A/N. Hi, everyone! I wanted to get this up earlier, but last night was a little rough for me in terms of writing, and I accidentally erased the entire first draft of this chapter tonight so I had to start all over. This is incredibly short, but we're wrapping up and I wanted a nice, even number of chapters. The next will be the last. Oh, and quick thanks to Rachel from Tumblr for being the 200th reviewer! Thank you to everyone who has read this, it means a lot.

It feels so wrong.

James tightens the laces on his skates one last time and stands up. As he heads out onto the ice to warm up, he glances over his shoulder at Logan who is still sitting on the bench. The younger boy is dressed in gym shorts and a plain t-shirt. His feet are in sneakers, not skates. He's not playing today.

The doctor cleared him to play again, but the doctors weren't the only hurdle and they weren't even close to the biggest challenge. That title belongs to Kendall. Kendall is absolutely terrified to let Logan on the ice again. The odds of another disastrous accident happening are no greater than usual, but the fact that the odds exist to begin with terrifies Kendall.

To be perfectly honest, it terrifies James too. He's always known that hockey is a dangerous sport. He and his friends have all had their fair share of injuries and they've seen others get hurt as well. But the months where Logan looked at him without recognition in his eyes were the absolute worst. To see their bond just disappear was the most pain he could ever imagine. If something like that ever happened again. . . or worse. . . James wouldn't be able to bear it.

But does that mean that they have to take hockey away from Logan? He doesn't want to play in the NHL like Kendall, but it's still a huge part of his life. It's a huge part of all of their lives. To be on the ice without Logan reminds James of the time he broke his wrist and could hardly use it for several weeks. He didn't function as well then and he highly doubts that the team is going to function as well without Logan with them now.

James skates off to the middle of the rink, looking back at Logan once more. He looks so alone on the bench, studying the clipboard Coach Jordan gave him when he showed up. It took quite a bit of work to convince Kendall that he'd be fine on the other side of the boards, but he's there now and looking completely out of place.

"Diamond! Head in the game!"

Jumping a little, James turns to see his coach watching him. He obviously knows what James is thinking and probably sympathizes with him, but that doesn't mean he's going to let anyone be distracted. Deciding against, reminding Coach that the game isn't actually happening right now, James nods and turns away from Logan and skates off.

Kendall and Carlos are skating close by, and right away James can see that they're talking about Logan. Carlos looks hesitant, but from Kendall's stony expression, James guesses that the younger boy is once again trying to convince him to let Logan play.

"Kendall, you have to stop babying him, he's the same age as you are," James says as he skates up alongside his friends. He draws back at little when Kendall glares at him and adds, "Look, I'm scared he'll get hurt again too. But you do realize that Carlos and I and you could get hurt just as easily. What are we supposed to do, stop playing hockey all together?"

"I just-" Kendall glances over at Logan as they skate by. "I know hockey is a risky sport. But actually seeing him get hurt. . . and it wasn't even something little. It was really bad, guys."

"We know," Carlos says patiently. "We were all there too, remember?" He shivers a little at the memory, but tries to shake it off. "The point is, Kendall, he's better now. He's remembering more and more every day and he's back to mostly his normal self. If you want to point out the biggest change, I think it's a good one. He trusts us more. He doesn't doubt why we love him anymore."

This time, it's James' turn to shiver. He's still not over Logan's confession of how he was abused as a child. He's not ever going to get completely over it. He and Logan have gone back and forth about it long enough so that he has more peace about the situation, but that doesn't mean he's okay with it.

"I don't know," Kendall is saying when James refocuses. "It feels so wrong without him on the ice with us, but-"

"That's because it is wrong," Carlos tells him. "Kendall, the ice is where we met. It's a huge part of us. It's not the same without Logan. We got him back, Kendall, so why are we trying to keep him out of our lives?"

Kendall opens his mouth to answer, but before he can say anything, a whistle blows and their coach is calling them over. He looks at them pleadingly, hoping that the conversation can be dropped. James lets it go for now because Logan is doing his best to stay optimistic and he doesn't want to make him feel worse.

"Okay, so I was doing some research on this team last night," Logan tells them as soon as they reach him. "Their offense is pretty weak, but they have one of the best defenses we've ever seen. Don't underestimate 23 though, he's taken advantage of other teams trying to get past their defense. He's one of the top scorers in the league."

"Is he pretty much the only guy on offense we have to worry about?" Kendall asks, not looking straight at Logan."

"Yeah, he's really fast," Logan informs him, staring hard at Kendall and waiting for him to reply. "I mean, really fast. I saw some clips that someone put up on YouTube and the guy can really fly. You're going to have your work cut out for you if he ever gets the puck."

Kendall plasters a fake smile on his face. "We'll make sure he doesn't get the puck then," he assures Logan while still studying the ice beneath his feet.

Logan rolls his eyes at James as Kendall skates off. "He's avoiding the problem by pretending that there isn't one, I thought that was more your thing. No offense."

"None taken," James says, strangely pleased that Logan is mentioning one of his weaknesses. He's remembering and that makes it okay. "He's still scared, Logan, but it won't last. We'll get you back on the ice."

Logan grins at him, but it's doesn't reach his eyes so it's not real. "I think once you guys lose, he'll be dragging me back out," he jokes.

