Bobby POV

I don't know what I was thinking.

It was careless and selfish and arrogant.

What made me think we could get away with this?

How could I put her career at risk?

Because you were thinking with your dick, I pointed out cynically.

No, I wasn't, I mentally argued back. I'm in love with her. Sex has nothing to do with it.

If you're in love with her, then how could you jeopardize her livelihood?

It was her choice, too, I insisted lamely as I heard Logan say to Eames, "Lie your ass off."

See, I had that entire argument in my head over a span of about five seconds, directly following Ross' barking out of our names.

Because I know that tone of voice.

We're in trouble.

And after Hayward's comment about the LUD's, it's no secret as to the reason for why we're in trouble.

I knew this was coming.

It's been too good.

Good?

It's been downright phenomenal.

Nearly an entire week of the equivalent of wedded bliss.

We've been working together and not working together.

Talking, laughing, making love…it's been just like a goddamn romance novel.

And now it's over because Ross is going to reprimand us and then tell us we have to end it or one of us has to transfer, and I'll never let her leave and I know she won't let me leave either.

We've both worked so hard to get here.

But we worked hard to find happiness, too.

"Stop," she said to me under her breath as we headed for the executioner.

"Stop what?" I mumbled back.

"Mourning our demise," she replied as she cast me a purposeful look. "It'll be fine. Just let me handle it."

"Alex," I said, and then I caught myself and said, "Eames. You know he knows."

"He only knows what we admit to, and I'm not in the mood for confessing anything today, are you?"

"Well, no."

"Good. Then trust me, okay?"

"You know I do."

I wanted to ask her about her plan, but by this point, we'd arrived at Ross' office, where he was still standing in the doorway.

"Everything alright?" he asked us.

"It's fine," she responded immediately. "What's up?"

"Come on in and close the door," he replied as he turned around and went over to his desk.

With his back to us, I quickly glanced at her again and she nodded at me encouragingly.

How can she be so calm about this?

Just yesterday I sent her a text that said you think anyone would notice if we sneak off to the supply closet for a quickie?

And I was only kidding, but still...what if Ross read that?

I was flooded with panic as I followed Alex into the room.

"Have a seat," Ross stated, gesturing towards the chairs while he took a seat behind his desk.

I'll just quit, I decided suddenly. I'm not letting her go. There's no way I can go back to living without her.

"So," he began once Alex and I were both seated across from him. "This is a first, huh?"

"A first," Alex repeated carefully.

"Uh huh. How long has it been? Since Saturday night?"

Is he really going to quiz us about this?

"I'm not sure I get what you mean," Alex responded, and I love how she can be so composed because I'm dying a million deaths at the moment, but she's just sitting there, holding his stare and not breaking a sweat.

"Nearly an entire week without a case," Ross explained as his gaze bounced over to me and he flashed me a condescending smile. "You must be ready to explode."

A case. He's talking about a case. Which means…he hasn't seen our texts?

We're not in trouble?

"Um…well, I…"

"So you have one for us now, or did you bring us in here just to tease us?" Alex interrupted, saving me from myself.

Ross' attention moved back to her and this time he smiled for real.

"Maybe," he answered. "It looks like a suicide at first glance, but I'd like you two to check it out before we dismiss it."

"Okay, good," she replied. "I was starting to get saddles sores."

Ross chuckled but then said, "Honestly, I had you sidelined on purpose. I needed to make sure that everything is…well, that you're back in rhythm again after…"

He trailed off without saying the dreaded word undercover, but I still resent him for bringing it up at all. It was on his order that I kept Alex out of the loop. And yeah, it's my fault for following his order, but still…I think he was just trying to put a wedge between us and he almost succeeded.

"We're perfectly fine, Captain," Alex answered.

"Glad to hear it."

Liar.

But this entire situation has me feeling both relieved and concerned.

We dodged a bullet this time, but what about next time?

I mean, obviously we'll stop the sexting on department phones, but how else might we get caught?

Will we run into him while we're out to dinner?

Will he pull up next to us at a stoplight?

"So take a quick trip over to Manor Hill," Ross was saying. "Assess the situation and then let me know what you think."

"Yes, sir," Alex said as she got up from her chair. I stood up, too, but then paused when Ross spoke up again.

"You two know anything about what's going on with Logan?"

"He seems fine to me," Alex said dismissively, but then Ross shifted his focus to me, so I held his gaze and answered confidently, "He's good. Why?"

To my surprise, Ross let out a heavy sigh and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm worried about him," he said. "And I almost did something I have no business doing."

He reached out and picked up a thick stack of papers from his desk and then flopped them back down again.

