My High School Debut is Wrong as I Expected
Broken legs suck.
It's so obvious it doesn't even need mentioning, but as I, Hachiman Hikigaya, limped alone past the gates of Sobu High school for the first time, the thought repeated in my mind like a record.
Today was my first day at this school. A special occasion that would only ever happen once. Arguably one of the most important days I'd yet lived, and the day that would set the tone for the next three years of my life and beyond.
Today was my first day. For everyone else here, it was their seventeenth.
Broken legs suck.
Gingerly navigating past the throngs of students mingling and chatting in the halls, I stumbled my way towards the school office, as directed by the letter I'd received in hospital while recovering. Finally making it, it rapped one of my crutches against the door.
After a few moments, the door opened inwards, revealing an attractive looking woman in the labcoat with black hair and purple eyes. The spark of annoyance in her eyes softened slightly as she looked down at me.
"Ah, you must be Hikigaya." she said. "It's good to meet you at last. I'm Shizuka Hiratsuka. I'll be your homeroom teacher for this year, as well as teaching Modern Japanese."
I bowed as best as I was able given the situation. "It's nice to meet you sensei." I said, keeping a neutral tone. "I'm looking forward to learning from you."
She gave me a soft smile, before directing me down the hall I'd come from. "Come on, lets get you introduced to the rest of your class."
Ah yes, introductions. If this had been the first day, I imagine most of the morning would've been spent on them. It was a new environment for everyone after all. Everyone would be nervous, but by introducing themselves well they'd start laying the groundwork for their new lives here.
I guess it would just be me today though.
Eventually Hiratsuka-sensei stopped outside a door. The sign above read 1-C.
"Wait here for a moment, Hikigaya. I'll have a few words with the class, then you can come in."
I nodded wordlessly. She smiled at me again before opening the door and stepping through. Inside, I could hear muffled voices quieten down as Hiratsuka addressed the class.
A bead of sweat ran down my forehead as I considered what I was going to say for what must have been the thousandth time over the last few month. To my rising horror though, the words just wouldn't stick.
Maybe I should try... no that would sound stupid...
My last minute panic was interrupted as a voice broke past the door "Ok, Hikigaya, you can come in now!"
Taking a breath, I desperately tried to psych myself up as I stepped into the class.
Oppressive silence greeted me on the other side, as I limped in front of the board at the front of the class. At first I thought it was everyone's attention on me, but as I took a moment to glance over the class a cold feeling washed over me.
They're not looking at me.
Oh, they were looking in my direction. But it was immediately apparent that the vast majority of the classes attention was elsewhere, even as I stood in front of them all for the first time. A couple of students at least had the decency to pretend they were paying attention, but it was obvious they were just waiting for me to finish so they could get back to their conversation.
The realisation flushed the words I'd planned to say from my mind. Dammit, now I'd have to improvise too.
I cleared my throat. "Ahem, uh, hello. My name's Hachiman Hikigaya. I went to Tsubakimori Junior High, a few miles from here."
I see you on your phone back there, blondie...
"Ah, I didn't really go to any clubs before, but I'm hoping to join one soon and make lots of memories."
Oi, tall kid with the trenchcoat. What are you writing there that's so important...
"Uh, I missed the first few weeks of school because of an injury." I raised my trouser leg up slightly, showing off the plain, undecorated cast keeping my shin locked in place. That got a few curious glances, but most of the class had already stopped listening.
"I'll be in your care..." I trailed off.
Damnit, that was pathetic. I felt pathetic. But as I stood at the front of the class I couldn't bring myself to say any more. To try and recover. What would be the point?
It was just as I'd feared. In the three short weeks I had been hospitalised the packs had already been established. Cliques had formed. Friendships started. I'd expected as much - it was natural for strangers to sort themselves into nice little boxes. Instinctual even. But now it was over and it would be an uphill battle to fit anyone else in.
And so I was left in limbo. An outsider. Again...
I glanced to the side, catching the sympathetic look from Hiratsuka-sensei. Or was it pity? Clearly she'd picked up on the situation just as I had, but there was little she could do.
