Salve! I just wanted to say thank you to all those who reviewed! I got ten! That is like the most I have ever gotten on a chapter before so THANK YOU! It really means a lot to me! I hope you keep reading, reviewing, and, most importantly, enjoying!

Also, pretty much everything I know about the military could fill up an index card...one side. I'm learning as much as I can from a friend but if something is wrong, either point it out to me or just shake your head at me and call me a moron, and hopefully keep reading! :) Okay, I'm shutting up now - enjoy!

02) Going To Her

After four years of being screamed at, learning the countless drills and techniques of the military, seeing the horrors and pains that he experienced, Finn Hudson was going to her.

The bus bounced and hopped against the unruly streets of Lima, Ohio; the ride silent as he was the only one remaining upon it. He was still dressed in his usual military garb, the clothes a familiar presence he acquired over the years. Even though there were times, like now as he watched - noticing everything - his hometown pass by, that he just wished to throw it all off and return to pair of comfortable jeans and a grey and blue sweatshirt that fit him perfectly. But he couldn't, the uniform the only thing that held him together.

Screams. Blood. Tears. The pain.

Finn shook his head, fighting away the nightmares that plagued him even in the middle of the day while he was awake. He didn't need to think of that, especially since the one thing that he held onto for four years, the one thing that kept him alive, was so close. A grin managed to grace his face for the first time that day.

Rachel Berry.

The very thought of her, the beautiful face, the small body, the bright eyes, the luscious lips - it made him feel uncomfortably warm, though he didn't even fidget to make himself more reasonable. The strict orders of the military were engraved into him more than he thought possible, his posture straight and formal even in the old, faded seats of the bus. But he payed it no mind, his thoughts returning to the person that kept him sane.

He wanted to see her again so much, his body was aching with the restrained temptation not to burst out of the bus and go find her. Her voice, sweet and loving, echoed in his head but he craved to hear it aloud again. To run his large hands down her back and feel her body against his, to taste the sweetness of her lips and softness against his mouth. To hold her hand in his, brushing a large thumb against the back of her dainty hand, and feeling the connection that was between them ever since they first kissed in that drab school auditorium.

God, he just wanted to be with her again.

Tonight, he told himself firmly, trying to appease the swirling anxiety that tore at his stomach. Tonight will be the night that everything is returned to normal. The nightmares would stop, the loneliness that sometimes crushed his heart at night and made breathing difficult would appease itself, the wait would finally be over.

It almost made him seem that everything was worth it.

Almost.

The bus stopped in front of Finn's parents' house, nodding his head respectfully to the driver for going out of his way. He was returned with a slight incline of the man's hat and a slight salute, the gesture falling awkwardly upon the young man. It was made out of respect but Finn wasn't sure why. Learning to kill, learning to take orders no matter the issue, learning to handle the brutality and horror that he never knew was possible, learning -

Finn realized he had stopped in the middle of the steps to the street below, staring at the pavement transfixed as memories rushed upon him.

"You okay, son?" The bus driver asked, leaning over at him. There was only concern in his eyes and a knowing look, as if he had seen the same many times. Finn could only look at him, nod his head jerkily, and walk purposefully off the bus. With his bag held firmly in hand, he allowed the vehicle to drive off before raising his head to look at his old home.

It hadn't changed, not at all since he last visited it last year before he was departed to Africa. Finn thought he would be relieved by the sight of the familiarity but it only made him feel irrationally angry. His whole world had changed, been devastated, and there was absolutely nothing different in little Lima, Ohio. They knew nothing about the horrors that kept him awake up at night, the darkness that stared back at him blankly whenever he looked into it.

He envied them so much.

Finn stepped steadily to his house, the building as silent as the streets that welcomed him with only the slight touch of wind. He knew that it would be so, actually choosing this time to be dropped off for a reason and without his mom or Burt knowing. He didn't want them to see the broken person he was now, not at the moment anyway. All he wanted to do was absorb his old life as much as possible without interference, to ingest it and try to act like his old self.

Finn smiled without humor; he didn't believe it would be so simply even though he prayed it could be.