"I pulled the records for the department cell phones."

Here it comes.

Somewhere in this stack might be my message to Alex from this morning, when we first got to work.

You might want to do one more button – your skin is still chafed. Want me to shave my beard?

And her response.

No, I like it. And since when do you tell me to button instead of unbutton?

"You're snooping through our text messages?" Alex asked with heavy reproach, and then she shook her head in disappointment as she said, "Captain…"

I'm so glad that she's still able to handle this conversation because I can't. I'm about a split second away from walking over to his desk and scribbling out my resignation on his blotter. But instead, I think I'll stand here and put my trust in Alex to handle whatever he throws at us.

He looked properly remorseful, but also indignant as he answered, "Not the texts themselves. Just the numbers. I'm afraid he might be mixed up in something, and that he's in over his head."

"And what'd you find?"

"Nothing. I haven't looked. I don't think I can cross that line."

"Good choice," Alex said firmly. "And I really think Logan's fine. Bobby's planning to meet up with him tonight for drinks, right Bobby?"

I am?

I've been trying to meet him for weeks now, but yeah, okay…tonight. Although that means what? Alex isn't coming over? She needs a break from me? This thing scared her as much as it did me?

The negative thoughts stormed through my head at an alarming rate, but I managed to stifle them.

She doesn't want a break from me.

She loves me.

"Right," I answered as she chucked me with her elbow, presumably to prompt a response. "I'll pump him for information and see what I can get. If he's in some kind of trouble, I'll find out."

Ross nodded crisply and then picked up the stack of papers and tossed it into his trashcan.

"Thank you, Detectives. Keep me in the loop on this Manor Hill thing."

And just like that, we were dismissed.

And we're still in the clear.

We left his office, heading for our desks to grab our things before making the drive to the academy.

"Eames," I began, although I'm not sure what was going to come next.

Eames, don't break up with me over this near-miss…

Eames, I'm going to go ahead and quit so that we don't have to deal with the paranoia…

Eames, I'm sorry I confessed my love for you because even though it precluded the best week of my entire life, it also could've been the reason for you to be censured and pigeon-holed into the kind of woman who sleeps with her partner…

Eames…

"Just wait," she said quietly. She picked up her keys and grabbed her jacket, and then I followed her to the elevator.

Once the doors closed and we were alone, she closed her eyes and exhaled heavily.

"You're about to freak out, aren't you?" she asked, her eyes still shut.

"About to? I'd say I got there about fifteen minutes ago."

"And?"

"And what?"

She tilted her head back and settled those whiskey-colored eyes on mine as she looked at me sadly and asked, "What life-altering conclusion have you reached?"

"I…"

But that's all I could say before the elevator stopped on the fifth floor. We were joined by a throng of people who stepped between us, so for the rest of the ride down to the parking garage, she was on one side of the car and I was on the other.

The distance was negligible and yet metaphorically devastating because I need that connection with her to help me find solid ground again.

I know she wants to be with me - I'm not really worried about that. At least, I'm not now that I've had a moment to settle down.

But I am worried about what's best for her.

After an interminable amount of time, the doors opened in the garage and everyone spilled out, but we still didn't talk again until we were ensconced in the privacy of the SUV.

"Do you know what kind of reputation you'd get?" I posed.

"You mean if it's discovered that I'm sleeping with you? I'm sure it'd be varied."

I quirked a dubious eyebrow at her and she added, "Women would either be jealous or impressed. The men would probably just make crude jokes."

"And your superiors would be disappointed," I stated. "Not just because I'm your partner, but because I'm me."

"And you think I care about that?"

"Yes."

"Okay, let me rephrase that. You think I care about that more than I do you?"

And I guess that's the thing, isn't it?

I'm making her choose between me and her career.

And even if I win, how is that fair?

"Bobby," she said on a sigh. "We had a close call, but Ross still doesn't know a thing. So we quit flirting with the department phones, but otherwise, nothing has to change."

She started the car and backed out of the parking space and then when I still didn't respond, she said, "Unless you want it to change. Is that what you're saying?"

"No," I said immediately, and as she cleared the department garage, I reached my hand over and settled it on her thigh. "I love you. You know that."

"But that's not always enough, is it?" she replied, her gaze focused on the road.

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Right there," I said as I pointed at an empty parking spot along the curb.

She did as I asked and then put the car in park and shifted in her seat to look at me.

"I don't want anything to change," I said purposefully as I reached for her hand. I clasped my fingers through hers and then brought our joined hands to my lips, kissing her knuckles lightly before settling our hands on my leg. "And I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just that I don't want to be the cause of damage to your career."