"Ok, Hikkigaya-san," she spoke "why don't you take the empty desk on the second row there?"
I nodded and limped over to my place, tempted to let my head fall to the wooden surface as Hiratsuka-sensei began to go through the morning announcements.
It was all that damn dog's fault! No, its owner, whoever that was... or that old driver, maybe? Argh, it hardly mattered anymore. My opportunity had passed.
Broken legs sucked...
It wasn't fair, I thought. What had it all been for? I'd studied so hard to get into Sobu High, working harder than I ever had before. All so I could leave them behind and reset my life. The bastards who saw me as nothing more than an errand boy. The bitches who dared one another to ask me out as punishment for their silly games. The girl who let me hope because she was too nice to make things clear...
I wondered what Kaori would say if she saw this. "Hilarious" probably... I had gotten exactly what I wished for. They were all gone. Only, that had never been the full plan, had it?
To replace the shitty relationships I'd cut out, I'd intended to use the first few days of school to carve my own little spot like everyone else. Even for a born loner like me, there was no better chance than while everyone was still feeling things out. So long as I could avoid the popular types who had made my life hell back in middle school, surely I could find a few decent people to form a group with. Maybe even a girl if I was lucky! But as I'd scanned over the class and seen everyone absorbed in their cliques, it didn't look like there was any hope of that any more.
I let out a soft sigh. Would I be left on the sidelines again until I graduate?
"And that's all I have for today." Hiratsuka finished, making her way to the door. "You have a few minutes before your first class, so feel free to have a chat and make Hikigaya feel welcome."
With one last glance at the class, she left for whatever duties she had outside. I dared to glance at my classmates, but as expected her request fell on deaf ears as they immediately began talking amongst themselves. Not knowing what else to do, I just listened for a while trying to familiarise myself with this new environment.
Three nerdy-looking boys were sat around the desk to my left were talking about some film I'd never heard of. Trenchcoat was still scribbling away. Some riajuus had moved to the window around the blonde girl with the phone, and were talking about a cafe they'd been to visit the weekend before. Someone was gossiping about a romance in one of the other classes.
Seriously, people are pairing up after only three weeks?!
The volume was growing steadily louder as people spoke over one another, and it became difficult to make out any more. The hopelessness I'd felt since I first opened my mouth was only growing by the second. But even now, maybe there was some way to break through to someone? Some conversation I could contribute to, or some topic I could use as a springboard to ingratiate myself with my peers.
Nothing came to mind. Not for the first time, I wished I'd put some of the time and money spent on manga into sports, or pop-culture, or anything that might help me here.
Perhaps once classes started, an opportunity would show up. We had PE later on right? I wasn't exactly athletic but I wasn't hopeless either - maybe I'd be partnered with someone who could introduce me to their group or something.
My encased leg itched under the plaster. Oh... another chance gone.
Is that it then? Is it hopeless...
Something poked into my shoulder.
"Excuse me, Hikigaya right?" a voice asked.
I startled in my chair. A saviour?! A spark of hope ignited, but swiftly being replaced with confusion as the owner, a blonde boy with clear skin and an athletic build leant against my desk. One of the riajuus from that big group? Along with that phone chick he was one of the big players from the brief look I'd gotten.
They'd looked way, way above my measly station, and to be honest I hadn't even entertained the notion they knew I existed. I don't think this guy had even been looking at me when I was at the front.
Oi, not that I'm complaining, but why are you talking to me?
"Uh, yes, that's me." I tried to smile, but couldn't tell how it came across. "Nice to meet you..." I trailed off in a silent question.
"Ah, sorry. Sorry! I'm Hayato Hayama." He introduced himself with an easy smile. I was sure it looked a lot better than my attempt. "Just wanted to welcome you to the class. Must feel a bit weird to be the only new guy, right?"
He paused briefly and looked over my shoulder. "Hey, Yui-chan? Aren't you gonna introduce yourself too?" Oh, there was someone else?
"Ah oh, um, yeah! I mean, duh!" a girls voice chirped from behind.
