A/N. Hi, sorry it's been so long since I updated. I had some pretty terrible writer's block with this chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to have the next chapter up in less than a month. Thank you all for your patience and support though and I hope you this chapter was worth the wait!

Carlos stares at the words on the page until they begin to blur. Somewhere in the room, Katie is still there, probably crying, but he can't know for sure. He's too in shock from reading Logan's letter. He reads it over and over again and it still isn't making sense. It still isn't sinking in that Logan is really gone.

He feels like he's dreaming. Things were okay just a little while ago. They weren't great, but they were okay. He and Logan had talked and he had helped Logan, hadn't he? He had made him feel better about the way things were, even with James and Kendall fighting. And then he had talked to Katie and had helped her. He thought that he had actually done something Kendall would be proud of if he had been acting more like that Kendall who Carlos looked up to.

But now he sees that he only messed up and made things worse than they already were. Logan is gone and it's all his fault. He should have been more careful in his conversation with Katie. He should have made sure that Logan couldn't hear or at least that they didn't say anything that would frighten him if he overheard. And he did overhear them and he's scared now, but more importantly, he's gone. Because he does't trust them.

It makes sense, really. Logan is confused enough He doesn't know them like he used to. They don't know him like they used to. Things are too different for that. But they knew what their lives used to be like even though Logan doesn't. They can trust what they're saying, but he can't. Then to hear them talking in private and to hear a truth that he was never meant to hear. . . Carlos can't blame Logan for running away.

"Carlos, Logan is gone, we have to do something!" Katie is screaming at him now, because he hasn't responded to her yet. He feels her shaking him, desperate to bring him out of his state of shock.

He jumps at her touch and looks straight at her but just barely sees her. "Katie," he whispers. "Logan is gone."

"I know he's gone!" Katie exclaims, tears streaming down her face. "Carlos, please, we have to do something! We have to find him!"

But how? They're alone, everyone else is at the hospital. They don't know how long Logan has been gone or where he is right now. They don't even know where to begin. Carlos takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself for Katie's sake. She's terrified and in tears. They aren't going to accomplish anything in the state they are now.

Outside, he hears a car door slam and he whirls around at the same time as Katie to stare out the window. "They're home," he whispers, realization finally setting in.

Katie is out of Logan's room before Carlos can turn back around to look at her. He follows after her, passing her on the stairs and throwing the door open just as Mrs. Knight is fitting her key into the lock.

"Carlos, Katie! What in the-"

"Logan's gone!" Carlos bursts out, his heart slamming into his chest in panicked beats.

"What?" Kendall demands, his face whitening until Carlos is scared for his older friend. "When? Where?"

Carlos can only shake his head. "We don't know," he says helplessly. Tears prick his eyes and he struggles to hold them back. Tears aren't going to save Logan now. "I talked with him and he seemed okay and then I went to talk with Katie and we talked and then it started to storm so we went to go check on Logan and he was gone and he left this!"

Kendall somehow absorbs Carlos' run-on sentence and grabs the piece of paper that he shoves at him at the same time. Wordlessly, he takes it and reads it, Mrs. Knight and James reading it over his shoulder. When he's done, Kendall simply sinks into the couch and stares at the wall. "It's my fault," he whispers.

"Kendall," Mrs. Knight says quietly. "Kendall, listen to me."

But Kendall doesn't react to her at all and Carlos can only exchange looks with James and Katie. He's never in his life seen Kendall look so utterly shaken and defeated. It looks like he's just shutting down.

"Kendall, we gave to go find Logan!" James says frantically. "The longer we wait, the harder it will be to find him!"

"Kendall, I need you to focus right now," Mrs. Knight kneels down in front of Kendall and gently touches his shoulder. "Sweetie, look at me."

Carlos watches as Kendall obeys. His green eyes are devastated and swimming with tears. "It's my fault," he repeats. "You were all right this whole time. We couldn't hide the truth from Logan forever. Now he knows that we were keeping something from him and he's scared because he doesn't know exactly what it is. He knows we've been lying to him. No wonder he ran away."

"Kendall-" Mrs. Knight is trying desperately to get Kendall's attention but even though he's talking to her, it hardly seems like he's aware of her. He just continues to go on and on about Logan.

