*Notice - This story has triggers in it.
-I put all 4 teams together. Meaning, they train together and such. It's just something I wanted to do.
Cracking the Ice
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
The sound of the clock down the hall seemed to be amplified in the silent apartment. Shikamaru blinked, his dull brown eyes staring mindlessly up at the bathroom ceiling. The dim lights of the bathroom appeared to make the room small and lifeless as it reflected in his eyes. His slim fingers tapped lightly against the cool handle of his pocketknife, seeming to send an electric pulse of anticipation through his body.
He blinked again.
His left arm felt cold and wet as blood continued to slip slowly from his open wounds, dripping onto the white tiled floor.
Drip.
Drip.
He looked down at his arm, his dull brown eyes not truly seeing or processing anything. The sting of pain pulsed through his arm and through his thin frame, bringing relief in the process. He focused on slowing his breathing, timing the blinks of his eyes with the rise and fall of his chest. He looked back up at the ceiling, his pupils dilating as he felt himself become weightless.
xXxXx
He opened his eyes and sighed in relief as he looked at the familiar surroundings. He laid in a field, black trees and bright white snow surrounding him. He turned his gaze up at the sky. It was light purple with light pink clouds. He smiled, remembering why he chose those colors. He had a weak spot for cotton candy and clouds always remind him of it, so he made the clouds pink. Light purple was one of his favorite colors because he found it to be so calming.
He stood up and walked towards a large, dark blue lake that had no layer of ice on its surface. He sat down on the bank, tucking his knees underneath his chin. A breeze came and he smiled lightly as some of his shoulder-length brown hair blew into face.
In this place, no one could touch him...no one could hurt him. In his world, it was safer.
He didn't have to feel anything.
He could let go of his sense of control for a little bit.
It was in this little place inside his mind where he took a break from his battle with reality.
xXxXx
Shikamaru blinked rapidly, looking dully at the ceiling as he felt himself breathe again. He heard a clink as his pocketknife hit the floor, leaving dried flakes of blood on his hand. Sighing, he slowly stood and trudged over to the sink. Pulling out his first aid kit, he gingerly washed his arm, watching the red water flow down the drain.
At least I'll only need about five stitches this time.
After he managed to patch up his arm, Shikamaru stared at his reflection. He took out his ponytail holder, letting his brown hair fall on top of his bony shoulders. He ran his hands down his sides, feeling the slight bumps of his faintly protruding ribs and the slimness of his tiny waist beneath them. His doe eyes drifted lazily over his protruding collarbone and slim hips. He started to wonder how much longer he'll be able to hide his weight loss. He's always been slim, but his current physical state would be considered unhealthy. He didn't necessarily starve himself, he just never had an appetite and he couldn't force himself to eat without feeling nauseous. So he didn't bother.
He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to fall into his eyes as he stared back at his reflection. He practiced his signature lazy smile, trying to get emotion to reach his eyes. His eyes darted to his thin frame and bandaged arm.
It's only a problem if you lose control. I have everything under control.
xXxXx
"Ow! What was that for, Sakura?" Naruto whined, rubbing his head where Sakura just hit him.
"For annoying Sasuke!" She retorted, glancing at the raven, hoping that he was paying attention to her.
Here we go again.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes as he fiddled with a piece of grass.
"Well, well, well Billboard-Brow, looks like Sasuke isn't even paying attention to you." Ino said casually, biting into her rice ball. Sakura growled at her.
"What is it with you guys and Sasuke?" Naruto asked exasperatedly, "He ignores you anyway, no matter what you do!" Ino and Sakura glared at him. Shikamaru rubbed his temples, feeling a headache forming.
"Naruto...you're being troublesome." He said, closing his eyes and continuing to rub his temples. Everyone looked at him, surprised. Shikamaru wasn't someone who would break up an argument. Asuma eyed the nin carefully.
Shikamaru isn't the kind of kid who would get involved with something this stupid.
Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette, concern swelling in his chest about his student. He looked unwell.
"This doesn't involve you, Shikamaru." Naruto growled, turning to Sasuke.
