A/N. I am. . . not going to talk about when I'll be updating, because I can't rely on myself anymore. I'm really sorry for the long wait and I hope this is worth it. Thanks so much for your patience, guys!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
The final result hasn't done anything to make Kendall feel a bit better. Not only is James' finger broken, but his nose is as well. That, and the fact that between the two of them they have enough bruises and scrapes to last a lifetime, Kendall feels like the worst friend ever. And that's not even counting the other, heavier issues that they're all avoiding at the moment.
His mom is mad. Furious actually, and with good cause. Still, he doesn't think he's ever seen her this enraged before and that only serves to make him feel worse. He deserves it though. For hurting James, confusing Logan, scaring Carlos, making his little sister cry. . . yeah, she definitely should be mad at him.
She's with James' parents now and they're talking in a little huddled up corner away from the boys. Apparently, they all trust them not to kill each other which Kendall supposes is slightly encouraging. What isn't encouraging is the death stares they keep getting every time someone glances their way.
"I wish they'd stop doing that." James mutters, as if he's reading Kendall's mind. "I feel like I'm going to melt or something if my mom gives me that look one more time." He cringes. "It's not like we're at each other's throats anymore. What do they want us to do? Kiss?"
Kendall laughs a little and leans close to James who jerks away. "Oops," he whispers. "they probably thought I was going in for another punch."
James' gaze shoots back to their parents and gives them a wide grin. His arm wraps over Kendall's shoulder and he tries to act relaxed. "I just want to get back to your house." he says in a low voice. "Carlos deserves an apology."
"And Katie, and Logan, and basically everyone." Kendall sighs. "James, I'm really sorry."
"It's fine," James says with a with a tiny grin. "I mean, I wasn't exactly helping anything, was I?"
"Yeah, but . . . I'm supposed to be the leader. I'm supposed to be the one who has everything under control and can-"
"Bull." James interrupts with a disgusted shake of his head. "Kendall, you're only human. How many people would be able to handle it perfectly if their best friend and brother suddenly just forgot everything," Seeing the way Kendall flinches, he softens his tone. "I know it hurts you even worse than it hurts me. And Kendall, I can't imagine it hurting anymore than it already does."
A lump rises in Kendall's throat, choking him. "Why us?" he whispers. "Why Logan?" He knows that there isn't an answer and that it's unfair of him to even ask James. He can't help himself though.
"I don't know, man." James tells him sorrowfully. "But I do know, now, that we're not handling anything the way we should be. We messed up big time and it's not going to be an easy fix."
Another uneasy glance over at their parents, and Kendall relaxes just a little bit. "They look a little less mad." he informs James out of the side of his mouth. "At least that's something, right?"
James laughs nervously. "That doesn't make fixing things any better." The three adults start walking over to them and he and Kendall both stiffen. "Here it comes."
Mrs. Knight, and the Diamonds all stand over the boys making them feel smaller than usual. They're far from happy, but at least they don't look murderously angry anymore. "All right, boys." Mr. Diamond says, his voice low. "James, your mother and I want to take you home so we can ground you for the remainder of the summer."
"Dad," James stands up in protest. "You can't! I'm sorry, I really am, but you can't take me away from Logan and everyone else. Not right now! I know I messed up, but I-"
"James!" his mother exclaims, sounding exasperated. "Your father was not done talking. Now, please sit down and listen."
Obediently, James sinks back down in his chair and waits nervously.
Mr. Diamond takes a deep breath and begins again. "You're grounded," he says again, casting James a warning look to stay quiet. "but your restrictions do not include your friends. Not this time. We know that-" he broke off, looking pained. "We know that they need you right now."
"But not fighting like this." Mrs. Knight added, shaking her head. "This is directed to both of you. If you don't shape up and get along, we will restrict you from the others, and that includes Logan."
Kendall feels his stomach twist up into knots until he feels sick. "Mom," he says, trying to refrain from an all out panic. "We're sorry. Look, we already straightened things out with each other. We're not going to let this happen again, we promise!"
"I hope you're serious." his mother replies, with not a trace of a smile on her face. James' parents look equally grave. "But now that you've fixed things with each other, I want you to go back home and fix things with everyone else. Logan, Katie, and Carlos."