"I made the decision to risk it, just like you did," she answered. "And I know how important it is to stay under the radar, so we'll both just have to be a little more careful. But you know, Logan gave me some good advice earlier."

"What's that?"

"He said to lie my ass off. And I will, if we get caught. Well, I mean, unless we're really caught. But you know what I'm saying. I have no problem lying to Ross to preserve our partnership."

I nodded at her as the knot in my chest began to loosen just a little.

She doesn't regret anything.

And she doesn't blame me.

And maybe we can have both the partnership and the relationship.

"Okay," I agreed.

She flashed me a smile and said, "So which text was sticking out in your mind while Ross was talking?"

I smiled back and answered, "The one where I suggested a quickie in the supply closet."

She laughed and let go of my hand and for a split second, I was disappointed, but then she reached over and put her palm against my cheek, making sure I was looking right at her.

"I like my job. A lot. But I love you."

And then she leaned over the console and pressed her lips against mine, giving me a slow, arousing kiss.

"Besides," she said once she pulled away. "He won't fire us. He probably won't even transfer us. We'll just have to work with a different partner. And who knows? Maybe he'd stick you with Logan. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?"

She put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb, and just like that, we were mostly back to being us again.

Except I can't help but worry on the inside.

Would it be that simple? Just new partners? Not that I'm making light of it, because I'd hate not being her partner, but like she said…if it's a choice between partners or lovers, there's not really a choice to be made.

But what if she's wrong? What if there's a scandal or a demotion or…something else that damages her good name?

I thought about it off and on for most of the afternoon, but then I pushed it out of my mind while Alex and I went out for dinner, but afterwards, the anxiety came back, probably because she left me alone.

"Call Logan," she told me as we left the restaurant. "You could use a guy's night out. And my sister's been pestering me all week, so I'll drop by her place and make nice for a couple of hours while you two have a few beers."

"Okay," I agreed. "You'll come by later?"

"I don't know. You think Ross is staking out your apartment, hoping to catch us in a compromising position?"

"Alex…" I chastised lightly.

"Too soon to make jokes about it?" she asked in amusement, and I don't know how she can be so blasé about it, but she really seems to not care at all.

I guess I need to take a cue from her.

"Come over," I stated as I wrapped my arms around her. "We'll just have to make sure we don't start stripping each other down until we're behind closed doors."

I spent several minutes kissing her goodbye and then I wandered over to Delaney's. I went inside and found an empty barstool and then pulled out my cell phone and called Logan.

"Let's go get that beer," I said when he answered.

"I can't."

"Come on," I urged. "One hour."

"I wish I could. Really."

"You're working?" I asked.

"In a manner of speaking."

"So your girlfriend's banned you from seeing your friends. Even I know that's not a healthy relationship," I prodded. I can't imagine that's the case, but maybe he'll open up in order to correct my misconception.

He chuckled and said, "That's not it. I promise."

Hmm…so maybe he's not going to open up. He's got my curiosity through the roof now because it's really not like him to be so secretive.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Where are you?"

"Delaney's on Ninth."

"Then have a beer and we'll talk," he suggested.

So he's too busy to meet me, but not too busy to talk on the phone.

Interesting.

And he apparently doesn't want to talk about what's going on with him, but he does want to talk.

Meaning he wants to talk about me.

And knowing him, he'll want to talk about Eames, too.

Although after today, maybe that's not such a bad idea. I've got a lot churning around in my brain. And she's given me her permission to tell him the truth about us.

"He figured us out before we did," she reasoned while we were at dinner. "May as well let him in on our secret."

"Are you sure?"

"Can you picture Logan selling us out to the brass?"

"No," I replied immediately.

"Exactly. He's one of the good guys. And he's your friend, right?"

"And yours," I pointed out.

"True. Does that bother you?"

"That you have a male friend? No."

"Just checking. Yeah, I like him a lot. And I think it's good for you to have someone to talk to besides me. So sure, tell him about us. Just don't give details or anything."

I had fun with that one, teasing her about the things I might tell him, but of course, I won't, and she knows it.

"Yeah, sure," I said to Logan, and then I ordered a beer from the loitering bartender before asking, "Okay, so…how's it going?"

"Great. You?"

"Great."

"How's Eames?" he questioned.

Cutting straight to the point, huh, Logan?

But for some reason, I'm hesitant to start this discussion.

What if he tells me I should back off? I mean, he likes her. He won't want to see her career damaged, either.

"Great," I answered casually.

"Did you two get in trouble today?"

"Nope. New case. A supposed suicide that's not."

"But you thought you might be in trouble," he prompted.