"Well, come on then!" he chuckled, yanking the owner towards us
"Ha-Hayato!" she whined, stumbling slightly. Recovering, she straightened and our eyes met. "Um... uhh..."
I tried to hide my gulp, taking in the view before me. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a small bun, leaving just enough loose to frame her brown eyes. Suddenly they darted away, a deep blush tinting her cheeks. It struck me instantly that, more than any girl I'd ever met before, this girl was 100%, totally, incredibly... nervous?
Ok, one more surprise on the pile. I didn't think riajuus like her could get nervous. Was she expecting something bad from me? Wait, this couldn't be anything I had done, right? I mean, I just got here!
"Y-yo, Hikigaya-kun." she finally managed, "I'm Yui Yuigahama. You um... you looked like you wanted someone to talk to you, so we thought we'd say hi!" As she spoke her voice grew chirpier for a moment, before sinking again to barely more than a nervous whisper. "I uh... hope we can be friends?"
I took a moment to respond, trying to make sense of what was happening.
No matter which way I looked at it, these were clearly some of the popular kids. They had a big group already, it didn't feel natural that they'd come over to talk to me. So there must be some motive for this! There always was.
Quickly a narrative began to emerge in my mind. No one from a group like that would reach out like this without out of charity, so... a trap? Were they looking to set me up as an errand boy maybe? Or class punching bag?
That easy smile of his? A mask, offering a fake connections that would be used to yank me like a puppet. Her shrinking violet persona? It must be an act. A facade she'd use to get my interest, and then before I knew it I'd be waiting on her, hand and foot.
I mean, really? A girl like Yuigahama wanted to be my friend? Mentally, I scoffed. A year ago a less experienced Hachiman might have thought that offer was genuine, but I'd long surpassed that idiot.
I refuse. Not again. Being alone was bad enough, but desperate as I was there was no way I could go through that again. Polite dismissal was best then.
"Thanks, but-"
"Come on, I'll introduce you to some of the others." the blonde boy interrupted, turning away and making his way back over to his group. I sat frozen in my chair for a moment, mentally scrambling to find the best move.
Sneaky bastards. By reaching out like that and walking off they'd put me on the spot. I'd have to go over if I didn't want to be seen as some arrogant brat who thought he was too good for everyone else. They were basically trapping me with the raw power of societal convention!
Bracing myself, I struggled from my desk and limped after Hayama to the other students. It struck me just how big of a group it already was - not including Hayama there were three boys and three girls perched on a several of desks. As we approached, a delinquent-looking boy with dyed-brown hair noticed and spoke up.
"Hey Hayato. Thought you were getting us all drinks, bro?"
First-name basis already. Damn riajuus work quick!
Hayama rubbed the back of his head "Sorry, Tobe. We were just introducing ourselves to the the new guy. I'll grab some in a second."
"Oh, sweet, sweet!" Tobe said, looking at me now. "Great to meet you, Hikitani-kun! I'm Kakeru Tobe." He grinned with a quick wave.
"It's nice to... wait what did you just ca-"
"I'm Ooka. Morning." a short boy with brown eyes interrupted, oblivious to the glare I was directing at Tobe. My eyes crossed to him and were almost blinded by a shark grin reflecting the sunlight from the window.
"Tha-"
"I'm Yamato." a taller boy butted in. Seriously, do none of these guys know how to let anyone else speak?
...
Uhhh, you going to add anything to that Yamato? First name perhaps? How about you, Ooka? No? Ok then, my turn I guess...
"It's nice to meet you all. Hachiman Hikigaya. I hope we can be friends." I bowed slightly. Ok pleasantries out of the way, it was time to extract myself from this situation before I was forced into something I didn't want. At first glance they might seem harmless, but the past few years had taught me just how dangerous a group like this could be.
As I turned to Hayama to make some excuse though, Tobe spoke again.
"Beeh Hikitani, what's with that formal crap. You're gonna make me feel like an old man" he jeered. I couldn't quite tell if he was genuinely annoyed or not. "Right, Ebina-chan?"
More?! I'm already struggling to keep track. Keep your damn groups smaller! Didn't class start soon anyway?
