A/N. Hey, howdy hey! It's 4:30 in the morning and I have a long day ahead of me. But I am very pleased with this chapter. It's very long so bless you if you read it all, you're amazingly patient.

The sunlight streaming in from the window warms Logan's face and starts to pull him out of his sleepy haze. He opens his eyes and blinks tiredly. A yawn nearly cracks his jaw. He starts to stretch and turns his head to the left only to nearly have a heart attack. "Kendall!"

Kendall backs off just before his head collides with Logan's and nearly falls off the bed. Instantly, his face is bright red as he reaches out to grab Logan's arm and steady him just in case. "Sorry!" he exclaims hastily. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"How would you feel of you woke up and found me staring at you from two inches away?" Logan grumbles. But as he sits up slowly, he's smiling. He can see the relief and happiness in Kendall's eyes that comes from his recognition of him. "Hey, bro," he says softly.

A wide grin spreads across Kendall's face. "Hey yourself, birthday boy."

It's his birthday? Logan hastily tries to cover up any surprise on his face that might send Kendall into a panic attack. "It's July 28th already?" he asks. He knows when his birthday is, he's just really surprised that they've gotten there already.

"Yup!" Kendall nods, seemingly unfazed by Logan's brief confusion. That's good. "How does it feel to be seventeen?"

Logan laughs at him. "You sound like your grandma," he teases. "She always asks all of us that."

Kendall smiles. "Who's grandma?" he asks, raising one eyebrow questioningly.

Now it's Logan's turn to blush. "Our grandma," he says softly.

Kendall's smile widens and he gently tousles Logan's hair. "That's better," he says in satisfaction as he stands up. "So are you ready to get started? James and Carlos and everyone else will be here at lunchtime to celebrate. We have a great party planned out to help you remember, Logan. I can't wait-"

"Kendall, hang on," Logan grabs Kendall's wrist and stops him. Biting his lip, he stares at Kendall closely, seeing past the happy excitement in his green eyes and recognizing the hidden sorrow and guilt.

"What is it?" Kendall asks him, oblivious to his concern. "Are you okay, Logan? Are you feeling sick? You don't have a headache, do you? What-"

"Kendall!" Logan cuts in. He sighs and rolls his eyes. "You're impossible sometimes, did you know that? I feel fine, I promise. I'm just. . ." Logan trails off and resumes his nervous habit of chewing his bottom lip. "Are you okay?"

His question has caught Kendall off guard, he can tell right away. Frowning, the blond sits back down next to him. "Of course I'm okay, Logan," he says quietly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because of what happened the other day," Logan replies, hating to bring it up again. "I know you're not okay, Kendall. No one is and it's all my fault."

"Your fault?" Kendall repeats, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "How was any of that your fault, Logan? We were the ones who didn't see it when it was happening. We were the ones who let it happen. How is that your fault?"

"I should have told you," Logan confesses, a familiar ache growing deep inside of his chest. "I was just afraid that-"

"That's another thing," Kendall says mournfully without really realizing that he is interrupting Logan. "We should have been doing more so that you trusted us to help you. You were all alone in this, Logan, and I'll never forgive myself for-"

Sighing in frustration, Logan stands up and pulls Kendall back to his feet. "Come on," he says shortly. "We need to go talk about this with everyone."

"But Mom and Katie are the only ones here right now," Kendall protests. "Besides, it's your birthday, Logan. We should be-"

"Doing what I want to do," Logan finishes. "Exactly. Right now, Kendall, all I want to do is get this whole mess straightened out with everyone. I know you probably have this great plan to bring some memories back, but so do I. I have memories too and I want to share them with all of you. So let's get this party started, okay?"

Kendall can't exactly say no to that. Logan has him, hook, line, and sinker. Which means he has everyone else too, because no one else can even compare to Kendall's bullheaded stubbornness. The rest is easy after Kendall.