"I made him feel like this, Mom. Me and my stubborn pride. I was such an idiot to think that I was actually protecting him. It was me, all me. It was my idea and I refused to listen to you. Now he's gone and it's all my fault. I drove him away, Mom. He left because he was scared and he didn't feel safe. I made him feel like that. I-"

Instead of trying to talk over Kendall's rambling, Mrs. Knight drags him gently off the couch and into her arms. Carlos can't tear his eyes off of them as they sit on the floor together, Mrs. Knight rocking back and forth as Kendall's last defenses are stripped away.

Logan, Carlos realizes, is Kendall's greatest strength. He brings out the best in the blond, giving him someone who has constantly needed his love and protection over the years. But with that dependency comes great responsibility and it occurs to Kendall that Logan is also his greatest weakness. He either makes him or he breaks him. And this time Kendall is completely broken. Destroyed.

"Sweetie, we can fix this," Mrs. Knight whispers, brushing back his tangled hair and trying to make their eyes meet. "But we have to find Logan first. Kendall, if Logan has ever needed you, it's right now."

"But I-" Kendall hiccups out a sob, his shoulders jerking up and down as he struggles for control over himself. "I failed him, Mom. I let him down. He's afraid of me. How can we fix that?"

Mrs. Knight stands up, pulling Kendall to his feet as well. "We'll start with finding him," she says firmly. "and we'll take it from there."

"But what if he doesn't want to come home?" whispers Kendall.

"We'll start with finding him," Mrs. Knight repeats. "and we'll take it from there. Now," she planted her hands on Kendall's shoulders and looks up at him directly into green eyes that are filled with so much pain that Carlos can't look at them himself. "let's talk through this."

Carlos takes this as his cue to tell a more coherent story of everything that's happened. "Logan was upset when you guys left," he says slowly, staring at the floor because he's afraid any more guilt will kill Kendall. "so I talked to him. I basically told him the sane stuff we've been saying all along. How it doesn't really matter of he doesn't remember because we're going to be here for him no matter what. I told him. . ." Carlos swallows hard. "I told him what he means to all of us. Or at least, I tried."

"He really seemed okay so I went to talk to Katie because she was upset too. I don't really remember exactly what we said, but obviously we mentioned his dad and the fact that we were hiding something from him. That was all he needed to hear, I guess. The storm started so we went to check up on him and. . . and we found that."

Everyone in the room looks at the piece of paper on the floor. Carlos sees that James is holding Katie in his arms. She's clinging to him, arms wrapped around her waist and head buried in his shoulder. Carlos wishes he could do the same. To have Logan missing is the scariest thing in the world, but the scariest thing right after that is seeing Kendall cry and be helpless like he is now. The universe might as well be torn in two. Nothing makes sense anymore.

"Okay," James says now, stepping forward but continuing to hold Katie. "We should split up and go with our parents so we'll be safe but be able to spread out and look in more places."

Carlos sighs in relief. This is what they need. Someone to step up and take control. Granted, James looks like he might be sick to his stomach, but he seems to be pulling everything together all the same. "I'll call my dad now," he says, glad to be able to do something. "Where are we all going to go?"

"I'll go to school," Kendall speaks and they all jump. But they nod, all agreeing so Kendall can continue to function.

"I'll go to the rink," Carlos says, glancing at James. "What about you?"

James sets Katie down and pulls his cell phone out to call his parents. "Where should I go, Kendall?"

Kendall stares at him, frozen and glassy eyed. "Um, the mall?" he suggests faintly.

Right away, James is nodding. "The mall," he repeats. "Great idea." He touches Kendall's shoulder and says with a sense of calm that is false, "We're going to find him. Okay? Everything is going to be okay."

After everything that's happened, how can James say that? There used to be a time when Carlos could be as optimistic as him. Maybe even more so. But everything is just so upside down and backwards now.

"Come on," James says shortly. He shuts his phone and Carlos realizes that he must have called his parents.

"I have to call my dad," he murmurs shakily. He finds his dad's number at the station on his cell and presses the call button. James is still talking as he heads out the door and everyone else follows him. Carlos finds himself alone.

