A/N. I have the whole house practically to myself until Thursday, yay! Do you know what that means? Writing party! It'll be fun and I think I can accomplish my goal of finishing this story in August. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's nearly three in the morning when Kendall hears his bedroom door open. Surfacing from his haze of sleep, Kendall tries to peer through the inky blackness of night, cracking his jaw as a huge yawn escapes him.
"Kendall?"
A rush of concern floods through Kendall and he forgets his weariness. He sits up, shrugging away the covers and reaches out. "Logie?"
Logan's fingers brush against his outstretched hand, and Kendall pulls him close. "Hey," he says, making sure that Logan is sitting down. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." Logan leans into Kendall and sighs. "I'm sorry if I woke you, I just-"
"Don't apologize, Logan," Kendall soothes. "I don't mind at all, I really don't. Now, tell me. Are you okay?"
Another sigh escapes Logan, but this time he sounds more troubled. "I guess I'm just afraid," he says quietly.
Wrapping his arm around Logan, Kendall lays down, guiding his brother with him, and holds him tight. "What are you afraid of?" he asks patiently. His fingers start to comb gently through Logan's hair as he waits.
Logan's breath is shaky and tears start to fall from his face and drip onto Kendall's shirt. He lifts his head, resting his chin on Kendall's chest. He's silent.
"Logie?" Worried, Kendall sits up a little, careful to not disturb Logan. "Talk to me, bro."
"I'm afraid of forgetting again," Logan finally whispers after a long stretch of silence. "I'm afraid of waking up and being strangers with you and not sharing the same memories as you. I'm afraid of losing you."
He's secretly terrified of the same thing, but there's no way that he's going to tell Logan that. Keeping his motions steady, Kendall reflexively tightens his grip on his brother and replies, "It won't happen again. I promise. I won't let it."
It's the worst promise in the world he can make right now, but when Logan meets his gaze in the dark room, Kendall sees the belief in his brown eyes and it makes it all worth it. His heart swells with love and affection and before he can stop himself, he kisses Logan on the forehead. "I promise," he repeats.
Logan is still gazing at him in pure adoration, a lurking sense of unfamiliarity not taking away any of Kendall's joy at seeing his brother so trusting again. This is all he needs.
Logan finally smiles and lays his head back down on Kendall's chest. His eyes drift shut as he feels Kendall begin to comb his fingers gently through his hair once again. "I know you will," he replies. "I know you'll take care of me. I believe you. I think. . . I think that I just needed to hear you say it."
"I promise that I won't let it happen again," Kendall repeats solemnly.
"I know," Logan mumbles, already starting to fall asleep now that he's had his reassurance. "You're the best, Kendall. I'm really glad you're my brother."
It means more than any words could say to hear Logan refer to Kendall like that again. It's not just the word, but the way Logan uses it too. Just like the Logan that Kendall has missed so much for the past several weeks. It's what he's been longing for and now he has it back. It's even better than he remembered.
"I'm glad I'm your brother too, Logie," he replies, even though he's pretty sure Logan is asleep by now. "It's my favorite thing to be."
Logan doesn't reply with words, but he doesn't need to. He snuggles closer to Kendall, sighing in perfect contentment. It's better this way. Kendall and Logan are back at their best together and they don't need words.
It's what Kendall has been dying for. To reach for Logan and have him go to him instead of pull away. To hug Logan and have him hug back and melt naturally into the embrace instead of flinching. To hear Logan's "Thank you" in a sigh instead of his voice. This is how things are supposed to be. How they're meant to be.
The universe is right again.
When Kendall wakes up, Logan is still fast asleep at his side. His face is pressed into Kendall's shoulder and he's snoring softly, one hand wrapped tightly around his brother's uninjured wrist.
Kendall sighs and gently shifts away just far enough so he can stretch a little bit. The bedroom door opens and he grins at the newcomer. "Hey, Mom," he whispers.
"Now isn't this a welcome sight," she replies with a smile. Walking over to the bed, she sits down on the edge and reaches over to brush Logan's bangs out of his eyes. "I went to go check on him in his room and he wasn't there."