Hearing her name, a brown haired girl in glasses jumped up. "Eh? Oh yeah, that sounded really old fashioned." she giggled. "But I kinda like it? Hi Hikitani, I'm Hina Ebina! Welcome to our little club!" Wow, she seems pretty nice. Maybe I should...
Nope I thought, even as I awkwardly smiled back at her. Nice try though, but I see you smirking. I was right, there's definitely some trap here...
"Hmmm... I don't know? The dead-fish look's a bit scary, but that contrast makes you perfect for the Haya-ow!"
"Ebina, don't be weird" phone girl cut in. She lightly cuffed the back of Ebina's head. Sighing, she turned to me.
Damn, she's stunning. But what's that look she's giving me? Like I'm something on her shoe? Scary!
Unconsciously I straightened up, not wanting to give her any more reason to get mad than my existence apparently already did. It felt like my life was being drained by her not-quite-glare. After a moment though, she just sighed, reaching to brush back her blonde... drills? I wondered briefly how long she spent styling them each day.
"Like, sorry about her. I'm Yumiko Miura. She's kinda right about the fish thing though" Apparently seeing no need to to say anything more to an insect, she turned to Hayama. "If you need help carrying back the drinks Hayato, I can come help." she smiled prettily.
Hey, what's with that sudden shift? Don't tell me that... oh, that makes sense.
Of course the two hot blondes wanted each other.
"Ah, uh, thanks Yumiko, but I think I can manage. Anyway, you know you can call me Hayato right?" he said, causing the blonde girl to blush slightly.
It looked like that was everyone. Now that I'd said the bare minimum politeness required, I could finally slip away before they sunk their claws in too deep for me to escape. I was about to leave Hayama clapped me on the shoulder.
"Eh, Hikitani," he began.
Huh, why'd you stop using my name, you bastard!
"We're gonna get some drinks from the vending machine. Would you-"
A loud buzzing from the bell interrupted whatever he was going to say. Just in time I thought. Sounded like I'd been right about being forced to pay for their 'charity', but the God of Highschool had finally cut me a break. Apologising quickly I scampered my way back to my desk before he could finish, happy to have finally escaped that situation with my dignity and non-existent reputation somewhat intact.
Unfortunately, while I had escaped the worst case scenario, as classes began I was no closer to finding a safe group to join. If things didn't turn around fast, this high-school life of mine would surely turn into a repeat of the last few years. Just the thought of that made my fists clench, as tears threatened to form in my eyes.
No, never again...
I'd have to find some other way. Surely there were still people like me around? Involuntary loners whose circumstances kept them out of the loop. Maybe in other classes. Or maybe I could join some club? Had recruitment already started? Or finished even? I needed more information.
Classes for my first day were... stressful. I hadn't realised just how far missing three weeks of work would put me behind, and spent most of the first day desperately floundering to catch up. I mostly managed to keep up with Modern Japanese and Literature, but I hadn't counted on how much trouble Chemistry and Maths would be. The teacher was going over topics I'd never even heard of, and spared almost no time to bring me up to speed. I'd need to find some way to catch up later or I'd be behind all year...
Fortunately Hayama's clique seemed to leave me alone while we were in lessons, though I wasn't sure if they'd given up or just didn't want to risk rousing the teacher's wrath so soon in the year. Still, it only convinced me more that their offer of friendship was just an act.
Lunch was just as bad. We had to cross half the school to reach the cafeteria, and as I was still getting used to my crutches it took me ages just to get there. By the time I arrived the place was packed. The tables were all full, and the queue was so long I honestly didn't think I'd get to eat anything before the bell. In the end I just limped away to the vending machines for a snack and MAX Coffee. The only upside was I eventually found a great spot on the steps outside where I could eat in peace.
Our last lesson of the day was PE, which as you might expect was a total write-off. Worse even, since despite me not even joining in that delinquent Tobe had managed to smash a ball past Hayama and out of the field, only for it to smack right into my cast. Even with the plaster holding it in place, that had hurt. At least he looked sorry about it, even if I couldn't tell how genuine his apology was.
