Chapter 9 – I will come back…Just not yet
Her fingers were trembling all the while fidgeting with the phone. Just as the past four weeks, she had sat on that hotel bed undecided on whether to call or not.
It would have been a lie to say that she did not miss them. She did. She missed her children – their laughs, their pouting, their unstopping blabbering about all and nothing. But what was harder to admit for her was that she missed him. She missed all of him – his smirks, his arms, his unnerving innuendos – She did not even understand why she felt how she felt. Damon and she had not had any close contact way before she left; actually, the very reason of her leaving was because she could not take all of that anymore. Then why was she feeling that way?
She hesitated. She wanted to hear them, talk to them, tell them she loved them, and tell him she still loved him. But she knew that Damon would not understand and would require her to come back immediately. Her fear of him was as strong as her love for him. She could not go back, not now, not yet. She felt that if she went back, she would lose herself completely and would be beyond saving.
She needed to find herself again, to be the woman she used to be and whom she loved to be. Not that she hated motherhood – hell she would kill for her kids – but she just needed to break away. They did not deserve a mother who was just a ghost to herself. She just hoped that they would one day understand and would forgive her.
She had to explain them, to hear them; she needed them to know she still loved them. She needed to know they were okay. She had to tell them she was not gone forever…She was coming back… But not yet.
She pushed "call" and was paralyzed when she heard his deep voice at the other end. She could not speak.
"Hello? … Hello?" She heard him lose patience. He was never able to keep his calm too long she recalled.
"Damon, it's me."
A/N I know this is short but I have a good reason. I want the conversation to be as genuine as possible so I am still working on it ;) Promise, I won't take too much time. ;)