"Weren't you worried?" Kendall asks her, his eyes on Logan who is smiling a little in his sleep.
His mother shakes her head. "As soon as I saw his empty bed, I knew where he would be."
Kendall wants to acknowledge her compliment, but now he's worried. As long as he's known Logan, he's always been a light sleeper. All of this talking, no matter how quiet, should have woken him up right away. Yet, he's not even stirring.
Realizing the same thing, Mrs. Knight moves her hand to Logan's shoulder and gives him a gentle shake. "Logan? Sweetie, can you hear me? Wake up, Logan."
It takes a split second than Kendall is okay with, but Logan stirs very slightly, and then his eyes start to crack open. "Mornin'," he mumbles. "Everything 'kay?"
"We're just not used to you sleeping so soundly, that's all," his mother tells him softly. "I forgot the doctor warned us this might happen. I guess we didn't notice because we were so worried about everything else."
Kendall remembers now. It was after they found out about Logan's amnesia so he admittedly hadn't been paying that much attention. It was the least of their worries, the doctor had assured them. But because they had all been so wrapped up in getting his memory back, they had scarcely thought of his sleeping habits.
"Sorry," Logan mutters sleepily. He starts to sit up, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm fine- Hey! Kendall!"
Kendall removes his hands from Logan's shoulders, but hovers over him, making sure that he stays laying down. "Are you okay, Logan?" he questions. "Do you need more sleep?"
"I'm fine," Logan insists, grudgingly letting Kendall help him sit up this time. "Really. I'm tired, but that's because I just woke up." He yawns and then gives then a sleepy smile. "Morning."
Their mother smiles again and kisses his cheek. "Good morning, sweetheart," she replies. "How are you feeling? Other than tired, I mean."
Logan shrugs. "Just tired. And a little confused. I dreamed a lot last night. I think it was mostly memories, but I'm not sure if some things were real or not."
Kendall gets to his feet and helps Logan up as well. "We'll help you with that," he says with quiet assurance.
A sigh escapes Logan. "It's scary," he admits. "and frustrating. I wish you didn't have to help me."
Smiling fondly, Mrs. Knight shakes her head. "That's our Logan," she says gently. "Always wanting to be as little trouble as possible." She hugs him, whispering in his ear, "You're never trouble, Logan. You're family. You're my son and Kendall and Katie's brother. We'll do whatever it takes to help you. And I know for a fact that James and Carlos and their families all feel the same way."
Resting his head on her shoulder, Logan squeezes his eyes shut, trying to hold back tears. "I know," he says shakily. "I believe you." He lets go of her and tries to smile. "Is Katie up yet?"
"She should be," Mrs. Knight smiles at the two boys. "Why don't we all go downstairs and have some breakfast? If you want we can talk about some of your dreams and memories. James and Carlos can come over too."
Kendall grins when he watches Logan's face light up at the mention of Katie and James and Carlos. It's almost as if he's been away for a very long time and has just come home. "Come on, Logie. Let's go wake up Katie if she's still asleep."
Logan follows after him as their mother goes to start breakfast. Katie isn't asleep anymore and meets them in the hallway. Instantly, she gives them a huge smile and hugs them. "I was thinking," she says hesitantly, "Do you think we should go out again today? To see if you remember anything now?"
"Maybe later, baby sister," Kendall tells her, giving her a one armed hug and leading the way downstairs. "Mom is making breakfast right now and then James and Carlos are coming over. We're going to talk about a few things."
Katie frowns. "Is everything okay? she asks, glancing at Logan in concern.
"Everything's great, Katie," Logan assures her quickly. "There's still a lot that I don't remember and I just want to talk about it today instead of going out. I kind of want to stay home today, you know?"
"Yeah," Katie nods. "That's a good idea. You're really okay then?"
"I am," Logan promises seriously. "Let's go get something to eat and then we'll talk."