At this point, Kendall is willing to do anything to get out of the hospital and do his best to fix things. He doesn't care how hard or painful they will be, he's just ready to start all over again. What they all need right now is a second chance.
James on the other hand, looks just as willing, but also slightly freaked out and worried. He bites his lip nervously as they walk out of the hospital, staying close to Kendall and dropping his voice so their parents can't hear him. "You don't think they'll hate us, do you?"
"James, no." Kendall says without hesitation. "I think we hurt them more than anything else. I don't think they're that angry. I mean, I don't think it'll be the easiest apology. It's not something you can just say, "Sorry, won't happen again" and expect to just move on, you know? We probably screwed up their trust a little bit."
James looks even more worried, and Kendall can't really blame him. They're all so close, like one big family. Trust is not an easy thing to fix once it's been broken and they both know that this will take some time. But they're willing to try. That's all they can do right now.
"Katie?" Carlos knocks tentatively on Katie's bedroom door, unsure of how the young girl is fairing. There is no answer and he presses his ear against the wood to listen. "Katie?" he asks again.
He listens carefully and sighs when he hears muffled sobbing. How long has she been alone in there crying like that? He tries to ignore the guilt that is flooding through him and tries to remind himself that Logan needed him too.
The stress puts an unimaginable pressure on him and he suddenly wishes that he could be anywhere but here, preferably alone so he can cry and hit things just like everyone around him is doing. Running a hand through his hair, Carlos takes a deep breath to calm himself down. It's not going to do any good for him to fall apart in front of Katie of all people.
Pushing the door open, he walks inside to see Katie curled up in the middle of her floor, surrounded by dozens of pictures. She's looking at all of them and crying hard. Carlos' heart breaks a little bit more and he slowly walks toward her, careful not to disturb any of the photos. "Hey, Katie." he says softly.
Instead of pushing him away like he was afraid she would do, Katie turns instantly and flings herself into his arms. She clings to him and cries into his shoulder, shaking with the effort. "I hate this!" she exclaims between sobs. "I hate this so much, Carlos! It's so unfair and wrong and stupid and-"
On and on she goes, rambling wildly. Carlos doesn't say a word. He just lets her talk, rocking her gently back and forth and waiting for her to finish. He racks his brain frantically, knowing that when she runs out of words, she's going to want him to say something. But how can he when they have all the same frustrations and questions?
"And James and Kendall are always fighting," she says now, pulling away to look at him. "They fight all the time and it scares me! Carlos, we can't handle things the way they are now, they're not working at all!"
"I know." he tells her, wanting more to anything to be able to say something, anything, else. "Katie, I'm so sorry."
She lifts her tearstained face to see him better and shakes her head. "Carlos, it's not your fault." she whispers, her voice cracking. "You've been the best through all of us. That's another thing I hate. They're hurting you too."
He almost tells her that he can handle it, but then he thinks of all the other lies they've told each other and how well it's worked out for them. "They looked pretty sorry when they left to go to the hospital." he offers, hoping to help her smile.
She does smile. Just a little bit. But it's a smile all the same. "Did they?" she asks, the tiniest bit of hope giving life to the dull tone in her voice. "I hope they did, It's what they deserve."
She's angry and he doesn't blame her. He's angry too. Kendall and James are too stubborn for their own good sometimes and then they end up hurting everyone else. Like now. "We'll talk to them when they come home, all right?" he says, giving her a tight hug. "It'll be okay, Katie. We'll work everything out, I promise."
"You're the one I can believe right now." Katie smiles a little again. "You're the only sane one around here these days."
"I'm trying." Carlos sighs. "It's really hard sometimes. Everything is so messed up. . ." he shakes his head. "I think we need to change a lot of things. We need to talk to James and Kendall when they get back."
"You mean tell Logan about his dad, right?" Katie sniffs. "I thought it was a good idea at first. But now I know. It was wrong. A lie."
Carlos flinches, He knows. He's known all along and so has James. But no on listened to James, so why would they even listen to him? Now they have an unimaginable amount of damage to repair even after they speak with James and Kendall. It's not going to be easy at all.