Shikamaru shook his head, causing his headache to become worse. He had an idea as to why he's been having intense headaches for the past few months. He developed a habit that caused headaches, but he didn't mind. The pain made him focus on that instead of having to feel anything else. He obviously couldn't cut himself in public or pick at the cuts because the wounds would bleed and possibly be noticed.
So he turned to medications.
It's not a problem though. I have control over it.
Shikamaru sighed as Naruto and Sakura continued to shout at each other, the senseis not bothering to break up the fight since they knew it would be pointless. His heart rate began to rise slightly more as he clenched his teeth, feeling a small tap on his temple.
"Naruto, quit being annoying and loud." Sasuke said coolly, glaring at him. Naruto fumed.
Shikamaru tugged at the sleeves of his black, long-sleeved, form-fitting shirt; making sure that the fabric around the holes in the sleeves he made to slip his thumbs through weren't ripping. Neji's sharp pale eyes caught this and he continued to stare unnoticed at the Nara.
"Don't tell me what do! Why do you deserve so much attention?"
"Because I'm better than you." Sasuke said simply, still glaring at the blonde.
"Alright guys, cool it." Kakashi said lazily, now deciding that now was a good time to stop any brash action from happening.
"But Kakashi-sensei, you can't deny that the amount of attention Sasuke gets is really annoying!" Naruto shouted.
"It's not Sasuke's fault though." Kakashi replied, trying to calm the hot-headed blonde.
"But he-"
"Fuck it." Shikamaru mumbled, standing slowly. Asuma's brows furrowed with concern.
What's gotten into him? This isn't just a "bad day." This may be something different.
"What's the matter with you, Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, worriedly.
"I've had enough of you and my intelligence is in danger of being lowered by this much stupidity." Shikamaru said shortly as he turned and began walking away from his comrades. But Naruto wouldn't let him go that easily.
"Hey!" Naruto shouted angrily, his worry now gone. "Get back here, you asshole!"
"Naruto!" Asuma and Kakashi said loudly, jumping to their feet; Kakashi grabbing Naruto's arm as the blonde started to move towards Shikamaru.
"That's enough, Naruto. Cool it."
"But—"
"He's gone." Asuma said shortly, continuing to stare at where his student had walked off. Naruto stopped struggling.
"That's pretty typical of him though: not caring about anything. Don't take it personally, Naruto." Ino said.
"Well he's caring about something so much that it's pissing him off." Asuma said as he walked away from them.
"Where are you going?" Kurenai called after him.
"Something tells me that something's bothering him."
xXxXx
He found Shikamaru sitting on the ledge of his apartment building's roof, looking up at the clouds. He approached his student slowly and quietly, not wanting to scare him or make him angry. He sat next to his student, turning his gaze up to the sky as well.
"Something tells me that something's bothering you." Asuma started, not sure how to behave when Shikamaru was like this. His student shrugged.
"I just didn't want to put up with that level of stupid today."
"I think it's more than that." Asuma pressed.
"Well, it's not." Shikamaru shot back, standing. "I didn't want to put up with them and I don't want to put up with talking about non-existent problems." He marched towards the door, leaving his teacher in concerned silence.
xXxXx
The sound of rattling pill bottles filled the air of the quiet apartment as Shikamaru placed 3 light-blue pills on the bathroom counter. He capped the bottle and placed it back in the medicine cabinet, closing it and catching his reflection in the mirror.
His brown eyes were dull and his face was thin.
He grabbed his medication off the counter and walked towards his bedroom, turning the bathroom light off behind him. His bottle of water was already sitting on his nightstand as he sank down on his bed and took the medicine in two even gulps.
Shikamaru rolled over and pulled his thick blanket over him, burying his face in his pillow and sighing deeply. His brown hair formed a curtain around his head as his eyes slowly blinked close as the medication and exhaustion took hold.
xXxXx
Alright Gang,
I do ask for patience as I go through a good bit of editing.
Reviews would be appreciated!
When-Rabbit-Howls