And they are easy. Within fifteen minutes, James and Carlos are over, along with Carlos' father and Luke. They start out with the usual "Happy birthday" pleasantries, but soon realize that Logan doesn't have the same plans as they do.

Logan gazes around the room at everyone seated around him. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and then resumes his pacing. Where to begin? He knows exactly what he wants to say to everyone, but how? His eyes rest on Kendall, see the nervous flicker there, and he makes his decision.

"Kendall," he says, surprised at the strength in his voice. "I don't even know what to say. I guess I could start off by saying that I'm sorry." Kendall naturally, opens his mouth to protest and Logan is quick to hold up a hand and silence him. "Hear me out, okay? I'm sorry for never telling you about what went on between my father and I. Looking back on it, I really regret it. I was stupid. I was stupid to look for love and affection in a man who was empty when you were standing right in front of me with more love as affection than I could possibly deserve."

"You were always there, Kendall. Always. Growing up, I admired you because you were always so strong and so brave. You always knew just what to say and do to get out of trouble. You were someone I knew I could always depend on to protect me. And I think that's sort of a reason I never told you the truth. I knew that if things turned really bad, you would be there whether you knew or not. It was like some unspoken law of the universe. No matter what, I knew I wasn't alone and that you were there for me. And it's still like that, Kendall."

Logan takes a deep breath and wipes at his eyes. He sniffs and tries to continue. "I don't know if you'll remember this. . . it came to me last night. Do you remember that time I came over at 10:30 at night and told you my dad had some business friends over?"

Kendall actually smiles a little and nods. "Of course I do," he says quietly. "I always will."

Logan shouldn't be so surprised. Of course Kendall remembers. "Right," he says with a sigh. "Well, I lied. I was nine and my dad had been. . . hurting me for about a year. He'd only done it two or three times and it never left a very serious mark. And he would always apologize afterwards and promise to never do it again. I believed him. But that night. . . that night he had been drinking. . . and he told me that it was the anniversary of him going out with my mother for the first time. He didn't touch me, but I was afraid. So I went to your house."

"I just wanted to feel safe that night. I was missing my mom and even my dad. I was scared of my dad and I felt so alone. I knew you would make me feel better just like you always did. So I went over your house and lied to you about what was going on. I told you I was lonely, which I guess was the only truth. I was lonely. I was alone."

Tears start to burn Logan's eyes, but he blinks them back. "Kendall, when I showed up at your house that night, you didn't question what I was doing there. You didn't ask me why I came without calling and you just accepted my explanation. I didn't even need one actually, I could have just shown up at your door and you would have been fine, no questions asked-"

"Maybe I should have asked questions though," Kendall whispers. "Not just that night, but every day and every night."

"Kendall," Logan sighs. He's rambling right now and needs to get to the point. "What I've been trying to say is that when I came to your house that night and told you I was lonely, you took me right in. And-" Logan stops for a second, his face starting to heat up. "And you let me sleep in bed with you. . . and you held me and told me it was going to be okay. . . and to not worry about nightmares because you would protect me from the monsters."

"But I didn't-" Kendall's voice breaks and Logan can see the utter devastation written all over his brother's face. "I didn't protect you from the real monsters, Logan."

"You've always been there for me. Even when you didn't know it," Logan insists, sitting down besides Kendall and touching his shoulder. "When you didn't even question me crawling into bed with you, that was the best gift you've ever given me. Just pure love and acceptance with no boundaries or expectations. It was more than I could ask for at the time, and the best part was that I didn't even need to ask."

"The thing is, Kendall," Logan tries to finish. "My dad hurt me, yeah, but I always had someone to run to. And more often than not, that person was you. You're not just my best friend and my brother, but when we were growing up and my dad was either ignoring me or beating me, I looked up to you. There was never a time when I was without a father figure, Kendall, and I have you to thank for that."