And so I limped out of my first day at Sobu High school just as I'd began. In pain, miserable and alone.
A few streets down, I waited on a train station bench for my ride home. Mentally I recounted the days events, racking my brain as I tried to find any opportunity to force my way in. But there was nothing.
My thoughts turned dark. I considered what would happen if I allowed myself to fall for Hayama's scheme, and imagine they were my friends. It wouldn't be real. They'd squeeze everything they could out of me and toss me away like so much trash, but maybe even fake friendships were better than none at all?
Twenty minutes until the next train. I miss my bike...
"Ah, Hikigaya?!" a surprised voice interrupted my thoughts. Looking up, a pair of brown eyes caught my gaze. "You're waiting here too?"
For the second time that day this girl surprised me. From how Yuigahama acted that morning I figured she'd want nothing to do with me, yet it was definitely her in front of me. Stranger still, I couldn't immediately think of any reason why. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts I wouldn't have even known she was there, yet she went out of my way to greet me. My mind desperately tried to make sense of it.
Oh, she was probably expecting me to reply, wasn't she?
"H-hi Yuigahama." I said. Guess it was my turn to awkwardly stutter a greeting. "Yeah, I'm catching the next train."
"Oh, that makes sense. I still have to wait a bit longer." She nodded, slinging her bag off her shoulder.
Of course it makes sense, airhead, why else would I be in a train station! And why are you sitting down?! Too close!
"Guess you can't exactly ride home when you're... like..." she trailed off, looking at my busted leg.
I scooted away slightly. "Yeah, guess not." Wait a moment. "Uh, Yuigahama, how did you know I normally ride a bike?"
Her eyes widened. "Huh?! Oh, um, well..." she paused for a moment, "so I just thought... you looked in shape! And you totally said you don't live super close by this morning so..."
Oi oi, stop looking embarrassed. It's making me feel embarrassed too!
Neither of us said anything for a few moments. My brain was still working in overdrive trying to work out what Yuigahama wanted from me. Finally, she broke the silence. "Uh, Hikigaya, where were you at lunch today?"
"Nowhere really. Should I have been somewhere?"
Somehow I'd annoyed her. "So, you were just by yourself?" she pouted. "We were looking for you in the cafeteria, but we didn't see you anywhere. Hayato was saying we should invite you over."
Ah, so it was Hayama's idea? I guess he hadn't given up on his capture plan so easily. This topic was dangerous territory then.
"Well... thanks for that I guess. But I still ate, so it's fine."
We fell back into silence. She wasn't looking at me anymore, instead staring ahead onto the tracks. Probably wondering why she'd even bothered talking to me, or maybe Hayama had filled her in on his plan and she was thinking of some way to ensnare me. My gaze went to the timetable, wishing the seconds would tick faster. If she did invite me
"I... I don't think it is..." she eventually said, putting an end to my hopes of escape.
Here it comes. I turned back to her, but she was still looking at the tracks. She took a breath as if gathering her courage, though I was sure she was just plotting the best words to force me into a corner.
"I mean, you were totally on your own all day? I...uh well and Hayato I mean, we saw a few times you went to speak to people, but you didn't, did you? You were all alone." I clenched my fists at the reminder. She laughed lightly. "Honestly, you looked kinda creepy just watching Aoba like that."
I tried to think of some retort, but then she turned to me. "Hayato brought you over for a reason though." she said. "Why didn't you look for us?"
So she was being open about it then? I'd expected her to be more subtle, but she'd as good as confirmed my fears about Hayama having an ulterior motive. And with that last straw, the weight of that shitty day finally broke me down.
"Stop pretending you care."
As I uttered those words, I knew I was making a mistake. But after three weeks of frustration, I was done. My highschool life was already screwed. What did it matter if I was too honest now?
"You think I haven't seen your type before? Some stuck up bitch, looking down at all of us like playthings? Tsch..." Grabbing my crutches, I forced myself up. "I don't know what you or Hayama want from me, but I'm not gonna get dragged into hell again just because a cute girl pretends she gives a shit. Find another servant."