Finding the extra key under the same rock it was always under, Finn entered the house. The rush of his old life smacked him abruptly in the face, the smell of Burt's cologne and his mother's cooking still apparent in the air. His controlled strides were slow as he absorbed it all in, though touching nothing as he kept his one hand at the side and the other holding his bag. The couches, the end tables, the tv, the sport magazines, the paintings his mom thought adorable but he creepy - they were all there. They belonged there as much as Burt and Carol did, but he did not.

This home belonged to the boy that sang his heart out in Chicago to win Nationals for his Glee club; that ruined his chances in New York by kissing the girl he loved; the one who dressed up in a curtain to prove that he was different; the guy that stood up to the norms of high school, flipped them off, and became the person he wanted to be, not who was expected.

It didn't belong to the man with blood on his hands.

Not even realizing it, he was standing in the doorway of his room. Everything was the same as he left it, except for a picture frame that was on his bed now instead of his bedside table. He smiled slightly as he picked it up; the picture of his mom and him laughing at his graduation, pride apparent on both of their faces. His mother must have looked at it when she was dusting, not knowing that her son was going to be home so soon.

That very thought made him want to crumble down and cry. His mother was expecting that boy, not Finn. Would she be able to tell? Of course she would, Finn reasoned an instant later, she was his mother - she always knew.

Instead, he placed his bag gently upon his bed, opened a couple of drawers, and began the process of unpacking. It was enough to keep his mind centered and busy, preoccupied with getting everything sorted and neat. His clothes were crisp and perfect, not even a wrinkle in the material. He made sure of it, his discipline taking over unconsciously.

When he was done, it had only take him seven minutes.

The darkness loomed in front of him.

Finn immediately went to his desk and opened the drawer, greeted by a disarray of pencils and pens that he had thrown recklessly in there after he was done with high school and cleaning out his backpack. With a mental note to arrange everything later, he grabbed the thing he was looking for - his cellphone. Without a thought, he turned it on and called the number of the second person that came to mind.

"Finn?"

Finn almost laughed aloud in joy, the familiar voice spreading through him like a reassuring wave. It had been way too damn long since he last heard it.

"Yeah, it's me." Finn finally managed, one hand rising to his head and scratching slightly as he grinned goofy. "How is it going, Noah?"

There was a shocked silence on the other line, then - "What the fuck do you mean? When the hell did you get back - why didn't you freakin' tell me before that you were coming home, dude? I would have meet with you! You son of a - wait, did you just call me Noah?"

Finn blinked, thinking back. "Yes, I suppose I did."

"You suppose you did? It's Puck, Finnessa, and don't you fuckin' forget it. God, it's bad enough that I have to hear it from Berry, let alone you."

Finn almost dropped the phone as his hands suddenly burst with sweat. His mouth dry, he had to swallow a couple of times before managing to ask, "Rachel? So...she is home?"

"Yea, her dads have been making a huge deal of it for about a month now," answered Puck smoothly. "I would have thought the Big Apple would have changed her - nope, still the same self-centered princess she always was." Puck stopped for a moment. "She's the reason you came back, you came back for Rachel, didn't you?"

"I left for Rachel, I am back because I am done with the military," Finn returned, sounding somewhat harsher than he wanted. "I served my time, I did what was expected of me. And Rachel did what was expected of her."

"Expected of you? Of her? Hell, what those military thugs do to you? Whatever, man." Finn could almost picture Puck shaking his head in disapproval. "There's a party for her at Breadstix, tonight, seven. Be there...she'll be glad to see you. I know she didn't say anything, because that's just Berry - show no weakness - but I could tell she was disappointed you weren't there to meet her."

Rachel's face appeared in his mind, her eyes wide and sad with tears as she turned her head frantically around the airport. Looking for him, but only finding nothing. It broke his heart and he felt like sobbing aloud but his face was emotionless, not even a flicker of what he showed inside. "I'll be there." His promise even sounded void of all life, only stern determination.