Kendall can only stare at Logan when he's finally done. The room is perfectly quiet except for the sound of everyone breathing and the occasional sniff. Kendall seems to be at a complete loss for words. He glances down, studying his shoes intently and at last comes up with, "Really?" in a shaky voice.

"Really," Logan says confidently. "You've all done so much for me, more than you could ever realize."

"We could have done more," Luke mutters under his breath.

"Maybe if you were all psychic and could read my mind," Logan says patiently. "Luke, you did more than your fair share of taking care of me. I remember when the guys stopped by my house with you. . . you acted like it wasn't a big deal, but that wasn't the last time you checked up on me."

Logan watches Kendall glance curiously over at Luke, and he grins. "I'd see your car going past my house every night. You live on the other side of town so I knew you were't just driving by on your way home."

"I knocked on the front door and talked to your dad a few times," Luke confesses. "You were either up in your room studying or at one of the other guys' houses. To tell you the truth, I was always glad when you weren't home. I knew it was better for you that way. I just didn't know how much better."

This isn't going the way Logan had hoped. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Because I never said anything," he stresses for the umpteenth time. "And the. . . abuse. . . it was never terrible. He never hit me repeatedly. Just once, and then he'd realize what he was doing and apologize or sometimes just walk away. I almost never got bruises or anything, and when I did, I could blame it on hockey. It didn't happen so often that people would get suspicious."

"Luke, even though I was stupid and never said anything, I felt safe. Somehow I knew that I was safe, even if you weren't aware of what was gong on. I always had this feeling that if things got really bad, you would be there to help me. Seeing you drive by every night made me feel so safe. And it meant a lot that you cared so much to do that."

"I care about you, Logan," Luke tells him gently. "Sometimes I just wish you made it easier on us though. I can understand what you're saying and everything, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to forgive myself anytime soon. Kendall, James, and Carlos, and you were all boys when this was going on. There's only so much you could have said or done. I was a police officer and-"

"Luke, you weren't the only police officer," Carlos' father cuts in. "And I watched Logan grow up. I saw the man Ryan Mitchell was before his wife died. I know you saw him as a good father, but remember when you first met?"

"He was late picking Logan up," Luke snaps, his nerves fraying at the edges. "I remember. I don't think I could forget. He was late looking for his seven year old son when he was missing in the middle of a storm. That's a first impression that will stay with most people."

"But you've both taken such good care of me," Logan tells them again. "How many times do I have to say that? Even while I was shutting you out of the most important part of my life back then. . . you still took me in. All of you."

He turns to face his adoptive mother and Carlos' father, tears stinging his eyes and making it hard to see them. "Even when my mother died and my dad stopped being a dad. . . I always had parents. You guys. You're everything my mom didn't get to me and my dad didn't want to be. All those nights you insisted I stay at your house. . . all those times you told me I wasn't any any trouble. . . all the love you gave to me. You gave me somewhere to go, a safe havens, even if you didn't realize it. Every time I came over because of my dad you just accepted it and provided a place for me to go where I knew I would be safe."

"Papa," he hates the way his voice trembles. "Kendall hasn't been the only father figure in my life. Watching you with Carlos and all the girls. . . seeing how much you love them. . . and then knowing that for some reason, you love me just as much, it's kept me going. There were days and nights when my dad and I went without saying one word to each other and I'd go to bed feeling completely empty. But all I had to do was think of you."

"You were the first person I knew that I saw right after the accident," Logan absentmindedly traces the scar on his left wrist. "I was so scared that day and I wanted my mom so badly. Then you showed up and it was almost like you were meant to be there because as soon as I heard your voice, I knew everything I was going to be okay." A tear makes it past the barrier and slides down Logan's cheek. "I know my mom was already dead and I know that when I found out, nothing helped me feel better. But when I was surrounded by a bunch of strangers in that ambulance, I felt so alone. And then you were there and you held me and I felt so safe."

