A/N: Thank you all so, so, much for all the kind reviews! Hopefully updates will be more frequent. I'm a bit of a slacker, and exams are coming. But thank you again for all the support, and putting up with my laziness.
I felt like I'd just reveled all my secrets, and I'd only said four words.
My words hung in the air. It was so silent I was almost certain Bella could hear my heart beat. Why isn't she saying anything? I don't want to be the first to speak, I don't know what I would say anyways.
So I just stare at her. I watch her eyes, searching for any kind of hint as to what she's thinking; what's going through her mind.
A breeze brushes against my skin and blows pieces of her hair in her face. Her heard drops and she tucks her hair behind her ear. I blink slowly, taking a deep breath as I open my eyes.
"Paul..." she murmurs, so quiet I barely hear her. Almost instantly my eyes start to water. I feel pathetic. I don't cry. But I can't help it, I know what comes next. The rejection. The fake apology, and then I am expected to say I'm okay.
But I won't be okay, in fact, I'm afraid I'll be angry. And if I get angry... I can't hurt Bella. I have to leave now, before I risk it.
"I'm sorry." I mutter, and turn to run into the forest. I need to get away from her before I loose it.
"Paul, stop... Don't... don't leave..."
I stop, dead in my tracks. This is was second time she's called me back. The second time, even for a moment, she wants me to stay.
"Don't fuck with me, Bella." I say, turning to face her again. Her eyes are starting to fill with tears again, as are mine. I don't cry. I won't.
"What?"
"Don't call me back just to let me down. If you want me, I'll stay." I take a deep breath and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. "If not... I have to go. I don't want to hurt you."
She stares at me, I don't know for how long but it feels like a life time. Finally, though, with a shaky breath, she speaks.
"I don't know if I want you... I don't know what I want." Her gaze falls to the ground. She almost looks ashamed.
I don't know if I can handle this. I know what I want, but am I willing to calm down and work at this? I should be. If I love Bella, I should be able to work with her. If I really loved her...
I take a small step towards her and she looks up again at my movement.
"How can I make you know?" I ask quiet, taking a few more steps till I'm in arms length of her.
Her eyes are wet, and as she shakes her head, a single tear falls. I've made her cry, twice. I feel like shit. Maybe I do just mess everything up.
"Okay." I say. "Well when you figure it out, please tell me." I take her hand in mine and she doesn't object. She simply keeps her eyes focused on the ground. I lift her hand and kiss it lightly before letting go.
Without another word from either of us, I turn and walk away.
The forest is one of my favorite places to be at night. Really, one of my favorite places ever. But especially at night; on a clear night, like this.
I'm sitting on a rock, looking up at the sky through the trees. Stars twinkle, shinning almost as bright as the moon with no clouds in the sky. The moon is a simple sliver, a sideways smiley face without the eyes.
Here in the woods, all by myself, I have a chance to calm down. I'm calm now, since I've been here for hours. I don't know what else I can do. I have to get my mind off Bella.
My peace is broken when I hear the constant crunch of leaves. Footsteps. I sit up quickly and scan the trees to see if I can see anyone. No hiker would be out this late, and even if they were I'm way off the trail.
Just then, a figure appears from the trees. It's Jacob.
I get off the rock and stand, assuming he's come for another fight, but he looks strangely calm. I stay standing, though, ready for anything.
"Hey." he says.
"How'd you find me?"
"Sam said you ran into the woods..." he trails off. There's a moment of silence as he stares at the ground. His eyes wander back to mine. "She won't answer my calls. I went to her house, but Charlie said she wasn't home. I think he was covering for her."
I gulp and stuff my hands in my pockets.
"What did you do to her?"
As if I didn't feel completely shitty already, Jacob somehow waltzed in and made it worse. Way worse.
"I..." I don't know what to tell him. Do I tell him I love her? That would probably end in someone getting punched. But he'll find out anyways...
"Paul."
I snap out of my thoughts and look back at him. "What?"
"Do you..." he gulps, "Do you really love her?"
Why should I keep lying to him? It causes nothing but trouble. Jacob's like a brother, and he deserves to know the truth. So I take a deep breath and prepare for the worst. "Yes, I am in love with Bella. And she knows. I told her."
I except him to change instantly. I except to be able to feel the anger coming off of him. But instead, he nods. He simply nods. I have to blink a few times to make sure I'm not dreaming.
"Okay..." he says calmly. "Game on, then."
"Wha... what?"
"I said game on." he glares at me. "May the best man win."
I don't know what to say, so it's my turn to nod.
This is going to be very interesting.
