Chapter 4 : Bleeding hearts.

Dear Damon,

I don't know how to say what I am about to say. Please do not hate me, I already hate myself enough right now. I am leaving now but I think my soul had already left a long time ago. It has been too long since I have felt the joy of being myself… Of being the Elena you fell in love with. And I have been miserable for a while and this, this is not fair for either of us and even more, this is not fair at all for the two miracles we have created. I love our children too much to put them through the pain of having a mother who does not even know where her heart went.

I am not leaving forever. We have grown apart little by little and I don't even know how. We used to be that couple that had every people jealous. We used to be Damon and Elena. Where are we now Damon? I barely remember the feeling of being in your arms, of falling asleep in the safety of your embrace. I can't even remember the tingles I used to have every time I would hear the roaring of your car coming back home… coming back to me.

We used to be such a beautiful and complete family. Where did that go? I used to believe that it would last forever, that I would always be the one to put a smile on your face and the glow on our kids' life. Today, I know I have failed. I have failed in loving you, but worse, I have fail in loving myself, making it impossible for me to love and cherish our children the way I wished I had.

When I married you 10 years ago in that church in our hometown, I remember walking down the aisle fearless, happy and without a doubt because I knew I was walking down to the man I would love forever. Things have not change for the last part Damon. I still love you amidst all the chaos and misunderstandings and uncertainties in our life, I still love you. I know I will always love you. I think that loving you is the only stable thing I still have in my life right now.
But I cannot lie to myself or to you anymore. I am lonely and afraid and full of doubt. Every night you came in late, I fell asleep afraid you might be in someone else's arm. I have tried to be the perfect wife to the man you have become and by doing so, I have lost myself into a life so different from what we both had dreamed of when we got married.

I know I have said it already but I need to say it again, DON'T HATE ME DAMON. I can survive many things but you hating me is an idea I know I will not be able to handle.
I needed to leave our house, because it's been too long I have not felt safe and at home there anymore.
Tell Sophia and William that I love them, they are my sunshines and my light in the dark alley my life has become. I will always love them and I am not abandoning them or you Damon.

We both need to be apart for a while and I am sure that deep down you know it. We have not been our true self for two long. We've lied to each other and pretended all was fine while, truthfully, everything was falling apart around us.

Damon, I will not ask you to take care of our kids because I know the great dad you used to be to them and that you still are, even in your own way. I know you love them and that you will shield them from any harm as much as you can.

Somewhere inside, I know the man I fell in love with, the man I gave my life to, the man I build a family with is still here. I know my Damon is still here. I just hope that the Elena you love is still alive somewhere and that I find her again. We need to work on ourselves. You need to be yourself again and I need to find myself again.
We used to say that our home was in each other's heart… It seems we've lost our way home for a while now.
Many people would just walk away without looking back but you are right. Divorce is not the right thing because none of us really want it.
I know I am unhappy with the way our life has turned out to be but I am not going down without a fight. And for that, I need to find me again and become the woman you love. I just hope with all the strength I have in me, that the day I find myself back, I find the man I married too.

But remember Damon, you used to say, "The Way Back Home is Always long…"

I love you now, I'll love you still tomorrow and the day after that.

Yours always and forever,

Elena G. Salvatore.

By the time, Damon had finished reading Elena's words, he could not hold back anymore. He let the tears spilled until he had no more left.

Damon could not believe that Elena, his Elena had actually walked away from them all. She left, he thought. He was hurting like never before.

Despair filled him when he thought about his two children that were soon going to be back from school. How am I going to tell them that their mother left and that she is not coming back anytime soon? Even worse, how do I tell them that I am the one who drove her away? , he wondered.