"It's always been like that with you. I've had someone to look up to. . . someone who, even now, lets me call him, "Papa" like we all did when we were little. I call you that not just because it reminds me of growing up with you around, but because I really do think of you as my father. You and Kendall and Luke have been men in my life whom I've looked up to. I admire everything that you stand for and everything that you do and. . . everything about you. If I'm ever a father, I hope to be at least half the father that you were to me because that would mean I would be a pretty good dad."

"Logan, look at me," Mr. Garcia says in that strong, powerful voice that Logan has come to love over the years. "You are going to be an amazing father. You're everything your father wasn't. You're strong, kind, selfless, you have such a good heart, even after everything that happened to you. You're going to find a woman fortunate enough to deserve you and you'll have a beautiful family together. All of your kids' friends are going to look at you and wish you could be their father too."

"If that actually happens," Logan says, forcing himself to speak around the growing lump in his throat. "it will be because of you."

Standing up, Logan leaves Kendall's side and walks into his father's arms. They're not related by blood and there are no adoption papers. But blood and writing, Logan has learned, does not define a family. Love does. And he's received nothing but love from Mr. Garcia.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "Thank you for helping me learn how to stand up for myself and for teaching me how to drive. Thanks for being proud of me and supporting me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a father."

"I love you, Logan," he hears Mr. Garcia say. It sounds like he's crying too. "Thank you for being my son."

Logan slowly backs off, wiping at his eyes. Everyone looks like he feels, but he's not done talking yet. He takes a deep breath and walks over to sit at his mother's side. He reaches out and takes her hand. "Mom," he manages to whisper.

"Hi, baby," she whispers back, squeezing his hand.

Logan shuts his eyes briefly. He'd never admit it, not even to her, but he absolutely loves it when she calls him that. It brings back memories of his birth mother comforting him after a nightmare. Every bad thing in the world went away when his mother was there to hold him, and Mrs. Knight has the same effect on him years later.

"I was so scared after my dad died," he begins unsteadily. "I didn't know what was going to happen to me and I didn't want to leave you. I was terrified that they'd take me away from you and I'd never see you again. I should have know you wouldn't have let it happen."

She smiles at him, eyes so full of love that it makes his heart ache. "Not in a million years," she tells him quietly. "I would have fought for you with all I had and even then, if they tried to take you away, I wouldn't have given up. I would have packed you up along with Katie and Kendall and we would leave together. No matter what it took, I was determined to keep you. That day we signed those papers. . . Logan, I felt that kind of joy two other times in my life. When I first held Kendall in my arms and then when I first held Katie."

Logan is at a loss for words. "And here I was supposed to be telling you how much you mean to me," he chokes out. "I don't-"

"Take how much I might mean to you," she tells him. "and then multiply that by the biggest number you can imagine. Even that doesn't come close to how much I love you, Logan."

How can she possibly think she loves him more? Especially when she has given him everything and he can only hope to somehow repay her one day. Logan knows that there's nothing left he can say to her. She's already done it: Everything she's done for him and been to him. . . she's summed it all up. But he can still try to tell her that.

"Mom," he says tearfully. "I don't know if I'll ever understand how much you love me or why. But I do know that you love me and I've come to learn that I don't need to know why. Love isn't something we can ever really understand. We just have to accept it and give as much as we get. You taught me that."

She takes him into her arms and hold him then, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "It means so much to me that I could teach you that, Logan. It's something I want all of children to know."

All her children. Not both meaning Katie and Kendall, but all meaning him too. Logan will never get over the wonderful feeling that hearing her refer to him as one of her own gives him. "I love you," he tells her, letting tears spill down his cheeks.

Of course she's right there to wipe away his tears. "I love you too, Logan. No matter where you go and what you do, I always will. I promise."

"I know," he replies, giving her the best gift she could ask for. No more questioning, no more second guessing or disbelief. He knows she'll always love him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Logan sees Katie watching him, and he reaches out with one hand to pull her into the hug as well. "And you. . . You are the most extraordinary twelve year old girl in the world and I love that you're my little sister."