"It's always a possibility. I mean, it's me. And you know how Ross feels about me."

Which might actually be a good thing, I realized suddenly. Because he thinks I'm a breakdown waiting to happen, so would he consider that Alex might look at me differently?

Or does he think she just tolerates me out of loyalty?

It's an interesting question.

"Uh huh," Logan responded, and then he paused for a moment before saying, "Hey, Goren?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not that I don't like talking to you, but since I might have to hang up on you any minute, if you want to talk about something, you'd better spit it out."

"What would I want to talk about?"

"Last weekend."

"What about it?"

And I know exactly what he wants me to talk about, but this whole guy-friend thing is foreign to me. Not completely, because of course I've had friends in the past, but for the last few years, it's mostly just been me and Eames.

Opening up to someone else feels…like cheating.

But she encouraged you to talk to Logan, I reminded myself.

He sighed loudly and then said, "Atlantic City. You. Eames. The fact that she's looked happier this week than I've ever seen her."

He's noticed how happy she looks?

I like the sound of that. It means it's not just my imagination. I do make her happy.

And he sounds…positive about it.

Not only that, but he's partly responsible for me finding the courage to come clean with Alex last Saturday night.

He's on my side.

"This has to be between us," I said at last.

"Who would I tell?"

"Wheeler."

"No way."

"The new girlfriend. Whoever she is."

Call me paranoid, but I can't help it. Sometimes even New York can be a small world, and since I have no idea who his girlfriend is…

"I won't tell her. But I'm hoping that maybe in a couple more weeks, we can get together."

"You and her?" I asked, and he started laughing.

"No. You, me, her and Eames."

"You mean like a double date?"

What would Alex think about that? Us, going out like a normal couple…with another normal couple. I'm having trouble even picturing it.

"Goren, you're the smartest guy I know. You know damn well what I'm saying."

"I'm not…I don't…" I stumbled, still stuck on the image of me and Alex out, doing something clichéd like bowling or seeing a movie. But I'll come back to that. For now, there's something else I need to confirm. "You really think she's looked happy this week?"

"Deliriously, in an Eames kind of way. So…"

I interrupted him with the other thing I've been dreading yet dying to ask.

"You think it's a bad idea? I mean, if we get caught, it could hurt her career."

If he says yes…

But he didn't. Instead he reminded me that it's my career, too. And he sounded just like Alex when he added, "So don't get caught."

Alex is right. He's one of the good guys.

"My time's up, so cut to the chase. Did you apologize in AC?" he asked me.

"Yeah."

"Did you tell her that you're in love with her?"

"How do you know that I am?"

"Did you hear me say I'm out of time here? Don't yank my chain. You're the one who wanted to talk this out. So did you tell her or not?"

"Yeah, I told her," I admitted.

"And?"

"And…"

She kissed me, and then I made her come, and then we realized we didn't have a condom…

I can't say that.

"And did one of the AC hotel rooms go unused?" he asked.

Yes, and the other was used extensively, I thought with a smile as I took a sip of my beer.

Of course, that's not what I said. Instead, I said, "Yeah. You think it's a mistake?"

"I think the only mistake you made was waiting so many years to tell her. So don't screw it up by backtracking, and don't worry about Ross, okay?"

How can I not worry about Ross?

Although he doesn't look like he's too worried about Ross these days.

And his backtracking remark…it's an excellent point, but I've got a lot more bad habits than just backtracking.

And how long before the newness wears off and my ticks start getting on her nerves?

"Backtracking's only one way I can screw this up," I stated with uncertainty.

And then I thought about where Alex is tonight. With her sister. Is she telling her about us? Will her sister tell her that she's crazy for sleeping with her partner?

"Okay, um…Sunday afternoon, okay?" Logan said, interrupting my despairing thoughts. "We'll get together, I promise, and we'll talk more. Until then, talk to her. And don't create so damn many doomsday scenarios in your head."

Busted.

And he's exactly right. Any worries or concerns that I have need to be discussed with Alex. Isn't that what I already promised her? That we'll talk and be honest about everything.

Get it together, Goren.

I shook my head at my own ridiculousness and chuckled self-deprecatingly as I asked him, "What makes you think that's what I'm doing?"

"Because we're a lot alike. And I hate to ditch you, but I've got to see a guy about a horse."

"What?" I questioned loudly, but I was left with dial tone.

A guy about a horse?

What the hell is he up to?

I don't know, but he sounds happy.

And I'm feeling a lot better, too, now that I shared some of my concerns.

I am good for Alex.

And I'm making her happy.

And Ross is just…well, a potential speed bump.

We'll worry about what comes next when and if we ever get caught.

TBC...