Sitting down because his legs are starting to feel useless, he shuts his eyes and waits for his dad to answer. "Please," Carlos begs. He needs his dad right now.

"Carlos?"

"Dad," Right away his voice is cracking. "Dad, something happened and I need you. I need you now."

"What is it? What's wrong?" His dad sounds alarmed and worried. "Is it Logan?"

He knows. His dad always knows. Carlos chokes on a sob and wipes frantically at the tears that have started to fall. "He's gone."

There is dead silence for several long seconds. Then, "What do you mean gone?"

His dad even sounds scared. But it occurs to Carlos that his dad is so scared because he doesn't know what "gone" means in this case. It could mean anything. Carlos bites his lip. "He ran away. He overheard me and Katie talking about his dad and stuff. And he left a note about being lost and scared and. . . and now he's gone and so is everyone else because they're out looking for him. James is going to the mall to look there with his dad, Kendall and Mama Knight and Katie went to school. I need to go to the rink but- I need you."

He's babbling again. He needs to shut up. Carlos shuts his mouth, pressing his lips together. Tears are burning his eyes again, threatening to fall. He just need this nightmare to end.

"I'm on my way, Carlos," his dad finally says. He's quiet and calm. He's in control, which is great because Carlos isn't close to being in control.

"Anything?"

Carlos looks up from his phone and shakes his head. "Nothing. No texts, no calls, nothing. I mean I haven't heard it ring or anything, but I just thought that maybe I missed it."

His dad nods in understanding, but keeps his eyes on the road ahead. "Luke is back at the station calling the bus stations to make sure Logan didn't try to leave that way. Did he have any money on him?"

Carlos shakes his head, feeling sick to his stomach. It hasn't occurred to him that Logan might try to leave the town altogether. "I don't know if he had money with him," he finally manages to say. "Dad. . . where would he go?"

His dad sighs. "I don't know, Carlos," he admits. "But I do know that wherever he is, we're going to find him. I promise."

Carlos doesn't answer. Fear squeezes his throat shut and he stares out the window at the world passing them by. Tears are still burning his eyes, but they haven't fallen yet. He's afraid that if he gives into them and lets them fall, then it will be like admitting total defeat. The end of all things.

Suddenly, his dad jams on the breaks and even though Carlos has his seatbelt on, he's still thrown violently forward. "Dad!" he gasps out, clutching the dashboard with shaking hands. "What-"

"Carlos, look!" His dad reaches across him with his arm and points out the window. With his free arm, he's already steering with one hand to get off the road.

Carlos looks and starts clawing frantically at his seatbelt. "Dad, there he is!" he yells, nearly strangling himself as he finally gets free from the belt. "Logan!"

Logan is sitting by the edge of a pond. But not any pond. Their pond. The pond where they first met and where Carlos pushed Logan in when they were seven and where they played countless hockey games and where so many memories were made. Carlos tries not to get his hopes up by thinking of what this might mean. He has to focus on Logan and making sure that he's not hurt.

A hand on his arm keeps him from flying out of the car and his dad warns, "Be careful. He might be very shaken and confused."

Carlos nods. His dad is right. "Can you call?" he asks, handing over his phone. And then he leaves.

It's still pouring and there's an occasional rumble of thunder, but no lightning. Carlos prays that the weather gets better and not worse and he walks slowly over to Logan. He can hear the beat of his heart over the sound of the falling rain and it surprises him that Logan doesn't seem to hear him as easily. He's so scared right now. Why can't Kendall and James be with him right now? What if he can't handle Logan alone right now? What if he does or says something that scares Logan even more? What if-

Logan looks up and even though he's soaked, Carlos can see that he's been crying and that there's a possibility that he's still crying. "What are you doing here?"

Carlos winces at the total mistrust in Logan's voice. Once again though, he doesn't blame him. "I came to find you," he says shakily. "To see if you were okay."

"Do I look okay?"

He's bitter too. Carlos fights back against the tears. "I'm so sorry, Logie."

Logan isn't looking at him anymore. He's staring across the pond, watching raindrops dancing off of the surface of the water. "It's a little late for that, you know," he says quietly.