"You know, you can play whether Kendall wants you to or not," Carlos points out, pretending to adjust his laces so he can drag the time out a little longer.

"I know, I just-" Logan falters and sighs. "I don't think I could do that to him. I'm actually afraid he'd get hurt because he would be so distracted by making sure I'm okay. We'd probably be in worse shape than we are now."

"But it's not fair-" The whistle blows, interrupting James' protest. He sighs and looks back at Logan who gives them a sad smile. "We'll figure this out, Logie. Just remember that it's your decision and it's not just about Kendall. No matter how much you admire him, he's still wrong this time."

He and Carlos skate to the center of the rink where Kendall is already waiting. Looking at his older friend, James can see that there's no way he can be mad at him. He can see that this problem is tearing Kendall apart. He looks from Kendall on the ice to Logan all the way over on the bench and sends up a quick prayer that they actually lose. Maybe that'll help Kendall see how wrong things are.

"I've never been so embarrassed in all my life," James groans as he pulls off his skates and tosses them into the corner of the locker room. "That had to have been the worst game we've ever played in our entire lives."

Kendall doesn't say anything as he follows James' example of stripping his gear and exchanging it for street clothes. He's been unusually quiet all day, even during the game. It's like he's waiting for someone to try and bring up the subject of Logan playing again.

Logan glances over at the two boys from where he's trying to undo one of the tightly knotted laces on Carlos' left skate. "They were all over you," he commented lightly. "That guy, was his name Matt? He scored four goals on you. A hat trick, plus one."

"I know, Logan," Kendall sighs. "I was there, remember?"

"Were you? I mean, I saw you, but you looked like you were in another world, Kendall. You weren't even half the hockey player that everyone knows about."

Kendall yanks off his skate and throws it into the corner, making everyone jump. "I'm sorry, Logan!" he shouts. "I'm sorry I'm too scared to let you play and I'm sorry we sucked so much. I'm sorry we lost and that it was my fault because you weren't with us. Logan, I don't know what else to do though! Every time I think about you playing again, all I can think of is what happened to you. How we almost lost you."

"Kendall, you can't protect me from everything," Logan says, giving Carlos' laces a final tug. "We could be in a head on collision on the way home from the rink today. I could choke on my food at dinner. Some lunatic could shoot up the school-"

"Stop," Kendall protests as Carlos covers his ears. "Logan-

"I could get cancer or wind up addicted to drugs. I could get kidnapped or trip on my way down the stairs and fall. I-"

"Shut up!" Kendall stands up and throws his skate across the room where it dents the locker there. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"I'm sorry, but do you realize that you can't protect me from everyone and everything? You can't protect anyone from everything. Things are going to happen and some of those things are going to be bad. You can't stop them, Kendall."

"Stop," Kendall croaks out.

James exchanges nervous glances with Carlos and reaches out to touch Logan on the shoulder. "Logie," he says gently. "Maybe you should stop."

But Logan already knows that. He stops talking and moves cautiously to Kendall's side. "Kendall," he whispers. "I'm sorry, bro."

Kendall is fighting back tears and the smile he tries to give Logan isn't even close to convincing. "It's okay," he sniffs, wiping at his eyes.

"No. No, it's not okay, Kendall. I shouldn't have said any of that. It was really wrong and I'm so sorry." Logan is shaking as he touches Kendall's shoulder. "I won't play hockey again if you really don't want me to," he says, catching James and Carlos off guard. "I-"

"Logan!" James hisses. "Don't even think about-"

He stops when Logan turns to look at him, shaking his head. Backing off, he swallows hard and looks back at Carlos. Is this really it? Has the team really lost Logan? It's blasphemy to even think so, but James can't really see any other way this situation will take them. Unless. . .

"Kendall, maybe you should talk to someone about this."

The words are out of his mouth before he can think twice. James immediately wishes he could take them back and starts to inwardly kick himself for crossing the line. "I mean," he stammers, trying to fix it. "I just think that asking Logan to stop playing hockey is. . . too much. Because he was right in a way. Bad things happen that are out of our control. But does that mean we have to sit inside a padded room day after day?"

Kendall, surprisingly, hasn't snapped at him. He's clearly still shaken up by Logan's rant. "N-no," he says in a shaky voice. "I know that. But it's just. . ." he sighs. "I've always known that no matter how hard I try, I can't protect you guys from everything. But that doesn't mean that I try. And when I fail, it just makes me think of how. . . easy it is for bad things to happen. And it scares me."

"Logan, every time I imagine you getting on the ice again, I see you falling and not getting up. I hear you asking me who I am. I don't feel that connection we've always had. We weren't four best friends anymore, Logan. We were three. Three and someone who had no idea who we were after eleven years of friendship. And it killed me. It hurt so much to see you like that and don't want it to ever happen again."

Logan rubs Kendall's back as he cries, avoiding James and Carlos' stares. "It won't happen again, Kendall," he says quietly. "If it makes you happy, then I won't ever skate again. I promise."

A/N. Well. I liked Logan's -rant- Also, I'm stretching the angst out for as long as possible as usual. I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you very much for reading. I hope to update very soon, but in the meantime, enjoy your week!