"Cool," Puck said, then an awkward silence fell between the two. Something that Finn could only remember happening once in his friendship with Puck and that was after the whole Quinn scene. "Hey, man, I gotta go. Catch up over CoD tonight?"

"It's a plan." Finn agreed, though he felt hallow at the promise. "Bye, Puck."

"See ya later, man."

The other line went dead.

Finn stood in his room, phone clutched tightly in his hand which he lowered to his side. He was looking at his drum set but his mind was far away, centered upon one girl. Rachel Berry. She was so close that he could almost smell the sweet fragrance of her perfume, tantalizing him with its fruitiness.

He was going to see Rachel.

After four years, he was going to see Rachel.

Finn was about to jump into the bathroom, to get ready to meet with her that night; mind rushing with all the possibilities, body pumping with adrenaline, smile flashing with brilliance, Finn needed to see his fiance of four long years.

But something stopped him - a video game case. It was his battered edition of Call of Duty. He played it so much with all his friends and online that the cover barely even clasped anymore. Picking it up, it flapped open and revealed the weathered disc. It was his favorite game, playing it when the sun set and still playing it when the sky began to lighten, eyes blurry with fatigue but always continuing to play. He had so much fun with it, always impressing those around him with his high scores.

But that was before it became his life.

Picking the disc up in his hand, Finn snapped it into halves.

xXx

Finn arrived at Breadstix a few minutes after seven, forgetting that his truck was in storage at Burt's Shop. With not enough time to head there and get to the restaurant, he simply walked to the place directly from his house. The quick path there was familiar and as he strode with even steps, he absorbed all the sights around him. The same houses with faded siding and yellowing grass under the potent spring sun peered lazily back at him, most of them silent but a couple of kids were hanging around in their garages. He kept his head down, meeting no one's gaze and hoping that he wouldn't be recognized.

There would be a time for that, Finn tried to tell himself, but not now. He had to see Rachel - no, he needed to see her. She had been his everything in senior year, but, as he approached the restaurant, she was so much more. She was the person he wanted to be, that shining star that fell upon people and enlightened theirs lives, to make them feel the irrepressible urge to do better, to burn as bright as she does.

He didn't want to be the person to end their lives, to make them feel the unparalleled fear of death that shone in their eyes like fever before they passed.

Finn swallowed forcefully, stopping to lean his tall form on the outside of Breadstix. His breathing was heavy, coming in gasps that he seemed unable to control and make even; his body shaking like he was about to throw up. The sidewalk swerved and twisted before his vision and darkness was creeping up to take him but he clung to the wall and waited it out. It would pass, it always did...

Eventually his form settled, his eyes stopped spinning, and his breathing went to its usual respirations a minute. His legs still felt weak but he ignored that and put it to the back of his mind, trying to force himself back together. It took him at least a good thirty minutes to return to normal usually but he was late already and he didn't have that kind of time to waste.

So grabbing onto his resolve and fast-fading determination as nerves slammed into him like no football player ever could have, he entered Breadstix.

The smells wafted around him like a sea as he walked silently in, Finn imagining it parting around him like water. It was appetizing and slightly disgusting as the smell of burning cheese could be detected under everything but most inhabitants of Lima choose to ignore that, as did Finn now. He peered around the restaurant, his height coming to his advantage as his eyes took in a complete sweep of it in one quick glance.

He spotted Rachel immediately.

Her back was to him as she sat at one of the larger tables in the restaurant, people all around her but he didn't take the time to look at them. His attention was solely focused upon the girl that captured his heart so long ago. Her head was angling up to the waitress as the older lady had just asked what she wanted.

Finn, without even realizing it, took a step forward, the answer coming immediately to his tongue as he ordered for her so many times that Rachel used to never even bother trying to beat him to it.

"She'll take the Bottomless Salad Bowl."

Aware the everyone turned to look at him, even the waitress, he paid them no heed as Rachel turned to face him slowly. Her wide chocolate eyes enveloped him, swallowing him whole in their brightness and intensity. A burning feeling exploded in his chest and roaring filled his ears as his body rushed with adrenaline and emotion, but he contained it to a mere smile and a soft greeting, instead of picking her up in his arms and kissing her right there.