Logan isn't as calm as he appears in front of Katie. Kendall didn't have to see his breakdown earlier that morning to know that he's really scared. Katie can probably see his fear too, but she doesn't say anything. They seem to have all collectively decided, without speaking, to take one thing at a time.
Breakfast is a quiet affair, but not uncomfortably quiet. Kendall however, is lost in his thoughts, All he can think of is yesterday's events and when and how Logan's memory came back. The key was not anything to do with him or anyone else who had always loved Logan. The key had been Ryan Mitchell.
He doesn't know which is worse: The fact that Logan's father helped him remember or that he, Kendall, could have prevented him from ever getting his memory back. It was his idea to hide the truth from Logan. What if he never slipped up and yelled at Logan about Ryan Mitchell? Odds are that someone would have told him eventually, but it's still Kendall's fault that he was so lost and confused for as long as he was.
"Kendall?" Logan questions, obviously not for the first time. "Are you okay?"
He shakes free of his more negative thoughts and smiles over at Logan. "Yeah, I'm good, Logie. Sorry about that. What's up?"
"I was wondering if you thought we should call James and Carlos yet," Logan repeats questioningly. "I have some things I want to talk about with them here too. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure!" Kendall nods eagerly, hoping that Logan is once again blind to his distress. It's not 100% Logan, but it's almost easier this way. Kendall hates showing his weakness to anyone, but especially Logan. He's not sure if he really likes Logan thinking he's okay, but it's not like he's going to volunteer the truth either. "I'll call them," he adds, waving his cell phone in the air.
Minutes later of course, James and Carlos ahead letting themselves in, both of them nearly bouncing off the walls in anticipation of organ remembering something else. Even once they discover that they're there to fill in the blanks, they can't seem to stop smiling.
"So," Carlos says, sitting down and staring so intently at Logan that James laughs at him.
"So?" Logan waits, leaning away from Carlos' gaze. He smiles when James laughs.
"So, what do you want to know?" Carlos asks impatiently. "What did you dream?"
"Lots of stuff," Logan answers, looking suddenly confused. "Sometimes I knew it was real and other times. . . I wasn't so sure. I just need some help separating what is real from what isn't."
"Tell us then!" James suggests. "Start from the beginning. What was one of the first dreams that you had?"
Logan launches into a story that, from what Kendall can tell, is half memory and half imagining. Some of the details are incorrect, but for the most part, Logan seems to have it coming together even more.
"We used to fight over the red Power Ranger," Carlos is correcting him very gently right now. "Red has always been your favorite color and it used to be mine too. Plus, the Red Ranger was always the leader like Kendall so that's another reason you liked him best."
Kendall and Logan both turn bright red at that particular reminder. Bashfully, Logan rubs the back of his neck and tries to change the subject. "So what is your favorite color now, Carlos?" he asks.
"Green," Carlos answers. "But the Red Ranger is still my favorite. I still have the one you gave me for Christmas when we were seven."
"That was Santa," Logan mutters. But then he grins, proud of himself for remembering.
"I'd give it back," Carlos explains. "but it's always meant a lot to me. . . you giving it to me like you did."
Logan laughs. "Keep it, I'm fine, Carlos. I never missed it after giving it to you. It was just a toy, and you were- are my best friend."
He turns unexpectedly to James, staring at him in concentration. "Jay," he begins thoughtfully. "is it you who's allergic to bee stings?"
"Got it," James replies, pointing at him. "I was eight when we found out, remember that?"
Logan nods and says, "It was your eighth birthday party to be exact," he recalls. "We were having a big family picnic thing at the pond. Carlos' uncle brought his speedboat and Mom made your favorite brownies. Kendall and I were trying to teach Katie how to swim and you and Carlos were eating watermelon. You were covered in juice and you got stung."
Despite the less than fantastic memory, James is clearly delighted by the attention to detail Logan is giving it. "You were the only one who didn't panic," he says admiringly. "You called 911 and told them what happened when my mom and dad were freaking out over me having trouble breathing."
