words. James avoids Kendall's eyes though as he stands obediently and heads to the front door. Mrs. Knight informs them that she's going to tell the others where they're going and that they are to wait in the car.
"I'm sorry." James sighs once he shuts his door. "I mean, not about saying you're wrong, but about hurting you."
Kendall can't help it. He laughs. "And people can say I'm stubborn."
James tenses up and says, "Kendall-"
"I'm sorry too, James." Kendall interrupts before he can continue. "For everything. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should at least listen to you or someone else."
The conversation is brought to an abrupt halt when Mrs. Knight storms to the car and gets it, slamming the door shut behind her. "I hope you're happy." she tells him. "Katie locked herself in her room and won't come out. Logan is upset because he has no idea what's going on, and Carlos is just as upset as anyone, but he has to take care of them. You've hurt everyone this time."
"I know." the boys mumble ashamedly as one. They glance at each other and speak together again. "We're sorry."
"We'll talk more once we get the two of you checked out." she says sternly. Her hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are white and her mouth is set in an angry line. She's really mad at them and to make matters worse, she's just as scared and frustrated and worried as they are. The discussion isn't going to be a fun one.
They're all quiet when they reach the hospital. Kendall is thinking of the last time they came here, and he's pretty certain that the others are too. How could they not? He tries not to dwell on it because it just makes him feel worse. He'd give anything to have things back to the way they were.
Logan hasn't said one word since Mrs. Knight told them where she was taking Kendall and James. Katie hasn't come out of her room since the fight. And Carlos is- trying to hold everything together and keep it from falling apart even more. He doesn't even know what he can do at this point though. Everything already seems so lost and hopeless.
"Logie?" he asks softly. "Are you okay, buddy?"
Logan turns to look at him. "Carlos, why are you the only one who just accepts me for who I am? I know my amnesia hurts you as much as it hurts everyone else, but you're not letting it affect you. Everyone else. . . they get upset and they take it out on someone else. I'm tired of being such a burden. I want to remember."
Carlos bites his lip. "Logan, I promise that we're going to do everything we possibly can to help you remember as much as possible. But even if- no matter what happens, you'll always be my best friend. Nothing could ever change that. Not even a hockey accident."
Even as he listens to Carlos, Logan is looking around his room, with familiarity that belongs to someone who has only known it for days instead of years. He picks up a picture and stares hard at it, like he's trying to force the memory of Kendall's ninth birthday back into his brain. "I lost so much, didn't I." he states sadly. "You've all been so amazing, even when you get frustrated and upset. I wish I could feel like I deserve you." He raises his gaze to Carlos, eyes suspiciously bright. "Especially you."
Blushing, Carlos looks down. "I try to treat people like I would want to be treated if I were in their situation." he tells Logan honestly. "If I were you, I'd be scared by everyone lashing out at each other. I know the sadness is something that can't really be controlled, but I think that the anger can."
"You're amazing, you know that?" Logan shakes his head. "Do you ever get angry?"
"Oh yeah, of course!" Carlos says, nodding quickly. "Logan, I'm not perfect. I- My dad helps me a lot though. He got me a punching bag and hung it up in the basement. When I get really overwhelmed I go down there and take all of my feelings out on it instead of other people." He shrugs. "That way I'm the only one who can get hurt." And to illustrate, he holds up his right hand to show Logan the slightly bruised knuckles. "I did that last night." he tells him.
He smiles a little when Logan takes on a typical doctor's expression. "You're hurt." he says, obviously upset. "Carlos, you should be more careful."
At that, Carlos has to actually laugh. "If only you knew how much you sound like your old self. I'm fine, Logan, really. I just had to burn off some extra frustration, that's all."
"What were you so frustrated about?" Logan asks, curiously. "I mean, anything other than the obvious? Me?"
"Logan, I'm not frustrated with you." Carlos rolls his eyes. "Not even close. If you want to know, it's Kendall and James. We promised that we'd help you together and they're constantly clashing with each other. They're not helping at all."
"Who's right?" Logan asks. "I've heard them talk. . . not enough to know what they mean or anything, but I know that they haven't exactly been on the same page. Are they always like this?"
Carlos laughs again, but bitterly this time. "You could say that." he says regretfully. "It's a problem when we're trying to get through something though. When Kendall and James are on the same team, were pretty much unbeatable. They're the two most stubborn people I know."
"Which is why they couldn't do anything without you." Logan says loyally. "I've noticed something, Carlos. You all have your different places in this friendship. Kendall is a protective leader, James is the strong willed one who pushes everyone through, and you- you're the heart, Carlos. We'd be nowhere without you. I just wish I knew my place."
"You're the smart one." Carlos answers right away. "You know everything about everything and you know how to think through our problems. It's more than that though. James isn't the only one who pushes us. You do too, but differently than he does. You just want the best for us, so you want us to do our best, You won't ever let us settle for second best."
Instead of looking comforted by this, Logan looks even more upset. "I'm not helping you now though." he points out. "I'm the reason you're all upset and hating each other. Not you, but. . . James and Kendall."
"It's not your fault, Logan." Carlos says firmly. "It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone." Why did it have to happen to Logan though he wonders. Why couldn't they have read about it happening in some other place far away to people they would never know. That was a terrible, selfish thought, he knew, but he also didn't care.
"I know, i just-" Logan runs a hand through his hair and sighs in agitation. "Even though I don't remember what they were like, I wish we could go back to the way things were before this all happened."
"We will, Logan." Carlos assures him with a confidence that he doesn't really feel. "Hey, are you okay by yourself for a while? I think Katie might need someone to talk to."
Logan looks wistful. "She probably needs to talk to someone who knows what she's going through, right? In other words, not someone clueless like me."
Carlos gives him a crooked smile and reaches over to pat his knee. "One day." he replies, again with that false confidence to make Logan feel better. "Let me know if you need me."
Shaking his head in admiration, Logan says, "Carlos, don't forget that you can get help too. And not just from a punching bag."
He's so close to the old Logan that it hurts. Carlos feels his smile waver a little bit and he stands up to leave before it all comes crashing down. "Maybe later."
A/N. P.S. Who's excited about Windows Down? I know I am! Have a lovely day, guys. :)