"Hey, Rachel."

Their eyes never left each other as Finn heard the scrapping of chairs and felt arms fly around his neck as someone hugged them, Quinn? Tina? He couldn't tell as his heart gave an ache when Rachel didn't get up and welcome him as most of the table was doing. He saw Rachel hold out her hands for the baby in Mrs. Schuester's hands, much to Emma's surprise, before the girl hugging him pulled back and exclaimed loudly, "Finn! It's amazing to see you. I didn't even realize you were coming home."

Looking down, he saw that it was Tina. She was practically the same ball of sunrise, dressed in the dark of night and as warm as day, but her face seemed to glow even brighter and her brown eyes sparkled amicably. He tried to say something, to return the hug but nothing came to mind and his arms hung limply at his sides.

Luckily Puck came to his rescue, clamping a hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezing heartily. "What's up, man? Been too freakin' long, and you have been as distant as Berry - never hear from ya." He peered into Finn's face, expression of somewhat disgust, and Finn had the uncanny feeling that Puck could read the horror he went through in his features, the things he had done that bloodied his hands. His mouth went dry and he had the sudden urge to run, to escape all the eyes on him.

However, his friend's face split into a smile as he snorted. "I can't believe it but I think you gotten even uglier, didn't think it was possible. Nice hair, man." His body relaxed slightly, making him feel relieved.

"At least I have hair," Finn returned consciously, used to the banter that was between them. He flicked his gaze up to Puck's bald head and arched an eyebrow. Puck grinned but said nothing.

"Finn." A soft voice came at his elbow and he looked only because he didn't want to look back at the table, to see Rachel not looking at him but focusing all her attention upon the baby in her arms. Trying to stifle the potent disappointment and worry that was tearing through him, he took in his ex-girlfriend, Quinn.

She was still beautiful, her hair long and sleek as it fell perfectly down her back. Her face was paler than what it used to be but her smile was still small and delicate and blue eyes as luminous as ever. She didn't give him a hug, as a little girl was clutching onto her arm as she craned her head back to take in Finn's tall height. It took Finn a second to realize that the little girl was Beth, recognizing features of both Quinn and Puck in the child.

"Wow, she's beautiful," Finn muttered and Beth grinned, ducking her head behind her mother and giggling.

"Keep telling her that and she'll end up like me," Quinn warned but the praise made her cheeks blush pridefully. "Come on, Beth, say hi to Finn, he's another good friend of mine."

Beth stuck her head out again and held out a hand up to him. He was about to take it when he saw his own hand.

It was covered in blood.

He flinched back forcefully, stifling a scream as he realized a second later that his hands were perfectly fine and there wasn't a trace of red on them but everyone noticed his reaction. Beth looked at him like he was some kind of weirdo, and then glanced at her hand to see if there was something offensive there. Quinn was giving him a disapproving look and an unasked question was burning in her eyes.

"Sorry." His mind fumbled for an excuse but he couldn't find anything so he merely turned to face the Schuesters, not looking at Rachel as he didn't want to see her expression to what had just occurred. Will was looking at him with concern while Emma's face was scrunched with thought, her wide-eyed gaze taking everything in. Finn remembered that she was counselor and a feeling of dread was evokedi n him, but then reminded himself that she was only a guidance counselor, not a psychiatrist or anything.

But he didn't like the look she was giving him, so knowing...

"Finn," Will broke the silence, laughing suddenly as he clamped his former student on the arm. "It's good to have you back. We practically have the original New Directions back in town, maybe we could get together and sing some old tunes?"

"Sounds cool," said Finn, "but I...I don't sing anymore."

The only sound was the clattering of utensils from other customers and the harsh din of a heavy silence.

Ugh, it's really difficult to write from Finn's POV without spilling the whole story! I kinda butchered it up, but hope you all enjoyed! Rachel's thoughts are coming up next chapter! Hope you're all well and for those lucky fathers out there - Happy Father's Day!

Vale,
Dreamy!