"Logan-"

"How long?"

Carlos blinks rain, or maybe tears, out of his eyes. "How long what?" he asks, his throat aching so much that the pain alone might make him cry.

"How long have you been lying to me?" Logan demands. "Since I came home from the hospital? Carlos, I don't share any of the memories you guys have. For all I know, you could have kidnapped me and done something to make me forget. I know it sounds insane, but it makes as much sense as everything else."

Carlos sits down, keeping his distance from Logan just in case. He takes his best friend's words like a blow to the stomach. It hurts and he can't breathe right. "I'm sorry," he says because there is nothing more to say.

Logan looks at him, his face blank of emotion. "Maybe sorry isn't enough," he says quietly.

This is the worst nightmare ever and it's real. He's out of words to say and things to do. There's nothing else. Carlos tries to breathe and winds up nearly choking on a sob. "I-"

A hint of alarm crosses Logan's face and though he quickly masks it, he at least doesn't tell Carlos to leave or anything. Instead, he actually looks back at the pond and says, "This place means something to me."

Carlos swallows his tears once more, searching for the right reply. "It's where we met."

But Logan doesn't smile. His face is blank again. "Is it?"

"Carlos! Logan!"

Carlos shoots to his feet and throws his hands out traffic cop style. "Stop!" he orders James and Kendall before glancing back at Logan.

Logan looks like a deer caught in headlights. He's halfway up, poised to run again, and his eyes are filled with fear and anger and confusion

"Logan," Kendall says, surprising Carlos with the amount of control he has. "Please. Stay."

Okay, so control meaning that he's communicating in one word sentences instead of verging on catatonia. "We're not going to hurt you," Carlos says slowly to help all of them out.

It's not raining anymore and Kendall approaches very slowly, holding out his jacket to Logan. "Here," he says slowly. "Take it. It's dry."

James shrugs off his jacket and hands it insistently over to Carlos. "I never thought to come here," he says, shooting for a casual attitude. "Did Carlos tell you that this is where we met?"

Logan is wearing Kendall's jacket now which Carlos considers to be progress. He doesn't answer James right away, but instead plays with the ends of the sleeves of the jacket. It's too big for him, too long, and his hands disappear unless he rolls the material up. He looks fascinated with what he's doing so they all jump when he finally speaks again. "Yeah, he did."

He sounds more tired now, some of the fight dead and gone. But he still sounds lost and that's the worst of all to Carlos. Because it says to him that Logan wants their help but they can't quite give it. "And it. . ." Logan sighs and shakes his head. "It seems familiar to me too, but I just can't get it. Like a word that's on the tip of your tongue and you can't think of it enough to say it."

Kendall still hasn't approached Logan. "What if we go home, get you and Carlos dried off, and tell you the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth."

Logan seems to consider this and Carlos actually lets himself feel moderately hopeful. He waits with James and Kendall as Logan continues to play with the sleeves of his too big and too long jacket. No one says anything. They're all afraid to breathe.

Logan stands up, his eyes on the ground. "Let's just go back to the house," he says, emphasizing the lack of personal use in regards to referring to his home. "I'm tired."

Carlos feels his heart sink. Logan is coming back home with them, but he's made it very clear that he still doesn't trust them. They still have a long, painful journey ahead. And he's not sure if they'll ever reach the end.

A/N. The outline for this story is going to change, but I think it's for the better since I've been having so much trouble with the way I was originally going. I'm already brainstorming for chapter twelve so hopefully that means I'll be writing it soon. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Oh, and one last note. I have received two anonymous reviews signed by "Nikki" requesting something about the use of her original character in one of my stories. I would like to be able to answer this privately, but unfortunately there are more than one "Nikki's" on this website and I don't know which one might be her. I don't know if she even has an account for me to send her a personal message.

Anyway, I'm sorry, Nikki, but I do not include original characters in my stories except when it is absolutely necessary and I dislike it even then. I hope that you don't mind me answering you like this, but I'm afraid that there was no other option. I also hope that you're not too disappointed. If you would like to continue to talk about anything, please create an account and contact me via the personal messaging system here on this website rather than leave reviews that disregard the story. Thank you.