He's afraid to tell Logan about his father. He does't want to hurt him all over again, but now it'll be even worse because they put it off. Logan already has trust issues since he doesn't remember anything, so how is he going to take it when he finds out that they've been lying to him this whole time?
"It's so unfair." Katie sighs. "I just didn't want him to be hurt, Carlos. I thought that since he forgot about his dad, we would have a second chance to give him a better life. Why would anyone want those memories?"
"Because," Carlos says softly. "Katie, Logan's memories of his dad forgetting about him or ignoring him are just as much a part of his life as his memories of meeting us and getting adopted by your mom. It's not right to hide anything so important from him."
Katie's eyes are filling with tears again. "I'm sorry," she says miserably. "I'm sorry we didn't even try to listen to you. Now we made things even worse. Carlos, do you think we'll ever be okay again?"
"Of course!" he tells her instantly. "Katie, as long as we're together, I believe we can do anything. That's why we've been struggling so much lately. Because we've been apart. . . But I think we can fix everything and move on. It's going to take time and it won't be easy. . . but we'll be okay."
At last, Katie gives him a real smile. "Okay." she says, letting him comfort her. "I believe you."
They sit in silence for a while, enjoying the peace that surrounds them. Outside, the sky is growing dark with storm clouds and off in the distance, Carlos can hear thunder rumbling. Remembering Logan's fear of storms, even now, he straightens up.
"Is everything okay?" Katie asks, looking concerned. She follows his gaze to the window and frowns. "Logan doesn't like storms." she says softly. "Should we-"
"Yeah." Carlos is already getting up, nearly tripping over his feet. Part of him wonders if Logan even remembers that he's always been afraid of storms, but he doesn't pause. He needs to get to his friend.
Ever since the car accident that took his mother's life when he was six, Logan has been afraid of storms. It was because of a storm that he and his mother were hit and since then, he's never liked them. He's always tried to be so brave, but Carlos doesn't want him to be alone.
Together, he and Katie hurry out into the hall and into Logan's room. Carlos opens his mouth to say something, but the words die on his lips and he feels his heart turn over in his chest. "Logan?" he chokes out in a whisper.
But Logan doesn't answer him. Because Logan isn't there. Instead, a sheet of paper lays across his neatly made bed. From where he's standing by the door, Carlos can see Logan's neat handwriting on it.
Katie snatches it up before he can even move and starts reading it. Her face turns whiter and whiter with each line that her eyes absorb and finally, she lets the paper fall through her fingers and float gently to the floor.
Carlos, feeling like a robot, bends down and picks it up. Taking a deep breath, he begins to read.
I don't know who any of you are. I don't even know who I am. Everything is confusing and I just feel so lost. I feel like I'm in the way too because everyone is so unhappy because of me and my problems. But I was hoping that something would change.
Something did change. It just wasn't something I ever expected. Even though i didn't know you or myself or. . . anything, I thought I could trust you. You seemed like you really cared and loved me. But now I know that you've been lying to me. I overheard Katie and Carlos talking. . . about my dad? What are you hiding from me? And why?
Did you think I was too stupid to know the truth? Are you really who you say you are? What is happening to me? Who are you really and who am I? I decided that you can't help me, or maybe you don't even want to, so I have to help myself.
I'm leaving to find the truth. I don't have a clue where I should go, but I decided that anywhere is better than here right now. I don't know where I belong, but after today I know that it's not here. Not where you're either crying over me or lying to me. You're not who I thought you were. None of you are. And it scares me. I don't feel safe here.
I don't know what to say other than if this hurts you in any way, I'm really sorry. But i just don't belong here anymore. Maybe I never really did. I'm going to find the truth now.
Logan.
A/N. Well, we all knew Kendall's plan would backfire. How many guessed it would backfire that much though? I'll try to update as soon as possible, okay? I know exactly where i'm going with this story, it's just a little tough to write at the moment. Thank you all so much again for your wonderful support and encouragement! Think maybe we could get to 100 reviews with this chapter? :)
P.S. I am so excited for the new episode of Big Time Rush! And "Windows Down"! Whoo-hoo!