"Eh?! Bitch? Cute?" the shocked girls face turned red, whether in embarrassment or anger I wasn't sure. She shook her head vigorously. "No, no, Hikigaya, that wasn't wasn't what I... what we..."
She couldn't finish. Figures. I turned away, ready to walk to the other side of the platform. There was nothing more to say.
"Wait!" A warm hand grasped my arm, tugging me with far more force than I expected.
"Woa-woah!" I'm sure I'd have kept my balance were it not for my injury, but unbalanced as I was I only barely able to keep standing as I was pulled backwards. "What are you do-" my angry response cut off suddenly.
Close! Warm! Touching!
In her haste to grab me Yuigahama had wrapped herself around my arm, which suddenly refused to obey me and was locked in place. Bad arm! Stop enjoying this!
"We didn't want anything from you, Hikigaya! That's not what I meant at all!" Oh, it looked like I'd actually pissed her off. Those eyes promised death if I tried to pull away now, not that I could. Seeing I wasn't escaping she reached into her bag. Retrieving a metal cylinder, she forcefully pushed it into my hand.
I scoffed. "Are you really trying to bribe me?" I asked, raising the can up to get a better look. Probably some shitty riajuu drink that...
Oh...
The striking contrast of the black text on yellow background. MAX coffee?
"How did you...?"
"Guess it was your favourite?" she finished my question. "When I went to see y-" she cut herself off with an awkward laugh. "Uh actually, it's a secret!"
"A secret that you guys saw what I grabbed from the vending machines?"
"Yeah, yeah! That's uh, definitely it. Heh heh..." I just stared down at her, deadpan. "I meant to give it to you earlier when we saw you at lunch! But, well, you didn't show up. Sooo..." A moment later, she finally felt my arm and recoiled backwards, cheeks flushed. "Ah, creepy! Gross! Pervert!"
"Wait, you grabbed me! Take it back!" I pulled my hands back in surrender, desperately pulling away in case any other commuters looking. Thankfully the station was almost deserted and the few people around were absorbed in conversation or on their phones. I breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to her.
Seriously, this girl... I looked again at the drink she'd handed me. As bribes went, it was pretty pathetic. Surely she knew that? So what did she hope it would accomplish?
But she'd picked this up specifically for me. That wasn't normal. Back in middle school, boys had been thrilled no matter how little thought girls put into their gifts. Any attention at all would leave them giddy, and most of the girls knew how to exploit that. Source, me. I considered myself immune to such tactics now, but this wasn't quite the same.
She, or at least her friends, had been paying attention, if just for the day. Enough to know who I'd been trying to speak to before. Enough to know my favourite drink. Even if it was just a coffee, I was surprised anyone would notice that in just the one day. It planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Still thinking, I reached for the tab.
CRACK
As expected, the coffee was lukewarm.I sighed again, having calmed down a little, and thought for a moment. Despite myself I found I regretted my outburst.
That was too much, wasn't it?
"Sorry..." I muttered. In the distance I could finally see the train approaching. "That was pretty shitty of me, I guess."
"Yeah, kinda." she agreed, but then she waved her hands "It's fine though! You've obviously been stressed out like real bad, right?" The train was getting closer. Yuigahama stared down at her feet, apparently recognising we were running out of time. "I'll forgive you, just don't avoid us tomorrow?"
Unspoken, I was sure she was saying, 'If you do, we'll make your life hell."
My thoughts were interrupted again as the train finally pulled into the station, and in that brief moment of distraction the seed of doubt spoke up 'Or maybe not. Maybe there's nothing between the lines this time.'
Before I could stop myself, I nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, Yuigahama-san. And... I'll see you guys at lunch."
Turning away before I could see her reaction, I stepped onto the train. Sitting on the first free seat with room to store my crutches, I settled in for the short trip back. All at once, it hit me. I was exhausted.
But no matter how tired my muscles felt on the train, as I limped into my apartment or as I lay on my futon that night, my mind refused to settle, unable to decide if I was making a terrible mistake.