Katie tries to laugh at him, but it sounds more like a sob. "I love that I'm your little sister too, Logan," she says to him. "But could I possibly give to you?"

Logan shakes his head in amazement. "What haven't you given me?" he asks. "You accepted me into your family with no questions, you love me like Kendall and Kendall an incredible person. You've taken care of me by being someone I could love and protect. Everyone is always taking care of me, and as much as I love it, I want to be like that for someone. Remember when you got sick at school and I came to pick you up?"

Katie nods and smiles. "Mom was at work and Kendall had a captains meeting with your hockey coach. I found out later that you skipped an exam so you could take me home right away. We went home and you tucked me into bed and made me soup."

"And we watched The Lion King until you fell asleep," Logan continues on with a smile. He glances over at Kendall and adds, "Then Kendall came home and made sure I wasn't getting sick too."

"You did get sick," Kendall reminds him with a grin. "and I got to take care of you."

"I know it might sound silly," Logan says apologetically. "But I really do love helping you, Katie. I love taking care of you."

"I love you taking care of me too, Logan," Katie assures him. "You and Kendall are the greatest big brothers ever."

To even be compared to Kendall is the greatest compliment Logan can ever dream of. But he can't let it get to his head. At least not now. He has much more important things to do. He gives Katie a quick kiss and thus her pony tail before turning to Carlos and James.

Carlos tries to smile at him, but his bottom lip trembles and Logan feels his heart crack a little bit. "I think it's the worst thing in the world when you cry," he confesses quietly. "You're like the sun, Carlos, and when you're sad it's like you go hide behind rain clouds and everyone misses you. When I couldn't remember anything. . . you were the one trying to keep everything together. You made me feel okay even though everything was such a disaster. That's how you've always made me feel."

"Carlos, every time I missed my mom or was upset about my dad or anything at all, you always made me feel better. Most of the time, you didn't even realize that I was upset because as soon as you showed up, I'd feel better. You never had to say or do anything. Sometimes you did though. You'd have this perfect timing whenever I didn't want to go home and face my dad. Out of the blue, you'd suggest doing something, going somewhere else, and you'd save me."

"i just want you to be happy, Logan," Carlos looks miserable and it makes Logan feel miserable. The sunshine is going away.

"I am happy, Carlos. Because of my mom and Papa and Luke and Kendall and Katie and James, and you. You make me happy, Carlos." Is he making things worse or better? Logan can't tell for sure.

"Are you really happy?" Carlos asks him, leaning forward and holding his breath as he waits for Logan's reply.

Logan feels guilt start to worm its way through his heart and he tries to squash it. It'd be hypocritical of him to let his guilt keep him from helping everyone. "The only thing I'm not happy about is keeping my secret from you. I was trying not to hurt you, but now I see that you now knowing hurt even worse. But I am happy, Carlos. I'm really happy. I promise. Sometimes I get upset just like everyone else, but other times I feel like the happiest person in the world. And that's all thanks to you and everyone else."

It works. Carlos grins at him and the sun comes back out. "Making people happy makes me happy," he declares in satisfaction. "Especially if they deserve to be happy as much as you do, Logan."

"You're really really good at making people happy, Carlos." Logan assures him. "Just ask anyone in this room." He hugs Carlos back when the younger boy goes to him, but he can't help but feel a small twinge of sadness at the gentle contact. Before the accident, Carlos would have had tackled him to the ground. Now he's afraid of hurting him.

Still, Logan considers, there are worse things than a gentle Carlos. A sad and quiet James for example. He releases Carlos slowly and peers around him to try and get his older friend to look at him. "Jay," he calls softly.

James won't look at him. He's apparently fascinated with the pattern of the rug beneath his feet. But Logan can see that his face is wet with tears that are still falling. Everyone else is fixed or at least in the process of being fixed, but James is still so broken.