"I was scared though," Logan tells him honestly. "When I knew you were going to be okay, I went right home from the hospital with my dad and told him that I needed to learn CPR in case it happened to you again and an ambulance couldn't get to us in time."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Kendall comments, looking at Logan with undisguised pride. "You've always been one to look out for everyone else."
Logan snorts. "You're one to talk, Kendall," he shoots back. "What about the time when we were fourth grade and you got in a fight with a bunch of sixth graders because they called me "four eyes" when I wore my glasses."
"That never happened," Kendall denies. He pauses and then smirks. "We were in third grade and they were on seventh."
Logan rolls his eyes. "You're not allowed to call me out on being protective when you're the one who loses all good sense for the sake of protecting everyone else."
Leaning back in his chair, Kendall meets Logan's brown eyes in a steady gaze. "Actually, I think my good sense comes from protecting you." Except for his most recent attempt. But he can't bring that up. Not yet.
Carlos changes the subject thankfully when he hands Logan a rather well worn photograph and says, "My dad wants to come by later if that's okay. But he wanted me to show this to you to see if it does anything for you." He watches Logan expectantly, dark brown eyes wide with hope.
Kendall sits up to see better, peering over Logan's shoulder. He bursts out laughing at the sight of Mr. Garcia handcuffed to his own patio chair with his own pair of handcuffs while what must be a six year old Logan and Carlos dig around in the nearby sandbox. "When did this happen?" he asks in amazement.
James and Carlos are laughing too, while Logan looks mortified. "I dropped the keys in the sandbox," he squeaks out in a whisper. "Kendall, you and James were both home because Carlos and I got the chicken pox at the same time and the four of us weren't allowed to see each other. My dad was gone for the weekend and I was staying at Carlos'. Papa took us outside to play a little bit since we were going stir crazy sitting around inside and we handcuffed him to the chair."
"And you dropped the keys in the sandbox," James repeats, laughing even harder. "How long did it take you to find them?"
"We never did," Carlos chuckles. "My mom wound up calling Luke to free him. He brought over this really sharp knife and she absolutely flipped out. She thought for sure that he was going to slice my dad's hand off."
Kendall studies the picture even closer. "You were just seven when you got the chicken pox, right?" So he's a little off.
"Yup," Carlos nods. "That was the last time my dad let us play with his handcuffs."
"I can't say I blame him," James says, shaking his head and wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes. "Man, I wish I could have been there, chicken pox or not."
"I can't believe your dad didn't get mad at us," Logan says in amazement. "I mean, it was just the three of us and we spent an hour looking for the keys until your mom finally came home and called Luke."
"Carlos takes after his dad," Kendall tells him. "They almost never get angry, but when they do, you don't want the one to be on their bad side. Remember when he caught that guy red handed as he was trying to steal
all their bikes? He was just taking them right out of the Garcias' shed and loading them into the back of his pick-up truck. In the middle of the day!"
"I was scared of him for two weeks after that," James confesses. "I knew he was a cop and occasionally beat up bad guys, but it's one thing to know something and another thing to actually see it happen."
"My dad would never hurt anyone unless they were doing something really wrong though," Carlos says quickly, in case they're painting Logan's faded memory with images he doesn't need.
Kendall glances over at Logan who had become suddenly quiet and thoughtful looking. "Hey, buddy?" he says curiously. "Everything okay?"
Logan, deep in thought, barely seems to acknowledge Kendall at all. "I don't know," he admits after an uncomfortably long stretch of silence. "It's something I dreamed about that I'm remembering now because- well, because. It wasn't a happy dream like the others though. It was. . . scary."
Concerned, Kendall touches him on the shoulder. "What is it, Logie?" he presses gently. "You can tell us and we'll help you like we have been."
Logan blows out a shaky breath and looks Kendall in the eye. Practically his whole body is trembling with nerves as he asks in a barely audible whisper, "Did my dad ever hit me?"
A/N. Cliffhanger because it's been way too long. I'll update soon though! In the meantime, thank you all for your wondrous support and encouragement. I'm always glad to hear from you guys and it means so much to me to know that you're enjoying this story. I hope you liked this chapter as well. Thank you very much for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful week!