"Hey," Logan says, sitting next to him. "Look at me, James." He feels his heart start to break when James finally looks at him and all he can see is the pain and fear of a suffering eight year old boy.

"I'm sorry, Logie," James says, his voice breaking as he starts to cry harder. "I'm so sorry."

Logan doesn't say anything at first. He simply takes James into his arms and lets the taller boy lean into him, soaking his shirt with tears. Fighting back his own tears, Logan holds him tightly and rubs his back soothingly. "There's nothing to be sorry about, James."

He'll always regret keeping his father's abuse from everyone, not only because it had torn everyone up with guilt, but mostly because it was painfully clear now that a small part of James had been scarred for life. To be so young when this was going on and to not understand it, worse yet to have no one to talk to. . . And Logan's confession just brought all of those feelings back and right now, James is nothing more than a scared little boy. James is talking now in between sobs and hiccups, and Logan leans down closer so he can hear his friend, only to feel his heart break even more.

". . . my fault. . . you. . . died. Should have. . . let it. . . never-"

"James!" Logan gives him a gentle shake to get his attention. "I know I've been talking all day long, but bear with me for a little while longer. Just hang in there. For me."

For me. It feels like a cheap shot to Logan, but it works. James falls silent and Logan takes the opportunity right away. "Okay," he breathes. "James, when you were talking about your suspicions and everything that was going through your head when we were younger. . . you would have been right. I would have been mad at you. Furious even. You would have ruined any chance I had at having a relationship with my dad and I would have resented you for it. I honestly don't know what that would have done to our friendship because I was already making some pretty bad choices back then."

"I'd rather lose your friendship and know you were safe," James whispers into his shoulder. "than keep your friendship and lose you to your dad. But I thought I was going to lose everyone. I thought Kendall would hate me and Carlos would be hurt. And now. . . now I don't get why no one hates me."

"Because you didn't do anything wrong, James," Logan says again, feeling frantic at this point. "Listen, you and Kendall have always taken care of me and Carlos. Sure, you've been in the background sometimes, but sometimes that's what we need. Kendall is loud and intimidating and that's fantastic, don't get me wrong. But something you have more than Kendall is the ability to lead steadily. You're there when we need you, you're not forcing your way into a situation. You've always had this strong, quiet presence, James."

"Do you really think I believe that you need as much help with your homework as you make it out to be? What about how we suddenly dropped our tutoring sessions when I was adopted? That's the thing about you, James. You never announced that you were coming to save me and you didn't push past anyone to get to me. You were always just there in your own way. You said that you'd rather lose my friendship than me. . . James, you protected me too well for that to ever happen. You thought I didn't notice, but... I did."

Slowly, but surely, Logan can feel James relaxing in his arms. His breathing slows and begins to even out. He doesn't dare let him go and continues to talk. "Kendall, just so you know, you're perfect with your hardheadedness, don't ever change. I need you to push me sometimes."

James actually laughs softly at that and Logan feels a touch of hope. "So what, do Kendall and I balance each other out?" he asks softly.

"We all do," Logan tells him. "That's what makes us a team. You and James are the protectors, but you need someone to protect. Carlos and I need to be protected. And sometimes. . . sometimes the roles get reversed, but that's great too! We adapt to whatever the others need. That's what makes us such a perfect team."

"I love you, Logan," James whispers. "I promise I'll always be there to protect you as long as you need me."

Logan smiles, glad to see the James he knows and loves coming back to him. He's still not 100% okay. None of them are. But they're starting to heal, and that's the best birthday present he can ask for. "I'll always need you," he says, looking at James, and then around the room. "I'll always need all of you."

A/N. Once again, it's 4:30 am and this has NOT been proofread so I highly doubt it's mistake free. But after the 12 hours this took to write (not 12 straight lol but off and on), I just want to submit it and get started on the penultimate chapter. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Thanks for reading